Brian: I don’t feel very good this morning, and for once it isn’t related to drinking. Well maybe indirectly it is. My immune system has been operating under extremely oppressive conditions for upward of a month, so combine that with sleeping on 30 couches in as many days and frankly it’s a miracle that all I have is a slight cold. Luckily we are quickly approaching Nick’s parents house on Balsam mountain, where I should be able to beat this thing with some fresh air and serious R & R.
Nick: But not yet. Later that day, we headed into a swanky part of town outside Durham, NC in search of a swanky coffee shop. We were not disappointed and in fact enjoyed the place so much we made an afternoon of reading, gaming, and of course blogging. When Jason and his girlfriend Jess were free, we headed to their place for some grub, drink’n and card playing.
Brian: Let’s start with grub. Have you ever heard of Cook Out? It is a wonderful place where one can purchase a burger, 2 sides (pick between corndog, baked beans, slaw, fries, and onion rings) and about a gallon of soda for less than 5 bucks. I followed Jason’s lead and selected Cheerwine as my beverage, which is a local soda that has the flavor and consistency of cherry snow cone syrup. Even with my rigorous junk food training regiment I couldn’t really stomach the stuff.
Nick: I went with a chicken sandwich based on the fact that its name was something like “The Super Deluxe Grandslam Spicy Chicken Sandwich Combo Meal.”
Brian: It had the word “cheesy” in there somewhere.
Nick: Sounds exciting right? Nah. Piece of fried chicken and a bun. There may have been mayo. I was so disappointed when the thing didn’t actually have flashing lights and sound effects I didn’t pay much attention to the consumption portion of the experience. Now for the drink’n: Jason and I have a long and wonderful history with Rolling Rock. It’s the first beer that ever got me drunk, and is responsible for a number of inspirational quotes, most notably my desire to simply “Pour it on my brain.” Thus, we rolled up to the local Kroger looking to continue our illustrious tradition. PBR was cheaper. We bought PBR. Which was fine. Mmm… PBR…
Brian: You don’t pick out PBR. PBR picks you. And that brings us to the card playing. We started out with a game called Euchre, which is popular in the Midwest. It’s a simple game, but enjoyable because of the crazy superstitions you have to follow when you play it. Such as plucking an invisible chicken if you are close to victory. Must be a Midwest thing…
Nick: I grow Very trying to explain, justify, and defend the procedures for Euchre. It’s for every non-believer’s own good that I try to teach them the proper ways to do things. At this point, I’m just going to let them loose in a great flaming wreck of failure. Milk the cow, or be prepared to suffer the consequences. After a few rounds…
Brian: …double entendre…
Nick: …we all piled into Jess’s car and she (she was sober people, relax) drove us to a local bar that I think used to be a shoe factory. Jason rocked some Long Island Ice Teas, which are not my personal favorite, and we dominated at pool. No surprise, I know. Eventually I worked my way into some random people’s foosball game. I would like to take this moment to thank the women in my life that really helped me perfect my foosball skills over the years, skills that allow me to utterly crush anyone stupid enough to challenge my authority.
Brian: Easy big guy. The highlight of the pool bar for me was watching a hillbilly Santa totally shank a shot, rendering the typically harmless cue ball airborne. It sailed about 20 ft through the air, and I laughed my ass off. Maybe you had to be there. We headed back to Jess’ place and I passed out on a section of couch.
Nick: Brian, despite passing out right next to a blanket and a pillow, had forgone both of these items in the interest of immediate slumber. When I, good friend that I am, tried to wedge a pillow under his head, Brian shot up and gruffly asked me what I was doing. I literally had to talk him into laying down again, so great was his suspicion. Talk about paranoid. It’s not like I’m going to pull a killer prank on him at some point in the night as a retaliation for early wrong-doings on his part on this trip. I’d never do something like that. Anyway, that just about does it for whatever day we’re on. We’ll try to sort out the chronology out when we post this puppy. Take it easy, readers. Nick and Brian out.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Norfolk, VA through Wilmington, NC
Nick: Yeah, yeah, we’re bums. It’s been a few days since our last post. But we’ll have you know, we’ve been working hard to rest up so that we can continue to provide the highest standard of coverage from around the nation that you’ve come to expect.
Brian: We are actually writing this after having left Nick’s parents’ house in North Carolina. In fact, our current location may come as a surprise to many of our most faithful followers. We are breaking a promise we made. Let’s talk about that in a later post. For now, as far as the readers are concerned, we are waking up at Nikki’s house in Virginia.
Nick: It was one of those special mornings where I wake up on the floor desperately trying to figure out what happened the night before. I had little time to wonder however as our gracious host provided expediant glasses of orange juice, then ushered us out as she was on her way to an early day of work. Which was fine. We had work to do.
Brian: By accident, Nikki’s house was about 4 blocks away from Fair Grounds, the coffee shop we had visited yesterday. Neither of us were feeling up for blogging, so we settled into some comfortable chairs in a corner and busted out our Gameboys. You’d be surprised what an hour of Gameboy can do for a hangover. Anyway, I can’t remember if I mentioned this last time, but posters were taped all over the walls of Fair Grounds stating that the “free” Internet [sic] (it should read Intermet) is for paying customers only, blah, blah, blah, please make a purchase. Somewhat unfriendly compared to the coffee shops I typically frequent, but times are tough, and I rarely go into a coffee shop and do not make a purchase anyway. Well, apparently I didn’t act quickly enough for the proprietor of the establishment, because he approached me, rudely interrupted my gaming, and stated that customers are asked to make a purchase when using the amenities provided. I told him that I was thinking about it, and he responded, “Well, you can’t just think about it, you have to do it.” Had I not been slightly affected by the Fog of War, I would have let him have it. Any other day of the year. I literally watched him kick out another guy who was reading a newspaper. I purchased tea (cheapest item on the menu) and considered for the next hour leaving him a bad review on Yelp!. I hope the Starbucks across the street drives him out of business.
Nick: Maybe my Fog was thicker. I didn’t really care. Speaking of, when it became time to roll out, I suggested that Brian take the Captain’s Wheel of our vessel as I didn’t feel quite ready to command. He drove for a while. Then we swapped. Then I had to have nap time. I think we crashed in a Home Depot parking lot. It was mildly refreshing. Next stop: Rose, our Couch Surfing contact in Greensboro, NC. We met her and her boyfriend at some local bar downtown then headed to their totally sweet apartment for some crazy delicious homemade chili and television. It was a much needed rest from the previous night’s pumpkin beer tsunami. Not to mention the next stop was my good buddy’s girlfriend’s place in Durham, NC, and I knew there would be plenty of drinking there.
Brian: Way to under appreciate the awesomeness of the chili and cornbread. And how awesome Rose’s apartment was. The apartment started out with a hallway where the bedrooms and bathroom were located and opened up into a huge hardwood living room that was at least 750 square feet. In college I lived in full apartments that could easily fit inside her living room. She let us stay up late and watch TV. I found out that I love that show “It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia”. I recommend it. The only bad part about the experience was that I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, and couldn’t get back to sleep because I was terrified of having tonsillitis and no insurance.
Nick: Pretty sure I said it was awesome and delicious. I find that short, succinct words are more accurate and ultimately powerful than large, long adjectival clauses. But I’m no English major. That about does it for day thirty-something. Hope all is well out there in cyber space. BRIAN AND NICK ARE GO
Brian: We are actually writing this after having left Nick’s parents’ house in North Carolina. In fact, our current location may come as a surprise to many of our most faithful followers. We are breaking a promise we made. Let’s talk about that in a later post. For now, as far as the readers are concerned, we are waking up at Nikki’s house in Virginia.
Nick: It was one of those special mornings where I wake up on the floor desperately trying to figure out what happened the night before. I had little time to wonder however as our gracious host provided expediant glasses of orange juice, then ushered us out as she was on her way to an early day of work. Which was fine. We had work to do.
Brian: By accident, Nikki’s house was about 4 blocks away from Fair Grounds, the coffee shop we had visited yesterday. Neither of us were feeling up for blogging, so we settled into some comfortable chairs in a corner and busted out our Gameboys. You’d be surprised what an hour of Gameboy can do for a hangover. Anyway, I can’t remember if I mentioned this last time, but posters were taped all over the walls of Fair Grounds stating that the “free” Internet [sic] (it should read Intermet) is for paying customers only, blah, blah, blah, please make a purchase. Somewhat unfriendly compared to the coffee shops I typically frequent, but times are tough, and I rarely go into a coffee shop and do not make a purchase anyway. Well, apparently I didn’t act quickly enough for the proprietor of the establishment, because he approached me, rudely interrupted my gaming, and stated that customers are asked to make a purchase when using the amenities provided. I told him that I was thinking about it, and he responded, “Well, you can’t just think about it, you have to do it.” Had I not been slightly affected by the Fog of War, I would have let him have it. Any other day of the year. I literally watched him kick out another guy who was reading a newspaper. I purchased tea (cheapest item on the menu) and considered for the next hour leaving him a bad review on Yelp!. I hope the Starbucks across the street drives him out of business.
Nick: Maybe my Fog was thicker. I didn’t really care. Speaking of, when it became time to roll out, I suggested that Brian take the Captain’s Wheel of our vessel as I didn’t feel quite ready to command. He drove for a while. Then we swapped. Then I had to have nap time. I think we crashed in a Home Depot parking lot. It was mildly refreshing. Next stop: Rose, our Couch Surfing contact in Greensboro, NC. We met her and her boyfriend at some local bar downtown then headed to their totally sweet apartment for some crazy delicious homemade chili and television. It was a much needed rest from the previous night’s pumpkin beer tsunami. Not to mention the next stop was my good buddy’s girlfriend’s place in Durham, NC, and I knew there would be plenty of drinking there.
Brian: Way to under appreciate the awesomeness of the chili and cornbread. And how awesome Rose’s apartment was. The apartment started out with a hallway where the bedrooms and bathroom were located and opened up into a huge hardwood living room that was at least 750 square feet. In college I lived in full apartments that could easily fit inside her living room. She let us stay up late and watch TV. I found out that I love that show “It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia”. I recommend it. The only bad part about the experience was that I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, and couldn’t get back to sleep because I was terrified of having tonsillitis and no insurance.
Nick: Pretty sure I said it was awesome and delicious. I find that short, succinct words are more accurate and ultimately powerful than large, long adjectival clauses. But I’m no English major. That about does it for day thirty-something. Hope all is well out there in cyber space. BRIAN AND NICK ARE GO
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Arlington VA through Norfolk, VA
Nick: I don’t like the phrase “when dreams come true.” I think it’s seriously overused, trite, and frankly, it doesn’t make much sense to me. My dreams are almost always bizarre, terrifying, or terrifyingly bizarre. Do I want those unconscious journeys to Freak Town to come true? Of course not. This trip is weird enough as it is. I mention the phrase, however, because it literally happened to me sometime very early in the morning. Kind of. I had a dream that I was in the city somewhere, having a hell of a time finding my way home. In my dream, I desperately wanted to just lay down in a safe warm bed and sleep, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in the world. I woke up, as I said, very early in the morning, convinced that my dream had been true, and that I was in fact lost out in the world. As my brain slowly started powering up, I realized that I was in fact already in a safe warm bed. Does this story bore you? Excuse me readers, I was just trying to tell you about the happiest moment in the universe when, in an instant, I acquired everything I had ever hoped for in my wildest dream. It was an intense moment of great personal triumph. Forgive me if my personal victories aren’t interesting to you. Jerks.
Brian: It’s one of those “you had to be there” kinds of things, and since none of us were in Nick’s brain, it’s frankly not that interesting. From here on out on this trip, Nick and I know a lot fewer people to crash with so we are going to be depending a lot more on Couchsurfing and camping for our nightly shelter. I know what you are thinking: “Yo, Couchsurfing has sucked for you so far. Why do you continue to tempt fate?” Well hear us out, because the good lady Intermet came through for us on this fateful day. The first place we stopped was a coffee shop called Fair Grounds in Norfolk. There were a bizarrely high number of signs on the walls proclaiming that food should be purchased if you are using the Intermet. It was quite rude and uninviting but I grabbed a cup of tea for propriety, and Nick and I began checking out our potential Couchsurfing options.
Nick: We’ve adopted a technique named “spray and pray” which basically means sending out tons and tons of requests then hoping for a connection with someone that’s not totally bananas. As Brian eluded to, we had some luck this day. Our first stop was Virginia Beach, where we met up with Krista. She showed us around the town, making an initial stop at a giant statue of King Neptune. For the record, while we all know that Big Frick’n Indian statues are blight upon the earth, it turns out that Big Frick’n Pagan statues are pretty damn great. See the photos below for the proof. Next, we went out for lunch at a Tikki themed resturaunt called “Big Sam’s”, which was on the water. It was there that I was met with disaster. Allow me to explain: there are two things about me that have been true for a long time. First, I like seafood like a fat man likes getting that place in the middle of his back scratched; the place that he could never hope to reach without the aid of some sort of stick made specifically for that purpose. In other words, it always hits the spot, and I’m always up for some. Second, I’ll try anything once. Why not, right? Brian: “I think I’ll have the soft shell crab sandwich.” Nick: “Eh? What’s that like?” Brian: It’s good, but it’s literally the whole crab fried between two buns.” Nick: “Hmm… Yeah, OK.” ATTENTION READERS: UNLESS YOU LIKE YOUR FOOD TO REMIND YOU OF GIANT ARACHNIDS, DO NOT ORDER A SOFT SHELL CRAB SANDWICH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. For reals, it looked like an enormous spider resting quietly on a bed of lettuce, tomato, and cocktail sauce. No problem. I’ve eaten a lot of weird stuff in my time. I can man up when the occasion calls for it. Bite one: Legs, mostly. A bit crunchy. Distinct taste of sand and ocean present. Bite two: We’re getting into the gooey bits people. Distinct taste of a digestive system present. Bite three: More of the same. It is quickly becoming apparent that eating this entire thing is going to be a long, difficult struggle. The decision is made to stop eating for a moment and examine more closely the midway point of sandwich, which is where I found myself at that time.
Brian: That was your biggest error.
Nick: A chunk of something fell out. Brian: “What, you don’t like the brains?” That did it for me. My gastronomic adventure was over. Couldn’t finish it. In an attempt to salvage what little dignity I had left, I rolled up the legs in the remaining bun and washed them down with beer and French fries. Now, thinking about that sandwich still sets off a faint gag reflex. Really just an awful experience all around.
Brian: I loved it. Brains, eyeballs, poop-filled digestive system and all. Nick, what was that about Utah? Oh, you are just dry-heaving… we’ll get you some Moxie and you will be right as rain. Our next destination was the Flight Museum at the Virginia Beach airport just outside of town. The D.C. flight museum is free, and I imagine it is huge and awesome. The Virginia Beach flight museum is dinky, and it costs $11 a head. We said no thanks, and the lovely Krista, clearing feeling bad about our disappointment, took us on a half-mile off-road jaunt in her Mustang, literally out into the grass of the airfield. Hang on, we’re in for some chop. We headed back to Krista’s apartment where we met her sister, who suggested that we all go out and select a pumpkin to carve. I grossed Nick out for the second time that day by volunteering to scoop out the brains, aka seeds and goop, with my bare hands. Nick, however, is more of an artist than I am so I relinquished actual carving duty to him and Krista. The end result was pretty rad. Check the pics.
Nick: I hadn’t sculpted in a while, and since all their knives were way too big for the delicate carving I had in mind, I had to go with my tiny pocket knife. Nevertheless, as Brian says, I think we rocked the house on this one. Good work all around. Just as we were finishing up, we got a call from Nikki, another person we found through Couchsurfing, and whom we had plans to spend the night with.
Brian: Bow chicka wow wow.
Nick: Nikki wasn’t far away: Norfolk, Virginia. After a little trouble finding her apartment building, which looked EXACTLY like an apartment building a little further down on the same street, we went inside, had a beer or two, then headed out into the cool Virginia evening following our new host to what we hoped would be a cool bar/eatery with some interesting people to encounter. We were not disappointed. The place was called Cogan’s Pizza, and even on a Wednesday night, people were out doing their thing. The crowd was a bizarre mix of what looked like college frat boys, an assortment of locals, hipsters, and a number of individuals that defied categorization all together. One such individual was rock’n out in a “onesie,” which just so happened to be pink and covered with baby duck images. This outfit, which would normally be a major hindrance in one’s ability to successfully socialize and potentially hook up with the ladies, didn’t seem to create any problems for this guy who, more than once, monopolized the bathroom with no less than two female companions. If you got it you got it I guess. But I digress. Nikki, Brian and I dominated some fools at pool, drank pitchers of a local pumpkin flavored brew, and had a generally good time. The topics of conversation ranged between books, movies, and whether or not Nikki was an enchantress with the ability to cast spells, charms, and other unsavory activities commonly ascribed to witches.
Brian: The witch topic of conversation came up because she is fondly caressing some flowers in her profile picture. As a precautionary measure we texted a witch friend of ours asking her to prepare counter-spells before we ever even met Nikki. You think I’m kidding. Well, it was pouring down rain when we stepped out of the bar, so we cancelled our original plans of midnight tree climbing and just headed back to Nikki’s. Probably a good idea considering I don’t have health insurance. We attempted to watch some youtube when we got back, but anybody that knows me knows that I can’t look at a screen for 3 minutes after 9 o’ clock without passing out. Nikki was super-cool and it was great night overall. Thanks as always for reading.
bNrIiCaKn out.
Brian: It’s one of those “you had to be there” kinds of things, and since none of us were in Nick’s brain, it’s frankly not that interesting. From here on out on this trip, Nick and I know a lot fewer people to crash with so we are going to be depending a lot more on Couchsurfing and camping for our nightly shelter. I know what you are thinking: “Yo, Couchsurfing has sucked for you so far. Why do you continue to tempt fate?” Well hear us out, because the good lady Intermet came through for us on this fateful day. The first place we stopped was a coffee shop called Fair Grounds in Norfolk. There were a bizarrely high number of signs on the walls proclaiming that food should be purchased if you are using the Intermet. It was quite rude and uninviting but I grabbed a cup of tea for propriety, and Nick and I began checking out our potential Couchsurfing options.
Nick: We’ve adopted a technique named “spray and pray” which basically means sending out tons and tons of requests then hoping for a connection with someone that’s not totally bananas. As Brian eluded to, we had some luck this day. Our first stop was Virginia Beach, where we met up with Krista. She showed us around the town, making an initial stop at a giant statue of King Neptune. For the record, while we all know that Big Frick’n Indian statues are blight upon the earth, it turns out that Big Frick’n Pagan statues are pretty damn great. See the photos below for the proof. Next, we went out for lunch at a Tikki themed resturaunt called “Big Sam’s”, which was on the water. It was there that I was met with disaster. Allow me to explain: there are two things about me that have been true for a long time. First, I like seafood like a fat man likes getting that place in the middle of his back scratched; the place that he could never hope to reach without the aid of some sort of stick made specifically for that purpose. In other words, it always hits the spot, and I’m always up for some. Second, I’ll try anything once. Why not, right? Brian: “I think I’ll have the soft shell crab sandwich.” Nick: “Eh? What’s that like?” Brian: It’s good, but it’s literally the whole crab fried between two buns.” Nick: “Hmm… Yeah, OK.” ATTENTION READERS: UNLESS YOU LIKE YOUR FOOD TO REMIND YOU OF GIANT ARACHNIDS, DO NOT ORDER A SOFT SHELL CRAB SANDWICH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. For reals, it looked like an enormous spider resting quietly on a bed of lettuce, tomato, and cocktail sauce. No problem. I’ve eaten a lot of weird stuff in my time. I can man up when the occasion calls for it. Bite one: Legs, mostly. A bit crunchy. Distinct taste of sand and ocean present. Bite two: We’re getting into the gooey bits people. Distinct taste of a digestive system present. Bite three: More of the same. It is quickly becoming apparent that eating this entire thing is going to be a long, difficult struggle. The decision is made to stop eating for a moment and examine more closely the midway point of sandwich, which is where I found myself at that time.
Brian: That was your biggest error.
Nick: A chunk of something fell out. Brian: “What, you don’t like the brains?” That did it for me. My gastronomic adventure was over. Couldn’t finish it. In an attempt to salvage what little dignity I had left, I rolled up the legs in the remaining bun and washed them down with beer and French fries. Now, thinking about that sandwich still sets off a faint gag reflex. Really just an awful experience all around.
Brian: I loved it. Brains, eyeballs, poop-filled digestive system and all. Nick, what was that about Utah? Oh, you are just dry-heaving… we’ll get you some Moxie and you will be right as rain. Our next destination was the Flight Museum at the Virginia Beach airport just outside of town. The D.C. flight museum is free, and I imagine it is huge and awesome. The Virginia Beach flight museum is dinky, and it costs $11 a head. We said no thanks, and the lovely Krista, clearing feeling bad about our disappointment, took us on a half-mile off-road jaunt in her Mustang, literally out into the grass of the airfield. Hang on, we’re in for some chop. We headed back to Krista’s apartment where we met her sister, who suggested that we all go out and select a pumpkin to carve. I grossed Nick out for the second time that day by volunteering to scoop out the brains, aka seeds and goop, with my bare hands. Nick, however, is more of an artist than I am so I relinquished actual carving duty to him and Krista. The end result was pretty rad. Check the pics.
Nick: I hadn’t sculpted in a while, and since all their knives were way too big for the delicate carving I had in mind, I had to go with my tiny pocket knife. Nevertheless, as Brian says, I think we rocked the house on this one. Good work all around. Just as we were finishing up, we got a call from Nikki, another person we found through Couchsurfing, and whom we had plans to spend the night with.
Brian: Bow chicka wow wow.
Nick: Nikki wasn’t far away: Norfolk, Virginia. After a little trouble finding her apartment building, which looked EXACTLY like an apartment building a little further down on the same street, we went inside, had a beer or two, then headed out into the cool Virginia evening following our new host to what we hoped would be a cool bar/eatery with some interesting people to encounter. We were not disappointed. The place was called Cogan’s Pizza, and even on a Wednesday night, people were out doing their thing. The crowd was a bizarre mix of what looked like college frat boys, an assortment of locals, hipsters, and a number of individuals that defied categorization all together. One such individual was rock’n out in a “onesie,” which just so happened to be pink and covered with baby duck images. This outfit, which would normally be a major hindrance in one’s ability to successfully socialize and potentially hook up with the ladies, didn’t seem to create any problems for this guy who, more than once, monopolized the bathroom with no less than two female companions. If you got it you got it I guess. But I digress. Nikki, Brian and I dominated some fools at pool, drank pitchers of a local pumpkin flavored brew, and had a generally good time. The topics of conversation ranged between books, movies, and whether or not Nikki was an enchantress with the ability to cast spells, charms, and other unsavory activities commonly ascribed to witches.
Brian: The witch topic of conversation came up because she is fondly caressing some flowers in her profile picture. As a precautionary measure we texted a witch friend of ours asking her to prepare counter-spells before we ever even met Nikki. You think I’m kidding. Well, it was pouring down rain when we stepped out of the bar, so we cancelled our original plans of midnight tree climbing and just headed back to Nikki’s. Probably a good idea considering I don’t have health insurance. We attempted to watch some youtube when we got back, but anybody that knows me knows that I can’t look at a screen for 3 minutes after 9 o’ clock without passing out. Nikki was super-cool and it was great night overall. Thanks as always for reading.
bNrIiCaKn out.
Arlington VA Day 2
Brian: Warning: Epic update. Nick and I haven’t felt like writing for the past couple of days, but we are trying to keep our promise of never falling more than 3 days behind. Lucky you readers, we are back in the zone and we have a large basket of ripe material. The day started with us giving Alex a ride to the Capitol building for work. It’s the least we can do in return for his hospitality. Nick and I decided to make it another museum day, but rather than hit Smithsonian hotspots, we wanted to check out the less visited museums of the D.C. area. First stop was the Drug Enforcement Agency Museum on the first floor of the DEA headquarters. The gift shop was a head shop. Kidding. Anyway, the coolest thing I saw there was an undercover DEA agent outfit from the 1970’s. A pair of green gator skin shoes with 2-inch soles and a rabbit fur coat. Second coolest thing: a revolver with a diamond studded grip. As we left the museum, about 15 protesters of varying age were approaching the building, carrying signs related to the legalization of marijuana. They were clearly hippies, though several of them tried to hide this fact by donning business suits. But I thought the long grey pulled back hair and bizarre facial hair configurations were a dead giveaway. They began digging in the grass in front of the DEA headquarters and sprinkling what appeared to be pot seeds in the holes. Although, Mom, that’s just a guess, because I’ve never seen pot seeds before.
Nick: We cruised around the block one more time, curious to see what sort of law enforcement would show up. Within a couple minutes, a pair of squad cars arrived, though the protesters continued with their rapid horticultural activities. You’d think they’d at least be charged with vandalism or something. The police really didn’t seem to care. After the DEA building, we went downtown and hit up Madame Tussaude’s Wax Museum. Pricey but we think it was worth it. Check out the photos at the end of this post and we think you’ll agree. The first question on our minds was, of course, where is the wax clone of Miley Cyrus. Alas, we must just not have the technology yet, because we eventually discovered that she was in fact not there. I did however, as a sort of consolation, manage to snap a pick of her singing on a projection screen behind Beyoncé’s waxen form. Yeah, I’m pretty handy with the iPhone cam these days. It’s not a big deal. My personal favorites: Abe Lincoln, George Bush, and Hillary Clinton, though I think Sir Elton John gets an honorable mention.
Brian: Only one more thing to say about that place: I motorboated Tyra Banks, and I’m counting it. Our next stop was the Spy Museum, which is just across the street. The admission prices were quite steep, so Nick and I made a judgment call and decided to simply check out the gift shop. It was probably a good call, because we all know that the super cool stuff we all care about is probably still classified anyway. Like I care about some stupid decoder ring still in the original packaging from a cereal box in the 50’s. Give me flame-thrower pens or give me death! It was a short stop overall, but at least we could say we were there. Next, we took a lesson from yesterday and proceeded with a soothing afternoon in a bookstore café so that we wouldn’t fall asleep at 9:30 again. Good thing, too. The second phase of the day began at around 5:15 pm when we met my friend Arielle (whose name I intentionally mispronounce in a variety of ways) for a beer at a pub on the Hill called Hawk and Dove.
Nick: Nothing much to say about the place, except that it had free cheddar potatoes, which were as delicious as they were random. Next stop was to pick up Alex and then, after some considerable consideration, head over to a none-too-nearby IHOP because Arielle needed some waffles. Normally I’d like to give someone with this sort of irrational determination a hard time, but I can understand and respect a burning desire for a specific consumable at a specific time. The desire, for example, for a certain soda. A dark, thick, old-tasting kind of soda. Maybe it has an orange can, and its name is synonymous with guts, gusto, or “nerve.”
Brian: Associate that.
Nick: I think I’ve said too much. IHOP, as it turns out, was pretty delicious, so I guess Arielle made the right call. After pancakes galore, we dropped her off at her apartment then headed back to Alex’s place to plan our next move. That move, as it turned out, was to watch “The Hangover” in a theatre that served beer. Admission was two dollars. God bless America.
Brian: Also, God bless 100-proof SoCo. That should have been my first indication that it was going to be a long night (and an even longer morning). Yes, the theatre that served beer was an amazing place of magic and wonder, and that movie is hilarious. More than made up for the craptastic Couple’s Retreat disaster. After the movie let out, we snagged a cab back downtown (we went in and out of D.C. a total of 8 times according to my data) to a bar. The name of this bar escapes me.
Nick: Something Rocket? Rockethead?
Brian: Wow, maybe. I think you are right about the “rocket” part. Highlights from the bar were Alex’s friend Billy (a girl) who seemed quite nice and also a group of wildly drunk chicks that were teaching their freshly 21 year-old friend the true meaning of regret. The birthday girl was wearing a lavender dress made out of what appeared to be not much more than an old tube sock. Also a drunken kid with no friends and one of those lisps where you spit a lot decided that I was his new best friend and gave me a salivary car wash. Things get a little fuzzy from there on out. Nick?
Nick: Yeah, I remember punishing a kid that thought he knew a thing or two about billiards, then chatting it up with a couple guys that had come from a Kiss concert and were completely decked out in the corresponding make up and outfits. All in all, a great night. Thanks again to Alex who actually slept on the floor for our time there so that we might have the bed. He’s good people. Brian and Nick out.
Nick: We cruised around the block one more time, curious to see what sort of law enforcement would show up. Within a couple minutes, a pair of squad cars arrived, though the protesters continued with their rapid horticultural activities. You’d think they’d at least be charged with vandalism or something. The police really didn’t seem to care. After the DEA building, we went downtown and hit up Madame Tussaude’s Wax Museum. Pricey but we think it was worth it. Check out the photos at the end of this post and we think you’ll agree. The first question on our minds was, of course, where is the wax clone of Miley Cyrus. Alas, we must just not have the technology yet, because we eventually discovered that she was in fact not there. I did however, as a sort of consolation, manage to snap a pick of her singing on a projection screen behind Beyoncé’s waxen form. Yeah, I’m pretty handy with the iPhone cam these days. It’s not a big deal. My personal favorites: Abe Lincoln, George Bush, and Hillary Clinton, though I think Sir Elton John gets an honorable mention.
Brian: Only one more thing to say about that place: I motorboated Tyra Banks, and I’m counting it. Our next stop was the Spy Museum, which is just across the street. The admission prices were quite steep, so Nick and I made a judgment call and decided to simply check out the gift shop. It was probably a good call, because we all know that the super cool stuff we all care about is probably still classified anyway. Like I care about some stupid decoder ring still in the original packaging from a cereal box in the 50’s. Give me flame-thrower pens or give me death! It was a short stop overall, but at least we could say we were there. Next, we took a lesson from yesterday and proceeded with a soothing afternoon in a bookstore café so that we wouldn’t fall asleep at 9:30 again. Good thing, too. The second phase of the day began at around 5:15 pm when we met my friend Arielle (whose name I intentionally mispronounce in a variety of ways) for a beer at a pub on the Hill called Hawk and Dove.
Nick: Nothing much to say about the place, except that it had free cheddar potatoes, which were as delicious as they were random. Next stop was to pick up Alex and then, after some considerable consideration, head over to a none-too-nearby IHOP because Arielle needed some waffles. Normally I’d like to give someone with this sort of irrational determination a hard time, but I can understand and respect a burning desire for a specific consumable at a specific time. The desire, for example, for a certain soda. A dark, thick, old-tasting kind of soda. Maybe it has an orange can, and its name is synonymous with guts, gusto, or “nerve.”
Brian: Associate that.
Nick: I think I’ve said too much. IHOP, as it turns out, was pretty delicious, so I guess Arielle made the right call. After pancakes galore, we dropped her off at her apartment then headed back to Alex’s place to plan our next move. That move, as it turned out, was to watch “The Hangover” in a theatre that served beer. Admission was two dollars. God bless America.
Brian: Also, God bless 100-proof SoCo. That should have been my first indication that it was going to be a long night (and an even longer morning). Yes, the theatre that served beer was an amazing place of magic and wonder, and that movie is hilarious. More than made up for the craptastic Couple’s Retreat disaster. After the movie let out, we snagged a cab back downtown (we went in and out of D.C. a total of 8 times according to my data) to a bar. The name of this bar escapes me.
Nick: Something Rocket? Rockethead?
Brian: Wow, maybe. I think you are right about the “rocket” part. Highlights from the bar were Alex’s friend Billy (a girl) who seemed quite nice and also a group of wildly drunk chicks that were teaching their freshly 21 year-old friend the true meaning of regret. The birthday girl was wearing a lavender dress made out of what appeared to be not much more than an old tube sock. Also a drunken kid with no friends and one of those lisps where you spit a lot decided that I was his new best friend and gave me a salivary car wash. Things get a little fuzzy from there on out. Nick?
Nick: Yeah, I remember punishing a kid that thought he knew a thing or two about billiards, then chatting it up with a couple guys that had come from a Kiss concert and were completely decked out in the corresponding make up and outfits. All in all, a great night. Thanks again to Alex who actually slept on the floor for our time there so that we might have the bed. He’s good people. Brian and Nick out.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Arlington VA Day 1
Brian: We woke up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle a day of all things historical. Alex jogged to a nearby Korean market and picked up a variety of cereal and milks for breakfast. Actually just one type of milk. I had Frosted Flakes. Alex had Fruit Loops. Nick had both in the same bowl. Sigh, he always has to be the weird one.
Nick: I resemble that remark. Our first stop was an in-depth tour of the capitol lead by our illustrious badge-carrying intern Alex. It was like… way historical. Like, totally educational and whatever. I enjoyed the dome itself, which is filled with murals depicting a number of monumental (get it?) events in American history. The painter of some of the work pictured himself (get it?) as a rather important individual that needed to be included in his own depictions. As such, you can find his face tucked into various historically significant crowds at historically significant events. When the powers-that-be discovered the young artist’s flair for inserting himself into these paintings, they naturally requested that he not do it in the last few paintings left for him to finish. His response: paint himself in as a woman. Tricky, tricky. After the Capital building, it was off to the Museum of American History.
Brian: Really, any one of the Smithsonian museums requires much more time than we had to be fully explored. Therefore we had to be choosy about what was important and hilarious. I think it was wise to begin with the American Revolution; after our experience with those Communist revisionists outside of Valley Forge we were feeling a bit disillusioned about patriotism. Watching a puppet repeatedly whack another puppet in the crotch with a tea kettle was just the pick-me-up I needed.
Nick: Huzzah!
Brian: Another exhibit of note: American pop culture. I was able to see 1 of 5 original pairs of the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore for her portrayal of Dorothy Gale in the 1939 classic, Wizard of Oz. Also, an original Kermit the frog, forever behind his quarter inch plexiglass. The highlights of the exhibit however, in my opinion, were the armchairs of Archie and Edith Bunker. If you aren’t sure who they are, they pioneered racism as a form of comedy, a technique employed by comedians such as Steve Carell and Chris Rock today.
Nick: Next stop: Museum of Natural History, which was generally more to my taste. We saw ginormous dinosaur skeletons, underwater beasts, ants (who, in my opinion, are perhaps the most frightening of all God’s creatures. If ants ever get to be the size of small lap dogs while simultaneously acquiring a lust for human flesh, I surrender. I’ll fight zombies, Commies, and even Jedis on the steps of our nation’s Capitol building in a triumphant blaze of glory. Heavily armed or otherwise, if it’s a fight they want, they’ve got it. But when it comes to an oversized insect with the organization powers of the ant tribe, forget about it. I just want you readers to understand that if and when this unstoppable insect invasion comes, you can’t count on Nick Ison to be useful in any way, shape or form. Game over. In a related note, we tried to see the Hope Diamond. We failed.
Brian: The 3-inch solid metal door slammed shut just as we approached it. It ended up being for the best though, because the three of us were clearly exhausted from a long day of trekking around the city. We took Alex to work (the kid works three jobs, which is why Nick and I are intentionally unemployed, to make up for Alex’s sense of industry) and settled down in a theatre to watch Couple’s Retreat starring Vince Vaughn. Don’t see it, it’s dumb. Not even a good date movie. We grabbed some food after the movie to kill some time, then picked Alex up from work and headed back to his place for an insane night of debauchery and insanity, which we all slept through.
Nick: It’s true. Sometimes the best intentions just aren’t enough. By the time we got home, the prospect of doing anything except falling asleep was not something we were interested in. Perhaps tomorrow. You stay classy America. Brian and Nick out.
Nick: I resemble that remark. Our first stop was an in-depth tour of the capitol lead by our illustrious badge-carrying intern Alex. It was like… way historical. Like, totally educational and whatever. I enjoyed the dome itself, which is filled with murals depicting a number of monumental (get it?) events in American history. The painter of some of the work pictured himself (get it?) as a rather important individual that needed to be included in his own depictions. As such, you can find his face tucked into various historically significant crowds at historically significant events. When the powers-that-be discovered the young artist’s flair for inserting himself into these paintings, they naturally requested that he not do it in the last few paintings left for him to finish. His response: paint himself in as a woman. Tricky, tricky. After the Capital building, it was off to the Museum of American History.
Brian: Really, any one of the Smithsonian museums requires much more time than we had to be fully explored. Therefore we had to be choosy about what was important and hilarious. I think it was wise to begin with the American Revolution; after our experience with those Communist revisionists outside of Valley Forge we were feeling a bit disillusioned about patriotism. Watching a puppet repeatedly whack another puppet in the crotch with a tea kettle was just the pick-me-up I needed.
Nick: Huzzah!
Brian: Another exhibit of note: American pop culture. I was able to see 1 of 5 original pairs of the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore for her portrayal of Dorothy Gale in the 1939 classic, Wizard of Oz. Also, an original Kermit the frog, forever behind his quarter inch plexiglass. The highlights of the exhibit however, in my opinion, were the armchairs of Archie and Edith Bunker. If you aren’t sure who they are, they pioneered racism as a form of comedy, a technique employed by comedians such as Steve Carell and Chris Rock today.
Nick: Next stop: Museum of Natural History, which was generally more to my taste. We saw ginormous dinosaur skeletons, underwater beasts, ants (who, in my opinion, are perhaps the most frightening of all God’s creatures. If ants ever get to be the size of small lap dogs while simultaneously acquiring a lust for human flesh, I surrender. I’ll fight zombies, Commies, and even Jedis on the steps of our nation’s Capitol building in a triumphant blaze of glory. Heavily armed or otherwise, if it’s a fight they want, they’ve got it. But when it comes to an oversized insect with the organization powers of the ant tribe, forget about it. I just want you readers to understand that if and when this unstoppable insect invasion comes, you can’t count on Nick Ison to be useful in any way, shape or form. Game over. In a related note, we tried to see the Hope Diamond. We failed.
Brian: The 3-inch solid metal door slammed shut just as we approached it. It ended up being for the best though, because the three of us were clearly exhausted from a long day of trekking around the city. We took Alex to work (the kid works three jobs, which is why Nick and I are intentionally unemployed, to make up for Alex’s sense of industry) and settled down in a theatre to watch Couple’s Retreat starring Vince Vaughn. Don’t see it, it’s dumb. Not even a good date movie. We grabbed some food after the movie to kill some time, then picked Alex up from work and headed back to his place for an insane night of debauchery and insanity, which we all slept through.
Nick: It’s true. Sometimes the best intentions just aren’t enough. By the time we got home, the prospect of doing anything except falling asleep was not something we were interested in. Perhaps tomorrow. You stay classy America. Brian and Nick out.
York, PA through Arlington, VA
Nick: After waking up without the allergic haze that always engulfs me after a night at a residence with cats, I felt fresh and ready to take on another kick ass day on a trip that has started to feel like a permanent way of life. At Negrin’s suggestion, we went apple picking. Why not?
Brian: Moms: skip this next sentence. I think this morning was only the second piece of fruit I’ve eaten this entire trip. But to make up for lost time, I had several apples right off the tree. Actually, I only ate them because they were free. Sorry Mom. So Nick and I bid Matt and his girlfriend adieu at the orchard and began to make our way to the nation’s capitol, which will effectively be the end of our time in the northeast and the end of the first act of our trip. We tried to get a picture of the four of us as we left the orchard, but the kind woman operating Nick’s iPhone only succeeded in snapping a delightful photo of her forefinger. I was worried when she asked us if it was one of those new iThingys that her son has. Oh well. We finally tired of the radio about halfway to D.C. and began listening to our first book on tape.
Nick: It’s a book by Nelson Demille who, if you don’t know, frequently writes suspenseful action books. Think Jack Bauer in print. But unlike the last few seasons of 24, DeMille’s books are pretty darn good. In fact, we were so entranced, we didn’t notice I had iTunes on “shuffle” which of course meant we listened to the first few chapters in totally random order. Some English major I turned out to be… Anyway, Brian drove into the capitol, which was nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I usually love battling disgruntled North East drivers for lane territory and then desperately weaving in and out of traffic in an attempt to grab the right exit before we go flying past. But sometimes you can have too much fun, and I was pretty ready for the passenger seat. We met Brian’s friend Alex at his house, the headed into the city.
Brian: It was probably our second longest walk on this trip so far, our first of course being the 10-mile death march (actually not so bad) through Jersey. We miraculously found free parking downtown amidst a massive LGBT rights rally, and walked from the capitol building to the Lincoln memorial, stopping at the Washington monument and the White House along the way. Several times blockades forced us to take detours so I have to imagine we walked at least 4 or 5 miles. Several topics of conversations came up, but the most memorable was perhaps an idea for the greatest movie never made: Jedi Knights vs Zombies. Imagine the effectiveness and utility of a lightsaber against a horde of the walking dead. Of course the topic of killing zombies leads to conversations about guns, and conversations about guns leads Nick to declaring, “I am exhausted and heavily armed,” directly in front of the capitol. The context of the statement is, “I would only want to fight zombies on the capitol steps as a last resort if I am exhausted and heavily armed,” but you have to watch what you say. As Alex said, this city has ears.
Nick: And she said. What? After a much historic site seeing and numerous conversations concerning the synthesis of all things awesome and good in the universe, we sought out a local watering hole to see what the DC nightlife might have to offer. Turns out the city doesn’t have too much to offer… at least not where we were, which, to be fair, was actually just outside the city. No matter. We met up with Alex’s friend Andrew, who was a spirited young man with an enthusiasm for stories from our journeying and the ability to tell a few of his own. Good night.
Brian: It was a good night to be sure. Thanks again for reading, and a shout out blog thanks to Alex for letting us crash at his place for a few days (even though he apparently doesn’t even have time to read the blog). There is a lot to see in D.C. so expect another couple days of our take on American history. Love, Brian and Nick. And out.
Brian: Moms: skip this next sentence. I think this morning was only the second piece of fruit I’ve eaten this entire trip. But to make up for lost time, I had several apples right off the tree. Actually, I only ate them because they were free. Sorry Mom. So Nick and I bid Matt and his girlfriend adieu at the orchard and began to make our way to the nation’s capitol, which will effectively be the end of our time in the northeast and the end of the first act of our trip. We tried to get a picture of the four of us as we left the orchard, but the kind woman operating Nick’s iPhone only succeeded in snapping a delightful photo of her forefinger. I was worried when she asked us if it was one of those new iThingys that her son has. Oh well. We finally tired of the radio about halfway to D.C. and began listening to our first book on tape.
Nick: It’s a book by Nelson Demille who, if you don’t know, frequently writes suspenseful action books. Think Jack Bauer in print. But unlike the last few seasons of 24, DeMille’s books are pretty darn good. In fact, we were so entranced, we didn’t notice I had iTunes on “shuffle” which of course meant we listened to the first few chapters in totally random order. Some English major I turned out to be… Anyway, Brian drove into the capitol, which was nice. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I usually love battling disgruntled North East drivers for lane territory and then desperately weaving in and out of traffic in an attempt to grab the right exit before we go flying past. But sometimes you can have too much fun, and I was pretty ready for the passenger seat. We met Brian’s friend Alex at his house, the headed into the city.
Brian: It was probably our second longest walk on this trip so far, our first of course being the 10-mile death march (actually not so bad) through Jersey. We miraculously found free parking downtown amidst a massive LGBT rights rally, and walked from the capitol building to the Lincoln memorial, stopping at the Washington monument and the White House along the way. Several times blockades forced us to take detours so I have to imagine we walked at least 4 or 5 miles. Several topics of conversations came up, but the most memorable was perhaps an idea for the greatest movie never made: Jedi Knights vs Zombies. Imagine the effectiveness and utility of a lightsaber against a horde of the walking dead. Of course the topic of killing zombies leads to conversations about guns, and conversations about guns leads Nick to declaring, “I am exhausted and heavily armed,” directly in front of the capitol. The context of the statement is, “I would only want to fight zombies on the capitol steps as a last resort if I am exhausted and heavily armed,” but you have to watch what you say. As Alex said, this city has ears.
Nick: And she said. What? After a much historic site seeing and numerous conversations concerning the synthesis of all things awesome and good in the universe, we sought out a local watering hole to see what the DC nightlife might have to offer. Turns out the city doesn’t have too much to offer… at least not where we were, which, to be fair, was actually just outside the city. No matter. We met up with Alex’s friend Andrew, who was a spirited young man with an enthusiasm for stories from our journeying and the ability to tell a few of his own. Good night.
Brian: It was a good night to be sure. Thanks again for reading, and a shout out blog thanks to Alex for letting us crash at his place for a few days (even though he apparently doesn’t even have time to read the blog). There is a lot to see in D.C. so expect another couple days of our take on American history. Love, Brian and Nick. And out.
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