Freaks, Geeks, and Automobiles

Nick's Tardy Recap: J Tree through LA

2010-03-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

Nick: My phone number is 317-694-5766 and my email address is nickison1@me.com. You may consider this the complaint hotline for any readers that might like to express their displeasure at the very delayed post as it was, in fact, my turn for quite some time. Now down to business:
When it was finally time to say goodbye to Joshua Tree (which was sad, because Joshua Tree was probably one of my favorite segments/locations of the whole trip) we realized that it was Friday which meant that we would be able to attend the horse races that had been rained out the previous week. With free admission, two bets and one dollar beers, this was truly cause for excitement.
We parked Lucy in a large largely deserted lot then headed in to figure out the ins and outs of a sport neither of us had participated in to any degree. Horse racing, it seems, is more complicated than it might initially appear. In addition to voting on the horse you think will win a given race, you can bet on a whole myriad of combinations including choosing the top three positions which can in turn be spread over the span of several consecutive races. All the combinations had bizarre names, the horses had bizarre names, and the machines used for betting and printing tickets seemed a bit confusing. Perhaps Coors Lite would be illuminating... Indeed it was. (thanks beer, you've done it again.)
After a few rounds of that great pilsner taste, we made all our bets then headed out to the tracks. The first of several interesting encounters that afternoon came in the form of an aging hipster guy that claimed to know quite a bit about the horses. He was friendly, talkative, and was more than happy to show us around the park. We consented. The next was a young Hispanic gentleman named Gabriel who offered us a fantastic combo deal on a haircut and medical marijuana. Weird. While we made friends, our horses sucked wind. We both came close to winning a couple times, but our steads just didn't have the juice to finish as strong as they'd started. No matter, Brian spotted a horse shoe in the bushes, and seeing as we were headed to Vegas in a few days, we decided it would serve as the perfect lucky companion. Not wanting to get thrown out before the final race was run, we continued conversing and imbibing.
At some point, and old lady walked up and, having spotted the horseshoe herself, mentioned something about us possibly retreaving it for her. Guess what old lady, you're out of luck, Brian and I believe in equality. You can hop the fence and dive through the shrubs with me, and I'll race your old bones for it fair and square, but this is America, and we're not down with treating the elderly different just because they're elderly. Well, the final race was finally upon us. Despite all odds, (literally, the odds were like 40-1) my horse pulled it out and won us 60 bucks, which made that Friday the first day in a long long time when either of us made more money than we spent in one 24 hour period. As soon as that gallant mare crossed the line, I made an equally desperate rush over the fence and into the bush to retrieve our prize. To our disappointment, the old lady opted out of vying for the coveted charm.
Shoe in hand, we headed out to meet Marie, an aquaintance of Brian's from back in Bainbridge. We hung at her place for a while, then headed out to a local bar to shoot some pool and chat. It's been some time now, and my memory isn't so sharp, but I seem to remember the walls being covered in photos? Perhaps Brian will have a better recollection of the establishment. In the morning, we got up early, purchased one too many ice cream sandwiches, then headed off to Palm Desert where we would relax with Max and his family before heading into Vegas. If only we could have known what horrors awaited us there...

5 days in Joshua Tree

2010-03-02T13:25:00.000-08:00

Brian: Thanks for writing that Superbowl post Nick, I know that must have been difficult for you to relive the humiliating game ending pick that your golden boy threw in the fourth quarter. Anyway, I'll be covering the 5 days we spent in Joshua Tree. We started by checking a weather report for the next week, and the only thing we had to worry about was a light rain on Wednesday night, so we went into town, stocked up on wood, and headed into the wild red yonder. We found our campsite by absolute chance, and as we later learned, it was the most desirable campsite in the entire park. It was at the end of this dirt road, with our very own tree (hey, they are rare in the desert) next to a massive outcropping of rocks that we spent the first evening climbing on. Yeah so I ended a sentence with a preposition, sue me. As night fell, we notice that a few of the small boulders had little burned out alcoves, where previous visitors (Native Americans?) had built fires. We used one such alcove, and much like a pizza stone, the rock absorbed heat and radiated it back out towards us, easily tripling the intensity of the fire. We made it an early night. I love camp time. As a morning person it suits me.

The next day we decided to fast, as our adventures up to this point had caused us statistically significant weight gain, and a good cleansing of the works was in order. Don't be gross. We hiked through the Hidden Valley loop and extended that into a dam hike, which was awesome because there was actually water in the reservoir. The ranger told us that this is a rare occasion, and the dam can be empty for up to 10 years. Yay! Finally all this rain has paid off. If anybody ever asks you whether Joshua Tree is as cool as everyone says it is, tell them yes. Our hike back to camp consisted of pointing in the general direction of our site and simply walking. One could truly get lost out there, and that knowledge is exciting and terrifying. The day ended with some hardcore reading. And a rearrangement of our tarp to be above our tent in anticipation of the rain. We broke our fast after dark for a box of Girl Scout Cookies. Did you know that Samoas are called Caramel Delights on the east coast? Thin Mints are always Thin Mints, and Nick and I curled up with smug chocolate covered smiles and waited for morning.

I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of a huge branch sliding down the tarp we had strung up with our shoelaces. Actually like 50 huge branches. Wait, what is going on here? I have to pee anyway, so I'll step outside and check it out. I opened the flap to out tent and was absolutely stunned. There were at least 2 inches of snow on the ground. Our sleeping bags were put to the test that night. Clearly, since I am alive to blog about it, they passed.

When we woke up, Joshua Tree National Park was a snowy wonderland. The fact that desert fauna are not intended by nature to be covered in white crystal made the scenery that much more beautiful. We built a snow fire in our favorite alcove and stared at it for two hours. And I think on this day we spent a couple hours in town resupplying and attending to administrative duties at a nearby Starbucks. Before we went back into JTree, we grabbed some Chinese food at a place called Fast Chinese. The cute Asian girl at the register asked us if we were twins, and when we said no, she wisely said, "Ah so, you must have been through a lot together." Creepy but awesome. By the time we got back to the park, all the snow had melted, and more reading, cooking, fire, and sleep ensued. It was on this night we met Justin and Brianna, a couple on a climbing vacation. They begged us for our campsite, and we allowed them to move in tomorrow night so that they could have it for sure.

Thursday morning was a very chill day. We took a hike to a ranch in the morning, rocked out till about 3, and then watched Justin give Brianna a climbing lesson, as well as climb a pretty huge rock himself. Nick has a video of his moments of success. They were cool people, and they were refreshed to be hanging out with a couple of non-climbers. This was reinforced later when we met a couple of guys (they were French, not gay Nick) who tried unsuccessfully to boulder a, well, boulder. For you climbing enthusiasts it was a -5,5, but it looked harder than that.

And that basically wraps it up. I'll let Nick pick up with our Day at the Races, and our fun final night in LA. Feel free to cover as much of Palm Desert, including the 1.5 hour hike where you almost died, as well. Brian out.

Rancho Santa Fe

2010-03-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Nick: So it's March. Brian is back in Seattle, I'm in Indiana. The road trip that's captured the heart of the nation has, as all good things in this world are so tragically doomed to do, come to an end. (Did that sentence make sense? Yes) But before we leave our loyal fans and readers with our closing thoughts, meditations, and revelations concerning this oh-so-epic a journey, allow me to bring you up to speed. It is very likely that Brian, after reading this post in Washington, will have a number of important additions. After all, he's usually the only one of us able to remember back more than a day or two, so forgive me for what will surely be an incomplete account.
To the best of my memory, we left Steve and Leah's and made for Rod's place for a little pre-super bowl party action. Is it just me, or are the ladies we met last time we were here not super excited to see us... What's that? They read our blog? That's cool, that's cool. How did you girls li- Excuse me? You're upset that we had suggested in a previous post that you might not have looked your most sophisticated that morning when you breakfasted in the previous evening's clothes with us? Ladies, ladies, please, this is something of a comedy blog, best not to take it too seriously. And besides, as Brian so accurately pointed out, it had been you yourselves that had first made the observation concerning your general appearance to the world that morning. Here, let's have a margarita. Or five. There, see? All wrongs forgotten. Now keep your ill-informed opinions about football and my Indianapolis Colts to yourself, I want to enjoy watching my team win the biggest game of the year without interruptions.
(This is a point where I suspect Brian would write something clever and then continue retelling the events of the evening. I'm afraid you'll just have to use your imaginations though, and try not to let this huge chunk of unbroken text deter you from reading on.)
After the game, which all you haters will be delighted to know we lost, we hung out with Rod for a while then hit the sack in expectation of a more successful camping venture back in Joshua tree.

Joshua Tree National Park through San Diego

2010-02-10T13:16:00.000-08:00

Nick: Yesterday was... not the best. This day, well... it didn't really take any huge turns for the better, but it had a handful of little things that helped it cross over into the "fair" category from the "I want my mommy, and I want to go home" category. The first one came early: just as we were skipping out on the park admission (as we are prone to do when we've actually just slept in the car,) we pulled over so Brian could tinkle and before us, rising up in triumphant natural splendor, was the biggest, boldest rainbow either of us had ever seen. The sun was coming up from behind the mountains, and the rain clouds were retreating from the valley which created the colorful arch right in front of us. it seemed a sign, and as it faded as quickly and mysteriously as it had appeared, we couldn't help feeling a bit better. Though that might just have been the car's climate control kicking in.

Brian: It was truly majestic. So since we needed to head back towards San Diego for Rod's Superbowl party anyway, and also because we were sans sleeping bags, we cut our planned camping a day short and cruised back toward the coast. It was a Saturday, and seemingly every Borders in the city was the new coolest place to be. We were tired and began to get frustrated by our inability to find a place to just chill out and blog. Then I made a suggestion: Let's just hit the reset button on this day. We are on a road trip gosh darn it, and we are supposed to be having fun no matter what. So we headed to the nearest Hooters and ordered a couple beers.

Nick: Have I mentioned how much I love America? Steve, of Steve and Leah (who we'd end up spending the night with) informed us that the particular Hooters we had found was arguably the "best" in the country. I don't think Brian or I would have argued with that. After one beer turned into a couple, and hunger gave way to a few rounds of wings, we eventually departed feeling fresh and recharged. Since we hadn't quite worked out housing yet at this point, we headed over to our favorite park in the country, made a few phone calls, and tossed the disk around in anticipation of a place to lay our heads for the night. After finding and returning a strange looking man's wallet, the universe must have looked on us with mercy, as we soon thereafter received a positive reply from Steve and Leah (see, I told you we were going to stay with them.)

Brian: The night ended early for us, as the lack of sleep from the previous night caught up with us. I curled up in my sleeping bag (oh sleeping bag, I'll never leave you ever again as long as I live) around 9 and was asleep in about 5 minutes. Although that's nothing new. Nick and Brian warm and out.

San Diego, CA through Joshua Tree National Park, CA

2010-02-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

Brian: Today was a rough one, and not just because we planned on camping and then it rained this night. You'll see. We left Steve and Leah's well rested but apparently not completely "with it" because we left some pretty vital items there (don't worry parents, we had our computers). More on that as we set up camp. Basically every person we've run into on the west coast has sworn that Joshua Tree is one of the coolest national parks in the country, and we had a day before the Superbowl, so we decided to just book it out there and see what happens. But right as we were pulling into the park, we realized we only had a couple bars of gas left in Lucy. In order to avoid the fume-driving incident from a couple days ago, we turned around to hit the nearest gas station. It was 20 miles away.

Nick: Ever heard of Mecca? I mean, OK, you've heard of Mecca, but do you know the one in Southern California? You do? Are you Hispanic? Knew it. As Brian commented as we pulled into town, we've never felt so much like outsiders in our own country. No one spoke English, and nothing was written in anything but Spanish. No problem, there's a gas station. Those work bilingually right? Mm, you know, we need firewood too though. That shouldn't be too bad, I know the word for "wood" (unfortunately that knowledge came from the iPhone, and not my four semesters of college Spanish) so "Necesito madura para un fuego" should be close enough to land us some of what we need. Three different stores and a lot of confused Hispanic people later, we were only able to come up with a couple bags of charcoal. Guess it'll do.

Brian: Our theory was that since there are no trees in the desert, the expense of shipping firewood to their local Hispanic food markets would outweigh the benefits for shop owners. On the other hand, Joshua Tree National Park website states explicitly that they do not provide firewood, so maybe that's something to think about, ese. So after a couple hours we headed back to Joshua Tree, with the feeling that our affairs were somewhat in order. In fact so confident were we, that we decided to go on a little hike that brought us back to our campground around dusk. Nick, you are on fire duty. I'll pitch the tent. Where's the tent? Oh, here it is (tricked you). After that we attempted to roast some hotdogs over the coals, but instead of providing heat, the coals decided to release noxious black fumes which instantly dyed our dogs black.

Nick: Screw it, we've got some chips and jerky. I say we call it quits: get into our super warm sleeping bags and go to sleep; just because it's a desert doesn't mean it's hot after the sun goes down. Oh. Oh, oh oh. Crap. No bags. We must have forgotten them at Steve and Leah's place. Well, tent, as much as we've come to enjoy your non-waterproof company, we've got to shack up in Lucy tonight. Only way to keep warm. If you were to have stumbled upon our car in the middle of the cold, lonely desert that night, you'd have found two men wearing damn near every article of clothing they own, curled up in balls shivering and praying for day light. Did we mention it was raining? That we both have monster beards at this point wouldn't have helped to dispel the hobo-chic look.

Brian: If you were wondering, slightly damp towels are a poor alternative for sleeping bags. I swear the next time it rains we will be prepared. Mark my words... Brian and Nick, coldly out.

San Diego, CA Day 6?

2010-02-10T12:52:00.000-08:00

Nick: When you plan a day at the zoo, you may be tempted to stay but a few hours. Maybe see all the exhibits, maybe not, then head to a nice dinner somewhere else after walking around for a couple hours. In the case of the San Diego zoo, this is a mistake. The place is huge, the admission expensive, and so if you're gonna do it, do it right. We did. Arriving at 9am and leaving at 5pm, you might say Brian and I put in a good day's work of appreciating all God's creatures, even the smelly, weird looking ones.

Brian: But I can speak for both of us when I say that the San Diego Zoo is worth every penny. We took our time in the exhibits with the intention of spending a full day, but there was so much to see I'm still not sure we covered it all. There were a bunch of monkeys that were obsessed with this stick, and a baby panda, and about a million birds, no less than eleven elephants, big cats of all stripes, spots, and solids, and horrifying snakes. The trained animal show was amazing; dancing sea lions, and Top Gun birds that do flybys on request. I think our pictures will speak a thousand words for this post (if we can ever figure out how to transfer them from the camera).

Nick: We also rode the Skyfari, which is a cool little lift that goes over the entire park. And a double-deckered bus. Best animals: meerkats, which were very active: rambunctious even. Bugs in general. The little monkeys, because they remind us of ourselves. Also, tigers are cool. As the sun went down on the man-made jungle, we headed off to our hosts for the night, Steve and Leah's. They had a dog. We liked that dog. We also like Steve and Leah. Upon their recommendation, we hit up a local tapas restaurant with a killer happy-hour menu with eatables ranging from octopus (good) lamb skewers (good) steak tips (good) clams (good) stuffed peppers (good)...

Brian: ...and double shots of Patron (great). The greatest thing was that Steve and Leah bought the whole meal, and also bought a positive review from their first CouchSurfers ever. Just kidding guys, you would've gotten a positive review even if we went dutch. So we picked up some Pacifico on the way home (our treat this time) and passed them around while sharing a night of hilarious story telling and camaraderie and catching up on old Office episodes. By the way their dog's name was Minger (like the British term for a hideous person). Brian and Nick, out baby yeah.

San Diego

2010-02-07T11:36:00.000-08:00

Brian: Early to bed, early to rise. Considering I went to bed at 9 last night I wasn't surprised to see the sun at 7:15 the next morning. Nick needs a little bit more sleep than I do so I watched the season opener of Lost on my lappy and let him and Julie rise naturally. Julie had requested the night before that we help her out with some household projects in return for our stay with her. Now let me begin by saying that neither Nick nor I minded helping her out one bit. In fact we could both use a little bit of manual labor, and considering how many people have selflessly helped us out on this trip we figured it would be good karma to return the favor even a little bit. That being said, and especially for those of you interested in CouchSurfing in the future, there are typically to be no expectations of exchange by either party involved. Although, the type of people that use CouchSurfing are likely the type of people (like us) who enjoy doing something random like ripping up floor tiles for a couple hours. So that's what we did.

Nick: The irony of a couple white guys doing a little day labor in an entirely Hispanic neighborhood did not escape us. The house was built in 1913, and everyone knows that was the golden age of the tile-glue industry. As such, it was a initially quite difficult to pull up the flooring that had, after so much time in its position, become reluctant to move. With a Nick Ison patented technique of pounding a paint scraper with a hammer, the work was finished and it was time to explore a bit more of San Diego. First stop, oil change for Lucy. Check. Next stop, In and Out. Check. The zoo: too expensive, no check. Somehow it had gotten to be a bit late by around this time so, for lack of any better plans, we called Francis up and went out for round two of Trivia at Pacific Bar and Grill.

Brian: Not to mentioned the amazing Wednesday happy hour special of two dollar beers. This time we wanted to really take advantage of the special so we decided to ride our bikes down to the bar instead. Francis took a skateboard, and as we approached our destination he hit a little bump in the road which fired his skateboard backwards and his body forwards with equal momentum (note: Francis is heavier than his board so the velocity of his board would have to be higher in order to have the same momentum as his body). I was following too closely and so had to ditch my bike in the opposite direction, jump, and hope for the best. Luckily there were no injuries but we kept wider distances for the rest of the ride and arrived intact.

Nick: To our horror, the scourge of the previous outing, the tyrant of trivia BobMac was back, and he was putting up some serious numbers. Eventually, the legend himself came to our table to introduce himself. Francis told him how he felt about being beaten all the time. BobMac was mildly amused with out feeble attempts to other-throw his reign of bar trivia terror. We headed back, and after a harrowing bike/skate ride, settled in to lay some head shots down on the rest of the Halo world. I think we did alright. Over and.. crap, out of grenades.

Flagstaff, AZ through San Diego, CA

2010-02-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

Brian: We sort of made plans to couch surf with a girl in San Diego tonight, but as you may remember, we are in Flagstaff, Arizona. That's exactly 500 miles away. We'd better get driving. Megan gave us a library of sci-fi books to take with us and we grabbed some breakfast at Subway before hitting the road for the long haul. Within about an hour, the snow drifts had converted seamlessly into sand dunes. Arizona is a crazy state.

Nick: You know what Pinto, I think I'm gonna have you drive for a while. I'm going to take a nap... Mm, that was a nice thirty minute break from driving, I'm glad we swapped places for a while. What? The gas indicator is literally on zero? And the maintenance light is on? OK, OK, no problem, there's an exit with a gas station, just pull over there. Oh, hey gas station, you're out of gas? No, that's cool, really. I started limbering up in expectation of a long, cold hike while for the next twenty miles, Brian pulled some of the most fuel efficient motoring techniques I'd ever seen. The universe continues to guide our path, and we eventually coasted our way into the next gas station. Which had gas, hallelujiah. Next stop, couch surfing host Julie's place. I think.

Brian: Julie was cool and super DIY (Do-It-Yourself) which would explain why her entire house was a construction project. Remember Chet, the out of work contractor from Flu, I mean Sioux Falls, SD? She put him to shame. Julie recommended a dinner establishment that served wonderful chicken chimichangas. I'm going to be trying to kick this burrito addiction for months. Hey, I got a text message! Enter the greatest birthday gift I've ever received. Nick had secretly contacted Jade from Philadelphia. Oh you remember Jade, the girl we couldn't shake and ended up having to run from. You know, the girl that left her cell phone and ID with a cab driver she never paid? And in typical Jade style, the text message came a full day late. Thank you, Nick.

Nick: Anytime. It's important to maintain contact with people that mean something special to you. Soon, Brian and I slowly sank into a burrito-induced coma and passed out around 9. Never gonna be over Mexican food and out.

Williams, AZ through Flagstaff, AZ

2010-02-05T10:30:00.000-08:00

Nick: Happy Birthday Brian. I'd never have guessed that we'd still be on the road on February 1st, so I didn't really, like, get you anything. But hey, let's go to the Grand Canyon. That'd be pretty cool, right? Yeah. Drive, drive, drive. Is it me, or is it a little chilly in these parts... Wow Grand Canyon, I didn't realize you'd have mountains of snow all over the place. Oh well, I guess you were kind of pretty or whatever. We have photos, readers can decide for themselves.

Brian: The Grand Canyon is one of those places you have to see because a picture will never do it justice. That wont stop us from posting our pictures, but we recommend checking it out for yourself. And yes, there were several feet of snow on the ground. Apparently if you live in Flagstaff, or anywhere further north, you actually do experience winter weather. Who knew? Another hilarious thing I should mention: remember a couple posts ago we were talking about that podcast we listen to called Uhh Yeah Dude? Well, one of the guys who makes the podcast gives his cell phone number out on the show. So I sent him a text asking him to text my other friend James (a huge fan of the show) and tell him not to forget my birthday. And he actually did it. Everyone involved was pretty stoked.

Nick: Little did Brian know I was secretly hoping he'd get another text from a very special person sometime that day... more on that later. After we'd had our fill of the majesty and splendor of a twenty-five dollar national park, we hit a coffee shop for a little blog sesh. During our time there, the music was calm and sensible. As they were closing however, the speakers dotting the establishment unleashed some of the craziest euro-industrial tunes we'd ever heard. Rock on girls that work at Late for the Train coffee shop. We headed out from there to our host for the night Megan's house. Did you remember that we've got a trunk full of Pacifico and Glenlevit? We did.

Brian: That was basically the last thing I remembered that night. Megan was a cute/cool girl with a good head on her shoulders and a not so secret love of sci-fi novels. We chatted and drank for a while and then went to bed... right?

Nick: In the morning, Brian asked me if we'd gone out. Yeah, dude, we went out. Yikes. We weren't out long, though. When we'd arrived, our host had forgotten her ID so she and I took a FIVE MINUTE trip back to her house to retrieve it. When we returned to the bar, Brian had lost his ability to walk in and out freely. In other words, the bouncer wouldn't let him back in. Brian, stand on one leg! Show him how sober you... OK, never mind. Let's head back.

Brian: It will forever remain a mystery how I got kicked out of that bar in under five minutes. Brian and Nick kicked out.

Newport Beach, CA through Williams, AZ

2010-02-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

Brian: It was a pretty short morning at my aunt and uncle’s place. They graciously offered to have us stay as long as we needed to but Nick and I have sort of an unwritten rule about staying in a place more than three days. Didn’t Ben Franklin have a quote about that too? So we grabbed a bagel, shmeared it with hummus, thanked Mike and Cindy for their hospitality (and the golf) and rode off into the sunrise. And by sunrise I mean Borders.

Nick: They’re still sponsoring us, right? The Borders was in a mall with ample parking, which was nice, but had an obnoxious alarm that kept going off, which was not. After we had blogged to our heart’s content, we decided to blow the entirety of a fifty dollar Applebee’s gift card. One appetizer, a couple entrees, four beers and a dessert almost did it.

Brian: Don’t forget the margaritas.

Nick: The waitress was pretty nice, so she got a nice tip to kill the remainder on the card.

Brian: Hm. What to do now… well we wanted to see the Grand Canyon, and isn’t Arizona hot year round? Let’s just drive as far east as possible and then find a campsite to bunker down in for the night. Wait, what is that white stuff all over the place? Oh, it’s just a little snow. And by a little I mean at least 12 inches. We’d better get a cheap hotel room instead. And so we did, and our night ended with a little bit of Adult Swim on Comedy Central and an actual bed to sleep in.

Nick: The room had framed photos of Ronald McDonald creeping out hard, and that's not OK.

Brian: Considering that we’ve only slept in a hotel for 3 nights out of around 100, I think we are being pretty cost effective. Nick and Brian, counting sheep and out.

Newport Beach, CA

2010-02-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

Nick: This one’s for my little sister who once, and perhaps still does, have a strong affinity for MTV shows centered around the glamorous life of various Hollywood citizens. Brittany, we spent the day at Laguna beach. Yes, it was super fab, but no, we didn’t see Lauren Conrad. I know, we were disappointed too. Once we’d parked the car, who I suspected felt a little insecure surrounded by dozens of Porsches, Beemers, Mercs and Ferraris, we set out to find a burrito place (surprised?) that had probably been recommended to us by someone. Hey, iPhone application Yelp, thanks for screwing us for the millionth time on this trip. Though the address that it provided was accurate, the map it provided took us nearly two miles up this crazy hill. When we finally figured out the problem, we realized that we had literally walked past the place almost an hour earlier. Alas, despite our best efforts, we’re still occasionally tricked into doing some exercise.

Brian: Also note that it took us an hour to walk a mile uphill. Clearly the exercise was well needed. We planned on having a chill beach day just building sandcastles and reading sci-fi novels on the sand but it was windy and cold, so we retreated to the comfort of the pool/hot tub in Mike and Cindy’s housing complex. It’s not indoors but it is enclosed so the wind was not a factor. I guess we are the only people in California that don’t take sunny weather in January for granted because we were the only people at the pool. When we got back to the house, Mike invited us to tag along with him to the driving range, and we regrettably accepted his offer.

Nick: I think we did alright. I mean, Brian and I are not golfers. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But after an initial handful of whiffs we were getting the balls into the air. I was impressed. Back at the house, it was time for a hearty home-cooked meal of rice and stew. Oh yeah. Clean, well-rested and well fed for the first time in weeks, we donned our danc’n shoes and hit the town. The first place was called Sharkeez I believe, and the place was bump’n. There was a large number of young men and women rocking Snuggies, which is just fine by us. After procuring a couple of the most expensive beers ever in life, we found a table and began drinking them very, very slowly. Oh hey, Brian, there are some pretty cute girls at the table behind us. What? You’re goin’ in? Alright man, I hope you know wh- Oh hi, my name’s Nick, nice to meet you girls.

Brian: What can I say? I make Mystery look like Steve Urkel.

Nick: We chatted the ladies up for a while, then, playing it cool, headed out to a more dance-oriented location with their promise to meet us there in a bit. We got there, the line was forever, and so we bounced. Brian says the hunt is half the fun. I’m not so sure, but I didn’t want to wait ten years in a line. Brian and Nick, over and out of luck.

San Diego, CA through Newport Coast, CA

2010-01-31T13:42:00.000-08:00

Nick: Oh, I feel like there was something I was supposed to be doing. No, not for this day or even this week in particular. Like, I feel like there's something I should have been doing all along on this trip but have continued to neglect. ! That's right, I should be looking at graduate schools in an attempt to get a life that's fallen into wild shenanigans back to some semblance of order. Guess we better drive all the way back to northern LA. Hello Fuller Theological Seminary, how are you? I like your weather, and I like the look of some of your ladies. What's that? Housing, food, tuition and transportation are all hella expensive in Pasadena? That's OK, I'm a co-author of a popular blog that, since it's conversion into a novel and movie, has made me millions. Excuse me? We've only made 9 cents in ad revenue so far? Tough break. Looks like I'm stuck with lousy old Princeton.

Brian: Recall that Princeton covers tuition for Presbyterian attendees.

Nick: Lame. After touring the school, we headed to Brian's aunt and uncle's place. His uncle, Mike, reminds me of someone...

Brian: I'm not sure who you are referring to but he certainly is similar to my dad in terms of one's inability to turn down food around him. I seem to remember you being served a piece of cake after repeated refusals... Anyway, Mike and Cindy were extremely hospitable and took us out to an Irish pub for a Guinness after a couple glasses of wine; can you tell they've been reading the blog? We came back to their house and watched some Nitro Circus, but I fell asleep during the second episode around 9:30 and went to bed about 10 minutes later. Nick wasn't far behind. After all the couches and floors we've slept on, we know better than to turn down an early night on a soft bed when we have one. Brian and Nick are stout and out.

San Diego, CA Day 2

2010-01-31T13:41:00.001-08:00

Brian: Nick and I are officially addicted to breakfast burritos in the southwest. Though we haven't been mentioning it everyday, we have basically been devouring one every morning since Rod introduced us to his favorite hole-in-the wall. Nick and I knew we were going to be getting some exercise today so we carbo-loaded with some potato burritos and went back to Francis' place. We had left some wetsuits, flippers, and equipment out specifically for us so we grabbed them and cruised to the pier at Pacific beach for some hardcore boogie boarding! Ok so boogie boarding isn't that hardcore but we had a blast doing it, even though I was deathly afraid of stepping on a stingray.

Nick: I think boogie boarding can be pretty bad ass if it wants to be. The day we went out, it wanted to be. Though we were only in water up to our chests (our flippers didn't fit so we had to sort of jump into the wave) the swells were at least six or seven feet tall. If you timed it incorrectly (and we did a few times) the ocean taught you a thing or two about how much it sucks to be thrashed around underwater. If you timed it correctly however, (and I'm happy to report that this was usually the case,) you got a great ride on a fast wave that could take you all the way back to the beach. Two thumbs up for a beach activity that had been long overdue. After we'd gotten back and cleaned off, we headed to everyone's favorite super-store Costco. Though we had big plans for picking up a number of useful items including sunglasses, shorts, underwear, shirts, flip-flops and maybe some food, we ended up spending our dwindling cash on Pacifico, Dos Equis and Glenlivet. We'll be playing the "Good idea, bad idea" game in the next couple days. Results will be posted.

Brian: The last order of business for the day was to consume a bit of the aforementioned beer, then head to the aforementioned park to play with the aforementioned helicopter. The decision to go to the park was made after a 30 minute debacle of landing it on Francis' roof and attempting to lasso it down with a computer power cable. We took an evening bike-ride, something we haven't been able to do since we left Indiana the FIRST time and commandeered our night bird around a basketball court until the tail came loose. Back at Francis' place we turned on the tube and watched my new favorite show of all time: Tosh.0. Daniel Tosh reviews the best web videos of the week in a style which I would compare loosely to our blog (albeit with more vulgarity). Sleepy time. Brian and Nick are out.com/thebestblogever.

Rancho Santa Fe, CA through San Diego, CA

2010-01-31T13:40:00.000-08:00

Nick: We hung out at Rod's for a while then left as he went to get his hair cut. Our first stop was a park allegedly nearby our next host's abode. It was there that we tossed the disk around for a while and witnessed the next big thing in personal fitness: Rock outs. Take a rock. A big one. Pick it up. Throw it somewhere. Try that again. Bam, you've just rocked out. Do you feel huge? You should. That's the power of America's fastest growing work out trend. Live it. Love it. Rock on.

Brian: Getting bored of that? Get a couple of your closest brosephs, take your shirts off, and stomp around carry huge freaking rocks over your head. Rocking out is more fun with a friend. So yeah my buddy Francis called us and as we expected we were less than a mile from his apartment. Which is less than a mile from the beach. A pretty nice set-up. He could only think of one happy hour deal on a Wednesday, which was two dollar beers and three dollar burgers at a cool local tiki-ish bar. They had trivia on the screen so that shot down any chance of me meeting new people. If you know me, you know that I love bar trivia and it was a staple for me when I lived in Seattle. This trip, amazing though it may be, has been severely lacking in the bar trivia department and I've been going through trivia withdrawal. I think Nick noticed the signs early on so he picked up a blue box, which is how we communicate with the trivia server. First place locally, 17th nationally, not bad if I do say so myself.

Nick: I think you might be mis-remembering. As I recall, we got our asses thoroughly kicked. Francis claimed our competitors were bots. He might be right. Or maybe this trip has permanently damaged our once powerful brains. Probably a combination of the two. We went back to his place, spent a lot of time playing with a toy helicopter that was spectacular in its aerial capabilities, then just hung out after he left to stay at his girlfriend's. Later, his roommate came back. We all drew our guns and indulged in a lengthy stare down. Just kidding. He was surprisingly chill considering he had no idea who we were or why we were in his apartment. Nick and Brian, over and outlaws.

Rancho Santa Fe, CA Day 3

2010-01-31T13:37:00.000-08:00

Brian: Rod took us to his favorite burrito stall for breakfast, and after stuffing my face with a spicy chorizo for less than four dollars I could see why he liked it. We had been planning on surfing before Rod had to go to work at three, but the weather forecast said rain, the sky was wicked cloudy, and frankly we were all a little foggy from our night of Amazons and egg rolls. We went back to Rod's house, plugged in our laptops, and flipped to a movie channel. To be honest this blog post could end here because Nick and I watched no less than seven movies that day, literally from about noon to midnight. I've watched more movie in a single day in terms of the hours spent (thank you Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition), but never as many by quantity. So instead of a typical blog post I suggest we give short reviews of a few of our favorite films from that day.

Nick: Jungle to Jungle: A delightful romp taking audiences from an exotic island nation to the bustling streets of 1990's New York City. Tim Allen is a tour de force at the height of his career, delivering a performance that blends hilarious hi-jinks with heartfelt scenes that remind us all of what family really means. Leelee Sobieski makes her debut as Karen Kempster, and these critics would be lying if we said we hadn't noticed what a beautiful young starlet she was already shaping up to be. Two big thumbs up for a film that took us back to a simpler place where crotch shots and a shrieking Martin Short always make for comedic gold.

Brian: The New Guy: DJ Qualls returns to the silver screen in his biggest picture since Road Trip to delight and entertain urban America. In what is every high school student's nightmare, Dizzy (Qualls) has his penis broken by the school librarian on camera in front of the entire school! After being trained by the baddest guy around in prison, played by the erudite Eddie Griffin (we aren't sure why he went to prison) he returns to his school with a new look and a new attitude. Things seems perfect until Dizzy is forced to choose between his new girlfriend, played by the magnanimous Eliza Dushku, and his old friends, and everyone learns a valuable lesson about being true to yourself. Ultimately Nickskel and E-bri give it one thumb up (how did he get in prison?).

Nick: Point Break: Take everything you've ever known about movies and throw it all away. Take all the positive reviews you've ever read, including the ones you've just read, and multiply them by at least fifteen. Then you might only begin to understand the glory that is Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze in the genre-defining smash hit about the rough and tumble life of a good surfer gone bad. In the film, the ex-football star Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) finds himself undercover in a desperate race against the clock. Armed only with his wits and a killer attitude, Johnny and his partner Pappas (Gary Busey) infiltrate a surfer gang led by Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) in an attempt to capture ruthless bank robbers. Johnny just might wipe out for good when he gets in too deep with the captivating Tyler (Lori Petty) along with the wild and reckless Bodhi he's been ordered to bring in. This movie has taken us to the deep end and left us gasping for more. In a word: goosebumps. Two totally tubular thumbs up for a movie that has changed our lives.

Brian: Thanks for staying with us even on our slow days. Brian and Nick, totally out, man.

Rancho Santa Fe, CA Day 2

2010-01-31T13:35:00.000-08:00

Nick: Rod was off being productive (I think he works at a hospital or something) and so Brian and I decided not to be until he came back home around noon. Harmony and balance. Due to the lousy weather, fishing seemed like our most viable outdoor activity. Due to the lousy weather, the pond was so murky we never got so much as a bite despite being out there for at least four hours. Time flies though, when you've got your box wine. I did manage to loose about six lures, but I don't think there's any relation between the two. We packed it in, headed back, and started to get warmed up for the evening's festivities.

Brian: Ha, I was getting warmed up while we fished. Our first stop on Rod's recommendation was a pool hall/sports bar type of place that was all but dead on a Monday night. There was a dude that claimed to be a Marine but was built more like a seal, and not the Navy kind. Also there were two beautiful women playing pool that Rod was able to drive directly into Nick and my arms with his awesome drunken game of telling them that they are, "The meanest girls he's ever met," over and over again. We escorted Rod out and caught a cab to a bar called Q's in the nearby town of Encinitas where everyone was at least 5'11". I stepped outside to grab a breath of fresh cigarette and bought an egg roll from what could be barely called a street vendor. More like a tiny Vietnamese lady with a foil-lined picnic basket.

Nick: Isn't that, like, the definition of a street vendor? I was dancing up a storm when Brian ran up to me raving about something that was outside, and how I had to come out. When I'd struggled through the jungle of Amazon women and made my way outdoors, Brian was standing there with no less than five of these rolls. Those of you that know Brian personally know that he's not one given to make excessive purchases. I knew they must be good. Wrong! Twinkies are good. Hot dogs are good. These delicate, delectable delicacies from the East were outrageously delicious. Crispy, golden brown with an explosion of different flavors at just the right temperature. Good thing too, as the cab right back might have put me in a bad mood. Not because of the company: our driver, Nassir, was a stand up guy from Tehran with interesting perspectives on the world's happenings. No, the cab ride would have put me in a bad mood because despite being no more than a twenty minute ride, it was no less than sixty dollars once tax and tip had been accounted for. This might be a good time to remind our readers that we do, in fact, accept donations. Brian and Nick are over and out of cash.

Los Angeles, CA through Rancho Sante Fe, CA

2010-01-31T13:32:00.000-08:00

Brian: I woke up at around 7:45 to the sound of Mm...Bop! by Hanson. Dean's ring tone (which according to him is somewhat popular with the ladies). I don't buy it, especially since the call was coming from the ladies we had taken out the night before. They were requesting a pick-up from the apartment of the gentlemen they went home with.

Nick: Oops.

Brian: Dean played it cool and told them to take a cab. I think at this point Nick and I were ready to get out of Dodge, but everyone insisted on going out to breakfast. So we reluctantly went out one last time with these girls whom, outside of the context of a night out, looked like whores.

Nick: Ouch man. They were nice girls. Good family values. The eatery was action packed full of babies, which reminded us of a restaurant we had passed the previous night claiming to be the lone "babies only" restaurant in town. I don't doubt it. I mean, think about the logistics of that facility. Are the babies staffing everything as well, or are they merely the clientele? And isn't it a bit discriminatory? I think so. After a very pricey smoothie, we left our breakfasteria and after no small amount of prodding by me, rushed off to catch the football game. Which the Colts won. Is there anything we can't do? Well, I guess we can't eat at certain exclusive baby places in LA, but that's OK. Babies are the worst. Screw them. Before, during and after the game we pigged out on all manner of junk food then, just for the heck of it, ate a pulled pork sandwich even though none of us were hungry.

Brian: A little dip in Rod's hot tub worked wonders on my aching beer gut.

Nick: God bless America. O'er the ramparts and out.

LA

2010-01-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

Nick: I feel... I feel as though en evil presence has been lifted from the earth. I feel as though the light has finally conquered darkness, and justice and truth are once again commanders of fate. That's correct: it's finally stopped raining. While some might point out that the rain's departure coincides perfectly with Tyler's and thus all the moisture is his fault, I'm inclined to believe it was my weather machine threat that finally got the clouds to behave themselves. Either way, it was a bright, beautiful day in the city of angels. Brian and I set out early to make the most of it, and after reading what I expect will be a rather lengthy blog post, I'm sure you'll feel as though we did. Our first stop was the infamous Venice beach.

Brian: Parking was lucky; we found a broken meter which I believe gives us free parking for the maximum allowable time of the meter. We knew we were on the fabled Venice beach when we saw a girl hula-hooping on top of a sand dune with a sign that said "Hoopin' for Haiti". You have to respect her entrepreneurial spirit, and we think it was wise for her to choose a business model with such low overhead. So yeah, we walked down the boardwalk and checked out the skateboarders, tattoo parlors, and grow shops. Pardon? Yes, it is possible to purchase Marijuana at a local retailer, provided you have a prescription from a doctor. Grrr, I hate big Pot trying to run the local Ma and Pa dealers out of business...

Nick: Damn the man. The beach was great, and I'm sure it would be even greater in the summer when every biddy in the LA area was out getting their tan on. Gotta love the coast. Eventually we made our way back to the car and headed to the highly acclaimed hot dog stand, (weird right?) Pink's. Eating one of their chili-covered dogs was an undertaking that, though difficult, yielded tremendous pleasure and satisfaction. In other words, they were sloppy yet tasty. Sorry digestive system, if I gave you healthy food every week it would just make you spoiled and lazy. You need to earn your keep. Next stop: Hollywood walk of fame.

Brian: For anybody that hasn't been to Hollywood, it isn't as weird and fake and beautiful and glamorous as you might expect it to be. Like, you know how super touristy places are typically really clean in that fake sort of way? Hollywood is just dirty and gross. The only good thing was that we found another broken parking meter so we could walk around for free again.

Nick: And they said parking would be expensive...

Brian: Also, a dude told Nick he looked like a skinny Zach Galafanakis (the guy from the Hangover).

Nick: That was kind of cool actually. I wish I could have played it off and drawn a crowd. Is that vain?

Brian: We only took one picture with one of the Hollywood stars, and we didn't see any famous people. Wow, lame.

Nick: Well, we did see Snoop Doggy Dog but he was in wax form so I'm not entirely sure he was the real one. Thirsty for better celeb sightings and hungry for more disgusting food, we headed over to an area known as "the grove" where we had been promised Brazilian food priced by the pound and the possibility of spotting prominent public peoples. The barbecued Brazilian beat even the best I'd ever had before, but Brian suggested we bounce. As we could find no famous biddies, his bidding was done. Where did we go? To find the set of "The Office." Following a shaky set of clues from various sources across the Intermet, we finally found a building that looked eerily familiar...

Brian: Dunder Mifflin HQ, no shit.

Nick: Well, the Scranton branch office anyway.

Brian: Complete with Dwight's Trans Am and Michael's Sebring in the parking lot. We flipped out and ran around for a while, snapped some pics, tried to find the burn marks from where the little bird laid upon a funeral pyre, and generally had a good time. No star sightings though (although I'm sure if we camped there all day we would eventually see someone). Very cool though. After that we headed over to a restaurant called El Cholo to meet up with Nick's buddy from a past life, Rod, and some of his friends. Wait, Rod's friends aren't coming? What are we going to do with this third pitcher of Margarita?

Nick: To-go cups? You don't have those? That's fine, we'll just take it like it is. Under my jacket. We walked a few blocks with the blender-sized container filled with that frozen concoction that helps us hang on until we made it to Rod's friend's place. There we were met with his friends, some chicas, and a general atmosphere of partying. We played kings, which isn't always my favorite but which was pretty fun this time around, then headed out to a crappy bar the girls had chosen which was packed with less-than-desirable individuals. Side note: here at the FGA (that's freaks, geeks, and automobiles) we love our women. We love our mothers, our sisters, our teachers, our friends, and all the rest of you females that can make life so very pleasant. That said, ladies, you're just the worst at picking places to go. Really. I don't know if it's a DNA thing, or if you just can't figure out what you actually want out of a night out. Get it together.

Brian: Not my favorite ladies in the whole world, not my favorite bar in the whole world, but the night was far from a total bust. We walked over to a McDonald's across the street and Nick chatted with some super nice people in a vehicle who agreed to buy us a boat-load of food.

Nick: This was probably my favorite part of the night: The guys were distraught because the burger purveyor wouldn't take our order unless we had an automobile, which we certainly did not. That's why I inquired of the couple in a nearby car if they would care to order some vittles for us. They kindly acquiesced my request. As we waited for our orders, I casually conversed with the pair beside the drive through window. Meanwhile, the restaurant was taking a little bit of time producing the requested order. As a result, an offensive fellow in the SUV behind us, supposing my conversing was the cause of the delay, thought it appropriate to roll down his window and shout vulgar expressions at me and my new friends. I don't condone violence, but I thought it appropriate to inform him that while I wasn't the source of the delay, I'd be happy for him to get out of his car and settle the matter in the parking lot. My invitation seemed to excite him considerably, as he struggled to throw open his door and charge after yours truly. His efforts were thwarted, however, by his female companion who, with no want of screaming and pulling, managed to subdue the brute. After issuing a number of distasteful yet generally humorous taunts at the would-be combatant, we thanked our generous benefactors (who refused to accept payment) and took the food with along with us.

Brian: We pounded it in the cab on the way back to Mario's house and passed out around his living room. Actually, I think we must have stopped by the car first because I woke up with my sleeping bag. That's for a different post though. Love, peace, McDonald's grease, BN out.

Santa Barbra through LA

2010-01-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

Brian: Yes we did wake up on time and yes Tyler made it to the airport safely. Whether his flight was on time given the storminess is unbeknown to me.

Nick: That dude needs a phone.

Brian: Nick and I posted up at a little coffee shop in Burbank to decide how to spend our day.

Nick: Our first idea was to go sit in on a live taping of a really fantastic television show. Naturally, the Price is Right was our first choice. Upon further investigation however, this seemed more difficult than we had originally anticipated. Nevertheless, I expect that upon our return visit to LA, we're going to look more tenaciously for a possible access point. A close second for us was to go to a free horse race with one dollar hot dogs, beers, and popcorn. And two dollar bets on each race. Sounds like the best, right? Well, I'm sure it would have been if it hadn't been canceled due to... Listen, I understand that we all need water to survive. I understand that our bodies are mostly water, and that, more importantly, beer is mostly made of water. But so help me, if it rains one more day on this trip, I'm going to finish my weather manipulation machine (patent pending) and unleash a drought on the world so severe the only rain anyone will ever see again will be the tears of the people begging the gods for mercy...

Brian: ...anyway... yeah, we just headed straight over to Rob and Natalie's place which is about five miles west of Hollywood (sorry if I screwed that up) and let our lack of sleep catch up with us. We grabbed a quick snooze and got cleaned up in time for Rob to come home and cook us a delicious tomato pesto chicken on a bed of risotto.

Nick: Sushi and vegetables in two days? We're probably living the healthiest lifestyles on the planet.

Brian: Rob and Natalie are a couple of ardent greyhound lovers who have started a non-profit organization devoted to the rescue and adoption of greyhounds. So at one point in time while we stayed with them there were no less than seven greyhounds on their property. Though the dogs are bizarrely proportioned (fully built for speed) they are sweethearts and one thing I miss about not being at home is seeing my animals regularly so it was a delightful change of pace. Nick and I were torn about whether or not to try and go out that night, but eventually we just passed out in the spare room. Has anyone noticed that napping just makes you more tired? I don't know, maybe I just suck at naps.

Nick: They're pretty tough. Counting sheep leaping over the fence and out.

Santa Barbra

2010-01-25T11:58:00.000-08:00

Nick: Yeah, we're bums, and we're a bit behind. We've currently got a nice place to write however, and thanks to a pause in the partying the night before, our minds are fresh with recollections from the previous day's happenings. Allow me to begin with a burrito... In the morning, we set out with our host Isaac to a very close, very delicious coffee shop. He and Tyler had themselves some breakfast burritos. Brian, if you would, set the burrito counter for the day at 2?

Brian: Burrit-o-meter: 2

Nick: Thank you. We headed back to the house through the pouring rain and proceeded to enter a video game induced hibernation. How else could we have endured such a down pour?

Brian: When you live hard you have to play hard. Literally nothing happened until the third member of the household, Don, came back and drove us downtown for lunch. Ingrid had recommended the previous night that we check out a burrito stand with a hyphenated name famous for their molé sauce. I ordered an Olé Molé burrito and Nick got the Holly Olé Molé (presumably a "Holy" Olé Molé, but misspelled). Tyler and Don ordered Burritos as well so that brings our party grand total for burrito consumption up to 6 for the day. Not unimpressive, but not unbeatable either.

Nick: Not enough burritos! I'd have had another one for dinner but Ingrid and Isaac came home hungry for a bountiful seafood dinner, and who am I to deny them that which I also love so well? Thus, it was the group's consensus to head over to a sushi place which, judging by the massive weekday crowd, was pretty good. We've been denied sushi so far along the entire coast and as it's one of our favorite foods, Brian and I went huge.

Brian: The best bang for our buck was to order was what referred to by the menu as "The Love Boat (for two people)." Six different types of sashimi, 3 or 4 rolls, soup, salad, and dessert: it was a feast and it left us satisfied and smiling.

Nick: That is what she said

Brian: After dinner we went back and partied with Isaac and Ingrid by playing a round of Chrononauts and watching an episode of Planet Earth. The power went out at one point and we had to finish our game by the light of a headlamp. Pretty awesome night overall. Although, considering that we have to wake up at 6:30 to get Tyler to the airport on time, we probably shouldn't have stayed up until 2. On the other hand, I can sleep when I'm dead. On the other other hand, if I keep living like this I'll be dead sooner than I expect. Just kidding, Mom. Nick and Brian out.

San Los Obispo CA through Santa Barbra CA

2010-01-22T17:01:00.000-08:00

Tyler: Well, here are, rain once again in sunny California. Our host in Santa Barbara wasn't done with work/school until around 9 o'clock so we decided to hit up the local Borders until both the weather let up and we would not have to spend 5 hours in the rain in Santa Barbara. So instead of being productive little bloggers intent on making you all aware of what we've been up to and how much rain we're enjoying, we decided to play video games. I manned the Dragon Age, Pinto took care of the Fallout 2 and Nick found himself neck deep in Warcraft 2. How many times did I say rain so far? Not enough because there was a lot of it. I really can't get over how much rain we've seen in the last couple of days, it's hard to imagine this much rain. Oh the humanity! When will the rain/the blog discussion of rain cease? I'm not sure but I better say it once more for good measure, rain.

Brian: When we finally tired of the Borders in San Luis Obispo we punched in the address of the Borders in Santa Barbara and hit the road.

Nick: Are they sponsoring us yet?

Brian: Since nothing particularly notable happened during the day I'll like to take this time to talk about how we spend a lot of our driving time. Since giving up on the atrocity known as Pride Prejudice and Zombies, we've grown fond of a podcast called Uhh Yeah Dude, which is LA based. It's a couple guys (one of them is the actor John Larroquette's son) shooting the breeze and talking about crazy current events from all over America. It's a bit crass and somehow a bit dry at the same time but also an endless source of hilarity. One of our favorite (least favorite?) segments is when they read filthy personal ads posted on Craigslist. A final warning: the podcast is not for the faint of heart. It is very raw, but that's part of what makes it hilarious.

Nick: I'm OK with PP and Z. Uhh Yeah Dude is pretty funny though, I'll grant you that. When we got the word from our Santa Barbara host Ingrid, we boogied over to her apartment and met up with her two roomates, Don and Isaac.

Tyler: A night of nerdy discussions about video games, T.V. shows and anything else we could think about ensued. Only a few beers bought from the local Vons. Vons was a little weird. It looked like a Safeway, it smelt like a Safeway and was even ordered like Safeway but it wasn't. Well, our adventures aside, this will be my last blog post. I leave tomorrow on a jet plane for Montana and my final semester of undergraduate work. Wish me luck everybody. The other downside of this beside my witty and original contributions to the blog (none of which mention rain) it also means that the quality of photos will decline as my nice camera will come with me to Montana. It's been a ton of fun and great break between semesters. Good luck on the rest of your trip Nick and Brian, and so long to everyone that has been reading this blog. Tyler out for the trip, Brian and Nick out for the day.

San Luis Opisbo

2010-01-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

Brian: Fuck it. We are tired of sitting on our hands waiting for this rain to subside. Today is going to be an amazing day. First stop is Border's in order to compile a plan of action. Oh wait, we can barely get in the car because the massive flooding on either side of the street is literally creating white-water around the tires. Hm, should we rethink our plans? Never! We will begin by checking out the largest gum wall this side of the Mississippi. Then we will pee in the fanciest toilet this side of the Mississippi. Finally, we will use the inevitable lull in the storm at midday to hike up to the highest peak in San Luis Obispo.

Nick: Love the determination. Gum wall: yeah, you know, it was OK. It smelled, which wasn't my favorite, though I suppose after riding in a small car for thousands of miles with a couple guys and everything we all own in a perpetual state of wetness, it wasn't all that bad. The fanciest bathroom this side of the Mississippi (what?) was pretty cool. In a rather infamous hotel that some call "The Madonna Inn" dwells a rest room featuring its very own waterfall, which you are invited to contribute to. We did. The hike, which was not rained out by some bizarre miracle of nature, was great. Not too long, but steep enough to get the blood moving around. If you let the fast food settle too long, it solidifies permanently. Then it explodes. Maybe not. Either way, I'm not taking chances. Anyway, the view from the top was beautiful. We stayed until a number of unsettling plaques honoring men who had lost their lives on this very hike reminded us that nature is fickle, and while it wasn't windy and rainy while we were at the top, it soon could be.

Tyler: Yeah, that stuff was cool.

Brian: Thanks for the insight Tyler.

Tyler: I like to contribute...

Brian: I wore really crappy shoes for the hike and almost threw out my back. At least I hope it was my shoes and not the fifteen pound beer belly I brought to the top of the hill. So after our awesome day we headed back to Alyssa's, showered, and generally tried to make ourselves look more presentable for the big night to come. Buy a pint glass for $3 and get $1 Coors Light refills all night long? Dangerous for us but suffice it to say we behaved ourselves and just played Dominoes at the bar with our hosts. Finally that game makes sense to me...

Tyler: To be fair, I did nothing to make myself look presentable. I'm also really bad at Dominoes, I just can't do math in my head fast enough, that's what Brian is here for. I might add that the band was not nearly as good as the previous night. Bad cover bands have never done it for me. But despite the lack of good music there were a ton of people at the place. A lot of them would only have one beer and leave, not realizing that the part of the four dollars they paid for their beer was actually paying for the glass. Our hosts took immediate advantage of this fact by collecting all the soldiers that had been left behind. Oh and guess what, when we left...it was raining. Big change for us. BTN out.

Santa Cruz CA through San Luis Opisbo CA

2010-01-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

Nick: Rain. Rain. Rain. If only there was something fun we could do, that we could only do, in the rain. Like rain boarding. Rain surfing. Maybe fly a rain kite. What? Those things don't exist? Bummer. I guess our pattern of driving in the rain, sitting in a Borders to wait out the rain, then running through the rain to make it inside our next host's home will have to continue for a bit longer. Joy. In the meantime, let us bring you up to speed.

Tyler: I only came on this trip because Nick promised me sunshine and streets paved with gold, plus free candy, and this rain has put a serious damper on my frolicking.

Brian: The weather forecast says rain until Friday, which perhaps not so coincidentally is the day Tyler is leaving. Take it with you, Tyler! Alright, we woke up on Sophie's floor the next day and kicked it at her place for the majority of the morning. We've noticed a pattern of the rain letting up every so slightly in the midday so I think we were waiting for that to make our move. It was beautiful despite the inclement conditions along the California coastline, and the drive was mostly uneventful. We did stop along a beach at one point just to bask in the majesty of the massive waves crashing against the jagged shoreline, and apparently another guy had the same idea. He had classic rock cranked up to 11 and was passed out in the front seat of his Dodge POS with 2 plastic bags full of frozen pizzas in the back seat.

Tyler: Don't forget the rad blond mullet.

Nick: A thought occurs: that dude is dead. We'll miss you, fellow rocker. Peace out. After a quick lunch of something that was definitely not Taco Bell (OK it was probably Taco Bell) we journeyed on until we got to a town named San Luis Opisbo, or SLO for all you cool cats and kittens. Our hosts, despite needing to study for the evening, invited us into their home. Brian, Tyler... do you guys smell something? You don't? Me either... Weird. Alyssa and her housemates made us question everything we know about couch surfing: their place was super clean, pretty darn nice, we had our own room, and all the residents were busy, productive members of society. We had a group meeting and decided that we needed to go out, and that our hosts needed to come with us. They declined. Fine then, we'll just go explore the town by ourselves.

Tyler: Yes, we sort of had to make up for their studious inclinations. Everyone knows that amount of effort put forth by members of society is a constant. So in order to prevent any paradoxes we had to slack. We didn't enjoy but it was our duty as citizens of this fine country. In order for others to succeed we needed to....not succeed (fail isn't quite the right word).

Nick: I don't entirely follow your logic, but I'm going to reconcile it with an oriental approach: ying and yang. So like, we're restoring balance to the universe, yeah? Yeah.

Tyler: Anyway, we started the night off in a classy bar called Spikes Pub. They had a startling selection of beers from around the world but they all leaned towards the pricey side. Still you can't start the night off on a bad note, the aftertaste of Coors Light or Budweiser never seems to leave once it establishes a foothold. After our one drink a piece we headed to a less classy but still fun establishment called Peach and Frog. The beers were cheap and we happened to stumble upon this particular bar during "open jam night". The music was great. Not only did they have a wide selection of bass, guitar and drum players but someone actually put lyrics in the form of a hip-hop freestyle to the whole thing. So, I present Tyler's equation for a universal good time: cheap beers + good music = good times. It's a working theory, so don't be too critical.

Brian: It might not be super universal, but on the other hand it definitely always applies to the people I want to hang out with. So the only drawback to the night was the fact that our hosts live pretty far from downtown, so we have to keep our wits about us, so to speak, in order to drive home later. Actually another major drawback: It was ladies night at the bar. Sounds great, right? Well it would be if the main type of women there weren't the kind with a penchant for pixie hair-cuts, men's chinos, and flannel vests. Know what I mean, jellybean?

Nick: Unfortunately, yes. Over and out (of the closet).

Santa Cruz CA Day 2

2010-01-19T11:53:00.000-08:00

Brian: The first thought in my mind when I woke us this morning was how pumped I was to be sleeping in a real house tonight. I don't even care if it's a house full of naturalist stoner neo-hippies. This unconventional California rain bites. The second thought in my mind was, "Oh shit, we have to pack up camp before we get caught and have to pay!" I will again refer to the great Benny Hill in comparison to our park exit routine. We scrambled around like crazy for about 25 minutes. Crap where's Tyler? He went to fill up his water bottle? And the white truck pulls up...

Nick: It would seem we're no longer the ninja campers we once were. This calls for some serious time in the dojo, asap. Meanwhile, we needed to find a real building in order to get out of the rain. A small coffee shop in downtown Santa Cruz suited our purposes wonderfully, with its abundant Intermet and hummus-laden bagels. Tasty. After a serious blog/research/couchsurfing session, we headed off to the Mystery Spot. The what? Oh, you mean you're not familiar with the bizarre anomaly in the woods outside Santa Cruz that causes reality itself to become twisted and all together flipped upside down? Oh, OK, come along with us then and we'll take you there. First stop: a cement block that, despite being perfectly level (thank you iphone level) distorts the height of people standing on it. Like, Brian and I stood eye to eye on the block, then traded places. When we gazed into each others eyes again, alas! Dark-sided arts had made him a full three or four inches shorter. Mysterrrrious.... There was also a cabin on a hill that allowed you to bend at super-extreme angles without falling over. Weird. And a level board where objects would seemingly roll up hill. Strange. And a pendulum that swung irregularly. Spooky. All in all, an attraction well worth the five bucks. And one that's got me thinking about Lost again. And I just lost.

Tyler: Let's also not forget the fact that the entire establishment was run by early teenagers...

Brian: ...tweenagers is what I think they are called...

Tyler: ...who liked to talk in mysterious voices as they gave the tour. Ooooooo, the tee of mystereee ooooooo ahhhhh, and so on. Also most of the mysterious things took place outdoors and despite what they say about California it was raining. I'm pretty sure we would have seen less rain if we had decided to stay in Seattle. Oh well sometimes you gotta suck it up and go to places that are so mysterious that the rain falls everywhere, not just on the plain and especially not in Spain but in good old Santa Cruz. What I found most strange about the mystery spot were the trees. The trees that grew in the area were incredibly strange and I didn't notice until our tour guide pointed them out. Some grew in corkscrews some grew in S shapes and the redwoods had branches on one side almost twice the length as the other a little strange and eerie. I let someone else relate the theories on what causes the mysterious mysteries of the mystery spot.

Nick: You know mermaids are behind it.

Brian: Oh, you mean sea lions? Those of you that know me well know that I don't really like unsolved mysteries that much. I mean, I love them, but I am perturbed when I find myself incapable of coming up with a solution. The mystery spot was a very confusing place for me, and after we left I needed a drink. Good thing it's Sunday and football is on. We hit up a sports bar back in Santa Cruz proper and settled in for some fried delicious and not a few Coors light. The Jets beat the Chargers in an upset, which is apt nomenclature because a lot of people in that bar were, in fact, quite upset.

Tyler: Except our cute waitress...

Brian: After the game, it was time to head over to Sophie's for the evening. We didn't have any plans but the great thing about Couch Surfing is that plans make themselves.

Nick: Our host, Sophie, and her housemates were a groovy bunch. She played banjo, made us all natural sorbet from scratch, and yes, had a giant snake. Brian, to his great credit, ended up sleeping right next to the serpent's den. Impressive. In the evening, we watched the Life Aquatic which, to my great surprise, was extremely enjoyable. Good flick. We stuck in another one, Bill Maher's "Religulous" but it didn't do it for me, or anyone, and so we all just sort of passed out with the sound of stupid rain pounding against the window. Really, this has got to stop. Over and out.

Santa Cruz CA

2010-01-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

Nick: Morning time. Did you guess correctly? Let's find out: I felt like a million bucks. Not sore at all from sleeping on the hard earth. Certainly not freezing cold from the persistent moisture in the air. And definintely not hung over in anyway. Brian, Tyler? How did you guys feel?

Brian: Great in the, "I must be an alcoholic because there are 30 empty bottles and an empty box of wine strewn about the campsite and I also feel perfectly fine this morning," kind of way.

Tyler: Yeah, that campsite got a little messy, oh well the adventure of the road never cease to amaze. I was only hung over briefly, no boxed wine made for a slightly better situation than the one Nick found himself in.

Brian: So today's plans are pretty simple: The Colts are in the playoffs so Nick has an obligation to represent at the local sports bar. Tyler and I are going to watch some of the games but mostly spend the day exploring Santa Cruz which is a cool mid-sized town with an eclectic downtown and waterfront. As a result, we probably will describe how the events of the day transpired independently.

Nick: Colts time. Historically, we've had wretched luck when we've got the bye week due to a superb regular season. Like, 0-3. Does that make sense? No. Also, we've lost the last two games, the only losses of the season, because we rested all of our starters. Does that make sense? No. Needless to say, there is a lot of pressure on the boys in blue to preform well against a team that they should generally be able to obliterate. Fast forward: they did it! We're moving on! Additionally, while Tyler and Brian were off on their little hike through town, I befriended a traveling jazz musician from Spain whose opinions of Rumi and Sufism in general I found fascinating, a group of fellow Hoosiers who were themselves on a kick ass road trip, and, most importantly a very cute waitress from Poland who expressed an interest in giving me a heads up about the hot spots in Santa Cruz while suggesting that she herself would be in said hot spots later after work and that, in her adorable Polish accent "you should look for me out there." It just confirms that I look good in my Dallas Clark jersey. But I already knew that.

Tyler: Brian and I didn't do a whole lot, walked around the town, stopping in the occasional record store, coffee shop or used book store, walking out along the boardwalk that sort of thing. Both of us were fairly exhausted from the previous couple of nights and were content to take it easy around town. The night ended with us going to Borders and reading, with Pinto passing out in his chair book still in hand.

Brian: Yeah, the highlight of the night was checking out the massive arcade on the boardwalk and walking down the pier (it has to be at least half a mile long). Tyler played some Time Crisis which is an FPS he finds irresistible, and on the way back we walked by a very angry woman on the bridge who threatened to stab, shoot, kill, murder, and butcher anyone that rides their bike too fast. Dare I say crazy? Lucky we were on foot.

Tyler: I think specifically she didn't like the blinking lights that most responsible bikers place on their bikes while they ride. Maybe it gave her flash backs to a time when she could understand that not everyone needs to be stabbed and yelling in the street by yourself at passersby, while fun, is not always appropriate.

Brian: After reconnecting with Nick he expressed desire to meet up with his flirty waitress friend, but due to housing logistics and exhaustion it didn't happen. I will admit that there were an insane number of beautiful girls walking around and I do hope I find myself in Santa Cruz on a future Saturday but it wasn't in the cards this week. Nick responded to my (justifiable) San Francisco fussiness with his own quieter (also justifiable) brand and we made it an early, fireless night at the same campsite.

Nick: At least it wasn't raining. It was supposed to be raining. That would have really been the pits. Fingers crossed for no more rain. Over the rainbow and out.

San Francisco CA through Santa Cruz CA

2010-01-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

Nick: Heads up: this day was not our most adventerous day. We know freaksgeeksandautomobiles nation logs on every day thirsting for tales of harrowing darring-do from everyone's favorite guys, and we hate to disapoint. But as it turns out, even road trip heroes need to take a break every now and then. We woke up in Katie's apartment, checked to make sure we had our laptops, then hit the road. Traveling south on Highway 1 has been a treat, since the brakes didn't burst into flames, the day's drive was no exception. All the way down we were greeted with sweeping coastal scenes of rocky beaches and wind-swept waves. When we arrived in Santa Cruz, it was time for a resupply. We were out of chow and worse, beverages.

Brian: And gas. So we stopped at a gas station, a Safeway, and a Borders in that order. Administrative duties took us into the afternoon until we found a beach side campsite about 20 minutes south of town. The good news is that it is supposed to be clear tonight, so I think our gear will be fine. The bad news is it is supposed to rain all week next week so we might be sleeping in the car unless we can get meet up with some couch surfers. The latter is usually a viable option but lately they haven't been biting like they usually do. I think the rain in California is confusing to its residents, and so they are responding with amotivation and lethargy. Dinner was interesting but delicious; I'll let Tyler (our camp chef) handle the details.

Tyler: We made one of my favorite camp meals, something me and some friends came up with while stay at a place called "the whammy bar" just outside of Mt. Shasta. The basic idea is that when camping burritos are amazing but carting around cheese can be tiresome as it starts to get disgusting after a few days without refrigeration. Plus you need something that can be cooked on a camp-stove. The solution: mac and cheese burritos. The basic idea is that instead of cheese you use mac and cheese.

Nick: Clarification: powdered cheese. Please continue.

Tyler: It's incredible. On this occasion we also added some canned tuna fish and some canned chili. Mac and cheese is super easy to make on one burner and then you just add in the tuna heat up the beans and put it all in a tortilla. If you have hot sauce even better, if not that's okay too. Another reason that this works so well for camping is that you only need one utensil, the serving spoon/spork/piece of cardboard from the mac and cheese box. So if there's a few of you and only spoon you don't have to take turns eating.

Nick: After dinner, we all cozied up around the campfire and started to discuss matters of grave importance. No, seriously. We're all pretty philosophical like that. I'd tell you what we talked about, but you probably wouldn't understand. Our meditations were eventually interrupted however with a "shut the hell up" from a stranger. Darn, the fun's over and now some disgruntled camper is probably going to cut a hole in our tent later. What? You just wanted to come over to bring us more beer, and your gruff shout was just a comedic opener to establish a mood of easy going friendship? Yes, camping stranger and RV neighbor, we accept your new friendship and your beer. Your small dog is annoying though.

Brian: Aw, I liked Benny. Yeah, a couple came and introduced themselves to us. They were probably in their 30's, super-nice, the woman was totally sober, the man was totally tanked. We let them try some delicious jerky, they gave us some delicious cookies, and we ended up chatting late into the night. At one point we ran out of firewood though, so we had to go about the dirty business of acquiring some more.

Nick: I put on my best ninja equipment which gives me +5 sneak and headed over to the ranger's cabin. Sneak, sneak sneak. Ah hah, here's the wood storage shed. Locked! Hm... sneak, sneak, sneak. Ah hah, there's a pile of wood behind the shed under a tarp. Time to remove some logs... careful, careful... don't let your intoxication betray your position with stumbling, bumbling movements. Shh... the ranger's RV is right next to the pile, don't wake him up... One, two... five pieces, that ought to do it. Time to hall ass. Mission accomplished.

Tyler: Neither of you guys mentioned the awesome singing of random rap songs to the tune of wagon wheel...

Brian: Awesome story, but we also felt bad so we sneak, sneak, sneaked 5 bucks under the camp host's windshield wipers. In case you didn't notice this is the third late night in a row, so feel free to guess how awesome we are going to feel tomorrow.

Nick: First two don't count.

Brian: Over and out.

San Francisco

2010-01-15T15:20:00.000-08:00

Nick: The very first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was "where's my phone, so I can call that cafe and inquire as to whether or not they have my laptop." Yeah, that's right. If you suspected it already, allow me to confirm it: I am an idiot. I left my computer at the cafe place from the day before, and to further complicate the issue, we had no idea which cafe it was or even where it was. With a stroke of luck, we figured out the name of the resort nearby, called them, they directed us to the cafe and, joy of joys, they had the lap top. I told the guys that if they came to keep my company on the drive back up that I'd buy them lunch. And so they came.

Brian: Basically between 9 and 4 o'clock today we were driving back up the coast to get Nick's lappy. It was maybe worth it though because we stopped at a natural food cafe that had amazing shitake quesadillas.

Nick: And great skinny pizza.

Tyler: I might also add that up until that point both Brian and I were recovering from shots of Old Crow that the previous night contained, those quesadillas were life savers.

Brian: When we got back to San Fran we wanted to stretch our legs a little so we parked about 10 blocks from Haight-Ashbury which is a famously hipster/scenester/stoner region of the city. Before we meandered through the patchouli scented stores we hiked up a huge hill in a park that gave us a great sunset view of the city and the Golden Gate Bridge. Also Nick showed me my birthday present from him which was a $40,000 marble carving of a naked woman in a rather revealing position.

Nick: There was a little damage to the left nipple, so I was able to talk them down a bit. If I can get it shipped to Bainbridge Island myself, the guy will give it to me for around $36,000. Happy Birthday Brian, I hope you appreciate all the little things I do for you.

Tyler: Yes we have lots of disposable income after striking gold and oil at the same time just off the California coast, it was in the news you might have heard. After visiting a piercing shop, some vintage clothing stores and what have you, we decided to try and find a place to stay for the night. Katie allowed us the use of her epic apartment again despite the fact that she would not be there for the night. People on couch surfing are so wonderful. We ate a fairly decent Chinese restaurant Brian and I both got 5 or 6 course meals for 16 bucks and Nick got something else.

Nick: Kung Pow Puppy.

Tyler: Then we hit the bars again. This time trying to take it easier than the previous night that we all felt the effects of. We visited the bar we got kicked out of the night before, and the guy told us that he would call the cops if need be. We still weren't sure what we did wrong... We had a drink mostly because of the principle of the whole thing, then moved on to see Katie's friend's band.

Brian: They were decent, three guys jammin' and singing about life. They only had like half a dozen fans but maybe that's what you get for having a show on a Thursday.

Nick: The bar smelled... sort of exactly like a barn. We don't know why. The music was... not suited to my personal taste. The air... thick, wet, hot. Just an awful situation all around. I stepped outside and ran into a young woman who had, unknown to any of us, been searching desperately for three couch surfing guys from Seattle and Indiana respectively. We fit the bill, and in fact, were the very three men whom she had been looking for. My first thought: fame had come. Our first road trip roady. As it turned out, this was not the case: the young lady was simply a friend of Katies and as such knew of our location in the area. Still, it felt good to be searched for. As we conversed, one of the guys in her group starting smoking pot. Like, from a bowl. This was strange to me. No one else took much notice. Maybe I need to get with the times.

Brian: Yo man, California is like, totally a different place, man. Well, that's about that. We head south in search of sunnier skies tomorrow. Tonight we are out.

Chamberlain Creek CA through San Francisco CA

2010-01-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

Nick: Waking up after sleeping in the driver's seat of a car for the second night in a row was rough.

Brian: Don't worry parents, as of today that was the last night we've slept in the car on the side of the road.

Nick: I think I knotted up something in my stomach being crumpled up for so long because I've had searing pain in the area since then. Another casualty of the road I guess. We drove for a while down some pretty gorgeous highway, then pulled off and dined at a boring little cafe. Why do I mention that humble eatery? As I was to discover later, that cafe would be a place of great concern to me, though I couldn't have known it at the time. After some food, we drove a bit longer on a quest for some quality beach time. After a couple failed attempts, we finally found a sweet stretch of coast completely unoccupied by anyone except a group of pretty subdued sea lions. A herd of sea lions? A flock? I'm not a zoologist. It's not my problem.

Brian: I would think that sea lions would travel in prides.

Tyler: I think they were actually seals.

Brian: Anyway, way to totally not mention that at this point we are traveling on Highway 1 which is arguably the most beautiful scenic highway in America. I don't know if we can put the beauty into words but imagine epic Lord of the Rings style cliffs with 15 foot waves smashing up against rocky beaches under rolling farm country, or just check out the pictures on our Photobucket account.

Tyler: I think I saw Gollum... or maybe that was just a crackhead. I also wish I could post all the photos I've taken so far this trip but I'm already somewhere in the 5-6 gigs range.

Nick: Mm, maybe I forgot to mention the view because instead of enjoying my time up on the rocks, I was running back to the beach to move all of our stuff further up the cliff. Things you wouldn't want washed away, like, I don't know, car keys. I'm glad one of us is responsible in this group.

Brian: A bold statement considering the location of your laptop at that time...

Tyler: Okay so we stopped at a beach in Sonoma county just off CA-1 and decided to spend the entire day there: I don't think anyone mentioned this yet and just sort of assumed you knew where it was. We read, we lounged, we drank boxed wine and played beach bocce ball. This game proved to be incredible. First we found a distinct rock to serve as the bocce, then each of us selected two rocks to serve as our bowling balls, the great part about this being that you can select rocks that fit your play style, flat if you like to just plop them down, round if you prefer the roll, etc.

Nick: I think rolling is generally superior, and to prove my point, rolled my way to a sweeping come back victory.

Tyler: While we played this game Brian's plastic cup of red wine started to grow some interesting... developments.

Brian: Somehow while I was drinking my wine a bundle of sand-fly larvae landed directly in my cup. At least I hope that's how it happened, because I had been drinking out of that cup for about 10 minutes and it gives me the creeps to think that I was drinking around the pupae without noticing they were in there. Tyler was so grossed out that he threw away his own wine that wasn't even contaminated.

Tyler: Yeah, even looking at the picture makes me a little sick.

Nick: Whatever, you eat a ton of bugs in your sleep. Get over it. After the beach, it was time to head into San Francisco. It was dark by the time we arrived, but the Golden Gate Bridge was still clear from miles away against the illuminated back drop of the city. It was even more clear when we had to pay six dollars to cross the damn thing. We met up with our hostess for the evening, Katie, then got back to work on our Franzia.

Brian: We also tried to bust out our laptops. Tyler and I succeeded, and Nick succeeded in realizing that his laptop was in a cafe 3 hours away. Hopefully. (It was, we got it back later.) Anyway, what was supposed to be a couple glasses of wine and maybe a beer out at Katie's favorite local establishment turned into a raucous night of debauchery tagging along with some guys 25th birthday celebration.

Nick: Doesn't it always?

Brian: I think his name was Sam. Also I met some Australian guys who said I can stay on their couch for as long as I want if I go to Australia. Yeah and we got kicked out of a bar and I don't know why.

Tyler: Yeah, I remember going to the bathroom and then seeing an old man with a huge beard yelling at every member of our group. Oh well, that place smelled like a portapotty, and not a clean one.

Nick: I challenged him to a duel on the field of honor to resolve the matter, but that didn't seem to help much at all. Live and learn, I guess. Brian was getting fussy, so we headed back to Katie's apartment to indulge in the luxury of not sleeping in a seated position. It was everything I had hoped it would be. Maybe more.

Tyler: I slept outside on the porch, it was awesome. BNT out.

Gold Bluffs Beach CA through Chamberlain Creek CA

2010-01-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

Brian: The rain pounded on the roof of the car relentlessly through the night and into the morning. We woke up with headaches and backaches and I doubt any of us slept longer than an hour at a time for the entire night. But road tripping is about making do, grinning and bearing it, sucking it up and making it work. We waited for a break in the downpour, rolled up our jeans, ran to collapse the soaked through tent and stuffed it in the cooler. That was an especially wise decision retrospectively because the cooler is a perfectly tent sized waterproof container. Casualties of the storm include my pillow, the tarp, and maybe a pair of shoes?

Nick: All in all, no great loss. To my delight the road back out, which had seemed perilous even before the rain, was relatively clear.

Tyler: We hung out in Arcata, specifically a play ground and patch of grass in Arcata that passed as a park. As a side note: setting up a tent, pulling out a plethora of wet towels, shoes and camping gear right next to play ground seems a little sketchy. But the old man who walked by rather slowly and just stood and stared at the playground as if wishing for the laughter of children, a large van and a bag candy seemed a little more creepy.

Nick: I've not much to say about Arcata. So I won't.

Tyler: This was my second time through Arcata and I still can't decide if I like the town or not. For those of you who don't know it's a college town in Humboldt county about 20 minutes from Eureka. The town has a lot of street kids (young people intentionally homeless) but not as many as other towns, there are no breweries actually in the town but many exist in the surrounding area but it does have a fairly laid back vibe that one would expect from a coastal California town. All in all a pretty average place with a little character and few to no big box stores, great for the aspiring college hippie or middle age enviroconscious yuppie.

Brian: Yeah there were a lot of those there. We spent the first half of our day in a busy little cafe in the central square. I can never keep the names of these places straight but I think it was a woman's name. There were some guys slack-lining between some light posts in the square, and Tyler is a slacklining genius but I couldn't talk him into jumping on it. On Tyler's recommendation we headed over to a bar with a ton of local brews on tap.

Tyler: Slacklining = walking on a piece of climbing webbing strung up between two objects, kind of like tight-rope walking but it's more slack and dynamic hence the name...slacklining.

Nick: We blogged for a while in the bar, then headed out. Still cloudy, still rainy. Not my favorite. We pulled over at some point and, after finally convincing my comrades that box wine was the way to go in terms of the most efficient alcohol-cost ratio, we picked up a box of Franzia and continued on our way. I'm sad to say that we were once again out of couch surfing prospects and with the sky dark and heavy, our leaky tent seemed like a poor sleeping choice. So, once again, we pulled off the side of the road, checked for bears, then fell asleep in the car. I found that the fetal position is the way to go.

Tyler: What were your specific instructions for your special sleep-in-car-mega-sweet-position?

Brian: Something about tuck and fold right?

Nick: Assume the fetal curl, then fold over in a diagonal direction. If you fold first, your spine snaps in a dozen places. So don't do that

Brian: And with that image I think we will sign off. BNT Out.

Florence, OR through Gold Bluffs Beach CA

2010-01-12T15:43:00.000-08:00

Brian: We rose early and showered (first shower of the trip, yikes!) before heading south along the Oregon Coast and hopefully into the California Redwood forest. It was my turn to drive as Nick has acquired a job as a traveling writer and needed to start working on his articles about road trips (a subject I daresay he is an expert on).

Nick: Ah, let's not be too hasty. I needed to work on an application for a travel writing job. Unfortunately, Pride, Prejudice and Zombies was playing, so I was a bit less than productive....

Brian: For breakfast we stopped at a super-healthy diner/natural food store. I'm not being sarcastic for once, my gluten-free biscuits were covered in vegan gravy and I had a cage-free local organic egg on the side. I'll take that over scrapple any day. So we hit the road and listened to more Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I originally thought was going to be good. However, I didn't consider that most author's writings will pale in comparison to Jane Austen's satiric genius.

Tyler: Yeah, I have a hard time believing Elizabeth could walk around on her finger tips regardless of who she trained under in China, and scenes in which she strangles ninjas to death using their own intestines seems to be a scene from a cheesy early 90's kung-fu movie, not a piece of literature that the author claims got no criticism except "not enough zombies."

Nick: I listened to the book as though I would a good movie on TV: enjoyable while it was playing, but occasionally interrupted with an obnoxious interjection I wish would just end so I could get back to my flick. (If your not familiar with the work, P, P and Z is Austen's famous book filled with a contemporary author's vision of an 18th century England filled with zombies.) A great idea that just wasn't fleshed out the way I might have liked. After some considerable driving, Brian pulled over at a scenic lot overlooking a coastal view. I like pretty things, but I wanted to be on my way, dammit. Only after exiting the car was I pleasantly surprised by Brian's detour.

Tyler: Yes, the view proved to be more spectacular than words or pictures can suffice. Although there will be pictures included here. It looked like a computer generated landscape meant to be more beautiful than physically possible. However one detractor almost knocked us off our feet. Literally. The wind had us leaning at 45 degree angles to keep from being blown over and at one point this awe inspiring force of nature claimed two pairs of sunglasses. One was swept over the side of a cliff and the other shattered into a million pieces as soon as they struck the ground.

Brian: Inspired by the beauty of the cliffs and awed by the ferocity of the wind, we pulled off at nearly every viewpoint possible along the southern Oregon coastline. One such pull-off had a thin grassy path to the beach below. One thing we haven't mentioned in the blog yet but have noticed several times is that we are much like hobbits in that we are on an epic journey and we have hairy feet. What kind of hobbits would we be if we didn't explore this trail fully? However, much like the Fellowship in the Misty Mountains above Khazad-dûm (the Dwarrowdelf) we were turned back by the intense Voice of Saruman. If we had turned the corner I fear more than my sunglasses would have been lost to the powerful winds.

Nick: We turned back, but it seems the Mines of Moria are closed during the off season. We just stuck with Highway 101. Another such side trip is especially worth noting, in my opinion anyway. It was a large beach, completely deserted, but punctuated with dramatic rock formations and a wind that pulled long trails of sand across it's unusually smooth surface. After running up and down the beach until our pants, shoes and socks were sufficiently full of sand and water, we piled back into the car and mare our way to Gold Bluffs Beach, a location Tyler has mentioned to us on a number of occasions and which we anticipated with great enthusiasm and zeal. If only we had known what horrors awaited us there...

Tyler: Gold Bluffs Beach is a secluded campground within the string of national and state parks that makes up "the redwoods". This particular campground is about 5 miles away from the nearest gas station "town" and about 5 miles down a hilly, one lane, gravel/dirt road surrounded by towering redwoods that blot out most of the already clouded sunlight. Yet, the campsites are right on the beach and because of the size of the road the annoyingly large R.V.s can't make it into the campsite. We set up a quick camp and went for a walk along the secluded beach. The entire time the only detraction from the nearly perfect scenery hung low in the sky in the form of dark gray clouds. We wished for sun, but sadly those desires would remain unrealized.

Brian: Splendidly ominous, Tyler. After a hearty dinner of pasta and bananas (our parents should be glad to hear) we retreated to our tent for our nightly game of Chrononauts. A light spattering of rain began but with foresight we had set up the rain-fly so we all doubted that it would affect us. As we retired for the evening Nick noticed some very minor leakage around the seams. Nothing a small towel barrier can't handle, until I turned my pillow over and realized that it had been absorbing water for upwards of a half-hour and consequently weighed about 135 lbs. Decision time.

Nick: OK team, here's the plan: Grab everything from the tent and run like little girls to the car. More plans to follow in the car...

Tyler: Screaming scared little girls in a haunted house, running from Freddy Kruger. But we were still manly.

Nick: Alright, we made it to the car. Here's the new plan: fall asleep. What? Sleeping in an already stuffed car, hammered by a ferocious thunderstorm with an uncertainty as to whether or not your fuel efficient yet generally wimpy car can make it back up the ridiculous wooded road now flooded in a deluge of rain water is difficult for you? Suck it up butter cup, we're men and this is the work of men. But, you know, I think it's OK if you want to scan the radio about thirty times over the course of the night to check for hurricanes. No one will judge us. Hurricanes are scary. We've had enough of them.

Tyler: Also, waking people up to listen to the rain is manly too, right?

Brian: Also taking off your soaking wet skinny jeans in the middle of the night is manly too, right?

Nick: Right!

Brian: Needless to say, none of us slept that well. You'll have to wait for the next post to hear about our morning (so chaotic we make Benny Hill look like Ben Stein). Like the Flintstone's cat, we are out for the night.

Beverly Beach State Park, OR through Florence, OR

2010-01-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

Nick: Mm, campfires in the morning.... pleasant. After enjoying the quite magic that only campfires in the morning can provide, we saddled up and hit 101 south. After a bit of driving down their scenic coastal highway, we came to Newport, which boasted a number of seaside attractions. Our first stop was Mo's, which had been mentioned in the book Brittany (my little sister) had given us specializing on legendary local chow. First round: steamed clams in the butter and garlic sauce. Outstanding. For the main event, I ordered shrimp and clam chowder in a sourdough bread-bowl, and though this particular dish was supposedly what had originally put Mo's on the map, I found myself a bit dissatisfied. Pity. Next stop. You have three guesses... Yeah, we went to the local brew pub Rogue.

Tyler: Rogue consistently produces some of my favorite beers and as somewhat of a beer snob (though still willing to drink the cheap stuff) this is a difficult task to accomplish. They had two of my favorites on tap at the time. Their chocolate stout, which in the bottle tastes okay but on tap is like drinking a candy bar, and their hazelnut brown ale. Just writing about it makes me thirsty. After having a sample tray and a pint the journey continued.

Brian: Before we move on it may be worth noting that the bartender there was able to hold four pint glasses in one hand, fill them with water, and serve them each to a customer without really spilling that much. I was moderately impressed. Another thing worth noting is that a main topic of debate at the brewery was the origin of the mermaid myth. We can all agree that seafarers who have been on the water too long could potentially mistake a sea lion for a mermaid, return to port, and regale his mates with tales of this fantastic creature. Nick however contests that it was common practice for these same seafarers to somehow subdue or seduce said sea lions, and gain carnal knowledge of them. When they were confronted by their mates, they would simply claim that the creature they were with was not a sea lion, but in fact a mermaid. He has been hard pressed to find evidence to support this claim.

Nick: I submit to you, humble ladies and gentlemen of the blog, the following overwhelmingly convincing circumstantial evidence for my claim. First, seafarers in those times were often out to sea for long periods of time fishing, exploring, or trading. Like, weeks and months at a time. Lonely, lonely weeks and months at a time. Second, seals and sea-lions are easily mistaken for humans, especially at night and especially under the influence of a stiff bottle of grog. Sharks think so, that's why they attack us from time to time (thank you shark week.) I'm not entirely sure how the seamen in question could lure said sea creatures into the fearfully improper situation of mating, but the burden of proof for this fact is not on me. We all know pirates in our lives, and we're aware of what they're capable of. Finally, we all know sailors love a good yarn, and a tall tale about mermaids would be the perfect cover-up for a night of infidelities with the ocean's ever lovely sea-cow. After all, are not mermaids always portrayed as sexually attractive? And if they do exist, why don't sailors tell more tales about mermen, hm? I have more evidence, but I feel as though I've made my case.

Brian: Mistake not evidence for conjecture. It's circumstantial evidence at best.

Nick: I leave it to you, loyal readers, to decide the truth for yourselves. After the bar, we found ourselves a pleasant little camping site deep in the woods that would serve our purposes for the night and set up the tent. Hot dogs for dinner, along with beer and what little remained of our most excellent moonshine left us all feeling rather satisfied with another excellent day on the road. We played a rousing game of Chrononauts and spoke long about the mysteries of the universe before finally laying on the hard, cold ground and falling into a restful, yet occasionally lumpy, sleep. TNB out.

Portland, OR through Beverly Beach State Park, OR

2010-01-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

Brian: If there is anything I remember specifically about this day, it is that our diets were the worst yet on this trip. The day started with a long blogging session at our old stand-by, Borders, and over the course of a couple hours we consumed no less than 4 sausage, egg, and cheese sandwiches and a bagel with a smear of creme fromage. I found a book there titled something like, "The Illustrated Guide to 20 Common Surgical Operations." Unnerving.

Tyler: Yes, I remember we were going to give each other appendectomies but Borders sadly does not stock scalpels or a means of anesthetizing a "patient".

Nick: A little refresher course is helpful for everyone, even brain surgeons. The food did not improve. The next stop of the day was Wendy's. A truckload of C-Nugs later, Brian and Tyler expressed interest in watching Avatar in 3D. I'd already seen it... twice... and so opted for the football game that I'd be sure to find broadcast in a local sports bar. On our way to the theater, we drove past a so-called "sexy barbershop." I love America? Well, turns out Avatar was a bust: apparently lots and lots of other people love blue aliens and loin cloths because the movie was sold out. Resigned to our fate, we found a small park, tossed the disk around for a while, then hit the road yet again.

Tyler: The drive was okay: no major sights, scenes or attractions until the coast. At this point the game that Nick wanted to watch, something that involved a ball of some sort and some big yellow forks, was fast approaching. Especially because he hadn't accounted for the time change between here and EST. Luckily a road-side casino showed up on the road, a seemingly perfect place to watch a game, eat dinner and have a few beers.

Brian: And it was perfect, other than our continued attempts of suicide by arterial blockage. I won't go into details, but I will say that each of us consumed at least a pound of french fries, and that one person's fries were slathered with chili and cheddar (that might have been me). Anyway, after the games...

Tyler: Yeah, it was real fun sleeping in an enclosed space that night with Mr. chili cheese fries.

Nick: The Eagles are dead to me...

Tyler: Hotel California is an okay song.

Nick: I mean the football team.

Tyler: I know, that's kind of the joke...

Brian: ...we decided to be healthy and take a little stroll *cough* around the casino *cough*, before heading off to our camping destination of the evening on the Oregon coast. The night was particularly clear and warm and the stars were maybe the best I've ever seen. As we settled into our tent for the night our food began to digest and we began to pay dearly for the culinary crimes committed earlier that day.

Nick: It's a generally accepted principal that if you must fart, you are obliged to at least open the tent flap and make an honest attempt at dissipating the offensive odors to some degree. With this trip however, it all becomes rather futile as the horrible things we've put into our bodies during the day manifest themselves into thick, black smog clouds of revenge, choking the life out of all within their wispy grasp. As such, we decided to take a late night stroll along the beach in an attempt to work the wretched gases from our systems before returning to an enclosed sleeping area. I'm not fully convinced of the effectiveness of that strategy, but as Brian mentioned, the night was pretty spectacular. I've not spent much time on beaches, least of all at night, and the experience was one I'll remember at least until I finish this sentence (we tend to completely forget about things after we've blogged about them). It's our brain's way of keeping from being overloaded with awesome (we suspect). Anyway, that about wraps up day 3 of part deux. BTN reporting from the coast. Over and out.

Portland, OR

2010-01-09T13:02:00.000-08:00

Day 2

Brian: Ahhh, the oh so familiar fog of war after a hard fought night. At least I had a comfortable futon to sleep on, and Nick had a broken-in couch. Wait, where did Tyler sleep? Oh that's right, the porch.

Tyler: The porch was amazing and their couch out there was incredibly comfortable.

Brian: Maybe there is something to be said for that though, because while Nick and I were being intermittently roused by the comings and goings of the other house members preparing for work, Tyler simply had to contend with the soothing patter of raindrops on the street. And the nearby construction. We sipped tea and discussed our plans for the day. First stop? A photo shoot at an awesome park beneath one of Portland's bridges on the north side of town.

Nick: Yeah, that was a great idea. We decided to chase a big flock of geese in order to get a dramatic picture aflutter with wings and feathers as the birds gracefully departed for the river. What we got was mud up to our ankles which then splattered on our clothes and soaked through to our socks. This was especially annoying when one considers that laundry is something of a luxury on this trip, and that having all of one's vestments soiled so early on our sojourn is really quite a loss.

Tyler: and we didn't really get any pictures of us with the birds...

Nick: Ah well. After some more snappy photos, we headed over to an eatery called McMenamins which has since become one of my favorite places in Portland. The walls and ceilings were all covered with interesting artifacts from across the globe, the adjoining theatre showed second-run films for a few paltry dollars, and the food was really outstanding. Once there, we met my friend from Broad Street, Peter, and had lunch. We caught up. It was good to see him.

Tyler: Brian Sara and I all got drinks to go with our 11 am breakfast. I know what you're thinking but we're on vacation. After breakfast/lunch we headed over to one of Sara's favorite breweries, Amnesia, which by the way I think is an amazing name for a place that serves alcohol. The place had a fairly familiar brewery look to it, chalk board menus, funny signs on the walls and large metal brewing tanks in the back. We got our beers and sat down to plan the rest of the day. Sara had only gotten about three hours of sleep the previous night thanks to a combination of hanging out with us and a 7:00 am job as a sign language interpreter. So she decided to exercise her cartography skills and create a brewery crawl map for us so she could head back to her house and catch some sleep. Thus the famous Mapkin came into existence.

Brian: We headed over to a brewery/bar called Roots that had a beer called Epic. What was epic about it? Well it is 12.75% abv, so the only serve it in 10 ounce glasses, to start. The bartender was a cute girl name Paige I believe, and she recommended that we check out Portland's reggae scene. We also handed out a couple of our new business cards which have our blog address on them. You can tell we are road tripping pros at this point. So after a drink there we consulted the Mapkin and found another bar nearby. Shortly after arriving we noticed a remarkably cute girl with J.R.R. Tolkien's personal name symbol tattooed on her forearm. Naturally we called her out on it. She introduced herself as Mercedes, chatted with us for a while, and we met a cute hipster friend of hers named Tokyo that was more than willing to talk about video games. Where have these girls been all my life!

Nick: Portland continues to impress. We left the bar then met up with Sara at an interpreter's gathering at (brace yourself) another bar.

Official disclaimer: We are not alcoholics. We're simply aware of the fact that one day, our bodies will be old and worn, and unable to bear the burden of partying of this magnitude. In the meantime, we're going to live it up. Do not press us on this issue.

Anyway, the Green Dragon, which is where Sara and her compatriots were was fine. We all hung out for a while, ate some left over french fries and taters, then headed over to a nearby dance club which was initially lame and empty but which over the course of a few hours filled up and erupted into a full blown party. I enjoyed the live band playing on the dance floor amidst a swarming cloud of dry ice fog. And the crazy techno lights.

Tyler: Yeah, alternating sets of amazing live DJs and electronic style bands, made for a crazy time with lots of amazing dancing.

Nick: And also the Dino Tarot station set up on the way to the bathroom. Pardon? You've not heard of Dino Tarot before? Choose a couple dinosaurs from a tray, arrange them in a manner pleasing to your aesthetic disposition, and a trained Dino Tarot professional will tell you a bit about your present, past, and future. Definitely not dark-sided. The last stop of the evening was a small gathering of food carts offering a wide assortment of late night eatables sure to please even the most discerning drunken fried-food connoisseurs.

Brian: Everything was going fine until a homeless guy and his girlfriend showed up and started spitting some gibberish. We were all kind of talking to the dude and for some reason it struck us as funny when we learned his name was Brian (because my name is also Brian). Sara started laughing and then all of a sudden the girlfriend charged up on her like a rhino, wrenched the pork pie from Sara's grip, and threw it to the ground with such force that it shattered into a million little pork and dough pieces. I can't remember whether Tyler still ate it or not.

Tyler: I didn't....but I thought about it.

Brian: Well they were escorted away by the security dude and the pie guy fried another one for her free of charge. Sara shared it with us but I think she was a little scarred by the experience because she wouldn't let any of us hold the pie while we took bites. Another great night, my only regret is that I did not sit for a Dino Tarot reading of my own.

Tyler: After a second long night and possibly a third tonight we're all looking forward to a little r&r from our r&r, can't wait to get to the coast and start camping. Nick, Brian and Tyler out.

Seattle, WA - Portland, OR

2010-01-09T12:57:00.000-08:00

Day 1

Brian: The road trip is officially resumed. With three people in the car space is at a premium, so we spent Thursday morning packing the car with Tetris-like efficiency and left for Portland around noon. I had barely torn into my first of many delicious jerky slices (thank you, Grandpa) when everybody's favorite song came blasting through the speakers. What is more definitive of our trip than "Party in the USA" except perhaps for Moxie? The universe itself seems to bless our journey.

Tyler: Yeah, not a huge fan but at least it's not that Kings of Leon song, which I've heard five times in the last two days.

Nick: It was happy and wonderful, but in a way, a little sad. It was as though Miley was holding us in her tender musical embrace we've been comforted by so many times and whispering in perfect auto-tuned harmony the words: "Though you might not always hear me on the radio, I am with you in all that you do. The first leg of the journey is over, and all that was is now in the past. A new day has dawned. Go forth, find a new teen idol to bop along to, and learn to love again." We will Miley. After a pretty quick drive, we arrived in Portland. First stop, REI. Tyler needed some new hippie gear I guess. We were also dangerously low on gas because someone neglected to fill up.

Brian: Sorry.

Nick: We coasted to a station, then set off to find our first of many a beer on this trip. Deschutes brewery was the worthy candidate to host such a momentous occasion.

Tyler: Yes the beer was good and we conversed loudly about jenkum, a great time to be had by all. After the brewery the time came for us to head to a tree party that a couch surfer invited us to. The party consisted of free beer and cocktails in a tree museum that took us about half an hour of navigating one way streets and windy roads to find. We stood just outside the entrance of the museum debating whether or not we wanted to spend 8 bucks to get in and whether or not we had to spend 8 bucks to get in. Turns out we were on the list, and the entire debacle cost zero dollars.

Brian: Technically it was a coffee party at a tree museum, but with free booze. As to the "cost" of the event, my liver might disagree. Either way the gracious and lovely (though spoken for) marketing goddess Lauren turned us loose in her after-hours event and we meandered around sampling various coffee-flavored local brews for a couple hours. Oh by the way, Portland has the most breweries per capita of any city in this country. Everyone you meet here will tell you that. I'm not complaining though. The point is they do beer pretty good...

Nick: Pretty well?

Brian: ...around here. We left the tree museum and headed over to a bar, the concept of which excited me so much I can't even write about it.

Tyler: Yeah pretty much Brian's biggest fantasy.

Nick: So check it out: when I first read the message from Sara, our couch surfing host in Portland, regarding the evening's activities, I had to tell Brian not to fall in love. I'm sure he tried, but I'm not sure he was ultimately successful. The first place we went to was a bar that served cheap PBR tall boys. O.K., so far so good. Oh, and they also had tons of classic arcade games and pinball machines. What? Yes, it's true. The DJ spinning chip music sealed the deal as the greatest bar of the trip.

Tyler: Yes, blasting zombies on House of the Dead is significantly easier with a beer in one hand and a great DJ in the room.

Nick: Turns out Tyler and I both have an affinity for melting the faces off the living dead with unlimited rounds of small arms fire. We almost beat the whole game... But the night had only just begun.

Tyler: Our host sped us off to the next bar but didn't tell us the "theme" until we got there. She asked us as we neared the entrance: "So, have you guys ever been to a drag show before?"

Nick: Yikes

Tyler: The place had fairly good prices on drinks, a bracelet netted you five PBRs for six bucks so the four of us got two bracelets total, not per person. We sat at our table and watched men dressed as a ladies lip-sync to classic pop tunes. The sheer novelty of it astounded all of us, and because Brian didn't join the other men on stage, Nick now owes me a beer from the Rogue brewery once we get there. In the adjoining bar/other room dance music and low lighting prompted all of us to dance until the late hours of the night and there may or may not have been cages involved.

Brian: Point of clarification: That bet was made entirely without my knowledge. I never expressed a desire to dress up as a woman and sing Whitney Houston or to be on stage with someone engaging in said activity. I guess Nick just thinks he can talk me into anything if I'm drunk enough. I guess that might be partially true...

Tyler: All true...

Nick: Point of clarification: I can talk you into anything if you're drunk enough. I didn't really try to get you on stage because I guess I figured it would just happen naturally in due time. Oh well.

Brian: So after a while we got tired of massive she-males and decided to hit up one last bar before the inevitable drunken food run. The name of the establishment escapes me but I do recall that the only person on the dance floor was a girl with a collection of hula-hoops. I'm not sure if it was the fatigue from our earlier dancing, or alcohol-related lack of coordination, but none of us could keep the hoop going for more than a few seconds. Sara consoled us by suggesting that the hoops were too small, and therefore our failure was inevitable. I know I can hula, so I want a second chance.

Tyler: I never tried: Nick and Brian looked like big enough fools without my contribution.

Nick: I resent that man. I think we were close, I really thought it would liven the place up if we could. But we couldn't. Depressing. The next place cheered us right up, though. Before I describe it however, I submit a side note to the humble readers of this blog: for literally years, I have been proposing the idea of a caramel drizzled piece of bacon as a delicious piece of culinary progress. I think the sweet and salty would be great, and I've never given up on these scruples despite severe persecution from friends and colleagues alike. Voodoo Doughnuts, which was our last stop of the night, was clearly founded by a baker with the same gastronomical imagination and courage I myself possess. There were a myriad of doughnuts: some with cereal bits sprinkled all over them, some with Oreo and peanut butter slathered on top, some that looked like mini birthday cakes. The best of all however, the sultan of all the doughnuts, was a maple flavored pastry topped with crispy, peppery bacon. It was truly spectacular. In fact, I think I can comfortably say the supreme rightness of that doughnut undid all of the past wrongs, all of the past edible evils we've endured on this trip thus far. I'm talking to you, crab sandwich.

Brian: Ok, first of all that soft-shell crab was delicious. Secondly, people have been putting maple syrup on their bacon since the dawn of breakfast, so although your caramel dipped bacon is a great concept, it hardly qualifies you as a culinary savant. Well that basically brings Day 1 of Part 2 to a close. Crazy bars, crazy food, free stuff from cool people, all in a days work for us road trippers. Brian, Nick, and Tyler out.

Seattle, WA

2010-01-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

Nick: We’re back. After as six week break, me in Indiana and Brian here in Washington, we have been reunited for the second leg of the trip. We’re heading down the West Coast this time, which promises to be the best coast with its sun, beaches, biddies, and… biddies? As to our doings during the break… I worked at a board game store, Brian didn’t, and now we’re both back in Seattle. New updates: Andreas, totally out. Tyler, our friend who you may recall from Missoula, Montana is in. He can’t do the whole leg, but he’s in for the first couple weeks.

Brian: I’m looking forward to this leg of the journey. There should be a lot more camping, especially as the weather warms up. My Christmas break was great and well needed (“well-needed” is quickly becoming one of my most used phrases) and I scored a laptop, which will make blogging/Couchsurfing that much easier. We tried to kick off our trip with a night of snowboarding, but due to my lack of planning, we just ended up taking a leisurely drive up to Steven’s Pass.

Nick: Except for when a giant log that fell across the highway. A cute snow bunny helped us clear it off the road though, so it wasn’t an altogether unpleasant experience.

Brian: So nobody else makes the same mistake I did: There is no night skiing on Wednesdays. Beside that incident things seem to be going well. In fact, the universe itself seems to be blessing our trip; the weather is great today, CouchSurfers are happy to receive us with a variety of events in Portland, OR, and Tyler is a creative writing major, so we expect him to seamlessly merge with and enhance our already amazing style. Pressure’s on.

Tyler: I don’t think I can handle this type of pressure… I might have a nervous breakdown before we even leave. I’m stoked, that’s right stoked, to be on this leg of journey. I basically did this same leg of journey last summer but now there won’t be any crowds and I won’t get all my stuff stolen, hopefully. Sandy cold beaches and life among the redwoods here we come!

Nick: Before signing off for the day, I’d like to take this opportunity to post the states through which we’ve driven thus far, in the order through which we’ve driven through them. Please... enjoy:

1. Indiana
2. Ohio
3. Kentucky
4. Ohio
5. West Virginia
6. Pennsylvania
7. New York
8. Pennsylvania
9. New York
10. Vermont
11. New Hampshire
12. Maine
13. New Hampshire
14. Massachussetts
15. New Hampshire
16. Massachussetts
17. Rhode Island
18. Connecticut
19. Rhode Island
20. Connecticut
21. New York
22. New Jersey
23. New York
24. New Jersey
25. Pennsylvania
26. New Jersey
27. Pennsylvania
28. New Jersey
29. Pennsylvania
30. Maryland
31. DC
32. Virginia
33. DC
34. Virginia
35. DC
36. Virginia
37. DC
38. Virginia
39. DC
40. Maryland
41. DC
42. Virginia
43. DC
44. Virginia
45. DC
46. Virginia
47. North Carolina
48. Tennessee
49. North Carolina
50. Georgia
51. Tennessee
52. Georgia
53. Tennessee
54. Kentucky
55. Indiana
56. Kentucky
57. Indiana
58. Illinois
59. Wisconsin
60. Minnesota
61. North Dakota
62. Minnesota
63. North Dakota
64. Minnesota
65. North Dakota
66. South Dakota
67. Wyoming
68. Montana
69. Idaho
70. Montana
71. Idaho
72. Washington

We are still alive

2009-12-03T15:16:00.000-08:00

To our droves of loyal readers: Brian and Nick are alive as of 6:16 pm, December 3rd 2009. Do not be afraid. Do not call the authorities. After months of professional road tripping, we have decided to take a pause from the action during this holiday season in a desperate attempt to rebuild ties to family and friends and, more importantly, to detox from mountains of Arby's roast beef sandwiches and gallons of PRB... The trip and the blog will resume sometime early January, tentatively January 4th. Believe us when we say that the best is yet to come as we make our way down the west coast and eventually to Las Vegas. Be strong. The blog be with you.

Sioux Falls, SD through Rapid CIty, SD

2009-11-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

Nick: If you’ve been following the blog the last week or two, you will have discovered that there’s been a fair degree of normalcy, stability, and ordinary happening lately. In other words, life as we’ve come to know it on this trip has become completely crazy and mixed up, and we hate it. This sixty-first day put us back on track with the aforementioned Wall Drug in addition to a very strange area of the country known as the “Badlands”

Brian: Like many destinations on this trip, the Badlands was a recommended stop by a CouchSurfer we spent an evening with, though we’ve stayed with so many people I can’t remember who to credit. Nine times out of ten these recommendations are at worst quite interesting and at best freakin’ awesome. One times out of ten the recommendation is Fargo, North Dakota.

Nick: I leave the numbers to Brian.

Brian: So we left Matt and Pam’s place after Pam made us all a delicious waffle breakfast, bringing our consecutive home-cooked meal count to 2, a record for the trip. We hit the road soon after and pulled onto I-90, which is comforting because we could potentially take it all the way to Seattle. Driving through South Dakota is the most boring thing ever, except for the billboards every 15 feet advertising some crazy attraction. Reptile World, Deadwood (Olde Western Towne), and the infamous Wall Drug. Feel free to jump in if you remember some more.

Nick: Something about the world famous wood carving museum. I don’t know anything about it other than it’s the place where wood comes alive. Yikes. When we got to the Badlands, we were greeted by a sign inviting us to please stop by the visitor’s center and deposit fifteen dollars for the privilege of driving on the road that went through this wacky terrain. Seeing as how we’re on something of a budget, we politely disregarded the invitation and cruised on through. The landscape was pretty zany: rock formations, weird lake shapes. Things that make land difficult to cross, farm with, and build on. Bad lands. We walked around, found no snakes, hopped back in the car to continue our trek.

Brian: Yeah, it looked like the kind of place snakes would hang out. But I wasn’t too worried. They were the Badlands, not the Worstlands.

Nick: Eh…

Brian: So after driving through the Badlands the road conveniently pooped us out at the town (barely) of Wall, home of the notorious Wall Drug. Nick and I didn’t really know what to expect, but we followed the signs and soon found ourselves in a massive empty parking lot, with a sign claiming Wall Drug was only half a block away, just around the corner. And when we rounded the corner, what did we find? At first glance, Wall Drug seems to be a dinky little drug store with trashy overpriced souvenir trinkets, but upon entering the establishment you find that it is actually a massive chain of dinky little drug stores with trashy overpriced souvenir trinkets. There’s also a crappy animatronic dinosaur that “feeds” (lights up and moves around a bit more) every 12 minutes. We grabbed a bison dog and a homemade doughnut each and bounced out of there pretty quick.

Nick: Wow dude, this is kind of surprising to me actually. I thought we liked Wall Drug. I liked Wall Drug. There was a lot of cool stuff to see: an awesome animatronic dinosaur, a rideable jackalope, historic photos, creepy statues, a machine that played five instruments at once almost together and almost in tune, a Moxie salesman, and an overall lingering sense of complete insanity. Which I like. They also had all the free water you could drink. I will say that there was likely one component of the visit I think we both could have lived without, and that would be the most terrible bug or food poisoning we acquired during our time there. That evening was one of the worst I’ve had in a long time, if not ever.

Brian: Well, Wall Drug was crappy in that, “I definitely am glad we went there,” kind of way. Yeah, as soon as we left Wall for Rapid City I started to feel a little queasy but played it off as the side effect of a long day of driving. We met up briefly with our host, Chet, who works two jobs and showed us around his place. He works as a bar manager at night and invited us to grab dinner and a drink at his bar later that evening. We said sure and kicked it at his place and shot some pool while waiting for our Canadian friends to show up. There’s not that many people in South Dakota so in retrospect I’m not surprised we ended up surfing the same couches two nights in a row. That’s where things get a little fuzzy for me. A fever hit me hard and fast and I retired to the bedroom circa 6:45 pm to try to sleep through the night.

Nick: An interesting side note before the gruesome events of the rest of the evening: Chet, in addition to managing a bar, is also a fully licensed contractor. Which is interesting considering the fact that once we showed up at his house, he immediately leapt onto the roof and for the next fifteen to twenty minutes or so frantically repaired a less then stellar roofing job with tarps and old tires. The shoe maker’s son runs barefoot, as they say… Anyway, the Canadians showed up, we chatted, and as he said, Brian hit the sack. At this point I was also not feeling so hot, but I wanted to see if I could tough it out. Chet had invited us to go out to his work place at night for some food and fellowship, and I’m usually pretty down for both. Mistake. As the phantom illness had hit my traveling companion with little warning, I too was crushed with a screaming fever, pounding headache, and vicious cough suddenly during the middle of 30 Rock. I went to the room Brian had already secured which was at this point somewhere around 80°, no doubt his doing in an attempt to stop the intense shivering we were both experiencing. I don’t remember everything from that night, but I do remember not being able to sleep for more than ten minutes at a time and batting frantically at what I thought, in my feverish, delusional state, was a bat swooping down on my head. It wasn’t pretty folks.

Brian: I too slept very little that night. It was awful and I wanted my mom. I felt like somebody was hitting me in the nuts with a frozen sledgehammer. Nick and Brian, out.

Nick: Wait, that’s how you’re going to end it? Dang, this road trip just got real y'all.

Fargo, ND through Sioux Falls, SD

2009-11-14T12:49:00.000-08:00

Brian: We snuck out of Dan’s early (astute readers will notice a pattern) and hit the road heading south. It wasn’t long before we saw our first billboard advertising Wall Drug. Just turn right on I-90 and go another 300 miles. Wait, what?

Nick: Yeah, this is pretty bizarre actually. There’s apparently some pharmacy or something in Wall, South Dakota with signs posted hundreds of miles away from the actual location. For the entire day of driving we’d pass one of these stupid signs every exit or so. Clearly, Wall Drug was a place we’d need to be visiting in the next day or two. In the meantime, when I got out to pump gas along this long and lonely road, I discovered my credit card to be missing. Which was weird, since I remember having it when we left Dan’s and because I’d purchased some bubble gum from a different gas station about an hour back. Well, we checked the car. No luck. Called Dan. No luck. Must be back at some gas station roughly an hour back down the road. Awesome. So… we headed back, hoping we’d recognize the exit when we came to it. Some time later, for reasons I don’t really understand, we did recognize it. And… joy of joys, they had my card. Apparently someone had found it and given it to the attendant. Brian, without a moment’s hesitation, without a word, walked straight to the casino that was attached to the gas station. It made sense to me, so I went along. We each put a buck in a slot machine. Luck had run out.

Brian: Yes, our luck ended with the reunion of Nick and his credit card. On the plus side, I thought slot machines with an actual arm you have to pull down had been all but eliminated from America. It was refreshing to see surly chain smoking hags actually having to work to throw away their cash. You see, with a one-armed bandit you actually have to switch you cigarette to the right hand to put the coin in, and then back to the left hand to pull the lever. Of course, true professionals never even remove the cigarettes from their mouths. So anyway, by the time we got to Whatevertown we didn’t really have time to check out the town. Something tells me we didn’t miss very much.

Nick: Indeed. So back on the road, seeing some very familiar scenery for the next sixty miles or so, we listened to a pod cast Brian introduced me to called “Uhh, yeah dude.” It’s these two guys from LA just talking about random current events and whatever else they care to, and it’s pretty good. I’d recommend it to some people.

Brian: I would also specifically not recommend it to some people.

Nick: Yep. Anyway, we made it to Sioux Falls, which was our final destination for the day. We met up with our host couple, Matt and Pam, who were apparently the Couchsurfing gurus of the area. We hung out for a bit, chit chatted about this and that, then welcomed the couple’s additional couch surfing guests Matt and Genni, a Canadian couple from Canada. Turns out they’re also on their way to Seattle. Turns out they’re also going to Rapid City tomorrow night. Turns out we’ll be seeing them again, as our host for the next night and their host for the next night are one and the same. Crazy.

Brian: It simply reinforces our original postulation that there are not a lot of people out here, and therefore not a lot of options. Matt and Pam said they have hosted over 80 people since May. I respect their devotion to the community. The night ended with a game of Cranium, which I hate, but still delivered a decisive victory in. So now you can’t even say I don’t like it because I suck at it. In fact I’m awesome. The teamwork aspects of the game were especially easy, due to the fact the Nick and I have spent the last two months within arms reach of each other. Oh, we almost forget to mention that today is day 60, our official 2-month-iversary. Thanks for sticking with us! We are out like shoulder pads.

Minneapolis, MN through Fargo, ND

2009-11-14T12:48:00.000-08:00

Brian: Howdy. If you have some spare time in the next couple of days, take a look at a map of the country between Seattle and Minneapolis. Oh you didn’t see any major cities? Yeah, we didn’t really see any either. As a result, our next couple of days will be at least 50% driving, and probably about 30% sleeping. Add in eating and bathroom breaks and that means that only about 7.2% of our time for the next couple of days will be spent engaging in blog-worthy activities. Not to mention the fact that the towns we will be staying in aren’t exactly hubs of civilization and excitement. Our first stop in this barren wasteland is Fargo, North Dakota. Our friends in Madison told us that this place is crazy. Like seriously, there’s nothing like it.

Nick: Really? Fargo? Brian, are we sure we’ve got the right place? The only thing I see constituting the adjective “crazy” is the crazy number of people walking and driving around that seem like they just really don’t want to be in Fargo. It didn’t take long for me to be added to their numbers. After a substantial blog session, (what else were we gonna do?) we found a local pool hall that had pretty good rates and hunkered down to shoot a little 8-ball. Four hours of 8-ball.

Brian: It was a good night for me because I got to do some serious work on my billiards game. The trick is to stay slightly tipsy the whole time in order to create conditional memory. Next time I want to be good at pool I just need to pound a few beers. But beers or no, I can say with no ego that I improved at a pretty rapid pace. You might even call me a progeny. Eleven o’clock rolled around and we still hadn’t heard from our host. It was time to give Dan a call (notice this is the first man we are staying with).

Nick: For safety reasons. But as Brian mentioned earlier, this road trip has changed. We’re out in the wild now. We can’t always be choosy with who we stay with. Dan was nice enough, but we made it kind of an early night. Did I mention there wasn’t a lot going on in Fargo?

Brian: I think another reason that we made it an early night was because Dan’s roommate had recently replaced every light in the apartment with black-light bulbs. Combine that with a bunch of black-light specific commercial hippy art ala Spencer’s gifts and I think it’s easy to see why we didn’t last very long. Next stop, Sioux Falls, SD. Nick and Brian out (to be pronounced with a Canadian accent).

Minneapolis, MN Day 2

2009-11-10T15:18:00.000-08:00

Nick: We awoke to find Abby off to work. Which was too bad, because we liked Abby. She did a lot of art, a lot of travel, a lot of cooking. Things we like. But we needed to get going, there was a lot to see this day. And by a lot, I mean one thing. And by one thing, I mean everything. THE mall of AMERICA.

Brian: /me plays triumphant fanfare.

Nick: If this blog has anything to do with figuring out what this country is all about, and of course it is, then the mall of America should have been our first stop. Is there anything more American? I mean, besides a star-spangled, gun toting, Tim McGraw jamm’n, burger eat’n eagle perched atop a monster truck. Which I think I would like to see someday. Well, it wasn’t our first stop, obvs, but we made it, and we gave it the time it was due. We showed up around 9:15 am, before most things were opened, then settled down and got our blog on in a small café in the middle of the amusement park.

Brian: Wait, what? Yeah that’s right. There is a full-on…

Nick: …don’t say “full-on”…

Brian: …sorry… an entire amusement park within the center of the mall. I couldn’t spend all day in that central chamber of Nickelodeon themed wonderment but Nick got freaked out just looking at the Spongebob coaster. How about the Dora the Explorer coaster? No? Nick made it very clear that it wasn’t even worth my breath trying to convince him to ride it. I think that puts my snake fear into perspective.

Nick: As I explained in the car, there is a long list of reasons hanging out with a snake is a better idea than riding a rollercoaster. I shall enumerate but a few:

1. Riding roller coasters costs money, which could otherwise be spent to buy sandwiches, Moxie, or Moxie sandwiches.

2. No one’s ever been killed, injured or attacked by a four-foot long Ball Python. Have people fallen out of rollercoasters, experienced heart-damaging stress, and otherwise suffered from the unnatural jerking motions of the ride? Of course.

3. One can control one’s actions in the presence of snakes. You can run, you can fight, you can throw someone else in front of them. If things go wrong on a coaster, it’s not going to end well, and no amount of screaming is going to change that.

4. Snakes look cool, and beautiful women look cool when they have snakes draped around themselves. Ever seen a beautiful woman on a rollercoaster? She probably has that stupid expression of sheer terror mixed with explosive glee. Her hair is everywhere, and maybe she’s crying. Not a good look. There are more reasons, but I guess we can move on for now.

Brian: I will simply note your knee-jerk defensiveness as my closing argument. So yeah, so we spent most of the day doing nothing. Literally just walking around the mall or blogging. Even so, my mind was blown. Everyone told me how big this place was going to be, and yet I still underestimated it. It puts most airports to shame.

Nick: Airports? Kind of random. And we didn’t do nothing, we checked out all kinds of cool stores and attractions, then caught a six dollar showing of Zombieland, which I’m happy to report was not interrupted by disgruntled Long Island motorists and was even more excellent the second time around. After the flick, we headed over to our new host’s place, Micaela, for some bike riding and Indian food. Dot Indian.

Brian: Yeah, not feather Indian. Considering how awesome the weather has been the bike ride was amazing. I think my body almost forgot what exercise was. When we got back to Micaela’s we played a game of Spades with her and her roommate, and as usual, confused our opponents with our brilliant strategic minds. They were super cool, and if I’m ever in Minneapolis again I won’t hesitate to give them a ring. Ok, well, for the first time since somewhere before North Carolina we are finally caught up! You have no idea how excited this makes both of us. We apologize for the massive influx of reading our most devoted followers (aka parents) have to catch up on. I love thanking people, so thanks to everyone who has hosted us so far, and also thanks to everyone who reads the blog. Nick and Brian, out of the frying pan and into the freezer.

Nick: Hahaha.

Madison, WI through Minneapolis, MN

2009-11-10T15:14:00.000-08:00

Brian: Hey everybody. Nick and Brian here feeling delightfully and terrifying refreshed after our night with the boots. Back to Sophia’s this morning for breakfast, which, if you do not recall, is the heavenly establishment open from 8 to noon Saturday and Sunday only. Lucky us! Sadly our pancake breakfasts were not as magnificent as the sandwiches but still quite satisfying. We bid Gabby adieu (easily one of our best CS experiences yet) and left for Minneapolis, which means “City of Water”. The best thing about our blog? Entertaining and informative.

Nick: I like the pictures. The drive to Minneapolis was a long one. And frankly, kind of a boring one. The landscape in these parts is not really my favorite. Pretty bland. To off set this oppressive sense of ennui, we popped in one of the books on tapes we’d brought along. This story followed the adventures of a secret agent nicknamed “pygmy” as he and his comrade agents tried to infiltrate and destroy America through suburban foreign exchange programs. The book was amusing at times, but stylistically grating to listen to. Brian and I decided that we probably would have enjoyed reading the novel, but hearing it spoken was a bit much. No prob, we have others. We stuck in a book about a boy with powers charged with tracking down and eradicating aliens. Awful. Really awful. We figured it was written for young adults but I don’t know…. It was rough. But what’s that expression? Necessity is the mother of invention? I guess that’s true, I mean, in lieu of crappy books on tape we had a brain storming sesh where we came up with our own plots. My first idea: people all across the country are growing in really bizarre ways. Like… there’s some kid in New York with ten-foot long legs. Then a woman in Florida with eight-foot long fingers on her left hand. Eventually an investigation is called, and the team checks out each case as they get more and more extreme. In Kansas, an old woman has grown so enormous that she’s filled an entire house. Mysterious, no? Super gross, no? Possible short story, no?

Brian: My first idea: A mysterious machine the size of small planet is discovered in space and it is perfectly calibrated to generate just enough energy for itself to continue running. When humans step foot on it they disrupt the balance and who know what happens after that.

Nick: Next idea: a small solar systems of planets that are alive, and they relate to each other. The weather on each planet is affected by the mood of the planet, and the planet’s have the maturity and intellect of a group of middle school students. Incidently, a group of middle schoolers on one of the planets just so happen to be the exact copies (in terms of personality, gender, etc) of the planets, and the story follows them. I think it has potential actually, and I’m gonna work on it. We also brainstormed about the novel I hope to have written before too long, and Brian gave me some sweet ideas about it so yeah, what up.

Brian: For our other best ideas check out our current poll. So we rolled into Minneapolis after dark and met our first host, Abby, at a bar. We had a couple local brews and I ordered a boar shepherds pie because I don’t think I’ve ever had boar before. It was great, and I ate a big plate of Brussels sprouts on the side, mom. By this time, and I think I speak for both of us, the awesomeness of Madison was catching up to us. Abby suggested that we pop in a movie. Sounds good. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King extended edition? Wow, good luck to both of us. To even my own surprise, I survived it while Nick succumbed to road fatigue.

Nick: I was so… sleepy…. Brian and… Nick… (yawn) out…

Madison, WI Day 2

2009-11-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

Nick: There was a cereal once. They don’t make it anymore, and in fact only made it for a couple years when they did. This cereal was special, and unlike any cereal before, during, or after its brief reign. This cereal was called “Hidden Treasures,” and “Hidden Treasures” looked just like “Kix” cereal, except one out of four or five cereal pieces were full of luscious fruit filling. But you could never tell which ones were full of the yums and which were full of the blahs. Many eateries on this trip have been like “Hidden Treasures.” Every now and then we get lucky, and find the one, purely accidentaly, that’s truly special and delicious. We woke up and started walking. There was a small restaurant called “Sophia’s” near Gabriella’s place. There were a lot of people standing inside the very small restaurant. We ordered, and sat outside on a bench, waiting for the waitress to bring out the chow. This restaurant is opened eight hours per week. Turns out the universe can only tolerate that amount of deliciousness.

Brian: We ordered croissant sandwiches with egg and cheese and I think they screwed up our order because they brought us each a plate of amazing with a side of love. We ate them silently and respectfully. Respectful of the fact that we were removing something so wonderful and delicious from the world. By the time we got back to Gabriella’s, she and her sister were heading out to the Madison farmer’s market, so we decided to tag along. Even as a Seattleite with the Pike Place Market as a basis for comparison, I have to say I was pretty impressed. Except what Seattle has in fish, Wisconsin has in cheese. Our mission was to find some fresh cheese curds, but at every stall we visited they were sold out. After making a complete round, Gabby made the executive decision to order some from a nearby restaurant where she used to work. Am I overstepping my bounds by saying that what ensued gave even the Double Down a run for its money?

Nick: Apples and oranges, I would say. We may have eaten consumed more calories this day, but the Double-Down is a specimen for which there is no comparison. The fried cheese curds were good though, I’m glad we finally got some. I was especially fond of the various dipp’n sauces, in particular the spicy ranch. After we were all adequately stuffed on cheesy Midwestern goodness, we took what I, in my artery clogged condition, would call a long walk all over the nearby university. It seemed like the Badgers were playing that day, so there were a lot of people up, out, and about. Next was a little downtime for digestion purposes back at the apartment. And also some pepper-infused vodka which, for reasons that truly boggle the mind, tasted just like cheese. I really don't know. Then it was bag time.

Brian: There is a game that goes by various names that is quite popular in parts of the US that I’m not from. The basic premise is throwing beanbags at slanted boards with holes in them. It’s like long distance team skee-ball with beanbags. Anyway, they call it Corn-hole, and maybe the reason it hasn’t really caught on where I’m from is because where I’m from that word means something different. Regardless, I set aside the connotation and Nick and I had a 1-1 record for the night. Not too shabby for my second time playing. We only had a couple beers during the game, which was for the best, because we had big plans for the night. Hint: drinking beer out of non-traditional (or perhaps extremely traditional) vessels.

Nick: Daz right, iz time for daz boot. Ze ladies had talked about ze Boots in Madison for the last day or two, zo it vas time to go to ze Essen Haus vich vas a local polka bar and GET SOME BOOT! Brian, wasting no time, did some big time damage to the first boot which was, btw, not a small undertaking. The second boot was my boot. The third boot… the third boot taught us both some things about perseverance and endurance. But don’t worry people, we took it down. And had enough energy and stamina to hit the polka floor for some raucous German dance steps. We combined the pop and lock with the polka, creating the polka lock. Amazing to behold. After that, memory comes back in bits and pieces. I remember… we ended up at a different bar somewhere because our group wanted to play darts. And… something about more cheese curds? I don’t know, it was an adventure.

Brian: Well I definitely remember you buying another round of fried cheese curds, which I thought was the worst idea ever, then the best idea ever, then later, again, the worst idea ever. But yeah three boots is a lot for even the world’s greatest consumers (currently us). Sorry for the abrupt ending, but that’s what the night felt like for me too. Brian and Nick, aus.

Chicago, IL through Madison, WI

2009-11-09T12:52:00.000-08:00

Brian: Wow. For those of you not counting, this is day 55. Nick and I are not sick of each other at all, which is amazing and miraculous. We are awesome, this trip is the greatest trip ever taken, and this blog is the greatest blog ever written. Pardon me, I just needed to get some pompous out before I start writing today. Hey, if feeling good is a crime, slap on the cuffs.

Nick: Gross. I’m just pumped that we’re finally about to catch up. The “recovery” time in Indiana put us way, way back, and I was having trouble sleeping. So check it out: I’ve actually been to most of the places we’ve visited to far. I mean, not all the small towns and stuff, but I’m generally pretty familiar with the areas we’ve been through. Sort of. But all that changes now boys and girls. Anything west of the great city of Chicago is a bold new world for me. From here on out, towns get farther apart, and everything gets just a little stranger. Our first stop along the way is Madison, WI. Now I’ve never been to Madison, and all I know about it is that it’s something of a party school. After this trip, I now know that there is a huge Couchsurfing community here (we got like, 7 people offering to put us up for the night,) the lakes are beautiful, and that they do two things right that I really enjoy. First and foremost, what you’ve heard about Wisconsin and their love affair with all things cheesy is true. They’ve got dairy like you wouldn’t believe, and people, the dairy is good. They also have beer. Plenty of it. Different sizes, flavors, and styles of everyone’s favorite bubbly beverage. Talk about the promised land.

Brian: Yeah, I promise I will gain weight in this state. We snuck out of Shannon’s at around 9 am and started heading toward Madison. Nick and I had a moment of synchronicity when we simultaneously suggested Arby’s for breakfast. By the way, if you call the phone number on the back of the Arby’s receipt you can take a 2-minute survey for a free sandwich. Then when you get your free sandwich, they give you another receipt, which you can use to get another, brand new free sandwich. Yes, you are correct, it is possible to receive an endless supply of free sandwiches. I don’t think the kind cashier knew what monsters he was creating when he told us that. So we met up with Gabriella and her sister basically right away when we got to Madison. They were planning on a casual afternoon watching movies and baking cake, so we decided to just hang out with them for a while. Well, those girls have interesting taste in movies to say the least…

Nick: Descriptive words used by our hosts prior to viewing: French, fierce, fantastic. Words I would use to descibe the movie after seeing it: French, fierce, and royally F*** up. Hey Brian, riddle me this: how many ways can you kill someone with a pair of scissors?

Brian: I initially couldn’t remember how we spent this afternoon when I started blogging today. I believe that I dug a hole in my own brain, put the memory of this movie inside the hole, and sealed it off with a miniature brick wall. When Nick reminded me of it, I literally recoiled as if somebody had ripped the brick wall from my brain like a Band-Aid off a fresh wound. To answer your trick question, you can only kill someone once with anything, including a pair of scissors. But I know the reason you might be confused; there were several incidents of reanimation in this movie most of which occurred after brutal scissor murders. Also, I literally watched a woman cut a child (also with scissors) from another pregnant woman’s uterus. The movie was hands down the bloodiest most graphic thing I have ever seen, and when I’m reading back through this blog in the future I will always shudder when I read this post.

Nick: To be fair, our hosts had never actually seen this movie before. I’m not sure if they were as horrified as we were, but I’m sure it wasn’t their favorite. After it was over, Gabriella’s friend Jess showed up, we all rode to her place for a moment, then headed to the most local of local dive bars. The bartender was called “Grandma” by everyone (she looked like a composite of every Grandma anyone’s ever had) and the place was full of dead animals and people that can only be described as “regulars.” One got the impression that the individuals at this bar had been coming to this bar, steadily, every night after work for many years. I mean, that’s fine, everyone was really nice and everyone knew each other. We talked for a while, swapping disgusting animal stories. The Wisconsin animal stories from our hosts and others were pretty gross, but I’d like to think the “manatee story” can hold its own.

Brian: It’s legendary. It’s the kind of story that you borrow from the people you hear it from until it simply becomes an urban myth. Except it’s real.

Nick: We tried it out. It held its own. After a while, we decided to head out with Gabriella’s friend Alais (pronounced like Elise) to a bar, which allegedly had two redneck hip-hop artists performing. This, we had to see.

Brian: I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and some fries, and the fries were basically the best I’d ever had. Seriously, I had hardly had anything to drink at all so it’s definitely true. So these two total wanna-be losers (yeah they literally wish they were at least losers) jump out on stage in backwards trucker hats and start spittin’ the dumbest most played out rhymes I’ve ever heard in my life. The beats were lame and they were bombing big time. They met my expectations exactly, although Alais says that last time she saw them they were different in a more awesome kind of way. She claimed that this was an opening act redneck hip-hop duo for the true legit redneck hip-hop duo. I don’t know, maybe I’m a cynic but I didn’t really feel like being lyrically instructed to… hmm how shall I keep this appropriate… provide inverted labial pressure upon their reproductive instruments. This wasn’t going to keep me entertained for much longer.

Nick: Nor I. Fortunately, Alais felt the same, so we went back to her place, hung out with her slobbery dog Max, learned the proper way to effect a Wisconsin accent, and contemplated what various objects around the room would taste like if they were able to be digested. My favorites were a pair of metallic owls, which I figured probably would have been chocolaty, and a series of paintings of the ocean, which I have to imagine would have contained a fresh blast of mint. Who knows. In the meantime, my Moxie sense is tingling. Someone, somewhere needs our help. Brian and Nick, up, up, and out.

Chicago, IL: The final day

2009-11-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Brian: Great nights make for rough mornings. For some extremely bizarre reason I woke up at 6:20 am. I left Sarah’s room (don’t get any weird ideas, Nick and I both slept in there) and grabbed a glass of water. Apparently I inadvertently woke the other two up beyond the point of falling back asleep, so we left with Sarah and headed off to a VERY early breakfast.

Nick: I smile when I think back to that morning, remembering the most delicious of all breakfast sandwiches. It had, if I can recall correctly, grilled red peppers, turkey, some sort of cheese, perhaps raspberry sauce? Maybe not. Maybe it was spinach.

Brian: How are you confused between raspberry sauce and spinach?

Nick: It doesn’t matter, the point was the sandwich took me places. Good places. Delicious wonderscape places… After breakfast, it was time to say goodbye. We passed a strange woman-door on the way. We went back to Borders and did a little more blogging… Then off to Wicker Park, which can be described fairly well as the “alternative” neighborhood of Chicago. We found a pretty awesome book store, some crazy resturaunts, cafes, and tattoo parlors, then eventually met up with our next host, Shannon, at her apartment. Shannon was funny. Shannon was from California. Shannon had a snake.

Brian: Just for the people who don’t know this about me, I’m not a big snake fan. Like, I get goosebumps when I see one. Now I will admit that Shannon’s 4-foot ball python was probably the nicest snake in the entire world. It was really friendly and it let Nick hold it for a long time and it let me touch the tip of its tail when it wasn’t looking. I just don’t like the idea of things that move on land without legs. It just freaks me out, ok? Well, I made Shannon promise to put the snake away before bed and everything was pretty cool after that. Out of sight, out of mind.

Nick: I enjoyed Brian standing in the dead center of the kitchen when the snake’s location was uncertain. You know, so he could see it coming if it decided to attack. Although I’m not very fond of rollercoasters, so I’m sure I’ll hear about it when we get to the Mall of America. It has a rollercoaster in the mall, if you didn’t know. Get excited. That night, we went to go see Matt Groening and some woman…

Brian: …Linda Barry…

Nick: …talk about their personal journey in to the world of comics. The woman talked a lot more, and though most people laughed with some frequency, they weren’t THAT funny. I mean, it was great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just always interesting when the people that are behind such comically genius works like the Simpsons, Futurama, etc aren’t that funny in person. It makes sense though. You want to be a genius all the time?

Brian: Yeah, it was worth going. The lady was pretty famous in the independent comic community, which is code for nobody has ever heard of her. They played some crowd-pleasing clips of the Simpsons at the end and everybody loved it. After the event, Shannon took us to the airport to pick up her friends and we went out for dinner at a diner in kind of a hip neighborhood. The food was decent, but it must have loaded with Tryptophan because nobody lasted more than 30 minutes after we got back. The snake stayed in its cage, so I was able to sleep comfortably even on the bean-bag sac I passed out on. Well, we leave Chicago tomorrow. If you are wondering why we stayed this day, it was specifically for the Matt Groening and Linda Nobody event. And we are fuhggedabOUTit.

Chicago, IL: The middle day

2009-11-09T11:26:00.002-08:00

Brian: Well we all went to bed at a reasonable hour but we woke up at around 7:30 am. Ugh. Well, I’m a morning person so that’s never really a problem right away. I wake up pretty fresh no matter what happens. Nick on the other hand…

Nick: Fresh is not how I’d describe my mornings. If there’s no drinking, I feel a little sore from sleeping on short couches, floors, and any number of interesting surfaces. If there has been drinking, you get to throw in the sensation of a vice grip attached to my temples. Not my favorite. Fortunately, the city of Chicago decided that it might try to brighten my day with a florescent piece of orange paper, waiting ever so patiently for me underneath the wipers of Lucy. Turns out the first Wednesday of everything month is street sweeping day. Turns out we got a ticket fifteen minutes before we went out to the car. Turns out it was fifty bucks. Turns out that didn’t brighten my day. Go figure.

Brian: Damn the man! We stormed off to a Border’s on the north side of town to drown our sorrows in turkey pesto sandwiches. Border’s has become a staple of this trip for several reasons. One is the aforementioned sandwiches, another is free fast wireless Intermet. The final factor, and this is what separates Border’s from Barnes and Noble, is the plentitude of power sockets along the walls of the café. Go to any Barnes and Noble and good luck finding power. So for lunch Nick took me back downtown to this high end food court called Under 55. For less than 6 bucks I got four types of pasta salad, a cup of broccoli cheddar soup, Mountain Dew, and a cup of frozen yogurt. Under 55 for the win.

Nick: It was a food staple for me during art classes at The Institute.

Brian: Next we kicked it at this awesome comic book store which is right downtown and apparently pretty famous. I was actually surprised by the diversity of people in the shop. In addition to fat, balding, less-than-showered, white men I actually saw a couple girls and even a scene-ster in skinny jeans. Complete non-sequitur, I want nothing more in my life than to ride a Segway. I think I’d be really good at it.

Nick: So he says. A lot. At some point in the afternoon, we got a call from Sarah who was off from class. We met her back at her place, then decided to carve a pineapple her Mom had brought in from the suburbs. What to carve, what to carve… How’s about… a pirate ship? Yes, fantastic idea. We went to work, even going so far as to create real working sails (working in that they would interfere with wind) a sea monster and a bodacious mermaid on the front. Near completion, we got to work cleaning all the beer out of Sarah’s fridge until her friend came over to drop of a bandana (which has become Brian’s fashion staple) and we headed out to the bar where she works. We ordered a couple buckets, had a good time conversing about this and that, then headed back to the apartment. One of the topics of conversation, I remember, involved Sarah’s friend Laura who lives in California. Apparently, Laura would be delighted to host us once we get out to those parts. And so the dance continues. Tonight’s movie selection, in keeping the trend of furry French creatures leading lives filled with extraordinary cunning, virtue, and adventure, was Rata-

Brian: Too-e

Nick: Thanks. It’s actually a favorite of mine so I was much happier with the choice. Brian, following standard movie operating procedure, fell asleep in the seated position.

Brian: Not alone this time though! Sarah, in spite of her relentless teasing the night before, pulled her own bandana right down over her eyes and actually fell asleep before I did. Yeah, so put that in your water pipe and smoke it! Brian and Nick, out on the town, out of booze, out of time.

Carmel, IN through Chicago, IL

2009-11-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

Nick: Chi-town baby. One of my favorite American cities. Brian had never been, so naturally we had to hit a couple of the more iconic locations upon arrival. Mag mile, couple museums, hot dog places. House of Blues… And so on.

Brian: Between Indianapolis and Seattle I literally only know one person, and they live in Western Montana. It can be deduced that we will be utilizing CouchSurfing to it’s full potential for a while, or else sleeping in the car. Considering that it’s early November in the coldest part of the US, I think CouchSurfing is preferable (axe murder risk aside). Nick, as I recall you were feeling quite generous that day. On our way into Chicago Nick paid the toll for the car behind us as well as ours.

Nick: Have you ever had someone do this for you? It rocks.

Brian: Also, he bought a chicken sandwich and French fries for a homeless man downtown.

Nick: Maybe it was not-having-read-Bible-in-weeks guilt.

Brian: Maybe the secret to successful CouchSurfing is generating a trunk-load of good karma right before we meet someone.

Nick: Karma? Brian, sometimes your instatiable need to undermine solid American values with your left-coast thinking is nothing short of distrurbing. Watch it.

Brian: Well, It seems to work, because we drove across town and met up with Sarah, our host for the next two days, and she was great. She gave us a local tour and showed us some of her favorite eateries, drinkeries, and any other –eries you can think of.

Nick: Lake Erie count?

Brian: It was probably a 3-mile walk, but well needed.

Nick: There’s an increasing trend of plumpness due to the alcohol/Arby’s based diet that we’re trying to fend off whenever possible. While still drinking and eating roast beef n’ cheddar sandwiches. We are men of principle, after all. The evening ended back at Sarah’s with a viewing of “The Aristocats,” which I’ve seen once before and wasn’t particularly found of then. I find that the glorification of the gross decadence exhibited by the French nobility during a time when peasants roamed starving in the streets is hardly the ideal setting for a whimsical adventure led by musically included felines. Great tyrant-father Mao is undoubtedly rolling in his eternal crystal coffin.

Brian: Should you hold all Disney movies to the same standard? When Aladdin becomes wealthy and gets the girl at the end of the first movie, it’s easy to forget about the doe-eyed starving street children he breaks bread with in the movie’s intro.

Nick: He might have gone back from them. You don’t know that he didn’t.

Brian: “Pocahontas” is a celebration of events preceding systematic genocide.

Nick: How was John Smith supposed to know his small case of small pox would be a big deal.

Brian: Actually, Shrek is the only movie I can think of in which the princess becomes the pauper for her man. Pardon the digression. We finished off The Glenlivet over the course of the film (which I did not make it through, of course) and went to bed right after. Couple big days in Chicago planned so we need to get some good rest. Nick and Brian out like a light bulb.

Carmel, IN: Downtime

2009-11-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

Nick: UGHGHGHGHGHGH, so much blogging to catch up on!!! We are writing to you, world, from Madison, Wisconsin on, we think, Day 55. Much to catch up on. That’s why we’d like to, for this one time only, activate warp engines and send this thing into overdrive. Let get the recap started: Thursday, Indiana: Slow day, recovery day. I’d like to tell you we did something fierce this day, something transformative, something beneficial for the good of all mankind.

Brian: Other than saving the world. Did we save the world?

Nick: I mean, we probably did. Really. But I can’t remember. So I’m moving on. Friday night, Indiana: Went to visit my friend Sarah at Purdue for some costumed bowling action. I went as Chuck Norris, Brian as a redneck. We looked good, I think. After some major pin destruction, we went to see “Paranormal Activity,” which, if you’ve been living under something heavy and dark, is the spooky movie in the flavor of “The Blair Witch Project.” It was alright. Notable in that Brian, for the days since then, has been threatening to put demons in my bed. We’ll see.

Brian: I read today that the movie cost $11 thousand to produce and has so far pulled in $62 million, and that number is expected to break $100 million by the time it is out of theatres. Sigh, Nick and I need to invest our cash in something with a stupidly awesome return like that, so we can go on a lifetime road trip. Makes me wish we had filmed our journey. Saturday morning Sarah took us to a Purdue dorm and we played a game that uses 2 pool balls where you run around the table and throw one of the balls at the other. I was really good at it but also I sucked at it in that I would get too excited and knock one or both of the balls off of the table and across the room.

Nick: Not effective strategy. We had a breakfast at a place called “tripleXXX” which, as far as we can figure, is either five or nine “Xs.”

Brian: It depends on whether the triple applies to just the first X or to all 3 X’s. Put some parentheses in your title!

Nick: Either way, the food wasn’t all that so I don’t think either of us care too much. Guy Fierri liked it when he was there though. Good for him. That night was Halloween night, and we had plans to meet up with my old high school crew then hit up Broad Ripple. We started off with a few games of beer pong, which Brian and I did fairly well at. In fact, I started the second game with 4 cups sunk in three shots. That’s right. After getting all liquored up, it was off to B-rip to see what our favorite stomping grounds are like on that most enjoyable of holidays. Turns out, they’re wonderful. Thoughts?

Brian: Broad Ripple is one of the primary party places for people between 21 and 25 in Indianapolis. It’s usually totally packed every Thursday through Saturday and Halloween was no exception. In fact there was probably triple the typical number of patrons at all of the bars and clubs. And everybody was wearing the craziest outfits imaginable. Everywhere I went I felt like I was in the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine. And it may also be true that you’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. But also good times.

Nick: At one point, my wallet slipped out of my Orange belt. Thaaat sobered me up snap quick. But then, the most wondrous thing happened: the bouncer came over to me and wanted to talk. But it was a good thing. Someone had returned my billfold! Score huge. But then these chicks started yelling at me because I didn’t tip the bartender for fetching me my overpriced Coors Light. Why yell at me? Oh and also, I got stuck in a corner with them because this giant oaf a man was blocking me in. Sometimes, being on the shorter side is great. You can sneak in and out of things with major stealth, you can dodge booby traps, and you usually dominate hide and go seek.

Brian: But when push comes to shove (pun fully intended) sometimes a little extra size can go a long way. The night ended with a trip to Qdoba, where I bought the greatest burrito of my lifetime. When I turned around after paying for my food, a different girl was yelling at Nick, claiming that a future seminarian would never be out partying on Halloween. Between the multiple yelling experiences, and losing the wallet, it would seem Nick had a pretty rough night. But all’s well that end’s well and we made it back in one piece so I consider the night an overall success.

Nick: Rough night nothing, I had a great time with a couple hiccups along the way. NO biggie. But there was a lot of yelling… Monday night was a little more sane as Ella, a high school friend, came over and we made super cheesy shrimp enchiladas. Neither Brian or I are really recipe followers, and neither of us had made enchiladas like this, so I don’t mind telling you that they weren’t the best. The weren’t bad… Just not amazing. Ella hadn’t seen “Casino Royale,” so we popped that in, then followed it up with “Ferris Bueller’s Day off” in preparation for our journey to Chicago the next day. Brian fell asleep. Surprise surprise. Save Ferris, and in the meantime, we’re out.

Evansville, IN through Carmel, IN

2009-11-04T10:21:00.000-08:00

Brian: I’m getting used to waking up in an empty house. A friend of the family is different from a total stranger, but even so, hospitality is what makes this trip possible. I really want to fuse those words into a new concept. Hospibility? Possitality? I’ll get back to you.

Nick: Please do. In the meantime, allow me to fill in our readers on the happenings of the following day. It went a little something like this: Lunch with Mama and Papa Ison outside Frankfort, KY at the so-called crack-house, AKA Cracker Barrel. It’s not my favorite, but it’s kind of their favorite, and I think Brian likes the atmosphere, so whateva. After a lunch that was all kinds of olde timey, we headed to Louisville where we would eventually meet Brian’s childhood friend who he apparently hadn’t seen since his childhood. How they found each other and decided to meet up escapes me.

Brian: Suffice it to say I consulted the great and powerful Intermet, and it pointed me in the correct direction. Unfortunately, my friend Peter wasn’t available until around 9 pm and so we had an entire day to kill in Louisville. This was not a bad thing; many of the greatest treasures of this journey have been found when we simply have a couple of hours to kill. See Moxie Museum, Lisbon Falls, ME. We spent several hours at a coffee shop, which Peter claimed was the best cup in town. I have to admit that my mocha was damn fine. We ran a search on Louisville hotspots and found the world’s largest baseball bat, and also the birthplace of the cheeseburger (not to be confused with the birthplace of the hamburger, this establishment was simply the first to garnish the burger with cheese). We walked around downtown, and found a science center that had a free wrap-yourself-in-a-bubble exhibit. It didn’t work very well, but I think we snapped a decent pic.

Nick: It was the best we could do under the circumstances. Next stop was in fact that restaurant that “invented” the cheeseburger. Which was no longer the same restaurant but an Irish Pub. Which there were a lot of in Louisville. Go figure. We ordered some really awful beer that we couldn’t even finish, ate sandwiches that failed to resemble anything that might ever have come from Ireland, then conversed with a waitress who’s general demeanor and conversation style changed dramatically after we explained to her that we were in fact food critics from Maine looking for the best burger in America. Not a bad angle. After dinner, we headed back downtown. Nothing particularly note-worthy there except a real-life St. Sanders rocking out on a street corner. We were pretty entertained.

Brian: Peter gave us a ring and we met him for coffee at what he claimed was the second best cup in Louisville. I guess the guy knows his coffee. It was great seeing him again, and if I end up going to school nearby I’ll be sure to stay in touch. At this point one would probably expect the blog to be reaching a close, but Nick and I had big plans for the evening. You see Wednesday night at a bar in Indianapolis is Retro Rewind, meaning that the music is classic and beer is cheap. We didn’t get back to Indy until around midnight, but we were fully ready to bust a groove.

Nick: Also I felt like I could bust a move as well, which was good. We met my friend Mo at the club as she was celebrating her departure from our fair town. She’s moving to New Orleans. I dunno. Anyway, we hung out for a while, which was definitely fun, and Brian got to experience the awesomeness that the place generally exudes. Por ejemplo, the dancers they hire to do their thing up on the stages throughout the place really commit to the music that’s playing. Like, there are costume changes throughout the night in an attempt to create an authentic connection with the songs.

Brian: During Grease music, there were dancing girls dressed like greasers. During a 70’s set, there were girls dressed like hippies. During the Rocky Horror Picture Show music, there was… a girl dressed like Tim Curry dressed like a girl. She had a slammin’ body, but also there was something that looked like a vegetable shoved into her bikini bottom. I feel like we are all close enough for me to admit that this was a difficult moment for me.

Nick: Crazy. After we felt like we’d kind of done that place, we migrated to a bar called Landshark some of you readers may remember from Brian’s first visit to Broad Ripple on this trip, where we met up with some European Au Pairs. Brian: I wonder if our European friends will be there tonight.” Nick: “Not likely.” Guess what people, Russia was there and now we have a new Facebook friend. The world is crazy sometimes. Most times. The night wore on as all good nights do until at last it was time to go home and sleep in my own bed for the first time in almost 50 days.

Brian: I have mentioned to Nick how bizarrely circular this trip is. Not just in terms of our direction of travel, but in our experiences as well. So many times have we gained knowledge that later becomes useful, or discussed topics and ideas that have a direct correlation to things that happen later in the trip. How better, then, to end the first loop of the adventure than by randomly meeting up with someone we met on day 1. You said it best Nick: the world is crazy most times. End of lap 1, Brian and Nick, out.

Nashville, TN through Evansville, IN

2009-11-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

Nick: What up ya’ll. Yeah, it’s been a while since we posted, and frankly we have no excuse. Suffice it to say that sometimes the days just get away from you, and before you know it you’re hundreds of miles down the road without a single blog post to show for it. It’s regrettable, but we’ll bring you up to speed in toady’s special edition of Freaks, Geeks and Automobiles: The Grand Update.

Brian: Nick slept in late at Lisa’s place. Like until noon. I woke up at 9 and read about two-thirds of Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, and as a result I have officially converted to Bokononism. As I recall, Nick and I didn’t have an officially intended destination for the next night, but we had some prospective CouchSurfing opportunities, and even if those fell through we were close enough to Indianapolis that we could always just drive back to the HQ. Luckily, on the way out the door Nick glanced up at a photo of Lisa’s parents and promptly decided to give them a call. That’s what I love about this trip.

Nick: Yeah, Pam and Brad are old family friends, and they’re also awesome. Those two things might have something to do with each other. I gave them a call, they were free, so off we went. I recall it raining all day that day, which tends to put me in a mood when I’m driving. If I have to deal with idiots on the road in good driving conditions, that’s one thing. Idiots in bad weather makes me wish for machine guns and a bulldozer scoop on the front of the car. Identify the bad the cars that aren’t moving along in a timely manner, shoot them up in a hailstorm of bullets, then plow them off to the side. That seems like a good traffic solution to me. Anyway, we made it to Evansville, which is in the southern most tip on Indiana, and met Brad and Pam at a Szechwan place. Chinese food at last…

Brian: Hey, you can’t talk about sci-fi vehicles and not expect me to have something to say. I imagine a sleeker, more futuristic Lucy, much like Speed Racer’s Mach 5, with hydraulic pistons underneath that can vault the car 25 feet in the air at will. Minus the trunk monkey mechanic.

Nick: Named Bobo right? I think that’s accurate. Cliché.

Brian: Ok, back to Chinese food. Yes, by some miracle, and by miracle I mean freak accident, Nick and I have not eaten Asian food yet on this trip. I believe this is a crime. So when Brad and Pam asked if we like spicy Chinese, we basically looked at each other and screamed like 12-year olds at a Jonas Brothers concert.

Nick: Not accurate.

Brian: The place they took us was a local Evansville specialty; a pioneer by the name of Jimmy Jiang decided to open a non-buffet style Chinese restaurant, the first in the town. In addition, the entrees were quite creatively named. Fantasy Duck anyone?

Nick: There were several good ones. One had something to do with treasure, like “Water Chestnut Treasure Delight.” I think there was also a “Crazy Dragon.” Why can’t more food have names that make me want to break out into some fierce Kung Fu fighting? It’s a crime. Back at Pam and Brad’s we met their dogs, which, like Lisa’s, were diverse in that there was a small one and a big one. The big one looked like a muppet or something. It was a mix between golden retriever and poodle, so it had super soft curly hair. It was also very… affectionate.

Brian: It basically just kept running into you, albeit lovingly, until you gave it attention. They should make doggie Ritalin. The night came to a casual close with a couple of The Office reruns, and the most recent episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I would like to dedicate this post to TiVo. It’s not just a way to record your favorite shows, it’s an unsubtle characterization of the American Ideal. Thank you TiVo, for bringing me one step closer to the push-button lifestyle that as an American I not only desire, but feel entitled to. Nick and Brian, out.

Nashville Day 1

2009-10-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

Nick: So we all sort of had a slower morning. My head felt like it was trapped between the balls of Brian’s office toy, and I don’t think my two companions felt 100% either. Therefore pancakes were in order. But I’ll tell you right now, this isn’t your grandparent’s pancake place, oh no. You order the type of batter and toppings you want, and you make your own pancake right there on the skillet. Favorite pancake creations of the morning: A yin-yang sign made out of wheat and white batter and chocolate chips, the letter J, and a target logo. They were tasty, not to mention pretty flipp’n artistic.

Brian: Holy crap. Flipp’n? You just blew my mind with the awesomeness of that pun. I have to admit, even Hibachi-style pancakes weren’t really enough to bring us to 100% power. We went back to Hannah’s flat and popped in another Star Trek disk (The Original Series, for all our Trekkie readers who are wondering). My initial reaction to the newest Star Trek movie was that it was a little too “out there”. But after watching Shatner’s Kirk get beamed through an electromagnetic field onto a parallel Enterprise where everyone is a Nazi and Spock has a beard, I realized that the error was not with the film but with me. It was after noon at this point and Hannah had some work to do so Nick and I walked around Nashville for a couple hours and grabbed a bite at a local delicatessen (mediocre). The highlight of the walk was stopping by a trailer park themed bar. Astroturf on the ground, an ex-demolition derby vehicle right inside the door, and PBR on tap. Sounds like our kind of establishment on any other day.

Nick: But not that day. Eventually we made our way back over to the big park with the replica Parthenon. Hannah caught up to us there, and with her remaining 30 shots or so, we took (new to me) jiggly face photos. You just wiggle your head back and forth as fast as you can while someone snaps quick pics. The results will hopefully appear on this website in the near future. By then it was dinnertime, so we worked our way over to a supposedly amazing chicken place with specialization in black bean salad and Jamaican style everything else. It was good to be sure, but the portions weren’t exactly enormous. Over dinner, we decided that while Miss Messinger had really wanted to hit up a haunted field or house while she didn’t have to go home to an empty apartment, we all figured we STILL weren’t quite at 100% so a movie might be a more plausible way to spend the evening.

Brian: Sarah and I wanted to see that Paranormal Something-or-other movie which is like a Blair Witch type of indy film where a bunch of kids get their cookies tossed in a haunted house. Nick and Hannah wanted to see Where the Wild Things Are. Tie goes to the hostess, but I think her vote should only have counted for half, because that’s how much of the movie she saw before she fell asleep in the theatre. Nick and I were just as tired though, and after we got back to base camp we all went straight to bed. We didn’t even have nightcaps! Sorry these recovery day blog posts are a little slower than the normal fare. Pop-culture vampires: in. Brian and Nick: out.

Atlanta, GA through Nashville, TN

2009-10-27T15:36:00.000-07:00

Brian: So we awoke alone in Erin’s apartment, as previously noted, picked up our mess, and let the cat out of the bathroom about 2 seconds before we left. Erin worked at a coffee shop downtown, so we stopped by to say thanks, and she gave Nick a free diet Coke before we left. She was super nice.

Nick: Mmhmm. Also, I’m grossed out now thinking about Kelly Rippa’s outtie. Thanks. So after some coffee and bagel action we were on the open road again, making good time and listening to the suspenseful conclusion of Nelson Demille’s Wild Fire, the book on tape we’ve been listening to for the last however miles. If you want to read this book at some point, I’m giving you a spoiler alert. Here’s the plot: a guy wants to nuke American cities, therefore trigging an America nuclear response which would wipe out all of the Middle East. Our hero, an ex NYPD detective John Cory and his wife/partner Kate Mayfield of the FBI are on a mission to stop him. This has got us thinking lately. Not about American foreign policy or the horrors of war, but about various characters we’d like to see play the role of a gritty New York detective in a film noir. Two of our favorites so far have been a hard core gamer and a rapper from East LA.

Brian: It would be an interesting juxtaposition to say the least. The first thing we did after crossing the border into Tennessee was to score some delicious barbeque. We stopped at a place called B’s in a town called Monteagle. Later we were informed that B’s was a famous place that recently experienced a turnover in management, so locals were unsure of its continued deliciousness. I’ll be the first to vouch for it.

Nick: I’ll second that. We knew we were getting close to Nashville when we heard, yeah get excited, Party in the USA a full three times before bringing the vehicle to a complete stop. I’m not sure what a Nashville party is like, but Miley seems frustrated that more parties aren’t like them so I think we have a lot to look forward to in this town. On that note, Brian and I have begun formulating a system for determining a city’s greatness. So far, we have the number of Arby’s within the city limits, the number of times the DJ plays our favorite song on the radio while we’re in that city, and the city’s zombie preparedness, which is itself determined by a number of factors. Though it’s an early cursory assessment, Nashville is dominating on all three counts, with special bonus points for having a 24-hour Arby’s.

Brian: Kill me now. On the recommendation of our next host, we made our way to the Nashville farmer’s market with a single directive: Do not eat the Chinese food. It made me want to, but in the end I resisted. The most noteworthy items for sale at the farmer’s market were these ridiculous but awesome posters of people clearly preparing to make love. As an added bonus, the area of the park not filled with market stalls was filled a progressive reenactment of every American war. What I mean is, as you walk down the path you begin in a Revolutionary War camp and end up in surrounded by WWII soldiers and vehicles. It was pretty cool. We left the park to meet up with the sweet Hannah Messinger, our host for the next couple of days.

Nick: Hannah is someone we met during a game of ultimate Frisbee back in college, and was therefore associated in our minds with all things excellent. Also, she has a blog where she tracks down the coolest, cheapest stuff to do in and around Nashville, so we figured we’d met up with the right person for our stay. After arriving at her downtown apartment and meeting her rambunctious but lovable little dog, we headed out to Centennial Park to walk around, check out the city’s replica Parthenon, and do some swinging on one of many park swings. Brian says that no matter how fast you swing on the swing, the time it takes you to go back and forth never changes. I’m not sure, but I don’t have the math credentials to challenge that assertion.

Brian: It’s just simple physics… that I’m fully incapable of explaining. But it’s true, every swing of a pendulum takes the same amount of time no matter how much energy is behind it. Think about Newton’s Cradles (the office toy that is 5 suspended silver balls). No matter how high you lift a ball the clicking always has the same number of beats per minute. Speaking of BPM, we got our drink and dance on at a little place called 3 Crow Bar. I wonder if they were going with some sort of “crowbar” pun? Fail. My friend Zach Fleury showed up and we went to another bar. I don’t remember the name of that one but I do remember the tetragenarian that wanted our bodies real bad.

Nick: We get people’s attention on this trip. Not all attention is ideal. After we were sufficiently liquored up, Hannah’s friend Sarah, who happens to be a musician and pretty cool chick herself, took us through a McDonald’s on the way home. Which was nice. Back at the apartment, we watched some way old Star Trek, which was the first time I’d ever seen an episode of the show. Half way through, after Spock drops a rock that violently explodes destroying one of the crew, I looked around the room to see if anyone else was enjoying the sci-fi insanity as much as me. Hannah and Brian were asleep. Their loss I guess. Beam us up, Nick and Brian out.

Atlanta, GA Day 1

2009-10-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

Brian: Ouch, my head. What a better way to spend a hangover than walking around looking at soon-to-be sushi. I’m not kidding, there were like 4 or 5 seafood restaurants surrounding the Atlanta Aquarium. I think that’s a dangerous game. It wouldn’t be very good for the general morale of the fish if they knew what was happening to their brothers not 100 yards down the road. The lady at the front desk talked us into buying the slightly pricier tickets for the limited-time only shark exhibit.

Nick: At that point, I’d nearly resigned myself to believing I’d never be back to this city, so why not take in as much as possible? Sharks are cool, we like sharks, let’s do this thing. On the subject of sharks, have y’all (that’s right) ever seen a whale shark? Up close? Whoa dang, that’s a big fish. The Georgia Aquarium (it’s in Atlanta but that’s not in the name) has six of these things in a huge tank that has a glass tube you can walk through. Some of them are like…. 20, 25 feet long? Question: How many square inches of whale shark sushi could one cover with the meat from one whale shark? And just how much square surface area is available on an average supermodel in the supine position? If you’re wondering, I’m trying to figure out if opening a sushi restaurant with supermodels as plates could be competitive by purchasing raw materials in bulk. Something to think about. We also looked at sea otters, which multiple individuals in my life have attributed to be my cosmic animal soul twin. I don’t know about all that, but they’re fun to look at. It went quick, but the aquarium was pretty cool.

Brian: Overall, it was a unique experience. Actually, not overall. Atlanta Aquarium is guilty of plagiarism in the 1st degree when it comes to their 4D children’s entertainment experience, titled Deepo’s 3D Wondershow. Let’s start with 4D. Nobody in the establishment was able to explain what 4D meant, or what the 4th D(imension) was. The only answer we could get, and believe me we asked several employees, was that Deepo is a 3D movie in a 4D theatre.

Nick: Also: why did the woman, who couldn’t have been much older than us, recommend we pick up tickets to this show which was, upon further investigation, clearly for children? Do we look childish? Act childish? I think not, and I take offense.

Brian: Twilight Zone always told me the 4th dimension was time. I’ve also always been told that time equals money. Well I guess 4D theatres make sense, because after you go in, you come out 20 minutes in the future and $5.00 poorer.

Nick: Zing!

Brian: Also, check out the pictures and tell me that Deepo is not a Finding Nemo copy. Like, what the hell? They are asking for a lawsuit.

Nick: So anyway, we do the whole aquarium and decide to end with the much more adult themed shark show thing. Well guess what, the thing broke down so we’d have to wait a full hour and a half to see the next show. No thanks. But when we went to get our tickets refunded, it was this whole big thing, and the woman wouldn’t do it at first, then it took forever, and it just… it left a bad taste in the mouth. That’s OK though, you know? During our travels, we’ve found the best, most wonderfully refreshing drink to cleanse anything bad from our road trip pallet. It was the quest for this most delectable of beverages that lead us to our next destination.

Brian: The Coca-Cola Museum, right across from the aquarium! Certainly since Coke is now the proud owner of Moxie, it would be a sure thing to find a can or bottle in the gift shop. But alas, if there’s anything we should have learned from our first Moxie experience, it’s to not expect Moxie where it should be (recall that the official Moxie museum only had a single cob-webbed can available). I was especially misled by the statue of the inventor of Coke, who looks like a Moxie man himself, and whom I shared a beverage with, see picture. We left the gift shop depressed and empty, and went to a bar named The Righteous Room to meet our next Couchsurfing host: Erin.

Nick: Erin is notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that she has been the first person on Couchsurfing to bring a friend to the initial meeting. It just seems like something that’d be standard couchsurfing procedure to bring a friend to make sure we aren’t crazy psychos hopped up on gallons of radioactive Moxie.

Brian: Speaking of hopped up, we met a guy named Charlie at the bar who insisted on buying our table a round of drinks. He literally just walked right up to me and started talking to me. For some reason when people do that all I want to do is lie to them. So I told Charlie that Nick and I were traveling salesman going door-to-door selling coconut catching nets (Coconets). I sold it so well that even Erin fully bought it. I told her later that it was a lie, and if I was in her position I wouldn’t let someone who could lie with such ease stay at my house. But…

Nick: …I guess we checked out, because after a nice evening of talking, drinking a little, and catching up on The Office, Erin and her friend Xander left us to our own devices. In their house. Like, they went someplace else to sleep.

Brian: Well, the cat was there.

Nick: Ah yes. The cat. So… I usually don’t like cats. Actually, I despise most cats. Also, I’m pretty dang allergic to them in general, so even cats I might be apathetic about cause me all kinds of problems, and that of course makes it very easy to despise them too. On the subject, I’m more allergic to some than others. Turns out, this cat gave me the worst reaction ever. Like, could hardly breath reaction. Which is, as you can imagine, distressing enough. This particular feline decided to up the ante however by being completely nuts. For example, when I reached down into my bag to fetch the laptop, it thought that bounding across the room and sinking its vicious cat fangs into my wrist would be a hospitable thing to do. Have I mentioned that I despise cats? Anyway, the second Erin left, Brian was nice enough to help me corral the damn thing into the bathroom where I hope it spent a very long, lonely evening thinking about what it had done.

Brian: I didn’t like it either. It meowed the whole time it was in there, even though I brought it food and water. I didn’t even shove it under the door, which is better treatment than many human prisoners receive. Well after it was gone things got a little better and we went to sleep after catching up on some TV shows. Next stop, Nashville. We are outie like Kelly Rippa.

Sylva, NC through Atlanta, GA

2009-10-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Brian: Oh, it’s so nice to be in a clean Lucy. We vacuumed her out completely and got rid of all the trash before setting out for our next destination, which as was revealed in the end of the last post, is Atlanta. I know Nick and I promised not to go to the south, but I’ve heard good things about the city and western North Carolina is only about two hours away. In terms of a cross-country road trip that’s only a quick skip, so why not? Plus, we sent out a bunch of Couchsurfing requests and got a lot of promising responses. Finally, Atlanta has the nations largest aquarium so that’s definitely on the to-do list.

Nick: Fish are friends. The first order of business in Atlanta was to meet up with Katherine at her apartment, a fellow couch surfer and vegetarian extraordinaire. After a dinner of eggplant and sweet potatoes over rice, we hit the town. First stop: a place called Star Bar featuring a live band, cheap beer and no cover. The band, Katherine explained, was categorized as “Rockabilly” which I wasn’t especially familiar with. Take a 50’s Do-Op band, throw in gram of grunge, a pinch of punk, and a general assortment of tattoos and piercings and you’ve got Rockabilly. The band played their set, then we headed to the next location, which was a coffee shop that just so happened to have a liquor license.

Brian: It ended up being a pretty rock n’ roll night because the defining attribute of the coffee shop/bar was a giant projector screen with Rock Band on it. I grabbed a guitar and unabashedly played rhythm and sang harmony to Ballroom Blitz, which is my specialty. In keeping with the theme of the night, I handed my plastic guitar to my fake roadie, who was really just the next guy on the list, and headed out for a smoke out front. The second I stepped outside, about 10 cops pulled up… and ordered coffee. We bounced out of there and headed for our last stop of the night, which was Katherine’s friends’ house. I played real drums there, but that was probably the last rockin’ thing that happened that night.

Nick: It’s unrealistic for us to be expected to rock all night, especially if we’ve already partied every day. On that note, we headed home and watched a few episodes of “Curb your Enthusiasm,” which is honestly not my favorite. Seinfield is also not my favorite though, and those shows are supposed to be similar. I don’t get it. That about does it for the first day in Hot-lanta. So far, I’ve had a nice time, but my earlier prejudices still haven’t been dispelled. Traffic was a nightmare. Brian and Nick O-U-T

Greensboro, NC through Sylva, NC

2009-10-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

Brian: We are going to consolidate our time at the Balsam Mountain Lodge to a single post. It’s because we spent a lot of time relaxing and recollecting ourselves, NOT because we are way behind on the blog and need to catch up. That’s definitely not the reason. Anyway, the morning we left for Balsam we woke up in Greensboro. In a house. By ourselves. Couchsurfers are crazy trusting. Someday I’m going to wake up in an ice bath.

Nick: Brisk. We can’t be too sure of the chronology of the following events, but they were all pretty excellent and therefore worth mentioning. I’d like to take this opportunity to brag for Brian about what a killer shot he is. Back story: I’ve been shooting things for a long time. BB guns, paintball, rifles, shotguns, etc. You name it. I’m not a bad shot. (Usually) Brian has never shot a real gun before, and since we were in the mountains and since local mountain legend Raymond Bunz of Bunz Gunz was available to host us on his range, I figured it was a great time to expose Mr. Pinto to the wonders of firing dangerous weapons at pieces of paper. Though initially hesitant, the kid took to firearms like a hillbilly with a socialist black president.

Brian: Durn tootin’. We brought a 9mm and a 22 rifle, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I was going to enjoy shooting as much as I did. Another customer showed up about halfway through our session with an AR-15, and we were allowed to squeeze off a few rounds. Boom. Also, I couldn’t resist turning the handgun sideways, shouting, “Check yo’self, fool,” and unloading the sidearm as fast as I could pull the trigger. McLovin bailed!

Nick: Good one. Another blog worthy outing was our trip to a place called Max Patch, as recommended by some local family friends. To fill you in, Max Patch is basically a mountaintop that, for reasons that defy scientific thought and reason, is completely bare of all vegetation other than some scrubby grass. The place was definitely cool, but the trip there is perhaps more interesting. Check it out: The directions we had to this place were a bit shaky because we couldn’t really find an address online. Thus, when we came to a fork in the road, we opted for a route that soon became perilous for any vehicle that didn’t happen to be a monster truck.

Brian: We were in an Audi SUV and we were navigating what was literally the most ill-kept, treacherous road that I have ever ridden on, including some illegal off-roading I did in high school. There was no possible way for us to turn around, and after the first couple of drop-offs it was certain we could not travel in reverse. Nick’s mom thought we were going to die in the woods. Nick was making contingency plans should we have to leave the car and finish the journey on foot.

Nick: The sun rises in the west, right?

Brian: I attempted to allay my PBMS (Phantom Banjo Music Syndrome) by singing a rousing chorus of Bohemian Rhapsody. There were times we literally had to get out of the car and scout the best path over the rocky forest path. Also, we forded several creeks (losing no oxen). We came out of the “road” near a highway, where four hunters, clearly locals, pointed us in the correct direction. We nervously laughed and drove away. But yeah, Max Patch was awesome.

Nick: Photos to follow. Later that night, we had rib dinner with the neighbors that had suggested the trip to Max Patch. That might have created some animosity, but as it turns out they’re both professional chefs so dinner was, well, similar in deliciousness to the combination of Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. Yeah. Dinner also included copious amounts of high quality scotch, wine and sipping rum. After dinner also had those things. It was a good night.

Brian: Not to mention a lesson in the consumption of fine cigars, courtesy of Nick’s father and his neighbor, complimentary Monte Cristos included. The rest of the stay was pretty casual. Relaxing afternoon hot tub sessions, billiards in the evening, delicious breakfasts. Oh, and a gentleman at the shooting range relayed the story of him and his wife’s abduction, probing, and subsequent pregnancy (it is believed the alien somehow “implanted” the child). Apparently, the child was so controversial that the couple ended up getting divorced. How many puns can we drop on that? Good luck getting alienmony. Put on some Marvin Gaye the Martian. Unidentified Fornication Object.

Nick: Star Trek: The Next Penetration.

Brian: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Grope.

Nick: O.K., that’s probably enough. For now. In summation, North Carolina was a great break in the action in that while we usually drink, recover, drive, being stationary for a few days allowed us to drink, recover, then skip the driving step altogether and head right back into drinking. Also, it was pretty, so I guess the nature part was alright too. We have plans to hit up Atlanta next. I’ve never had any affection for the city that I find to be too spread out, dirty, and disorganized but I guess I can give it another chance. We’ll see how it goes. Until next time, Br-i-ck out.

Durham, NC through Greensboro, NC

2009-10-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

Nick: What to do first thing in the morning after a night of doing what we do best? I don’t know, maybe watch one of the greatest modern films of our time? That sounds good huh? We thought so too, which is why Talladega Nights was what played all morning as we slowly woke up. It gets better every time I see it.

Brian: Unfortunately that film is perhaps the peak of Will Ferrell’s career. It was nice to take a slow morning. I shaved my beard. We left Durham a little past noon and headed for Greensboro, which was our last stop before Nick’s ‘rents. Our Couchsurfing contact there was a girl named Kristen, and she said that we could go with her that night to a non-sequitur party. Wait, what’s a non-sequitur party?

Nick: Pasta Batman. That was her hedgehog’s name. When we first got there, we went to Natty Greene’s which was a local bar/restaurant type of a deal. They had good local beer. Superb turkey sandwiches. And I should know.

Brian: They also clearly had a rigorous hiring process. The waitresses were all gorgeous brunettes with perfect bodies. Hotter than the chili.

Nick: On the way back to the car from the restaurant was a poorly sculpted/painted bust of the late, great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with what came off as sort of a menacing plaque. The engraving declared that Dr. King had decided not to give his speech in Greensboro as planned, but rather stay an extra day in Memphis where he was promptly assassinated. Wow, Greensboro. Is that a threat? Are you implying that bad things happen to people that don’t come to your city as planned? We don’t care for that sort of bullying, and we won’t stand for it. We’ll go where we want, when we want. But, I guess there’s no harm in staying one night… Just to be safe…

Brian: Great call. We went back to Kristen’s and learned a dice-based game called Zilch from her friend Cameron, whose varied interests included pen-and-paper gaming, and screaming in a heavy metal band. We all got along well. Nick barely scraped out a win. Actually, it was pretty epic. I fired up somebody’s Xbox and poured myself a glass of SoCo, retiring my brain for the evening. It was at this point that Kristen required that we only drink out of crazy straws, like she was doing with her water. Oh wait, that’s not water, it’s blueberry vodka. What’s a non-sequitur party?

Nick: So the car fresheners we were wearing got to be VERY pungent when worn as necklaces. But we had fun at the party. When things slowed down a bit, Brian and I led all our new friends in rousing game of “Do You Worship Cthulhu?” which was of course excellent. The group was pretty decent actually: you could tell they’d spend time in summer camps before. After a less than successful game of Psychiatrist, it was time to pack it up and head back to the ranch. We stayed in the room of Kristen’s friend, and at some point during the night, perhaps for hours on end, we were alone in the house. The trust and generosity of the people we meet on this trip never ceases to amaze me.

Brian: Truth. Also by random chance about half of the people we’ve met on Couchsurfing have never hosted before. You could say that we are traveling the country stealing Couchsurfing virginity. Thanks for reading! Tomorrow takes us to Balsam Mountain. Nick and Brian powers, activate! Form of… blog!

Wilmington, NC through Durham, NC

2009-10-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

Brian: I don’t feel very good this morning, and for once it isn’t related to drinking. Well maybe indirectly it is. My immune system has been operating under extremely oppressive conditions for upward of a month, so combine that with sleeping on 30 couches in as many days and frankly it’s a miracle that all I have is a slight cold. Luckily we are quickly approaching Nick’s parents house on Balsam mountain, where I should be able to beat this thing with some fresh air and serious R & R.

Nick: But not yet. Later that day, we headed into a swanky part of town outside Durham, NC in search of a swanky coffee shop. We were not disappointed and in fact enjoyed the place so much we made an afternoon of reading, gaming, and of course blogging. When Jason and his girlfriend Jess were free, we headed to their place for some grub, drink’n and card playing.

Brian: Let’s start with grub. Have you ever heard of Cook Out? It is a wonderful place where one can purchase a burger, 2 sides (pick between corndog, baked beans, slaw, fries, and onion rings) and about a gallon of soda for less than 5 bucks. I followed Jason’s lead and selected Cheerwine as my beverage, which is a local soda that has the flavor and consistency of cherry snow cone syrup. Even with my rigorous junk food training regiment I couldn’t really stomach the stuff.

Nick: I went with a chicken sandwich based on the fact that its name was something like “The Super Deluxe Grandslam Spicy Chicken Sandwich Combo Meal.”

Brian: It had the word “cheesy” in there somewhere.

Nick: Sounds exciting right? Nah. Piece of fried chicken and a bun. There may have been mayo. I was so disappointed when the thing didn’t actually have flashing lights and sound effects I didn’t pay much attention to the consumption portion of the experience. Now for the drink’n: Jason and I have a long and wonderful history with Rolling Rock. It’s the first beer that ever got me drunk, and is responsible for a number of inspirational quotes, most notably my desire to simply “Pour it on my brain.” Thus, we rolled up to the local Kroger looking to continue our illustrious tradition. PBR was cheaper. We bought PBR. Which was fine. Mmm… PBR…

Brian: You don’t pick out PBR. PBR picks you. And that brings us to the card playing. We started out with a game called Euchre, which is popular in the Midwest. It’s a simple game, but enjoyable because of the crazy superstitions you have to follow when you play it. Such as plucking an invisible chicken if you are close to victory. Must be a Midwest thing…

Nick: I grow Very trying to explain, justify, and defend the procedures for Euchre. It’s for every non-believer’s own good that I try to teach them the proper ways to do things. At this point, I’m just going to let them loose in a great flaming wreck of failure. Milk the cow, or be prepared to suffer the consequences. After a few rounds…

Brian: …double entendre…

Nick: …we all piled into Jess’s car and she (she was sober people, relax) drove us to a local bar that I think used to be a shoe factory. Jason rocked some Long Island Ice Teas, which are not my personal favorite, and we dominated at pool. No surprise, I know. Eventually I worked my way into some random people’s foosball game. I would like to take this moment to thank the women in my life that really helped me perfect my foosball skills over the years, skills that allow me to utterly crush anyone stupid enough to challenge my authority.

Brian: Easy big guy. The highlight of the pool bar for me was watching a hillbilly Santa totally shank a shot, rendering the typically harmless cue ball airborne. It sailed about 20 ft through the air, and I laughed my ass off. Maybe you had to be there. We headed back to Jess’ place and I passed out on a section of couch.

Nick: Brian, despite passing out right next to a blanket and a pillow, had forgone both of these items in the interest of immediate slumber. When I, good friend that I am, tried to wedge a pillow under his head, Brian shot up and gruffly asked me what I was doing. I literally had to talk him into laying down again, so great was his suspicion. Talk about paranoid. It’s not like I’m going to pull a killer prank on him at some point in the night as a retaliation for early wrong-doings on his part on this trip. I’d never do something like that. Anyway, that just about does it for whatever day we’re on. We’ll try to sort out the chronology out when we post this puppy. Take it easy, readers. Nick and Brian out.

Norfolk, VA through Wilmington, NC

2009-10-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

Nick: Yeah, yeah, we’re bums. It’s been a few days since our last post. But we’ll have you know, we’ve been working hard to rest up so that we can continue to provide the highest standard of coverage from around the nation that you’ve come to expect.

Brian: We are actually writing this after having left Nick’s parents’ house in North Carolina. In fact, our current location may come as a surprise to many of our most faithful followers. We are breaking a promise we made. Let’s talk about that in a later post. For now, as far as the readers are concerned, we are waking up at Nikki’s house in Virginia.

Nick: It was one of those special mornings where I wake up on the floor desperately trying to figure out what happened the night before. I had little time to wonder however as our gracious host provided expediant glasses of orange juice, then ushered us out as she was on her way to an early day of work. Which was fine. We had work to do.

Brian: By accident, Nikki’s house was about 4 blocks away from Fair Grounds, the coffee shop we had visited yesterday. Neither of us were feeling up for blogging, so we settled into some comfortable chairs in a corner and busted out our Gameboys. You’d be surprised what an hour of Gameboy can do for a hangover. Anyway, I can’t remember if I mentioned this last time, but posters were taped all over the walls of Fair Grounds stating that the “free” Internet [sic] (it should read Intermet) is for paying customers only, blah, blah, blah, please make a purchase. Somewhat unfriendly compared to the coffee shops I typically frequent, but times are tough, and I rarely go into a coffee shop and do not make a purchase anyway. Well, apparently I didn’t act quickly enough for the proprietor of the establishment, because he approached me, rudely interrupted my gaming, and stated that customers are asked to make a purchase when using the amenities provided. I told him that I was thinking about it, and he responded, “Well, you can’t just think about it, you have to do it.” Had I not been slightly affected by the Fog of War, I would have let him have it. Any other day of the year. I literally watched him kick out another guy who was reading a newspaper. I purchased tea (cheapest item on the menu) and considered for the next hour leaving him a bad review on Yelp!. I hope the Starbucks across the street drives him out of business.

Nick: Maybe my Fog was thicker. I didn’t really care. Speaking of, when it became time to roll out, I suggested that Brian take the Captain’s Wheel of our vessel as I didn’t feel quite ready to command. He drove for a while. Then we swapped. Then I had to have nap time. I think we crashed in a Home Depot parking lot. It was mildly refreshing. Next stop: Rose, our Couch Surfing contact in Greensboro, NC. We met her and her boyfriend at some local bar downtown then headed to their totally sweet apartment for some crazy delicious homemade chili and television. It was a much needed rest from the previous night’s pumpkin beer tsunami. Not to mention the next stop was my good buddy’s girlfriend’s place in Durham, NC, and I knew there would be plenty of drinking there.

Brian: Way to under appreciate the awesomeness of the chili and cornbread. And how awesome Rose’s apartment was. The apartment started out with a hallway where the bedrooms and bathroom were located and opened up into a huge hardwood living room that was at least 750 square feet. In college I lived in full apartments that could easily fit inside her living room. She let us stay up late and watch TV. I found out that I love that show “It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia”. I recommend it. The only bad part about the experience was that I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, and couldn’t get back to sleep because I was terrified of having tonsillitis and no insurance.

Nick: Pretty sure I said it was awesome and delicious. I find that short, succinct words are more accurate and ultimately powerful than large, long adjectival clauses. But I’m no English major. That about does it for day thirty-something. Hope all is well out there in cyber space. BRIAN AND NICK ARE GO

Lost in the woods

2009-10-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

MORE BLOG COMING VERY SOON!!! HANG TIGHT!!!

Arlington VA through Norfolk, VA

2009-10-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Nick: I don’t like the phrase “when dreams come true.” I think it’s seriously overused, trite, and frankly, it doesn’t make much sense to me. My dreams are almost always bizarre, terrifying, or terrifyingly bizarre. Do I want those unconscious journeys to Freak Town to come true? Of course not. This trip is weird enough as it is. I mention the phrase, however, because it literally happened to me sometime very early in the morning. Kind of. I had a dream that I was in the city somewhere, having a hell of a time finding my way home. In my dream, I desperately wanted to just lay down in a safe warm bed and sleep, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in the world. I woke up, as I said, very early in the morning, convinced that my dream had been true, and that I was in fact lost out in the world. As my brain slowly started powering up, I realized that I was in fact already in a safe warm bed. Does this story bore you? Excuse me readers, I was just trying to tell you about the happiest moment in the universe when, in an instant, I acquired everything I had ever hoped for in my wildest dream. It was an intense moment of great personal triumph. Forgive me if my personal victories aren’t interesting to you. Jerks.

Brian: It’s one of those “you had to be there” kinds of things, and since none of us were in Nick’s brain, it’s frankly not that interesting. From here on out on this trip, Nick and I know a lot fewer people to crash with so we are going to be depending a lot more on Couchsurfing and camping for our nightly shelter. I know what you are thinking: “Yo, Couchsurfing has sucked for you so far. Why do you continue to tempt fate?” Well hear us out, because the good lady Intermet came through for us on this fateful day. The first place we stopped was a coffee shop called Fair Grounds in Norfolk. There were a bizarrely high number of signs on the walls proclaiming that food should be purchased if you are using the Intermet. It was quite rude and uninviting but I grabbed a cup of tea for propriety, and Nick and I began checking out our potential Couchsurfing options.

Nick: We’ve adopted a technique named “spray and pray” which basically means sending out tons and tons of requests then hoping for a connection with someone that’s not totally bananas. As Brian eluded to, we had some luck this day. Our first stop was Virginia Beach, where we met up with Krista. She showed us around the town, making an initial stop at a giant statue of King Neptune. For the record, while we all know that Big Frick’n Indian statues are blight upon the earth, it turns out that Big Frick’n Pagan statues are pretty damn great. See the photos below for the proof. Next, we went out for lunch at a Tikki themed resturaunt called “Big Sam’s”, which was on the water. It was there that I was met with disaster. Allow me to explain: there are two things about me that have been true for a long time. First, I like seafood like a fat man likes getting that place in the middle of his back scratched; the place that he could never hope to reach without the aid of some sort of stick made specifically for that purpose. In other words, it always hits the spot, and I’m always up for some. Second, I’ll try anything once. Why not, right? Brian: “I think I’ll have the soft shell crab sandwich.” Nick: “Eh? What’s that like?” Brian: It’s good, but it’s literally the whole crab fried between two buns.” Nick: “Hmm… Yeah, OK.” ATTENTION READERS: UNLESS YOU LIKE YOUR FOOD TO REMIND YOU OF GIANT ARACHNIDS, DO NOT ORDER A SOFT SHELL CRAB SANDWICH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. For reals, it looked like an enormous spider resting quietly on a bed of lettuce, tomato, and cocktail sauce. No problem. I’ve eaten a lot of weird stuff in my time. I can man up when the occasion calls for it. Bite one: Legs, mostly. A bit crunchy. Distinct taste of sand and ocean present. Bite two: We’re getting into the gooey bits people. Distinct taste of a digestive system present. Bite three: More of the same. It is quickly becoming apparent that eating this entire thing is going to be a long, difficult struggle. The decision is made to stop eating for a moment and examine more closely the midway point of sandwich, which is where I found myself at that time.

Brian: That was your biggest error.

Nick: A chunk of something fell out. Brian: “What, you don’t like the brains?” That did it for me. My gastronomic adventure was over. Couldn’t finish it. In an attempt to salvage what little dignity I had left, I rolled up the legs in the remaining bun and washed them down with beer and French fries. Now, thinking about that sandwich still sets off a faint gag reflex. Really just an awful experience all around.

Brian: I loved it. Brains, eyeballs, poop-filled digestive system and all. Nick, what was that about Utah? Oh, you are just dry-heaving… we’ll get you some Moxie and you will be right as rain. Our next destination was the Flight Museum at the Virginia Beach airport just outside of town. The D.C. flight museum is free, and I imagine it is huge and awesome. The Virginia Beach flight museum is dinky, and it costs $11 a head. We said no thanks, and the lovely Krista, clearing feeling bad about our disappointment, took us on a half-mile off-road jaunt in her Mustang, literally out into the grass of the airfield. Hang on, we’re in for some chop. We headed back to Krista’s apartment where we met her sister, who suggested that we all go out and select a pumpkin to carve. I grossed Nick out for the second time that day by volunteering to scoop out the brains, aka seeds and goop, with my bare hands. Nick, however, is more of an artist than I am so I relinquished actual carving duty to him and Krista. The end result was pretty rad. Check the pics.

Nick: I hadn’t sculpted in a while, and since all their knives were way too big for the delicate carving I had in mind, I had to go with my tiny pocket knife. Nevertheless, as Brian says, I think we rocked the house on this one. Good work all around. Just as we were finishing up, we got a call from Nikki, another person we found through Couchsurfing, and whom we had plans to spend the night with.

Brian: Bow chicka wow wow.

Nick: Nikki wasn’t far away: Norfolk, Virginia. After a little trouble finding her apartment building, which looked EXACTLY like an apartment building a little further down on the same street, we went inside, had a beer or two, then headed out into the cool Virginia evening following our new host to what we hoped would be a cool bar/eatery with some interesting people to encounter. We were not disappointed. The place was called Cogan’s Pizza, and even on a Wednesday night, people were out doing their thing. The crowd was a bizarre mix of what looked like college frat boys, an assortment of locals, hipsters, and a number of individuals that defied categorization all together. One such individual was rock’n out in a “onesie,” which just so happened to be pink and covered with baby duck images. This outfit, which would normally be a major hindrance in one’s ability to successfully socialize and potentially hook up with the ladies, didn’t seem to create any problems for this guy who, more than once, monopolized the bathroom with no less than two female companions. If you got it you got it I guess. But I digress. Nikki, Brian and I dominated some fools at pool, drank pitchers of a local pumpkin flavored brew, and had a generally good time. The topics of conversation ranged between books, movies, and whether or not Nikki was an enchantress with the ability to cast spells, charms, and other unsavory activities commonly ascribed to witches.

Brian: The witch topic of conversation came up because she is fondly caressing some flowers in her profile picture. As a precautionary measure we texted a witch friend of ours asking her to prepare counter-spells before we ever even met Nikki. You think I’m kidding. Well, it was pouring down rain when we stepped out of the bar, so we cancelled our original plans of midnight tree climbing and just headed back to Nikki’s. Probably a good idea considering I don’t have health insurance. We attempted to watch some youtube when we got back, but anybody that knows me knows that I can’t look at a screen for 3 minutes after 9 o’ clock without passing out. Nikki was super-cool and it was great night overall. Thanks as always for reading.
bNrIiCaKn out.

Arlington VA Day 2

2009-10-16T13:32:00.000-07:00

Brian: Warning: Epic update. Nick and I haven’t felt like writing for the past couple of days, but we are trying to keep our promise of never falling more than 3 days behind. Lucky you readers, we are back in the zone and we have a large basket of ripe material. The day started with us giving Alex a ride to the Capitol building for work. It’s the least we can do in return for his hospitality. Nick and I decided to make it another museum day, but rather than hit Smithsonian hotspots, we wanted to check out the less visited museums of the D.C. area. First stop was the Drug Enforcement Agency Museum on the first floor of the DEA headquarters. The gift shop was a head shop. Kidding. Anyway, the coolest thing I saw there was an undercover DEA agent outfit from the 1970’s. A pair of green gator skin shoes with 2-inch soles and a rabbit fur coat. Second coolest thing: a revolver with a diamond studded grip. As we left the museum, about 15 protesters of varying age were approaching the building, carrying signs related to the legalization of marijuana. They were clearly hippies, though several of them tried to hide this fact by donning business suits. But I thought the long grey pulled back hair and bizarre facial hair configurations were a dead giveaway. They began digging in the grass in front of the DEA headquarters and sprinkling what appeared to be pot seeds in the holes. Although, Mom, that’s just a guess, because I’ve never seen pot seeds before.

Nick: We cruised around the block one more time, curious to see what sort of law enforcement would show up. Within a couple minutes, a pair of squad cars arrived, though the protesters continued with their rapid horticultural activities. You’d think they’d at least be charged with vandalism or something. The police really didn’t seem to care. After the DEA building, we went downtown and hit up Madame Tussaude’s Wax Museum. Pricey but we think it was worth it. Check out the photos at the end of this post and we think you’ll agree. The first question on our minds was, of course, where is the wax clone of Miley Cyrus. Alas, we must just not have the technology yet, because we eventually discovered that she was in fact not there. I did however, as a sort of consolation, manage to snap a pick of her singing on a projection screen behind Beyoncé’s waxen form. Yeah, I’m pretty handy with the iPhone cam these days. It’s not a big deal. My personal favorites: Abe Lincoln, George Bush, and Hillary Clinton, though I think Sir Elton John gets an honorable mention.

Brian: Only one more thing to say about that place: I motorboated Tyra Banks, and I’m counting it. Our next stop was the Spy Museum, which is just across the street. The admission prices were quite steep, so Nick and I made a judgment call and decided to simply check out the gift shop. It was probably a good call, because we all know that the super cool stuff we all care about is probably still classified anyway. Like I care about some stupid decoder ring still in the original packaging from a cereal box in the 50’s. Give me flame-thrower pens or give me death! It was a short stop overall, but at least we could say we were there. Next, we took a lesson from yesterday and proceeded with a soothing afternoon in a bookstore café so that we wouldn’t fall asleep at 9:30 again. Good thing, too. The second phase of the day began at around 5:15 pm when we met my friend Arielle (whose name I intentionally mispronounce in a variety of ways) for a beer at a pub on the Hill called Hawk and Dove.

Nick: Nothing much to say about the place, except that it had free cheddar potatoes, which were as delicious as they were random. Next stop was to pick up Alex and then, after some considerable consideration, head over to a none-too-nearby IHOP because Arielle needed some waffles. Normally I’d like to give someone with this sort of irrational determination a hard time, but I can understand and respect a burning desire for a specific consumable at a specific time. The desire, for example, for a certain soda. A dark, thick, old-tasting kind of soda. Maybe it has an orange can, and its name is synonymous with guts, gusto, or “nerve.”

Brian: Associate that.

Nick: I think I’ve said too much. IHOP, as it turns out, was pretty delicious, so I guess Arielle made the right call. After pancakes galore, we dropped her off at her apartment then headed back to Alex’s place to plan our next move. That move, as it turned out, was to watch “The Hangover” in a theatre that served beer. Admission was two dollars. God bless America.

Brian: Also, God bless 100-proof SoCo. That should have been my first indication that it was going to be a long night (and an even longer morning). Yes, the theatre that served beer was an amazing place of magic and wonder, and that movie is hilarious. More than made up for the craptastic Couple’s Retreat disaster. After the movie let out, we snagged a cab back downtown (we went in and out of D.C. a total of 8 times according to my data) to a bar. The name of this bar escapes me.

Nick: Something Rocket? Rockethead?

Brian: Wow, maybe. I think you are right about the “rocket” part. Highlights from the bar were Alex’s friend Billy (a girl) who seemed quite nice and also a group of wildly drunk chicks that were teaching their freshly 21 year-old friend the true meaning of regret. The birthday girl was wearing a lavender dress made out of what appeared to be not much more than an old tube sock. Also a drunken kid with no friends and one of those lisps where you spit a lot decided that I was his new best friend and gave me a salivary car wash. Things get a little fuzzy from there on out. Nick?

Nick: Yeah, I remember punishing a kid that thought he knew a thing or two about billiards, then chatting it up with a couple guys that had come from a Kiss concert and were completely decked out in the corresponding make up and outfits. All in all, a great night. Thanks again to Alex who actually slept on the floor for our time there so that we might have the bed. He’s good people. Brian and Nick out.

Arlington VA Day 1

2009-10-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

Brian: We woke up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle a day of all things historical. Alex jogged to a nearby Korean market and picked up a variety of cereal and milks for breakfast. Actually just one type of milk. I had Frosted Flakes. Alex had Fruit Loops. Nick had both in the same bowl. Sigh, he always has to be the weird one.

Nick: I resemble that remark. Our first stop was an in-depth tour of the capitol lead by our illustrious badge-carrying intern Alex. It was like… way historical. Like, totally educational and whatever. I enjoyed the dome itself, which is filled with murals depicting a number of monumental (get it?) events in American history. The painter of some of the work pictured himself (get it?) as a rather important individual that needed to be included in his own depictions. As such, you can find his face tucked into various historically significant crowds at historically significant events. When the powers-that-be discovered the young artist’s flair for inserting himself into these paintings, they naturally requested that he not do it in the last few paintings left for him to finish. His response: paint himself in as a woman. Tricky, tricky. After the Capital building, it was off to the Museum of American History.

Brian: Really, any one of the Smithsonian museums requires much more time than we had to be fully explored. Therefore we had to be choosy about what was important and hilarious. I think it was wise to begin with the American Revolution; after our experience with those Communist revisionists outside of Valley Forge we were feeling a bit disillusioned about patriotism. Watching a puppet repeatedly whack another puppet in the crotch with a tea kettle was just the pick-me-up I needed.

Nick: Huzzah!

Brian: Another exhibit of note: American pop culture. I was able to see 1 of 5 original pairs of the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore for her portrayal of Dorothy Gale in the 1939 classic, Wizard of Oz. Also, an original Kermit the frog, forever behind his quarter inch plexiglass. The highlights of the exhibit however, in my opinion, were the armchairs of Archie and Edith Bunker. If you aren’t sure who they are, they pioneered racism as a form of comedy, a technique employed by comedians such as Steve Carell and Chris Rock today.

Nick: Next stop: Museum of Natural History, which was generally more to my taste. We saw ginormous dinosaur skeletons, underwater beasts, ants (who, in my opinion, are perhaps the most frightening of all God’s creatures. If ants ever get to be the size of small lap dogs while simultaneously acquiring a lust for human flesh, I surrender. I’ll fight zombies, Commies, and even Jedis on the steps of our nation’s Capitol building in a triumphant blaze of glory. Heavily armed or otherwise, if it’s a fight they want, they’ve got it. But when it comes to an oversized insect with the organization powers of the ant tribe, forget about it. I just want you readers to understand that if and when this unstoppable insect invasion comes, you can’t count on Nick Ison to be useful in any way, shape or form. Game over. In a related note, we tried to see the Hope Diamond. We failed.

Brian: The 3-inch solid metal door slammed shut just as we approached it. It ended up being for the best though, because the three of us were clearly exhausted from a long day of trekking around the city. We took Alex to work (the kid works three jobs, which is why Nick and I are intentionally unemployed, to make up for Alex’s sense of industry) and settled down in a theatre to watch Couple’s Retreat starring Vince Vaughn. Don’t see it, it’s dumb. Not even a good date movie. We grabbed some food after the movie to kill some time, then picked Alex up from work and headed back to his place for an insane night of debauchery and insanity, which we all slept through.

Nick: It’s true. Sometimes the best intentions just aren’t enough. By the time we got home, the prospect of doing anything except falling asleep was not something we were interested in. Perhaps tomorrow. You stay classy America. Brian and Nick out.

York, PA through Arlington, VA

2009-10-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

Nick: After waking up without the allergic haze that always engulfs me after a night at a residence with cats, I felt fresh and ready to take on another kick ass day on a trip that has started to feel like a permanent way of life. At Negrin’s suggestion, we went apple picking. Why not?

Brian: Moms: skip this next sentence. I think this morning was only the second piece of fruit I’ve eaten this entire trip. But to make up for lost time, I had several apples right off the tree. Actually, I only ate them because they were free. Sorry Mom. So Nick and I bid Matt and his girlfriend adieu at the orchard and began to make our way to the nation’s capitol, which will effectively be the end of our time in the northeast and the end of the first act of our trip. We tried to get a picture of the four of us as we left the orchard, but the kind woman operating Nick’s iPhone only succeeded in snapping a delightful photo of her forefinger. I was worried when she asked us if it was one of those new iThingys that her son has. Oh well. We finally tired of the radio about halfway to D.C. and began listening to our first book on tape.

Nick: It’s a book by Nelson Demille who, if you don’t know, frequently writes suspenseful action books. Think Jack Bauer in print. But unlike the last few seasons of 24, DeMille’s books are pretty darn good. In fact, we were so entranced, we didn’t notice I had iTunes on “shuffle” which of course meant we listened to the first few chapters in totally random order. Some English major I turned out to be… Anyway, Brian drove into the capitol, which was nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I usually love battling disgruntled North East drivers for lane territory and then desperately weaving in and out of traffic in an attempt to grab the right exit before we go flying past. But sometimes you can have too much fun, and I was pretty ready for the passenger seat. We met Brian’s friend Alex at his house, the headed into the city.

Brian: It was probably our second longest walk on this trip so far, our first of course being the 10-mile death march (actually not so bad) through Jersey. We miraculously found free parking downtown amidst a massive LGBT rights rally, and walked from the capitol building to the Lincoln memorial, stopping at the Washington monument and the White House along the way. Several times blockades forced us to take detours so I have to imagine we walked at least 4 or 5 miles. Several topics of conversations came up, but the most memorable was perhaps an idea for the greatest movie never made: Jedi Knights vs Zombies. Imagine the effectiveness and utility of a lightsaber against a horde of the walking dead. Of course the topic of killing zombies leads to conversations about guns, and conversations about guns leads Nick to declaring, “I am exhausted and heavily armed,” directly in front of the capitol. The context of the statement is, “I would only want to fight zombies on the capitol steps as a last resort if I am exhausted and heavily armed,” but you have to watch what you say. As Alex said, this city has ears.

Nick: And she said. What? After a much historic site seeing and numerous conversations concerning the synthesis of all things awesome and good in the universe, we sought out a local watering hole to see what the DC nightlife might have to offer. Turns out the city doesn’t have too much to offer… at least not where we were, which, to be fair, was actually just outside the city. No matter. We met up with Alex’s friend Andrew, who was a spirited young man with an enthusiasm for stories from our journeying and the ability to tell a few of his own. Good night.

Brian: It was a good night to be sure. Thanks again for reading, and a shout out blog thanks to Alex for letting us crash at his place for a few days (even though he apparently doesn’t even have time to read the blog). There is a lot to see in D.C. so expect another couple days of our take on American history. Love, Brian and Nick. And out.

Philadelphia, PA through York, PA

2009-10-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

Brian: Looking back, I would have to define Philadelphia primarily by its crazy delicious breakfasts. This morning’s destination was another hipster diner, Sabrina’s, this time located in the Italian Market. Our first parking spot was about 18 inches over a painted curb, and for some reason determining whether or not our car would be ticketed became a community event. To the disappointment of the small crowd gathered around our vehicle we decided to continue our streak of receiving no tickets and not risk it. I have no idea why our parking dilemma was so interesting, but thanks to this trip nothing seems weird anymore.

Nick: It was strange. Sabrina’s breakfasts have always been good, and October 10th was no exception. Brian and I each got something like a giant pancake sandwich with eggs, sausage, peppers, and a menagerie of southwest sauces. I don’t think we ate again until late at night, such was the pancake sandwich’s ability to fill and satisfy. After breakfast, it was time to say goodbye to some of my favorite people in the world. Our first stop was some historical battle sight an hour or so outside the city. We were looking for Valley Forge, and we thought that was where we were going, but it wasn’t. After exploring the sites museum, watching its video, and examining its artifacts, all we have concluded was that the Americans lost the war (I didn’t know that was something we’d ever done) and that the Quakers didn’t particularly care for current events at the time.

Brian: Not only did the site highlight a major defeat of the American (then Rebel) soldiers, but the loss was blamed on the stubbornness and impulsiveness of Gen. George Washington. It was quite a shock after the tear-jerking presentation at the Constitution Center in Philly. All’s well that ends well though. It was around this time that Nick opened up his birthday package and found, along with a set of car speakers, a vanilla cupcake flavored car freshener. It is currently hanging from the rear-view mirror along with a can of Moxie. If you will recall our gift from Amy Blunt (Pittsburgh…Craigslist…mansion) you will note that this is not the first time the car has smelled like vanilla cupcake this trip. It is a welcome scent in comparison to the stale laundry Lucy typically exudes. Our next stop was York, Pennsylvania, but our friend Matt did not end work until much later that evening so we had some time to kill. We celebrated Nick’s birthday at a local dive.

Nick: True. After some considerable time blogging in a Border’s café, we hit up what seemed like the best choice from not too many options of local drinkeries. The bar was in a bowling alley, which, if the readers will recall our journey to Scranton, has been historically gratifying for us. Though the crowd seemed pretty rugged and very local, the bartender generously treated me to several Yuengling’s on the house served in what can only be described as an enormous goblet. When Matt got off work, we hit up his apartment, caught up, then stayed up till around 3am watching awesome youtube videos.

Brian: I think we should each make an Intermet video recommendation of the night before closing out. For me it the front page video on stsanders.com. It’s an old Rolling Stones video with the sound and lyrics dubbed over to give it a badly translated Japanese pop music feel.

Nick: Coming to Alderon was pretty good. Sound bytes by James Earl Jones’s character in “Coming to America” are carefully dubbed over the opening scene from Star Wars Episode IV. It works. That about does it for October 10th. Tell your friends about the blog if you haven’t already, and comment when you feel so moved, we really appreciate them. That does it for today. B & N out.

Philadelphia, PA Day 3

2009-10-10T17:59:00.000-07:00

Brian: I thanked my body for being such a trooper by getting a full night of rest and having a simple breakfast of granola and goat yogurt. Then for no reason at all I punished my body by purchasing a $2 fried egg sandwich on the street from a Middle Eastern man in a silver trailer. What about second breakfast… elevensies…

Nick: As if the blog isn’t nerdy enough…

Brian: We spent Friday morning catching up on this week’s TV shows. Jim and Pam got married! Like I care. If it was up to me, a single Pam would be purchasing the first of many cats, and Jim would still be tapping that Italian chick. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a girl that knows how to play Call of Duty.

Nick: After tasty cart food, I had a conversation with Erika about next summer in Philly, seminary, and where I might find the funding for those ventures. Next, we drove to the post office to pick up a birthday package from my folks. Suffice it to say, as parents go, I got pretty lucky. With gift in hand, our next stop was a place named, rather lamely I think, the Magic Gardens. The place itself is not lame however. It’s a multi-level sculpted environment made mostly from found materials like bottles, shards of glass and ceramic, and bicycle wheels. I can’t imagine why I would like a place like that…

Brian: Trash tree much? In all seriousness though, the Gardens were pretty awesome. Although the faces in the artwork are reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite’s rendering of Trish, the man has clearly spent countless hours placing each shard of glass and tile with utmost care. Definitely check this out if you are in Philly. The best part was, as we were walking out, I accidentally brushed shoulders with this hippy dude. When I turned around to apologize, I was looking into the face of the man who built the Magic Garden’s. It was kind of like at the end of a movie where an inspirational person makes a cameo as his or herself and gives an inspirational speech. We were hungry again by the time we were finished, so I led Nick to a nearby pizza hole using ISP.

Nick: Italian Sensory Perception. I like it. After that, we hit up a bar in north Philly that allegedly had free drinks from 7-9 in honor of their one-year anniversary.

Brian: This was according to a girl named Jade that we met on CouchSurfing. We met her at the bar. I know what you are thinking. After the Dooz debacle why would we ever give meeting people online another chance? Well you might be right about that, because things got a little crazy toward the end of the night. But to begin, yes, they did, in fact, have free drinks.

Nick: What up. After that, we worked our way south again to end the night in that most excellent of dive bars, Bob and Barbara’s. A can of PRB and a shot of Jim Beam for three dollars? Yes, please. The long and the short of it was, it was an easy night on the wallets. Another rough one on the liver. Life is about compromises.

Brian: A lesson Jade would be wise to learn. She drank a bit too much and then tried to follow us home. We gave her a subway token and told her she needed to go to bed. She wouldn’t have any of it, and she tried to tell us that she didn’t actually even have a home. I believe this to be a lie, because she had earlier asked us if we needed a place to stay, and offered her residence to us. We ended up walking her to the subway station and then sprinting a couple blocks as soon as we rounded the corner. She was that clingy. But we were able to shake her.

Nick: OK, listen close all you cyberistas out there. We like meeting new people, and we know some of you are good because Amy Blunt from Pittsburg made us cupcakes. The rest of you need to cool it with the crazy. Seriously. If you can’t trust people you meet on the Intermet, who can you trust? The song of the day is definitely “Jaded,” by Aerosmith. That pretty much does it for Friday. Check out the new poll if you haven’t already. Nick and Brian oooouuutt.

Philadelphia, PA Day 2

2009-10-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

Nick: It’s starting to get hard, readers.

Brian: Too easy. I’ll pass on this one.

Nick: Here we are in a Border’s somewhere near York, PA desperately trying to recount the events of the last two days for the blog. Progress is slow and strained. But here’s our best recollection to date:

In the morning, we met Erika Funk at a most excellent breakfast/brunch place called Honey’s. Honey’s was an old favorite from last summer, and it did not disappoint. Huevos Rancheros will always cure what ails you in the morning.

Brian: Everything there is made using fresh local ingredients, therefore everything there is delicious. I ordered guacamole and vegan biscuits and gravy. They are healthy because they are vegan. Right?

Nick: Sure… After getting fueled up for the day, we worked our way over to the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, and the Constitution Center, all located in, if you can believe it, the historical district. The Bell is free to the public. The Hall is free to the public. The Center is free to the public if the public sneaks in a construction entrance and carefully times their way past the less than vigilante guards.

Brian: So sneaky. And my Dad says video games are a waste of time. Today they saved us 12 bucks each! Actually I think it was $8 for students…

Nick: Still a great day for the gaming industry. I have to say, the historical presentation at the Constitution center was pretty moving. Check it out if you find yourself in the City of Brotherly Love with a free afternoon.

Brian: Later that day we admitted to each other that we were so moved by the video that we were choked up. Almost crying. Alas, such things are not allowed in the company of men. We left the historical district and made our way back to what has become our unofficial Philadelphia HQ, the old church/castle on Broad Street. Our task: disassemble an “art project” Nick built last summer. It’s a giant tree built out of garbage.

Nick: OOOORRR…. It’s a sculpture created by combining different objects that youth found on the streets throughout the summer in an attempt to visually represent the transformation of the used, the dirty, and the abandoned into something practical, beautiful, and inspirational. Kinda what Broad Street’s all about. It was a little sad taking the tree down, not because I didn’t think it was time but because I never really got to give the sculpture the energy or attention it needed to look the way I had planned. Oh well. If the stars align just right, I’ll be back in Philly next summer with a job title that gives me more time to work on art projects. After the dirty work of disassembling the trash tree, we headed home, showered, then met Erika and Wendy out at a fairly new resturaunt called Max Brenner’s House of Chocolate.

Brian: If Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory existed in real life, this would be the café in the lobby. Max Brenner, also known to his patrons as “The Bald Man”, is a master of all things cocoa… and cacao. (What’s the difference again?) Nick’s French fries were covered in a chocolate powder, and my fish tacos were drizzled with a light molé sauce. Dessert was fondue. They ran out of churros so we talked the waitress into bringing us an extra bowl of marshmallows. After dessert we played a hilarious game where you begin by writing a sentence, then have people alternately either draw what is written down or write down what they see drawn. It is done secretly, and you aren’t allowed to look at any other previous drawings or sentences except the one given to you. It is hard to draw a goat duct-taped to a ceiling fan.

Nick: Or, as I interpreted it, an Aztec glyph hovering over a devil-bull. Which Erika interpreted as a flaming devil butt. Love it. Mad props to Funk on her pretty perfect drawing of Sarah Palin tap dancing in Disney Land. That about does it for Thursday. We’re jam’n. Brian and Nick out.

Philadelphia, PA Day 1

2009-10-09T09:27:00.001-07:00

Brian: It was nice not to wake up with a fresh frost in my hair. Thanks to Julie’s family for hosting us. It is the hospitality of our friends that makes this trip possible. There were two main topics of conversation the night before. One was the high volume of haunted hotspots in the Philadelphia area, and the other was fake drug names on state surveys we took in high school. In order to disqualify people who were filling out the survey randomly or intentionally falsifying information, they would plant a question regarding a made-up drug in the survey. If you said you have taken the drug, it would disqualify your exam. Hope and Wagon Wheel are examples of the fake names they would come up with. To fuse these topics of conversation, we decided to travel with Julie to the haunted town of New Hope, New Jersey.

Nick: New Hope was pretty cool. There was a giant stature of an unidentified creature greeting us as we entered the town. A one thousand dollar reward to the reader than can correctly categorize this beast in its proper place on the evolutionary tree. A picture to follow with us riding the thing Falcore style. That’s right. New Hope also had a pretty well stocked sword shop, which was convenient as we needed a new whittling knife. They sell them at sword shops. The next stop was an Italian deli not far from Julie’s place. Buffalo Chicken cheese steak: Delicious. With fresh armaments in our camping supply box and supreme sandwiches freshly devoured, we were ready to roll into the city of brotherly love.

Brian: Nick is quite familiar with Philly, so I’ll take the reins to give my first impressions. Philadelphia is like Boston in the sense that it has great historical significance, but there seems to be a greater emphasis in general on the arts. Every wall of reasonable size is covered with a mural that represents the neighborhood. Also unlike Boston, the city is clearly built on a grid system. Apparently Philly’s grid system planning predates New York’s, making it the first major planned city in the United States. We hiked around downtown for a couple of hours, sampling some of the famous Water Ice, which basically like a soft Italian Ice. Nick showed off the old church he worked at a couple of summers ago. Frankly I’m impressed it’s still standing. We decided to end our time with Julie by visiting the Eastern State Penitentiary, where Al Capone served a single year of prison time. It was awesome, and I would totally recommend it to anybody passing through.

Nick: I’ve been looking forward to Philly more than anywhere else on this trip. Some of my best friends in the world are here, my favorite places to eat, drink, and hang out are here, the place that taught me so much about social justice and what a church can be in that context is here. It’s a city I hope to live in again. Anyway, Julie left after we got to Broad Street Ministry, which is the church Brian mentioned. For those of you familiar with the city, it’s right on Broad, just a few blocks south of City Hall. For those of you not familiar with the city, it’s pretty much as downtown as you can get. Wendy, who is my good friend and the person we’re staying with for the next few days, took us out for cheese steaks after we left Broad Street. There is a street corner with two famous cheese steak places across from each other, Pat’s and Gino’s, and there has always been heated controversy over who has the best sandwich. Personally… I’m more of a Gino’s guy. I don’t like all the crazy lights that adorn their establishment, and the staff is allegedly very racist. I don’t know about that, but I do know that their cheese is out of control good, and I could eat there a couple teams a week for the rest of eternity and not be too unhappy about the arrangement.

Brian: Unfortunately if you ate there a couple times a week, the rest of eternity would be less than a year. Not quite as potent as a Double-Down, to be sure, but certainly a challenging endeavor for even the biggest junk foodie. I thought it was delicious, but according to Nick, they weren’t even the best they’ve ever made. I ordered mine “Whiz Wit’” which means melted cheese whiz and fried onion. Mmm. To finish off the night, Nick took me to his favorite local dive, a perpetually unfinished bar called Bob and Barbara’s. They have a $3 special where you get a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a shot of Jim Beam. Still on camp time, we only had one of those and came back for an early night. In my typical style, I was asleep the moment the lights went out.

Nick: Feels good to be back in what I can confidently call my favorite city in America. And now, for your viewing pleasure, photos from a creepy, possibly haunted, prison in serious need of repair. Brian and Nick out.

Bass River State Park, NJ through Philadelphia, PA

2009-10-09T08:18:00.001-07:00

Brian: Next stop, Philadelphia. But as it is literally impossible to leave New Jersey without paying a toll, we wanted to see as many touristy things as possible before we crossed over. By combining the powers of the Weird US book and the Intermet, we located about 4 or 5 attractions that would take us on a parabolic route through the state. Stop one was the world’s largest light bulb. Naturally to be found in the town of Edison.

Nick: Naturally to be found? I’m no English major, but I am a little suspicious about the grammatical integrity of that sentence. Anyway, the light bulb was way up on a giant pole-tower thing, so climbing in, on, or around the artifact was out of the question. Next stop was Hitler’s toilet. As the story goes, New Jersey somehow ended up with Hitler’s yacht. The state, in an effort to destroy what might possibly become something of an homage to history’s greatest tyrant, disassembled the vessel and dispersed its components amongst the townspeople. The ship’s toilet, as it turns out, consequently resides in a grungy auto-repair shop. Despite the degradation of the toilet’s condition along with a familiar yet viciously pungent odor, I felt truly moved by such an important piece of world history. Awe struck even.

Brian: Der Fuhrer’s shittentrapper. Indeed impressive. After a quick chat with the mechanic, we moved on to the next attraction. Like the Skowhegan Indian (and I apologize for bringing it up) Mighty Joe was located to the side of a gas station. Unlike the BFI, when I beheld Mighty Joe, I did not fall into a deepening spiral of humanity questioning despair. Mighty Joe was a 40-foot gorilla statue/memorial for a deceased body-building son. I believe gas stations are the family business (it is lamented on the plaque that Joe did not live to enter the family business) and so it makes sense that Mighty Joe would be located on gas station property. Another notable event: at the gas station, a rather rough and beat-up looking youth kindly saved the life of a stick bug. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Nick: Hmm. The next stop was the world’s largest miniature trainscape. OK, so, I know that doesn’t sound super exciting to some of you, but I used to build trainscapes and it was a great hobby so yeah, I was pumped. Also, who doesn’t like things in miniature? But alas, it was closed. Tuesday’s are not good days for train watching. Who knew? No biggie, we just headed to a local coffee shop that looked good. You know, take some time out of the day, do a little blogging. What? Cool local coffee shop is closed on Tuesdays too? What’s your game New Jersey… The next real stop was Brian’s friend Julie’s house. It was to be our respite for the night.

Brian: The evening was relatively casual. Julie suggested that we go to the world’s best grocery store (according to the food network, maybe?) to purchase our evening’s beverages. We decided to branch out from our usual Yuengling Lager, and sample the Yuengling Black and Tan. It was a delicious accompaniment to a night of Rock Band with Julie’s siblings, Jack and Steph. Thank you to her father for cooking us a delicious dinner of chicken and mushrooms. It was a nice change of pace from hotdogs over an open flame. Although I doubt I’ve seen the last of those.

Nick: Hope not. That about does it for our Tuesday, we’ve got some pics for you this post. Enjoy. Brian and Nick out.

Bass River State Park

2009-10-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

Brian: Another aspect of cities vs. camping is that we wake up freezing…

Nick: …and terrified…

Brian: …bear-ified?...

Nick: …nice…

Brian: …regardless of the precautions we take. Nick and I hopped into the car and traveled to the ranger’s office to register our site and purchase some wood. We were unfortunately informed that one may only have a fire until 10 am and after 4 pm. Our campsite was so isolated that not a single ranger came by to check on us, but we decided to follow the rules anyway and spend the day hiking.

Nick: In attempt to purge my body of the evils of excessive alcohol, diner food, and Double-Downs, I opted to skip breakfast and lunch and instead consume a gallon of water. I was sort of going for a digestive reset button. I’ve had worse ideas. The hike rocked. We had the whole huge park to ourselves, and the trails were long enough to satisfy our lust for adventure and a good cardio workout. And now a cautionary note to readers: Sometimes signs that denote a pink path fade and therefore seem to denote a white path. Conversely, red signs fade and denote pink paths. Finally, lazy park rangers will occasionally forget to post a pink sticker over the white path marker.

Brian: We got lost.

Nick: More than once.

Brian: Not always in the park.

Nick: But we made it back, and despite some blistering pain in my feet from hiking shoes that were a touch small-

Brian: And cramped muscles that haven’t been used in a month-

Nick: It was a very pleasant experience. A game of Jambo, which as we all know is the game for clever merchants, followed by a game of Scrabble preceded a warm fire which, after all our experience, was perfectly crafted in regards to heat, light production, and overall awesomeness.

Brian: We lit it at 3:53 pm, slightly bending the not-so-strictly enforced 4 o’ clock cutoff rule. Our wood was burning quickly so I chopped a nearby stump in half with our hatchet for extra fuel. Check out me with the head of my kill.

Nick: All and all, the day and a half in Bass River State Forest went by too quickly for my taste. As soon as we find ourselves some fresh ketchup and mustard (ours have gone horribly, horribly bad) and perhaps a decent whittling knife, I think we’ll pretty much have the camping down to a science. That’s all for today. Hopefully tomorrow morning will be a little less frigid. Tonight, I sleep with sweatshirt and sweatpants. Brian and Nick out.

Smithville, NJ through Bass River State Park, NJ

2009-10-06T10:31:00.001-07:00

Brian: It’s Sunday. I’m not usually not exactly sure of what day it is, but today we went back to J.D’s and watched football so that’s how I know. Weekly football games are the only stable and regular things in my life right now, except for the constant threat of bear attacks.

Nick: They really are getting to be a pandemic. Hourly bear checks throughout the night while we’re out camping in bear territory-

Brian: Bearitory

Nick: -has become a grim necessity. Otherwise, the camping has been excellent. For dinner Sunday night, we dumped Brian’s left over nacho lunch in a pan and roasted over the open flames. The results were indescribably delicious. Seriously. You know how when you have nachos the next day, the chips are soaked with all the wondrous juices? Well, we had that going, plus the smoky flavor of the fire, plus the intense heat that melted the sour cream and guacamole into a savory sauce that can only be described as a triumphant culinary fiesta. Plans for the first ever nacho marinade are currently in the works.

Brian: Speaking of smoky, Nick and I realized that Smokey the Bear is a homosexual. He only wears tight designer jeans and a camper hat (no shirt), is built like Mr. Clean, is always holding some sort of cylindrical object, creeps around campsites, and just generally looks gay. He is definitely a bear. Back to our taco casserole. About 10% of it burned and stuck to the pan, so we boiled some water in the pot in an attempt to boil it off. The result was a pungent and viscous concoction that we were convinced would send every bear in a 25 mile radius into a delirious man-eating frenzy. They say that the way to avoid bear attacks is to play dead. Well I’m not playing any deader than when I’m sleeping. Question: If a bear attacks me in my sleep what am I supposed to do?

Nick: Every time I try to think of such a terrifying situation, my brain locks up to protect itself from permanent trauma. Thus, I have no answer for you. Maybe readers can help. After dinner, we climbed into the tent and passed out around 9 pm. Incidentally, it’s very easy to go from party time to camp time. The opposite is not true, however. Philadelphia, our next stop, is going to push our ability to stay awake past 11 pm coming off the longest consecutive camping on the trip (two days.)

Brian: Yeah, cities are a trade-off in that it is easier to stay clean, but we have to stay up later. Alright, so ends our first day in Bass River State Park. Increased levels of debauchery guaranteed to come. Out.

Glen Cove, NY through Smithville, NJ

2009-10-04T14:51:00.002-07:00

Nick: So as it turns out, Andreas was unable to get his grad school stuff together in time to join us, so we will meet him in D.C. sometime next week. I left to go pick up Brian in Manhattan as he had left the garden with Max the previous night. It was strange to be driving solo. I didn’t like it. United again, we set our course for New Jersey where my senior year roommate Paul lived. After spending a small fortune-

Brian: Did you know bridge tolls could be eleven dollars? It sucks.

Nick: Yeah. Big time. But we made it through them and then found ourselves on what I feel is one of the worst highways in the country. Highway 9. Thousands of stop lights. Millions of pot holes. Also, my co-pilot was out like a light. Also, I’ve never seen so much rain in so short a time. Eventually we made it to Paul’s though, and after some corn hole (I was awful… the platforms were a lot farther apart than I’m used to) and some pork kabob from the nearby Octoberfest, it was off to Atlantic City to see what it might have to offer.

Brian: I’ve never been to Vegas, but I’ve heard that AC is like a miniature version. Yeah, it was quite well lit. I doubt the 5 or 6 wind turbines outside the city generate even a fraction of a percent of the power that city uses. But AC was on the list so we lived it up. Paul took us to a couple sports bars and a cool Irish pub. It was tempting, but we didn’t gamble. All of Paul’s friends were at a local bar called JD’s back in his home town so we left Atlantic City early and headed to meet them. It was there I determined my fate for the next 24 hours.

Nick: Waiter: “What do you want?” Brian: “Hot wings.” Waiter: “Mild, medium, hot, or devil.” Brian: “Devil.” Waiter: “You can’t return those.” Brian: “Bring ‘em on.” Waiter: “That a boy.”
I didn’t think it was the best idea, but we had talked a lot about spicy food in Atlantic City for some reason, and so I think Brian just needed a quick fix. Like how if you get a song stuck in your head, it helps to listen to the song once or twice.

Brian: Big mistake. They were intolerably hot. Being the man that I am, I decided I couldn’t back down to a six pack of boneless tenders, so I ate them in spite of the intense searing sensation between my mouth and stomach. Nick had one of them to help me out; I ate the other five. Stay tuned for the next post to hear about the aftermath.

Nick: Brian and I know our way around a Jalapeño pepper. We’ve tangled with the Habeñero and emerged no worse for the wear. I don’t know what they used to kick those wings up, but even after just one piece I felt like I’d swallowed a coal for the rest of the night. After more corn hole, we left J.D.’s and ventured to the nearest WaWa. It’s like a convenience store with a sleek body kit and spoiler. No, it wasn’t Asian. It was just stepped up. On an unrelated note, the song of the day was “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus. Now I can hear you readers saying “But Nick, Brian, isn’t that the song of the trip? Isn’t it therefore, the song of the day every day?” To be honest readers, we were having a little bit of a rough patch with Miley. We saw the music video, which was just awful, and several people on this trip haven’t really been feeling us on this tune. But now she’s back in our hearts, heads and in our radio. Just keep being Miley. Brian and Nick out.

Glen Cove Day 3

2009-10-04T14:51:00.001-07:00

Brian: Our last day in New York. The say “Go big or go home,” and since I’m currently homeless that doesn’t really leave me with a lot of options. Andreas had some business to attend to in the morning, which was fine with Nick and I because we exist in a constant state of fatigue, so the opportunity to chill out until the evening is appreciated. So we really kicked off our day at the crack of 5 pm with dinner at Ruby Tuesday’s and a viewing of the film Zombieland. Unfortunately, the power went out halfway through the movie due to some A-hole New York driver crashing into a pole. The manager said we could go to another local theatre with our stubs, but since we are traveling men, that isn’t really feasible. Even so, I’m convinced that if we show up at any Regal owned theatre in the country, I can talk the manager into letting us see the second half. I kept the stubs, so I’ll keep you updated.

Nick: Brian and I both decided that one of the worst places to be in the whole world is in the middle of a crowd of a bunch of pissed of Long Islanders. I tried to tell them that their rabbling wasn’t going to get the power back on but sometimes there’s just no reasoning with people. And I just lost. After the movie, we headed into the city to meet Brian’s friend Max and Georgia’s friend (Andreas’ sister) Ian then headed off to a beer garden.

Brian: This was one of the least comfortable moments on the trip. I had to pee. Like, I REALLY had to go. There were four people crammed into the back seat and I was a speed bump away from showering them R. Kelly style. But I made it, and I’m just hoping that now I’m not sterile. First order of business out of the way, we set out to acquire some beer.

Nick: The beers were remarkably big. Like, I-want-to-drink-my-beer-because-carrying-a-gallon-of-liquid-is-uncomfortable big.

Brian: I should know. I think I literally had a gallon of liquid in my bladder.

Nick: O.K., I think we’ve all heard enough about your digestive system for a while. The garden was fairly crowded so under Max’s wise instruction, we set out to practice our game a little. (Brian and I have always been the “relationship type.” We’ve both had girlfriends forever and ever, and as a result may be a little out of touch.)

Brian: I’d say the night was an overall success though. We opened up sets (the technical term for a group of people at a bar) of all different sizes and compositions and were generally well received. Max had us using two different lines throughout the night, one involving advice about a 3-way, and one involving tongue piercing. I can say for myself that my ultimate goal was to be more hilarious and likeable than attempting to actually pick up any girls, so I count it as a win.

Nick: I had fun and got to drink a lot of beer, so I count it as a win tambien.

Brian: And that brings us to goodbye NY. It was fun, short but sweet. But L.U.C.Y. and the open road beckon. Brian and Nick out.

Glen Cove Day 2

2009-10-02T10:22:00.001-07:00

Brian: I can honestly say that all the R&R we got Wednesday was cancelled out by the partying we did that night. Oh well, there are plenty of good reasons to sit around Andreas’ house for another day. One, Andreas has a couple loose ends to tie up. Two, staying here is free, and it isn’t like Nick and I are in a rush. Three, we still haven’t met our goal of eating a Grand Slam breakfast at every diner in NYC. Do you feel like East Norwich Pancake House for breakfast? I know I do.

Nick: As Brian says, it was a slow day but it’s been a while since we’ve seen Andreas, and we think we need some time to acclimate him to the rigorous conditions of this trip. For example, we made him drink Moxie.

Brian: We should force him to watch a making-of documentary for Indian Statues too.

Nick: In the evening, we went into the city to check in on Jake, another friend from school. He’s got a great apartment in Manhattan, and we hung out playing cards, watching the office, and just generally hanging out before heading back home sometime after midnight.

Brian: Short post for a non-eventful day. I’m sure when we hit the road again we will have many a juicy tidbit for our devotees.

Nick: The bacon poll is closed. Seems “crispy” won out handily. Well done readers, you passed the first trial. Song of the day? Probably Bohemian Rapsody. Brian and Nick out

Astoria, NY through Glen Cove, NY

2009-10-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

Brian: A couple slow days of R&R to come, which is nice and well needed, I think Nick will concur. Julia took us to a delicious little diner in little Greece, and we bid her farewell at around 1:30pm. Before we left her lying friend Justin stopped by and lied some more. No, I don’t believe that there are Mole-People living underground in abandoned subway tunnels playing 60-pound Didgeridoos.

Nick: It does seem unlikely. Next stop: Long Island to visit a very important member of this journey: College buddy and general champion at life Andreas. Andreas had plans to join us at the beginning of this great trek but backed out at the last minute because he had to study for the LSAT. But now the test is over and Andreas will likely be a permanent addition to the trip.

Brian: Somehow, I feel like the Fellowship is complete.

Nick: It seems likely that things will really get interesting now… In the meantime, we had sort of a slow day as Brian said. We caught up, then decided to go into the city to check out the MET. Unfortunately, parking was INSANELY expensive so we only had a couple hours to dash through thousands of years of art history before rushing back to move the car.

Brian: Luckily, we were able to locate the most hilarious stone carving in the world, even given the short time we were there. This piece (pun intended and you’ll see why) was a black stone carving about the size of my fist. It was of a man riding a winged penis, and the penis had a penis of its own (much like a gun mounted on the underside). Andreas wanted to take it home.

Nick: For dinner, we hit up a famous diner called Neptune’s, which was quite good. If you readers are following along, I think we’ve eaten in a diner several times a day for the last few days. I can feel my arteries begging for mercy.

Brian: Time out. I have to pound this piece of chicken-fried steak through my left ventricle… ok, we’re good (for another 3 minutes). The night ended with some intense Beatles Rock Band, and other festivities. Use your imagination; we can’t do all the work. Song of the day: Helter Skelter by you know who. Out.

Princeton, NJ through Astoria, NY

2009-10-02T10:20:00.002-07:00

Nick: This morning, I went to a class and walked around a bit. My conclusion: Princeton is going to be one of my top choices for school for lots of reasons, none of which would likely interest you readers. So I shall spare you. We left Brenna and the school then made our way to a diner outside the city on our way to New York City.

Brian: While Nick was in class I stayed in the apartment and read Entertainment Magazine, you know, to catch up on world events. At the diner I made the observation that those hours in the morning Nick and I spent apart were the first in 15 days. So far no fights.

Nick: Our next stop was my friend Julia’s apartment in Queens. She has been a friend from church for several years, though I haven’t seen much of her in the last couple years. We caught up, had some pasta, and headed over to central park where they were showing the Wizard of Oz along with a concert before hand.

Brian: The concert had two main acts, a young girl who apparently was on Dancing with the Stars and is attempting to break into music (unsuccessfully methinks, her voice was breathy and flat) and Jennifer Hudson from American Idol/Dreamgirls who brought some urban flavor to some classic Oz hits. Though the failure of the warm-up act may have been due to her outfit; it looked like a $12.00 “Sexy Dorothy” costume you could purchase at Spencer’s. I called her Whore-othy for the rest of the my entire life.

Nick: That was the zing of the day.

Brian: The night ended with a debate over a glass of wine as to the rules of the “If you think about the game you lose” game. I contend that the game can only be lost once daily, and when you lose you can create a chain reaction of losing to all of the people around you. The other version of the game can be lost only by one person every 20 minutes, and the declaration of their loss grants 20 minutes of immunity to everybody else. It was a boring argument, and even you win the argument, you still lose.

Nick: Brian lost the argument. He also failed to mention what might have been the best performance by a single individual on this trip thus far. I have affectionately dubbed this crazy man at the concert Spin-Master Flex. He was an older gentleman who, at first, just hobbled around the sidewalk when the music from the concert started. Soon though, he began doing wild, flailing spins all over the place, sometimes leaping into the air only to land and spin on. It was intense.

Brian: But his balance was incredible. I don’t think I could maintain those RPM’s during a jazzy rendition of Over the Rainbow. Kudos. Alright, that brings our night to a close. Thanks again to the lovely Julia for introducing us to her liar of a friend Justin, and for graciously hosting us. Out.

New Haven, CT through Princeton, NJ

2009-10-02T10:20:00.001-07:00

Nick: In the morning, we went to a bar called “Bar” for some of their supposedly famous mashed potato pizza. They were closed on Monday. No problem. Louis’ Lunch was across the street, a place known for their incredible burgers. Nope, closed on Monday. Really New Haven? I know we all wish we could live in an exciting new galaxy where every weekend was three days and Mondays were part of ancient history, but this is the Milky Way galaxy, and things just aren’t done that way. Get with the program. After finally giving up on a real breakfast all together, we went to the Peabody museum, which I think is part of the Yale campus, to look at lots and lots of dinosaurs.

Brian: We channeled our inner 6-year olds and ran around like crazy looking at all the sweet fossil molds. Did you know that most paleontologists now believe that all dinosaurs were covered with feathers? It kind of destroys the vicious image of the T-Rex to wrap a feather boa around his neck. My favorite discovery of the museum? The Archelon! Apparently, turtles used to be about 50 times larger than they are now. We will post the picture of my head next to its skeleton. I decided that if I ever have a boat to call my own I will call it The Archelon. Also, on a slightly related note, I’m going to name my first cat Lord Voldemort.

Nick: Not really related. The museum rocked hardcore (yes, museums can do that,) but we had places to be. Next stop was Brian’s aunt’s house.

Brian: Big thanks to Cindy and Brad for kindly hosting us for the afternoon. Lunch and dinner were delicious. And the shower was needed badly. We spent the midday playing Rock Band, ping-pong, billiards, chess, four square, and unwillingly participating in a butt slapping game. Don’t turn your back on those kids for a second. Thanks again guys.

Nick: Next stop was Princeton, NJ to meet my friend Brenna Nickel and check out the school for some grad work. Brenna was an intern with me at Broad Street Ministry in Philadelphia last summer. She pretty much rocks the house all the time, and it’s hard to imagine that summer without her. We met some of her friends and had a nice evening catching up and learning more about the school.

Brian: Beautiful campus. All you need to fit in there is a pair of black horn-rimmed glasses and a stripy scarf. Also, Yuengling was $1.50 a pint at the Princetonian, so it gets my seal of approval. Good morrow readers. Out.

Providence, RI through New Haven, CT

2009-10-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

Nick: 10:00 am. Game time. The Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant was open for business, and didn’t drive to all the way to Rhode Island to wimp out at the last minute.

Brian: Providence, RI and Omaha, MO are the only places you can get the Double-Down.

Nick: Actually, I almost did wimp out at the last minute. I mean, really. Who would actually want to eat one? Well, I’ll tell you that after my first bite into the Colonel’s succulent creation, I think every man, woman and child across our great nation will be clamoring for them. The Double-Down may not be the most nutritious way to start your day. It might not be the easiest thing in the world to eat. But damn it, you have to respect a sandwich with the moxie to cast away buns forever and plunge into a bold new world of extra crispy goodness.

Brian: Fact: The Double-Down is 1,300 calories. Fact: KFC was ill-prepared for five people consecutively ordering Double-Down: they ran out of fried chicken after the third one. Theory: A human can only consume one Double-Down in their lifetime; the second one results in an instant death by cardiac implosion. Not to be confused with cardiac arrest, cardiac implosion is when your own heart becomes self-aware (typically as the result of a traumatic experience e.g. consuming two Double-Downs) and commits suicide after realizing it’s unloved. It is rare to engage in an activity with the foreknowledge that you will never do it again. It allows you to tackle the task with a certain meditative zeal, a calmness born from surety of action. You see your life in two distinct phases: before (pre-Double-Down), and after (Enlightenment). Never again.

Nick: So I’m pretty sure that was poetry. Well done. After the heaviest breakfast ever, we parted ways with Craig, Rachel, and Nick and set off to find a replica of Stonehenge that had apparently been constructed in someone’s back yard not far from New Haven, Connecticut, which was to be our next destination.

Brian: At this point we didn’t have a place to stay for the night. However, quite a few people have told us about this website couchsurfing.org, which is a database people who are willing to provide a roof for travelers like ourselves. We logged on at a local coffee shop on the CT/RI border and sent out about a dozen requests to people in New Haven. Then hit the road.

Nick: An aside: When will the whole world have wireless Intermet? We went to three coffee places, and none had access to the cyber-world. Come on people.

Brian: Between the coffee shop and Faux-henge we decided take a bathroom break and pulled over at a park. The weather was awful so naturally an hour-long walk along the beach was in order. It was a pleasant bit of midday exercise, and two eventful occurrences… occurred. One: Nick predicted a man fishing with his son would hook a bird, and he did. Two: We discovered a new passion.

Nick: It’s a little thing we like to call slam poetry. Brian says that already exists, but I think not. Actually, we were first inspired by some Craigslist post with some major style. We’re going to start displaying some of our best slam poems from the trek on a regular basis. To give you a taste, an appetizer if you will, here is “Ode to a Greek”:

Hey
What if
What if
What if
You Guys YOU GUYS youguys
I just keyed the

U n I v e r s e

Brian: You’re welcome.

Nick: After the beach, it was off to Stonehenge. It was a little tricky to find, owing to the fact that we didn’t have an address this time-

Brian: Sorry Lucy.

Nick: -but at this point, we’re pretty good at finding monuments that aren’t meant to be found. This Stonehenge was also like a previous monument whose Latin name would be Gigantus Native-Americanus Maximus Stupidus in that it was a bit on the disappointing side. Nevertheless, we had a new adventure to pursue in the form of a reply to our couch surfing request for that night in New Haven. After several back-and-forth phone conversations with our potential host, we finally arrived at the house that was to be our sanctuary for the night. Our respite from the wearying road, as it were. Such was our hope. The following account chronicles the night neither of us shall soon forget.

Brian: The quirky female, moniker “Dooz”, greeted us in the yard with a statement about her dogs. “They are really nice. They might bite you. But the purple one will bite you. But they’re fine.” We entered the domicile and were met with an odor faintly reminiscent of Moxie and cat poop. The floor looked never vacuumed, and there were stacks of books and VHS tapes, which created pathways to the various rooms of the house. The wallpaper, yes wallpaper, was in tatters, and every surface was covered in a layer of dust. The cat was friendly.

Nick: We had discussed an escape plan in the event that our host had a meth lab or something, but we weren’t really prepared for this. But. We had no place to stay, and Her Dooziness seemed pretty nice. We shrugged, deposited our effects in the bedroom, and headed off to Ihop to get to know our new Freegan friend a little better.

Brian: I attempted to use the bathroom before we left, but had to leave immediately upon entry as a pot of Jenkum was brewing in the toilet. Look it up, if you dare. The waitress at Ihop easily surpassed our standard of weirdness. Imagine, if you will, a glitchy Stepford wife that asks the same question, two or three times in a single conversation. In a monotone voice. With a smile with which the eyes refuse to participate. “Is there anything I can get you? Is that all you need? Is there anything I can get you?” Weird.

Nick: All’s well that ends well. We stayed up until 2 am playing Hearts with Dooz and her father, a city councilman by trade. The sleep was peaceful and we left at around 7:45 am, thanking a sleeping Dooz for her hospitality on the way out.

Brian: Next time we use Couchsurfing, hopefully we can afford to be a little more selective. Song of the day: “Ode to a Greek” by us. Thanks for reading. NB out.

Manchester, NH through Providence, RH

2009-09-28T05:27:00.000-07:00

Nick: Yesterday found us leaving New Hampshire and heading back to Boston to pick up Craig, a friend from college. This is no small moment because, with the exception of taking Dom to and from work, the road trip has always been the two of us. Craig kept up though. It worked.

Brian: After a couple of practice runs, Craig could Seabiscuit with the best of them.

Nick: Our first stop was the Sam Adams brewery which gives free tours and free beer tastings. I swear. The tour was sort of interesting, though I’m proud to report that Brian and I actually knew almost everything the tour guide told us about the brewing process. Maybe we should brew our own stuff. We are now accepting suggestions for the name of that beer, and any flavors you readers think we should try to capture. Anyway, the tour was cool, and the beer was cold and delicious. Actually, we got to try a Belgian Blonde that they haven’t even decided to sell yet so that was pretty fancy. After the brewery, we were off to Providence, Rhode Island to see Rachel and Nick (more friends from school.)

Brian: If we are lucky that won’t be the only Belgian Blonde on this trip. Yeah, I know that joke is extremely obvious. Rachel and Nick were wonderful; they fed us burgers and introduced us to their friends. Rachel is getting a promotion, and Nick’s guitar building has loosely affiliated him with Barack Obama, so again, we find ourselves mooching off of friends who have wisely chosen a life of success. I have not-so-wisely quit my job in the worst economy in 20 years in order to travel the country in search of fiber-glass Indian statues…

Nick: The one in Skowhegan was wooden.

Brian: Truth. Craig and I fulfilled a tradition of beating the arcade classic known as Final Fight before we fell asleep. If you ever get a chance, try and find the enemy biographies for that game. Among them are a transsexual cop, an autistic salad-lover, and the final boss is a crossbow toting maniac in a wheelchair. The game is unique in that the plot is revealed in the closing credits; until then you simply seem to be a ‘roided out dude in cut-off jeans with a penchant for kicking the crap out of societal rejects (I shouldn’t have said that). Game on!

Nick: Rachel promised us Double-Down sandwiches in the morning. For those of you that don’t closely follow KFC and all of their latest developments, the Double-Down sandwich is a cheese and bacon sandwich slathered in “Colonel’s Sauce” with fried chicken breasts for buns. This country is out of control. Also, we watched “She-Wolf” by Shakira followed by “She He Wolf.” Again. If you’ve never seen these two Youtube vidoes back to back, get it done.

Brian: Youtube has single-handedly revolutionized the amount of time people waste every day, and for that, we thank them. Alright, thanks for reading. Brian and Nick out.

Lunenburg, MA through Manchester, NH

2009-09-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

Brian: Perhaps the greatest morning so far, except for ninja camping under the cover of fog, was waking up to a massive breakfast of steak leftovers and sausage scramble at Dave’s lake house. As I recall, the sink was filled with empty bottles. And, on the very last piece of bait we had, I caught my first fish. Nick had pulled in about thirty-five (five with one piece of steak) and Dave had caught one earlier that morning so I needed to reel one in so as to not seem lame. What can I say, I’ve got clutch. Drinking and fishing: Hemmingway would have been proud.

Nick: Mm. Next stop was a nice, local restaurant off the side of the road with one of the weirdest waitresses we’ve had so far. And we’ve actually had quite a few. It was hard to explain really. She didn’t say anything super weird, per se. She just had a lot of really bizarre gestures and head nods, and she was way too enthusiastic about things like lemons in water. It was as though everything we decided had grave consequences. Maybe they did. Either way, we made it out alive and headed for a coffee shop in Manchester, NH where Brian’s friend Jeremy was going to put us up for the night. Though the name escapes me, the place rocked. Incredibly nice old ladies ran it, everything was homemade, and the décor was sort of all over the place.

Brian: It was called “Jewella and the Beanstalk”. And yeah, the ladies were maybe the nicest wait staff we’ve had on this trip, although like you said we’ve had some super weirdos. More to come on that. So Jeremy, Jesse, and their delightful feline companions welcomed us into their apartment with open arms/paws. We chatted for a while, had a few beers, and headed out to a local establishment were the appetizers were 50% off. I was introduced by Nick to a delicious Belgian brew named Leffe, which I hereby recommend to all readers. The night ended with Moxie shots (no mixers, Moxie is stiff enough on its own) and a long game of Apples to Apples in which I was schooled. Maybe I just don’t read people that well. Anyway, another shout out and thanks to Jeremy and Jesse for allowing us to crash on their floor. And laser-pointering the cats. I could do that all day.

Nick: We ended the night by sharing youtube videos. She-Wolf, by Shakira is the song of the day. Youtube the video “She He Wolf” to find out why. Adios.

Cambridge, MA through Lunenburg, MA

2009-09-25T12:19:00.001-07:00

Brian: Big news! We finally slept in past 10 o’clock. I don’t know about Nick, but it’s a good thing I did, because that morning I wasn’t exactly feeling 100%. Nothing cures what ails you like UBurger, so Nick and I made that our first stop of the day. If you ever make it out to Kenmore Square, I recommend the Boom Burger; it’s covered in fried jalapenos and spicy cheese.

Nick: I’m all about the Hot Chick sandwich. Unlike its human equivalent, it never disappoints.

Brian: Words to live by. Speaking of which, yesterday’s blog was written in a Dunkin’ Donuts about 45 minutes outside of Boston. There we met an older gentleman in a suit, who later declared himself to be a “Big-Mouth Boston Lawyer.” He was curious as to what we could be working on so furiously, and so we explained to him about our road trip (a 30-second sound byte we have down pat). He wanted in. We told him he could have a quote in the blog. Here it is.

“Don’t get divorced.” (And then he laughed maniacally but I’m not sure if it’s part of the quote or not.)

We meet the best people on this trip.

Nick: After Dunkin’, we headed out to Brian’s friend Dave’s lake house. It’s clearly Autumn around here by the way, and the drive is getting to be really beautiful. We got to the lake, talked with Dave for a while, then headed out to… Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. A giant Indian statue.

Brian: Believe it. I think it would be not only possible but quite easy to go on a 3-month road trip just seeking out BFI’s; the hard part would be surviving the suicidal depression that would surely follow.

Nick: Where do these monolithic natives come from? Who is creating them? Just what are they up to? Are they really just statues, or might they be robots? I grow increasingly suspicious that a mad scientist somewhere has a remote that can activate their “Kill all humans” mode. But maybe I’m just paranoid. This particular Indian seemed docile, so we snapped a few pics for posterity then took Dave’s boat for a high-speed ride around the lake.

Brian: We saw a Bald Eagle out there.

Nick: We did. Quite majestic. Back at the docks, we went fishing for a while with mixed results. Giant steaks and locally made sausages for dinner, bonfire illuminating the table on the beach.

Brian: We took the boat into the middle of the lake at night and looked up at the sky. When you spend a couple nights in the city it’s easy to forget that there are actually a boot load of stars up there. A growler of local beer and some hookah for dessert.

Nick: Does life get much better? Unlikely. We fished a little more, then put a Chuck Norris flick in till we all passed out. Brian snored.

Brian: It’s beyond my control. Thanks to Dave for an awesome night of manliness, mystery, and wonder. Our paths will surely cross again. Song of the day: Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof off the Sucker) by Parliament. Thanks again for reading. If you like the blog, tell your friends. Out.

Cambridge, MA Night 2

2009-09-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

Brian: When I woke up my air mattress was completely deflated. Oh well, I guess it was my turn. Guess what time we woke up. If you guessed 7:10 am, give yourself a pat on the back. If not, go back and read the last post slacker.

Nick: The day before, it was a damnable squawking from a crazed avian. This morning, it was a damnable crashing noise caused by a construction crew that seemed unusually industrious for Boston laborers at that time of day. But we really have grown quite fond of the early-to-rise mentality, so no biggie. After picking up a surprisingly elusive parking pass, we walked around BU a little and reminisced. Turns out, cute girls are still a rare commodity at this school. Next, we met up with Brian’s friend Dave and hit up Ye Olde Oyster House. Oldest restaurant in America, or so they say. The interior: very cool: The food: moderately delicious. The price: ouch.

Brian: But how can you put a price on the sensation of slurping down monstrous salty boogers?

Nick: …Gross. He means oysters, by the way. Sickos. We were having a good time talking with Dave though, and if you’ve been following our posts, you know that fine dining and classy social situations have been non-existent so far on this trip.

Brian: Not including Charriers of course.

Nick: Of course. So in keeping with the theme of sophistication, we strolled over to the North End to purchase and smoke some fancy cigars.

Brian: I knew that cigar parlors existed, but I have never been to one until yesterday. Buried underground in Boston’s North End is a small sin bar, which is a name I just came up with for a place that only serves tobacco and booze.
We tossed around some business ideas (as men with cigars are wont to do), one of which I think has great potential. I’ll just say it would be the next big thing in social networking sites. Look out world. So after Dave kindly gave us a ride back to Dom’s apartment, we decided to make it a casual night in. Funny how a couple glasses of Wild Turkey can change your mind about that sort of thing.

Nick: Leah came home and Dom grilled some chicken and vegetables. Our body’s were, are, and forever will be grateful for the first nutritious home cooked meal we’ve had in some time. Charged with a good dinner, we changed our minds about staying in and met a couple BU alumni out at a bar. The night, in my estimation, was a great success for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that we got women at the bar to by US drinks. I guess they were impressed with our tales from the road.

Brian: It was a good night for the feminism movement. Equality is good. Communism is evil. For the record, “Are you a communist?” is an awful pick-up line.

Nick: You found that out the hard way. After some raucous dancing with a very short, very frisky lady that I had to eventually hide from, we headed back home for our second consecutive night in the same place, a first on this trip.

Brian: Well, this blog brings us into the double digits for number of days on the road. Thanks to everyone who has supported this endeavor so far and a preemptive thanks for everyone who will support us in the future. It’s quite possible we haven’t even met you on Craigslist yet. Song of the day: Back in the USSR by The Beatles. Because, though we didn’t mention it, we grabbed a beverage at a Communism themed bar. I thought for sure that pick-up line was going to work.

Nick: …maybe next time (maybe never).

Brian: Out.