Brian: It’s Sunday. I’m not usually not exactly sure of what day it is, but today we went back to J.D’s and watched football so that’s how I know. Weekly football games are the only stable and regular things in my life right now, except for the constant threat of bear attacks.
Nick: They really are getting to be a pandemic. Hourly bear checks throughout the night while we’re out camping in bear territory-
Brian: Bearitory
Nick: -has become a grim necessity. Otherwise, the camping has been excellent. For dinner Sunday night, we dumped Brian’s left over nacho lunch in a pan and roasted over the open flames. The results were indescribably delicious. Seriously. You know how when you have nachos the next day, the chips are soaked with all the wondrous juices? Well, we had that going, plus the smoky flavor of the fire, plus the intense heat that melted the sour cream and guacamole into a savory sauce that can only be described as a triumphant culinary fiesta. Plans for the first ever nacho marinade are currently in the works.
Brian: Speaking of smoky, Nick and I realized that Smokey the Bear is a homosexual. He only wears tight designer jeans and a camper hat (no shirt), is built like Mr. Clean, is always holding some sort of cylindrical object, creeps around campsites, and just generally looks gay. He is definitely a bear. Back to our taco casserole. About 10% of it burned and stuck to the pan, so we boiled some water in the pot in an attempt to boil it off. The result was a pungent and viscous concoction that we were convinced would send every bear in a 25 mile radius into a delirious man-eating frenzy. They say that the way to avoid bear attacks is to play dead. Well I’m not playing any deader than when I’m sleeping. Question: If a bear attacks me in my sleep what am I supposed to do?
Nick: Every time I try to think of such a terrifying situation, my brain locks up to protect itself from permanent trauma. Thus, I have no answer for you. Maybe readers can help. After dinner, we climbed into the tent and passed out around 9 pm. Incidentally, it’s very easy to go from party time to camp time. The opposite is not true, however. Philadelphia, our next stop, is going to push our ability to stay awake past 11 pm coming off the longest consecutive camping on the trip (two days.)
Brian: Yeah, cities are a trade-off in that it is easier to stay clean, but we have to stay up later. Alright, so ends our first day in Bass River State Park. Increased levels of debauchery guaranteed to come. Out.
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Does anybody here know what to do if a bear attacks? A lot of people do think you're supposed to play dead, which is not what you're supposed to do. And the best thing about playing dead is -- it's a rumor that bears spread.
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