Arlington VA through Norfolk, VA

Nick: I don’t like the phrase “when dreams come true.” I think it’s seriously overused, trite, and frankly, it doesn’t make much sense to me. My dreams are almost always bizarre, terrifying, or terrifyingly bizarre. Do I want those unconscious journeys to Freak Town to come true? Of course not. This trip is weird enough as it is. I mention the phrase, however, because it literally happened to me sometime very early in the morning. Kind of. I had a dream that I was in the city somewhere, having a hell of a time finding my way home. In my dream, I desperately wanted to just lay down in a safe warm bed and sleep, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in the world. I woke up, as I said, very early in the morning, convinced that my dream had been true, and that I was in fact lost out in the world. As my brain slowly started powering up, I realized that I was in fact already in a safe warm bed. Does this story bore you? Excuse me readers, I was just trying to tell you about the happiest moment in the universe when, in an instant, I acquired everything I had ever hoped for in my wildest dream. It was an intense moment of great personal triumph. Forgive me if my personal victories aren’t interesting to you. Jerks.

Brian: It’s one of those “you had to be there” kinds of things, and since none of us were in Nick’s brain, it’s frankly not that interesting. From here on out on this trip, Nick and I know a lot fewer people to crash with so we are going to be depending a lot more on Couchsurfing and camping for our nightly shelter. I know what you are thinking: “Yo, Couchsurfing has sucked for you so far. Why do you continue to tempt fate?” Well hear us out, because the good lady Intermet came through for us on this fateful day. The first place we stopped was a coffee shop called Fair Grounds in Norfolk. There were a bizarrely high number of signs on the walls proclaiming that food should be purchased if you are using the Intermet. It was quite rude and uninviting but I grabbed a cup of tea for propriety, and Nick and I began checking out our potential Couchsurfing options.

Nick: We’ve adopted a technique named “spray and pray” which basically means sending out tons and tons of requests then hoping for a connection with someone that’s not totally bananas. As Brian eluded to, we had some luck this day. Our first stop was Virginia Beach, where we met up with Krista. She showed us around the town, making an initial stop at a giant statue of King Neptune. For the record, while we all know that Big Frick’n Indian statues are blight upon the earth, it turns out that Big Frick’n Pagan statues are pretty damn great. See the photos below for the proof. Next, we went out for lunch at a Tikki themed resturaunt called “Big Sam’s”, which was on the water. It was there that I was met with disaster. Allow me to explain: there are two things about me that have been true for a long time. First, I like seafood like a fat man likes getting that place in the middle of his back scratched; the place that he could never hope to reach without the aid of some sort of stick made specifically for that purpose. In other words, it always hits the spot, and I’m always up for some. Second, I’ll try anything once. Why not, right? Brian: “I think I’ll have the soft shell crab sandwich.” Nick: “Eh? What’s that like?” Brian: It’s good, but it’s literally the whole crab fried between two buns.” Nick: “Hmm… Yeah, OK.” ATTENTION READERS: UNLESS YOU LIKE YOUR FOOD TO REMIND YOU OF GIANT ARACHNIDS, DO NOT ORDER A SOFT SHELL CRAB SANDWICH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. For reals, it looked like an enormous spider resting quietly on a bed of lettuce, tomato, and cocktail sauce. No problem. I’ve eaten a lot of weird stuff in my time. I can man up when the occasion calls for it. Bite one: Legs, mostly. A bit crunchy. Distinct taste of sand and ocean present. Bite two: We’re getting into the gooey bits people. Distinct taste of a digestive system present. Bite three: More of the same. It is quickly becoming apparent that eating this entire thing is going to be a long, difficult struggle. The decision is made to stop eating for a moment and examine more closely the midway point of sandwich, which is where I found myself at that time.

Brian: That was your biggest error.

Nick: A chunk of something fell out. Brian: “What, you don’t like the brains?” That did it for me. My gastronomic adventure was over. Couldn’t finish it. In an attempt to salvage what little dignity I had left, I rolled up the legs in the remaining bun and washed them down with beer and French fries. Now, thinking about that sandwich still sets off a faint gag reflex. Really just an awful experience all around.

Brian: I loved it. Brains, eyeballs, poop-filled digestive system and all. Nick, what was that about Utah? Oh, you are just dry-heaving… we’ll get you some Moxie and you will be right as rain. Our next destination was the Flight Museum at the Virginia Beach airport just outside of town. The D.C. flight museum is free, and I imagine it is huge and awesome. The Virginia Beach flight museum is dinky, and it costs $11 a head. We said no thanks, and the lovely Krista, clearing feeling bad about our disappointment, took us on a half-mile off-road jaunt in her Mustang, literally out into the grass of the airfield. Hang on, we’re in for some chop. We headed back to Krista’s apartment where we met her sister, who suggested that we all go out and select a pumpkin to carve. I grossed Nick out for the second time that day by volunteering to scoop out the brains, aka seeds and goop, with my bare hands. Nick, however, is more of an artist than I am so I relinquished actual carving duty to him and Krista. The end result was pretty rad. Check the pics.

Nick: I hadn’t sculpted in a while, and since all their knives were way too big for the delicate carving I had in mind, I had to go with my tiny pocket knife. Nevertheless, as Brian says, I think we rocked the house on this one. Good work all around. Just as we were finishing up, we got a call from Nikki, another person we found through Couchsurfing, and whom we had plans to spend the night with.

Brian: Bow chicka wow wow.

Nick: Nikki wasn’t far away: Norfolk, Virginia. After a little trouble finding her apartment building, which looked EXACTLY like an apartment building a little further down on the same street, we went inside, had a beer or two, then headed out into the cool Virginia evening following our new host to what we hoped would be a cool bar/eatery with some interesting people to encounter. We were not disappointed. The place was called Cogan’s Pizza, and even on a Wednesday night, people were out doing their thing. The crowd was a bizarre mix of what looked like college frat boys, an assortment of locals, hipsters, and a number of individuals that defied categorization all together. One such individual was rock’n out in a “onesie,” which just so happened to be pink and covered with baby duck images. This outfit, which would normally be a major hindrance in one’s ability to successfully socialize and potentially hook up with the ladies, didn’t seem to create any problems for this guy who, more than once, monopolized the bathroom with no less than two female companions. If you got it you got it I guess. But I digress. Nikki, Brian and I dominated some fools at pool, drank pitchers of a local pumpkin flavored brew, and had a generally good time. The topics of conversation ranged between books, movies, and whether or not Nikki was an enchantress with the ability to cast spells, charms, and other unsavory activities commonly ascribed to witches.

Brian: The witch topic of conversation came up because she is fondly caressing some flowers in her profile picture. As a precautionary measure we texted a witch friend of ours asking her to prepare counter-spells before we ever even met Nikki. You think I’m kidding. Well, it was pouring down rain when we stepped out of the bar, so we cancelled our original plans of midnight tree climbing and just headed back to Nikki’s. Probably a good idea considering I don’t have health insurance. We attempted to watch some youtube when we got back, but anybody that knows me knows that I can’t look at a screen for 3 minutes after 9 o’ clock without passing out. Nikki was super-cool and it was great night overall. Thanks as always for reading.
bNrIiCaKn out.