Atlanta, GA Day 1

Brian: Ouch, my head. What a better way to spend a hangover than walking around looking at soon-to-be sushi. I’m not kidding, there were like 4 or 5 seafood restaurants surrounding the Atlanta Aquarium. I think that’s a dangerous game. It wouldn’t be very good for the general morale of the fish if they knew what was happening to their brothers not 100 yards down the road. The lady at the front desk talked us into buying the slightly pricier tickets for the limited-time only shark exhibit.

Nick: At that point, I’d nearly resigned myself to believing I’d never be back to this city, so why not take in as much as possible? Sharks are cool, we like sharks, let’s do this thing. On the subject of sharks, have y’all (that’s right) ever seen a whale shark? Up close? Whoa dang, that’s a big fish. The Georgia Aquarium (it’s in Atlanta but that’s not in the name) has six of these things in a huge tank that has a glass tube you can walk through. Some of them are like…. 20, 25 feet long? Question: How many square inches of whale shark sushi could one cover with the meat from one whale shark? And just how much square surface area is available on an average supermodel in the supine position? If you’re wondering, I’m trying to figure out if opening a sushi restaurant with supermodels as plates could be competitive by purchasing raw materials in bulk. Something to think about. We also looked at sea otters, which multiple individuals in my life have attributed to be my cosmic animal soul twin. I don’t know about all that, but they’re fun to look at. It went quick, but the aquarium was pretty cool.

Brian: Overall, it was a unique experience. Actually, not overall. Atlanta Aquarium is guilty of plagiarism in the 1st degree when it comes to their 4D children’s entertainment experience, titled Deepo’s 3D Wondershow. Let’s start with 4D. Nobody in the establishment was able to explain what 4D meant, or what the 4th D(imension) was. The only answer we could get, and believe me we asked several employees, was that Deepo is a 3D movie in a 4D theatre.

Nick: Also: why did the woman, who couldn’t have been much older than us, recommend we pick up tickets to this show which was, upon further investigation, clearly for children? Do we look childish? Act childish? I think not, and I take offense.

Brian: Twilight Zone always told me the 4th dimension was time. I’ve also always been told that time equals money. Well I guess 4D theatres make sense, because after you go in, you come out 20 minutes in the future and $5.00 poorer.

Nick: Zing!


Brian: Also, check out the pictures and tell me that Deepo is not a Finding Nemo copy. Like, what the hell? They are asking for a lawsuit.

Nick: So anyway, we do the whole aquarium and decide to end with the much more adult themed shark show thing. Well guess what, the thing broke down so we’d have to wait a full hour and a half to see the next show. No thanks. But when we went to get our tickets refunded, it was this whole big thing, and the woman wouldn’t do it at first, then it took forever, and it just… it left a bad taste in the mouth. That’s OK though, you know? During our travels, we’ve found the best, most wonderfully refreshing drink to cleanse anything bad from our road trip pallet. It was the quest for this most delectable of beverages that lead us to our next destination.

Brian: The Coca-Cola Museum, right across from the aquarium! Certainly since Coke is now the proud owner of Moxie, it would be a sure thing to find a can or bottle in the gift shop. But alas, if there’s anything we should have learned from our first Moxie experience, it’s to not expect Moxie where it should be (recall that the official Moxie museum only had a single cob-webbed can available). I was especially misled by the statue of the inventor of Coke, who looks like a Moxie man himself, and whom I shared a beverage with, see picture. We left the gift shop depressed and empty, and went to a bar named The Righteous Room to meet our next Couchsurfing host: Erin.

Nick: Erin is notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that she has been the first person on Couchsurfing to bring a friend to the initial meeting. It just seems like something that’d be standard couchsurfing procedure to bring a friend to make sure we aren’t crazy psychos hopped up on gallons of radioactive Moxie.

Brian: Speaking of hopped up, we met a guy named Charlie at the bar who insisted on buying our table a round of drinks. He literally just walked right up to me and started talking to me. For some reason when people do that all I want to do is lie to them. So I told Charlie that Nick and I were traveling salesman going door-to-door selling coconut catching nets (Coconets). I sold it so well that even Erin fully bought it. I told her later that it was a lie, and if I was in her position I wouldn’t let someone who could lie with such ease stay at my house. But…

Nick: …I guess we checked out, because after a nice evening of talking, drinking a little, and catching up on The Office, Erin and her friend Xander left us to our own devices. In their house. Like, they went someplace else to sleep.

Brian: Well, the cat was there.

Nick: Ah yes. The cat. So… I usually don’t like cats. Actually, I despise most cats. Also, I’m pretty dang allergic to them in general, so even cats I might be apathetic about cause me all kinds of problems, and that of course makes it very easy to despise them too. On the subject, I’m more allergic to some than others. Turns out, this cat gave me the worst reaction ever. Like, could hardly breath reaction. Which is, as you can imagine, distressing enough. This particular feline decided to up the ante however by being completely nuts. For example, when I reached down into my bag to fetch the laptop, it thought that bounding across the room and sinking its vicious cat fangs into my wrist would be a hospitable thing to do. Have I mentioned that I despise cats? Anyway, the second Erin left, Brian was nice enough to help me corral the damn thing into the bathroom where I hope it spent a very long, lonely evening thinking about what it had done.

Brian: I didn’t like it either. It meowed the whole time it was in there, even though I brought it food and water. I didn’t even shove it under the door, which is better treatment than many human prisoners receive. Well after it was gone things got a little better and we went to sleep after catching up on some TV shows. Next stop, Nashville. We are outie like Kelly Rippa.