Philadelphia, PA through York, PA

Brian: Looking back, I would have to define Philadelphia primarily by its crazy delicious breakfasts. This morning’s destination was another hipster diner, Sabrina’s, this time located in the Italian Market. Our first parking spot was about 18 inches over a painted curb, and for some reason determining whether or not our car would be ticketed became a community event. To the disappointment of the small crowd gathered around our vehicle we decided to continue our streak of receiving no tickets and not risk it. I have no idea why our parking dilemma was so interesting, but thanks to this trip nothing seems weird anymore.

Nick: It was strange. Sabrina’s breakfasts have always been good, and October 10th was no exception. Brian and I each got something like a giant pancake sandwich with eggs, sausage, peppers, and a menagerie of southwest sauces. I don’t think we ate again until late at night, such was the pancake sandwich’s ability to fill and satisfy. After breakfast, it was time to say goodbye to some of my favorite people in the world. Our first stop was some historical battle sight an hour or so outside the city. We were looking for Valley Forge, and we thought that was where we were going, but it wasn’t. After exploring the sites museum, watching its video, and examining its artifacts, all we have concluded was that the Americans lost the war (I didn’t know that was something we’d ever done) and that the Quakers didn’t particularly care for current events at the time.

Brian: Not only did the site highlight a major defeat of the American (then Rebel) soldiers, but the loss was blamed on the stubbornness and impulsiveness of Gen. George Washington. It was quite a shock after the tear-jerking presentation at the Constitution Center in Philly. All’s well that ends well though. It was around this time that Nick opened up his birthday package and found, along with a set of car speakers, a vanilla cupcake flavored car freshener. It is currently hanging from the rear-view mirror along with a can of Moxie. If you will recall our gift from Amy Blunt (Pittsburgh…Craigslist…mansion) you will note that this is not the first time the car has smelled like vanilla cupcake this trip. It is a welcome scent in comparison to the stale laundry Lucy typically exudes. Our next stop was York, Pennsylvania, but our friend Matt did not end work until much later that evening so we had some time to kill. We celebrated Nick’s birthday at a local dive.

Nick: True. After some considerable time blogging in a Border’s café, we hit up what seemed like the best choice from not too many options of local drinkeries. The bar was in a bowling alley, which, if the readers will recall our journey to Scranton, has been historically gratifying for us. Though the crowd seemed pretty rugged and very local, the bartender generously treated me to several Yuengling’s on the house served in what can only be described as an enormous goblet. When Matt got off work, we hit up his apartment, caught up, then stayed up till around 3am watching awesome youtube videos.

Brian: I think we should each make an Intermet video recommendation of the night before closing out. For me it the front page video on stsanders.com. It’s an old Rolling Stones video with the sound and lyrics dubbed over to give it a badly translated Japanese pop music feel.

Nick: Coming to Alderon was pretty good. Sound bytes by James Earl Jones’s character in “Coming to America” are carefully dubbed over the opening scene from Star Wars Episode IV. It works. That about does it for October 10th. Tell your friends about the blog if you haven’t already, and comment when you feel so moved, we really appreciate them. That does it for today. B & N out.

Philadelphia, PA Day 3

Brian: I thanked my body for being such a trooper by getting a full night of rest and having a simple breakfast of granola and goat yogurt. Then for no reason at all I punished my body by purchasing a $2 fried egg sandwich on the street from a Middle Eastern man in a silver trailer. What about second breakfast… elevensies…

Nick: As if the blog isn’t nerdy enough…

Brian: We spent Friday morning catching up on this week’s TV shows. Jim and Pam got married! Like I care. If it was up to me, a single Pam would be purchasing the first of many cats, and Jim would still be tapping that Italian chick. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a girl that knows how to play Call of Duty.

Nick: After tasty cart food, I had a conversation with Erika about next summer in Philly, seminary, and where I might find the funding for those ventures. Next, we drove to the post office to pick up a birthday package from my folks. Suffice it to say, as parents go, I got pretty lucky. With gift in hand, our next stop was a place named, rather lamely I think, the Magic Gardens. The place itself is not lame however. It’s a multi-level sculpted environment made mostly from found materials like bottles, shards of glass and ceramic, and bicycle wheels. I can’t imagine why I would like a place like that…

Brian: Trash tree much? In all seriousness though, the Gardens were pretty awesome. Although the faces in the artwork are reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite’s rendering of Trish, the man has clearly spent countless hours placing each shard of glass and tile with utmost care. Definitely check this out if you are in Philly. The best part was, as we were walking out, I accidentally brushed shoulders with this hippy dude. When I turned around to apologize, I was looking into the face of the man who built the Magic Garden’s. It was kind of like at the end of a movie where an inspirational person makes a cameo as his or herself and gives an inspirational speech. We were hungry again by the time we were finished, so I led Nick to a nearby pizza hole using ISP.

Nick: Italian Sensory Perception. I like it. After that, we hit up a bar in north Philly that allegedly had free drinks from 7-9 in honor of their one-year anniversary.

Brian: This was according to a girl named Jade that we met on CouchSurfing. We met her at the bar. I know what you are thinking. After the Dooz debacle why would we ever give meeting people online another chance? Well you might be right about that, because things got a little crazy toward the end of the night. But to begin, yes, they did, in fact, have free drinks.

Nick: What up. After that, we worked our way south again to end the night in that most excellent of dive bars, Bob and Barbara’s. A can of PRB and a shot of Jim Beam for three dollars? Yes, please. The long and the short of it was, it was an easy night on the wallets. Another rough one on the liver. Life is about compromises.

Brian: A lesson Jade would be wise to learn. She drank a bit too much and then tried to follow us home. We gave her a subway token and told her she needed to go to bed. She wouldn’t have any of it, and she tried to tell us that she didn’t actually even have a home. I believe this to be a lie, because she had earlier asked us if we needed a place to stay, and offered her residence to us. We ended up walking her to the subway station and then sprinting a couple blocks as soon as we rounded the corner. She was that clingy. But we were able to shake her.

Nick: OK, listen close all you cyberistas out there. We like meeting new people, and we know some of you are good because Amy Blunt from Pittsburg made us cupcakes. The rest of you need to cool it with the crazy. Seriously. If you can’t trust people you meet on the Intermet, who can you trust? The song of the day is definitely “Jaded,” by Aerosmith. That pretty much does it for Friday. Check out the new poll if you haven’t already. Nick and Brian oooouuutt.

Philadelphia, PA Day 2

Nick: It’s starting to get hard, readers.

Brian: Too easy. I’ll pass on this one.

Nick: Here we are in a Border’s somewhere near York, PA desperately trying to recount the events of the last two days for the blog. Progress is slow and strained. But here’s our best recollection to date:

In the morning, we met Erika Funk at a most excellent breakfast/brunch place called Honey’s. Honey’s was an old favorite from last summer, and it did not disappoint. Huevos Rancheros will always cure what ails you in the morning.

Brian: Everything there is made using fresh local ingredients, therefore everything there is delicious. I ordered guacamole and vegan biscuits and gravy. They are healthy because they are vegan. Right?

Nick: Sure… After getting fueled up for the day, we worked our way over to the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, and the Constitution Center, all located in, if you can believe it, the historical district. The Bell is free to the public. The Hall is free to the public. The Center is free to the public if the public sneaks in a construction entrance and carefully times their way past the less than vigilante guards.

Brian: So sneaky. And my Dad says video games are a waste of time. Today they saved us 12 bucks each! Actually I think it was $8 for students…

Nick: Still a great day for the gaming industry. I have to say, the historical presentation at the Constitution center was pretty moving. Check it out if you find yourself in the City of Brotherly Love with a free afternoon.

Brian: Later that day we admitted to each other that we were so moved by the video that we were choked up. Almost crying. Alas, such things are not allowed in the company of men. We left the historical district and made our way back to what has become our unofficial Philadelphia HQ, the old church/castle on Broad Street. Our task: disassemble an “art project” Nick built last summer. It’s a giant tree built out of garbage.

Nick: OOOORRR…. It’s a sculpture created by combining different objects that youth found on the streets throughout the summer in an attempt to visually represent the transformation of the used, the dirty, and the abandoned into something practical, beautiful, and inspirational. Kinda what Broad Street’s all about. It was a little sad taking the tree down, not because I didn’t think it was time but because I never really got to give the sculpture the energy or attention it needed to look the way I had planned. Oh well. If the stars align just right, I’ll be back in Philly next summer with a job title that gives me more time to work on art projects. After the dirty work of disassembling the trash tree, we headed home, showered, then met Erika and Wendy out at a fairly new resturaunt called Max Brenner’s House of Chocolate.

Brian: If Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory existed in real life, this would be the café in the lobby. Max Brenner, also known to his patrons as “The Bald Man”, is a master of all things cocoa… and cacao. (What’s the difference again?) Nick’s French fries were covered in a chocolate powder, and my fish tacos were drizzled with a light molé sauce. Dessert was fondue. They ran out of churros so we talked the waitress into bringing us an extra bowl of marshmallows. After dessert we played a hilarious game where you begin by writing a sentence, then have people alternately either draw what is written down or write down what they see drawn. It is done secretly, and you aren’t allowed to look at any other previous drawings or sentences except the one given to you. It is hard to draw a goat duct-taped to a ceiling fan.

Nick: Or, as I interpreted it, an Aztec glyph hovering over a devil-bull. Which Erika interpreted as a flaming devil butt. Love it. Mad props to Funk on her pretty perfect drawing of Sarah Palin tap dancing in Disney Land. That about does it for Thursday. We’re jam’n. Brian and Nick out.

Philadelphia, PA Day 1

Brian: It was nice not to wake up with a fresh frost in my hair. Thanks to Julie’s family for hosting us. It is the hospitality of our friends that makes this trip possible. There were two main topics of conversation the night before. One was the high volume of haunted hotspots in the Philadelphia area, and the other was fake drug names on state surveys we took in high school. In order to disqualify people who were filling out the survey randomly or intentionally falsifying information, they would plant a question regarding a made-up drug in the survey. If you said you have taken the drug, it would disqualify your exam. Hope and Wagon Wheel are examples of the fake names they would come up with. To fuse these topics of conversation, we decided to travel with Julie to the haunted town of New Hope, New Jersey.

Nick: New Hope was pretty cool. There was a giant stature of an unidentified creature greeting us as we entered the town. A one thousand dollar reward to the reader than can correctly categorize this beast in its proper place on the evolutionary tree. A picture to follow with us riding the thing Falcore style. That’s right. New Hope also had a pretty well stocked sword shop, which was convenient as we needed a new whittling knife. They sell them at sword shops. The next stop was an Italian deli not far from Julie’s place. Buffalo Chicken cheese steak: Delicious. With fresh armaments in our camping supply box and supreme sandwiches freshly devoured, we were ready to roll into the city of brotherly love.

Brian: Nick is quite familiar with Philly, so I’ll take the reins to give my first impressions. Philadelphia is like Boston in the sense that it has great historical significance, but there seems to be a greater emphasis in general on the arts. Every wall of reasonable size is covered with a mural that represents the neighborhood. Also unlike Boston, the city is clearly built on a grid system. Apparently Philly’s grid system planning predates New York’s, making it the first major planned city in the United States. We hiked around downtown for a couple of hours, sampling some of the famous Water Ice, which basically like a soft Italian Ice. Nick showed off the old church he worked at a couple of summers ago. Frankly I’m impressed it’s still standing. We decided to end our time with Julie by visiting the Eastern State Penitentiary, where Al Capone served a single year of prison time. It was awesome, and I would totally recommend it to anybody passing through.

Nick: I’ve been looking forward to Philly more than anywhere else on this trip. Some of my best friends in the world are here, my favorite places to eat, drink, and hang out are here, the place that taught me so much about social justice and what a church can be in that context is here. It’s a city I hope to live in again. Anyway, Julie left after we got to Broad Street Ministry, which is the church Brian mentioned. For those of you familiar with the city, it’s right on Broad, just a few blocks south of City Hall. For those of you not familiar with the city, it’s pretty much as downtown as you can get. Wendy, who is my good friend and the person we’re staying with for the next few days, took us out for cheese steaks after we left Broad Street. There is a street corner with two famous cheese steak places across from each other, Pat’s and Gino’s, and there has always been heated controversy over who has the best sandwich. Personally… I’m more of a Gino’s guy. I don’t like all the crazy lights that adorn their establishment, and the staff is allegedly very racist. I don’t know about that, but I do know that their cheese is out of control good, and I could eat there a couple teams a week for the rest of eternity and not be too unhappy about the arrangement.

Brian: Unfortunately if you ate there a couple times a week, the rest of eternity would be less than a year. Not quite as potent as a Double-Down, to be sure, but certainly a challenging endeavor for even the biggest junk foodie. I thought it was delicious, but according to Nick, they weren’t even the best they’ve ever made. I ordered mine “Whiz Wit’” which means melted cheese whiz and fried onion. Mmm. To finish off the night, Nick took me to his favorite local dive, a perpetually unfinished bar called Bob and Barbara’s. They have a $3 special where you get a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a shot of Jim Beam. Still on camp time, we only had one of those and came back for an early night. In my typical style, I was asleep the moment the lights went out.

Nick: Feels good to be back in what I can confidently call my favorite city in America. And now, for your viewing pleasure, photos from a creepy, possibly haunted, prison in serious need of repair. Brian and Nick out.

Bass River State Park, NJ through Philadelphia, PA

Brian: Next stop, Philadelphia. But as it is literally impossible to leave New Jersey without paying a toll, we wanted to see as many touristy things as possible before we crossed over. By combining the powers of the Weird US book and the Intermet, we located about 4 or 5 attractions that would take us on a parabolic route through the state. Stop one was the world’s largest light bulb. Naturally to be found in the town of Edison.

Nick: Naturally to be found? I’m no English major, but I am a little suspicious about the grammatical integrity of that sentence. Anyway, the light bulb was way up on a giant pole-tower thing, so climbing in, on, or around the artifact was out of the question. Next stop was Hitler’s toilet. As the story goes, New Jersey somehow ended up with Hitler’s yacht. The state, in an effort to destroy what might possibly become something of an homage to history’s greatest tyrant, disassembled the vessel and dispersed its components amongst the townspeople. The ship’s toilet, as it turns out, consequently resides in a grungy auto-repair shop. Despite the degradation of the toilet’s condition along with a familiar yet viciously pungent odor, I felt truly moved by such an important piece of world history. Awe struck even.

Brian: Der Fuhrer’s shittentrapper. Indeed impressive. After a quick chat with the mechanic, we moved on to the next attraction. Like the Skowhegan Indian (and I apologize for bringing it up) Mighty Joe was located to the side of a gas station. Unlike the BFI, when I beheld Mighty Joe, I did not fall into a deepening spiral of humanity questioning despair. Mighty Joe was a 40-foot gorilla statue/memorial for a deceased body-building son. I believe gas stations are the family business (it is lamented on the plaque that Joe did not live to enter the family business) and so it makes sense that Mighty Joe would be located on gas station property. Another notable event: at the gas station, a rather rough and beat-up looking youth kindly saved the life of a stick bug. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Nick: Hmm. The next stop was the world’s largest miniature trainscape. OK, so, I know that doesn’t sound super exciting to some of you, but I used to build trainscapes and it was a great hobby so yeah, I was pumped. Also, who doesn’t like things in miniature? But alas, it was closed. Tuesday’s are not good days for train watching. Who knew? No biggie, we just headed to a local coffee shop that looked good. You know, take some time out of the day, do a little blogging. What? Cool local coffee shop is closed on Tuesdays too? What’s your game New Jersey… The next real stop was Brian’s friend Julie’s house. It was to be our respite for the night.

Brian: The evening was relatively casual. Julie suggested that we go to the world’s best grocery store (according to the food network, maybe?) to purchase our evening’s beverages. We decided to branch out from our usual Yuengling Lager, and sample the Yuengling Black and Tan. It was a delicious accompaniment to a night of Rock Band with Julie’s siblings, Jack and Steph. Thank you to her father for cooking us a delicious dinner of chicken and mushrooms. It was a nice change of pace from hotdogs over an open flame. Although I doubt I’ve seen the last of those.

Nick: Hope not. That about does it for our Tuesday, we’ve got some pics for you this post. Enjoy. Brian and Nick out.

Bass River State Park

Brian: Another aspect of cities vs. camping is that we wake up freezing…

Nick: …and terrified…

Brian: …bear-ified?...

Nick: …nice…

Brian: …regardless of the precautions we take. Nick and I hopped into the car and traveled to the ranger’s office to register our site and purchase some wood. We were unfortunately informed that one may only have a fire until 10 am and after 4 pm. Our campsite was so isolated that not a single ranger came by to check on us, but we decided to follow the rules anyway and spend the day hiking.

Nick: In attempt to purge my body of the evils of excessive alcohol, diner food, and Double-Downs, I opted to skip breakfast and lunch and instead consume a gallon of water. I was sort of going for a digestive reset button. I’ve had worse ideas. The hike rocked. We had the whole huge park to ourselves, and the trails were long enough to satisfy our lust for adventure and a good cardio workout. And now a cautionary note to readers: Sometimes signs that denote a pink path fade and therefore seem to denote a white path. Conversely, red signs fade and denote pink paths. Finally, lazy park rangers will occasionally forget to post a pink sticker over the white path marker.

Brian: We got lost.

Nick: More than once.

Brian: Not always in the park.

Nick: But we made it back, and despite some blistering pain in my feet from hiking shoes that were a touch small-

Brian: And cramped muscles that haven’t been used in a month-

Nick: It was a very pleasant experience. A game of Jambo, which as we all know is the game for clever merchants, followed by a game of Scrabble preceded a warm fire which, after all our experience, was perfectly crafted in regards to heat, light production, and overall awesomeness.

Brian: We lit it at 3:53 pm, slightly bending the not-so-strictly enforced 4 o’ clock cutoff rule. Our wood was burning quickly so I chopped a nearby stump in half with our hatchet for extra fuel. Check out me with the head of my kill.

Nick: All and all, the day and a half in Bass River State Forest went by too quickly for my taste. As soon as we find ourselves some fresh ketchup and mustard (ours have gone horribly, horribly bad) and perhaps a decent whittling knife, I think we’ll pretty much have the camping down to a science. That’s all for today. Hopefully tomorrow morning will be a little less frigid. Tonight, I sleep with sweatshirt and sweatpants. Brian and Nick out.

Smithville, NJ through Bass River State Park, NJ

Brian: It’s Sunday. I’m not usually not exactly sure of what day it is, but today we went back to J.D’s and watched football so that’s how I know. Weekly football games are the only stable and regular things in my life right now, except for the constant threat of bear attacks.

Nick: They really are getting to be a pandemic. Hourly bear checks throughout the night while we’re out camping in bear territory-

Brian: Bearitory

Nick: -has become a grim necessity. Otherwise, the camping has been excellent. For dinner Sunday night, we dumped Brian’s left over nacho lunch in a pan and roasted over the open flames. The results were indescribably delicious. Seriously. You know how when you have nachos the next day, the chips are soaked with all the wondrous juices? Well, we had that going, plus the smoky flavor of the fire, plus the intense heat that melted the sour cream and guacamole into a savory sauce that can only be described as a triumphant culinary fiesta. Plans for the first ever nacho marinade are currently in the works.

Brian: Speaking of smoky, Nick and I realized that Smokey the Bear is a homosexual. He only wears tight designer jeans and a camper hat (no shirt), is built like Mr. Clean, is always holding some sort of cylindrical object, creeps around campsites, and just generally looks gay. He is definitely a bear. Back to our taco casserole. About 10% of it burned and stuck to the pan, so we boiled some water in the pot in an attempt to boil it off. The result was a pungent and viscous concoction that we were convinced would send every bear in a 25 mile radius into a delirious man-eating frenzy. They say that the way to avoid bear attacks is to play dead. Well I’m not playing any deader than when I’m sleeping. Question: If a bear attacks me in my sleep what am I supposed to do?

Nick: Every time I try to think of such a terrifying situation, my brain locks up to protect itself from permanent trauma. Thus, I have no answer for you. Maybe readers can help. After dinner, we climbed into the tent and passed out around 9 pm. Incidentally, it’s very easy to go from party time to camp time. The opposite is not true, however. Philadelphia, our next stop, is going to push our ability to stay awake past 11 pm coming off the longest consecutive camping on the trip (two days.)

Brian: Yeah, cities are a trade-off in that it is easier to stay clean, but we have to stay up later. Alright, so ends our first day in Bass River State Park. Increased levels of debauchery guaranteed to come. Out.