Nick: What up ya’ll. Yeah, it’s been a while since we posted, and frankly we have no excuse. Suffice it to say that sometimes the days just get away from you, and before you know it you’re hundreds of miles down the road without a single blog post to show for it. It’s regrettable, but we’ll bring you up to speed in toady’s special edition of Freaks, Geeks and Automobiles: The Grand Update.
Brian: Nick slept in late at Lisa’s place. Like until noon. I woke up at 9 and read about two-thirds of Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, and as a result I have officially converted to Bokononism. As I recall, Nick and I didn’t have an officially intended destination for the next night, but we had some prospective CouchSurfing opportunities, and even if those fell through we were close enough to Indianapolis that we could always just drive back to the HQ. Luckily, on the way out the door Nick glanced up at a photo of Lisa’s parents and promptly decided to give them a call. That’s what I love about this trip.
Nick: Yeah, Pam and Brad are old family friends, and they’re also awesome. Those two things might have something to do with each other. I gave them a call, they were free, so off we went. I recall it raining all day that day, which tends to put me in a mood when I’m driving. If I have to deal with idiots on the road in good driving conditions, that’s one thing. Idiots in bad weather makes me wish for machine guns and a bulldozer scoop on the front of the car. Identify the bad the cars that aren’t moving along in a timely manner, shoot them up in a hailstorm of bullets, then plow them off to the side. That seems like a good traffic solution to me. Anyway, we made it to Evansville, which is in the southern most tip on Indiana, and met Brad and Pam at a Szechwan place. Chinese food at last…
Brian: Hey, you can’t talk about sci-fi vehicles and not expect me to have something to say. I imagine a sleeker, more futuristic Lucy, much like Speed Racer’s Mach 5, with hydraulic pistons underneath that can vault the car 25 feet in the air at will. Minus the trunk monkey mechanic.
Nick: Named Bobo right? I think that’s accurate. Cliché.
Brian: Ok, back to Chinese food. Yes, by some miracle, and by miracle I mean freak accident, Nick and I have not eaten Asian food yet on this trip. I believe this is a crime. So when Brad and Pam asked if we like spicy Chinese, we basically looked at each other and screamed like 12-year olds at a Jonas Brothers concert.
Nick: Not accurate.
Brian: The place they took us was a local Evansville specialty; a pioneer by the name of Jimmy Jiang decided to open a non-buffet style Chinese restaurant, the first in the town. In addition, the entrees were quite creatively named. Fantasy Duck anyone?
Nick: There were several good ones. One had something to do with treasure, like “Water Chestnut Treasure Delight.” I think there was also a “Crazy Dragon.” Why can’t more food have names that make me want to break out into some fierce Kung Fu fighting? It’s a crime. Back at Pam and Brad’s we met their dogs, which, like Lisa’s, were diverse in that there was a small one and a big one. The big one looked like a muppet or something. It was a mix between golden retriever and poodle, so it had super soft curly hair. It was also very… affectionate.
Brian: It basically just kept running into you, albeit lovingly, until you gave it attention. They should make doggie Ritalin. The night came to a casual close with a couple of The Office reruns, and the most recent episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I would like to dedicate this post to TiVo. It’s not just a way to record your favorite shows, it’s an unsubtle characterization of the American Ideal. Thank you TiVo, for bringing me one step closer to the push-button lifestyle that as an American I not only desire, but feel entitled to. Nick and Brian, out.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Nashville Day 1
Nick: So we all sort of had a slower morning. My head felt like it was trapped between the balls of Brian’s office toy, and I don’t think my two companions felt 100% either. Therefore pancakes were in order. But I’ll tell you right now, this isn’t your grandparent’s pancake place, oh no. You order the type of batter and toppings you want, and you make your own pancake right there on the skillet. Favorite pancake creations of the morning: A yin-yang sign made out of wheat and white batter and chocolate chips, the letter J, and a target logo. They were tasty, not to mention pretty flipp’n artistic.
Brian: Holy crap. Flipp’n? You just blew my mind with the awesomeness of that pun. I have to admit, even Hibachi-style pancakes weren’t really enough to bring us to 100% power. We went back to Hannah’s flat and popped in another Star Trek disk (The Original Series, for all our Trekkie readers who are wondering). My initial reaction to the newest Star Trek movie was that it was a little too “out there”. But after watching Shatner’s Kirk get beamed through an electromagnetic field onto a parallel Enterprise where everyone is a Nazi and Spock has a beard, I realized that the error was not with the film but with me. It was after noon at this point and Hannah had some work to do so Nick and I walked around Nashville for a couple hours and grabbed a bite at a local delicatessen (mediocre). The highlight of the walk was stopping by a trailer park themed bar. Astroturf on the ground, an ex-demolition derby vehicle right inside the door, and PBR on tap. Sounds like our kind of establishment on any other day.
Nick: But not that day. Eventually we made our way back over to the big park with the replica Parthenon. Hannah caught up to us there, and with her remaining 30 shots or so, we took (new to me) jiggly face photos. You just wiggle your head back and forth as fast as you can while someone snaps quick pics. The results will hopefully appear on this website in the near future. By then it was dinnertime, so we worked our way over to a supposedly amazing chicken place with specialization in black bean salad and Jamaican style everything else. It was good to be sure, but the portions weren’t exactly enormous. Over dinner, we decided that while Miss Messinger had really wanted to hit up a haunted field or house while she didn’t have to go home to an empty apartment, we all figured we STILL weren’t quite at 100% so a movie might be a more plausible way to spend the evening.
Brian: Sarah and I wanted to see that Paranormal Something-or-other movie which is like a Blair Witch type of indy film where a bunch of kids get their cookies tossed in a haunted house. Nick and Hannah wanted to see Where the Wild Things Are. Tie goes to the hostess, but I think her vote should only have counted for half, because that’s how much of the movie she saw before she fell asleep in the theatre. Nick and I were just as tired though, and after we got back to base camp we all went straight to bed. We didn’t even have nightcaps! Sorry these recovery day blog posts are a little slower than the normal fare. Pop-culture vampires: in. Brian and Nick: out.
Brian: Holy crap. Flipp’n? You just blew my mind with the awesomeness of that pun. I have to admit, even Hibachi-style pancakes weren’t really enough to bring us to 100% power. We went back to Hannah’s flat and popped in another Star Trek disk (The Original Series, for all our Trekkie readers who are wondering). My initial reaction to the newest Star Trek movie was that it was a little too “out there”. But after watching Shatner’s Kirk get beamed through an electromagnetic field onto a parallel Enterprise where everyone is a Nazi and Spock has a beard, I realized that the error was not with the film but with me. It was after noon at this point and Hannah had some work to do so Nick and I walked around Nashville for a couple hours and grabbed a bite at a local delicatessen (mediocre). The highlight of the walk was stopping by a trailer park themed bar. Astroturf on the ground, an ex-demolition derby vehicle right inside the door, and PBR on tap. Sounds like our kind of establishment on any other day.
Nick: But not that day. Eventually we made our way back over to the big park with the replica Parthenon. Hannah caught up to us there, and with her remaining 30 shots or so, we took (new to me) jiggly face photos. You just wiggle your head back and forth as fast as you can while someone snaps quick pics. The results will hopefully appear on this website in the near future. By then it was dinnertime, so we worked our way over to a supposedly amazing chicken place with specialization in black bean salad and Jamaican style everything else. It was good to be sure, but the portions weren’t exactly enormous. Over dinner, we decided that while Miss Messinger had really wanted to hit up a haunted field or house while she didn’t have to go home to an empty apartment, we all figured we STILL weren’t quite at 100% so a movie might be a more plausible way to spend the evening.
Brian: Sarah and I wanted to see that Paranormal Something-or-other movie which is like a Blair Witch type of indy film where a bunch of kids get their cookies tossed in a haunted house. Nick and Hannah wanted to see Where the Wild Things Are. Tie goes to the hostess, but I think her vote should only have counted for half, because that’s how much of the movie she saw before she fell asleep in the theatre. Nick and I were just as tired though, and after we got back to base camp we all went straight to bed. We didn’t even have nightcaps! Sorry these recovery day blog posts are a little slower than the normal fare. Pop-culture vampires: in. Brian and Nick: out.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Atlanta, GA through Nashville, TN
Brian: So we awoke alone in Erin’s apartment, as previously noted, picked up our mess, and let the cat out of the bathroom about 2 seconds before we left. Erin worked at a coffee shop downtown, so we stopped by to say thanks, and she gave Nick a free diet Coke before we left. She was super nice.
Nick: Mmhmm. Also, I’m grossed out now thinking about Kelly Rippa’s outtie. Thanks. So after some coffee and bagel action we were on the open road again, making good time and listening to the suspenseful conclusion of Nelson Demille’s Wild Fire, the book on tape we’ve been listening to for the last however miles. If you want to read this book at some point, I’m giving you a spoiler alert. Here’s the plot: a guy wants to nuke American cities, therefore trigging an America nuclear response which would wipe out all of the Middle East. Our hero, an ex NYPD detective John Cory and his wife/partner Kate Mayfield of the FBI are on a mission to stop him. This has got us thinking lately. Not about American foreign policy or the horrors of war, but about various characters we’d like to see play the role of a gritty New York detective in a film noir. Two of our favorites so far have been a hard core gamer and a rapper from East LA.
Brian: It would be an interesting juxtaposition to say the least. The first thing we did after crossing the border into Tennessee was to score some delicious barbeque. We stopped at a place called B’s in a town called Monteagle. Later we were informed that B’s was a famous place that recently experienced a turnover in management, so locals were unsure of its continued deliciousness. I’ll be the first to vouch for it.
Nick: I’ll second that. We knew we were getting close to Nashville when we heard, yeah get excited, Party in the USA a full three times before bringing the vehicle to a complete stop. I’m not sure what a Nashville party is like, but Miley seems frustrated that more parties aren’t like them so I think we have a lot to look forward to in this town. On that note, Brian and I have begun formulating a system for determining a city’s greatness. So far, we have the number of Arby’s within the city limits, the number of times the DJ plays our favorite song on the radio while we’re in that city, and the city’s zombie preparedness, which is itself determined by a number of factors. Though it’s an early cursory assessment, Nashville is dominating on all three counts, with special bonus points for having a 24-hour Arby’s.
Brian: Kill me now. On the recommendation of our next host, we made our way to the Nashville farmer’s market with a single directive: Do not eat the Chinese food. It made me want to, but in the end I resisted. The most noteworthy items for sale at the farmer’s market were these ridiculous but awesome posters of people clearly preparing to make love. As an added bonus, the area of the park not filled with market stalls was filled a progressive reenactment of every American war. What I mean is, as you walk down the path you begin in a Revolutionary War camp and end up in surrounded by WWII soldiers and vehicles. It was pretty cool. We left the park to meet up with the sweet Hannah Messinger, our host for the next couple of days.
Nick: Hannah is someone we met during a game of ultimate Frisbee back in college, and was therefore associated in our minds with all things excellent. Also, she has a blog where she tracks down the coolest, cheapest stuff to do in and around Nashville, so we figured we’d met up with the right person for our stay. After arriving at her downtown apartment and meeting her rambunctious but lovable little dog, we headed out to Centennial Park to walk around, check out the city’s replica Parthenon, and do some swinging on one of many park swings. Brian says that no matter how fast you swing on the swing, the time it takes you to go back and forth never changes. I’m not sure, but I don’t have the math credentials to challenge that assertion.
Brian: It’s just simple physics… that I’m fully incapable of explaining. But it’s true, every swing of a pendulum takes the same amount of time no matter how much energy is behind it. Think about Newton’s Cradles (the office toy that is 5 suspended silver balls). No matter how high you lift a ball the clicking always has the same number of beats per minute. Speaking of BPM, we got our drink and dance on at a little place called 3 Crow Bar. I wonder if they were going with some sort of “crowbar” pun? Fail. My friend Zach Fleury showed up and we went to another bar. I don’t remember the name of that one but I do remember the tetragenarian that wanted our bodies real bad.
Nick: We get people’s attention on this trip. Not all attention is ideal. After we were sufficiently liquored up, Hannah’s friend Sarah, who happens to be a musician and pretty cool chick herself, took us through a McDonald’s on the way home. Which was nice. Back at the apartment, we watched some way old Star Trek, which was the first time I’d ever seen an episode of the show. Half way through, after Spock drops a rock that violently explodes destroying one of the crew, I looked around the room to see if anyone else was enjoying the sci-fi insanity as much as me. Hannah and Brian were asleep. Their loss I guess. Beam us up, Nick and Brian out.
Nick: Mmhmm. Also, I’m grossed out now thinking about Kelly Rippa’s outtie. Thanks. So after some coffee and bagel action we were on the open road again, making good time and listening to the suspenseful conclusion of Nelson Demille’s Wild Fire, the book on tape we’ve been listening to for the last however miles. If you want to read this book at some point, I’m giving you a spoiler alert. Here’s the plot: a guy wants to nuke American cities, therefore trigging an America nuclear response which would wipe out all of the Middle East. Our hero, an ex NYPD detective John Cory and his wife/partner Kate Mayfield of the FBI are on a mission to stop him. This has got us thinking lately. Not about American foreign policy or the horrors of war, but about various characters we’d like to see play the role of a gritty New York detective in a film noir. Two of our favorites so far have been a hard core gamer and a rapper from East LA.
Brian: It would be an interesting juxtaposition to say the least. The first thing we did after crossing the border into Tennessee was to score some delicious barbeque. We stopped at a place called B’s in a town called Monteagle. Later we were informed that B’s was a famous place that recently experienced a turnover in management, so locals were unsure of its continued deliciousness. I’ll be the first to vouch for it.
Nick: I’ll second that. We knew we were getting close to Nashville when we heard, yeah get excited, Party in the USA a full three times before bringing the vehicle to a complete stop. I’m not sure what a Nashville party is like, but Miley seems frustrated that more parties aren’t like them so I think we have a lot to look forward to in this town. On that note, Brian and I have begun formulating a system for determining a city’s greatness. So far, we have the number of Arby’s within the city limits, the number of times the DJ plays our favorite song on the radio while we’re in that city, and the city’s zombie preparedness, which is itself determined by a number of factors. Though it’s an early cursory assessment, Nashville is dominating on all three counts, with special bonus points for having a 24-hour Arby’s.
Brian: Kill me now. On the recommendation of our next host, we made our way to the Nashville farmer’s market with a single directive: Do not eat the Chinese food. It made me want to, but in the end I resisted. The most noteworthy items for sale at the farmer’s market were these ridiculous but awesome posters of people clearly preparing to make love. As an added bonus, the area of the park not filled with market stalls was filled a progressive reenactment of every American war. What I mean is, as you walk down the path you begin in a Revolutionary War camp and end up in surrounded by WWII soldiers and vehicles. It was pretty cool. We left the park to meet up with the sweet Hannah Messinger, our host for the next couple of days.
Nick: Hannah is someone we met during a game of ultimate Frisbee back in college, and was therefore associated in our minds with all things excellent. Also, she has a blog where she tracks down the coolest, cheapest stuff to do in and around Nashville, so we figured we’d met up with the right person for our stay. After arriving at her downtown apartment and meeting her rambunctious but lovable little dog, we headed out to Centennial Park to walk around, check out the city’s replica Parthenon, and do some swinging on one of many park swings. Brian says that no matter how fast you swing on the swing, the time it takes you to go back and forth never changes. I’m not sure, but I don’t have the math credentials to challenge that assertion.
Brian: It’s just simple physics… that I’m fully incapable of explaining. But it’s true, every swing of a pendulum takes the same amount of time no matter how much energy is behind it. Think about Newton’s Cradles (the office toy that is 5 suspended silver balls). No matter how high you lift a ball the clicking always has the same number of beats per minute. Speaking of BPM, we got our drink and dance on at a little place called 3 Crow Bar. I wonder if they were going with some sort of “crowbar” pun? Fail. My friend Zach Fleury showed up and we went to another bar. I don’t remember the name of that one but I do remember the tetragenarian that wanted our bodies real bad.
Nick: We get people’s attention on this trip. Not all attention is ideal. After we were sufficiently liquored up, Hannah’s friend Sarah, who happens to be a musician and pretty cool chick herself, took us through a McDonald’s on the way home. Which was nice. Back at the apartment, we watched some way old Star Trek, which was the first time I’d ever seen an episode of the show. Half way through, after Spock drops a rock that violently explodes destroying one of the crew, I looked around the room to see if anyone else was enjoying the sci-fi insanity as much as me. Hannah and Brian were asleep. Their loss I guess. Beam us up, Nick and Brian out.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Atlanta, GA Day 1
Brian: Ouch, my head. What a better way to spend a hangover than walking around looking at soon-to-be sushi. I’m not kidding, there were like 4 or 5 seafood restaurants surrounding the Atlanta Aquarium. I think that’s a dangerous game. It wouldn’t be very good for the general morale of the fish if they knew what was happening to their brothers not 100 yards down the road. The lady at the front desk talked us into buying the slightly pricier tickets for the limited-time only shark exhibit.
Nick: At that point, I’d nearly resigned myself to believing I’d never be back to this city, so why not take in as much as possible? Sharks are cool, we like sharks, let’s do this thing. On the subject of sharks, have y’all (that’s right) ever seen a whale shark? Up close? Whoa dang, that’s a big fish. The Georgia Aquarium (it’s in Atlanta but that’s not in the name) has six of these things in a huge tank that has a glass tube you can walk through. Some of them are like…. 20, 25 feet long? Question: How many square inches of whale shark sushi could one cover with the meat from one whale shark? And just how much square surface area is available on an average supermodel in the supine position? If you’re wondering, I’m trying to figure out if opening a sushi restaurant with supermodels as plates could be competitive by purchasing raw materials in bulk. Something to think about. We also looked at sea otters, which multiple individuals in my life have attributed to be my cosmic animal soul twin. I don’t know about all that, but they’re fun to look at. It went quick, but the aquarium was pretty cool.
Brian: Overall, it was a unique experience. Actually, not overall. Atlanta Aquarium is guilty of plagiarism in the 1st degree when it comes to their 4D children’s entertainment experience, titled Deepo’s 3D Wondershow. Let’s start with 4D. Nobody in the establishment was able to explain what 4D meant, or what the 4th D(imension) was. The only answer we could get, and believe me we asked several employees, was that Deepo is a 3D movie in a 4D theatre.
Nick: Also: why did the woman, who couldn’t have been much older than us, recommend we pick up tickets to this show which was, upon further investigation, clearly for children? Do we look childish? Act childish? I think not, and I take offense.
Brian: Twilight Zone always told me the 4th dimension was time. I’ve also always been told that time equals money. Well I guess 4D theatres make sense, because after you go in, you come out 20 minutes in the future and $5.00 poorer.
Nick: Zing!
Brian: Also, check out the pictures and tell me that Deepo is not a Finding Nemo copy. Like, what the hell? They are asking for a lawsuit.
Nick: So anyway, we do the whole aquarium and decide to end with the much more adult themed shark show thing. Well guess what, the thing broke down so we’d have to wait a full hour and a half to see the next show. No thanks. But when we went to get our tickets refunded, it was this whole big thing, and the woman wouldn’t do it at first, then it took forever, and it just… it left a bad taste in the mouth. That’s OK though, you know? During our travels, we’ve found the best, most wonderfully refreshing drink to cleanse anything bad from our road trip pallet. It was the quest for this most delectable of beverages that lead us to our next destination.
Brian: The Coca-Cola Museum, right across from the aquarium! Certainly since Coke is now the proud owner of Moxie, it would be a sure thing to find a can or bottle in the gift shop. But alas, if there’s anything we should have learned from our first Moxie experience, it’s to not expect Moxie where it should be (recall that the official Moxie museum only had a single cob-webbed can available). I was especially misled by the statue of the inventor of Coke, who looks like a Moxie man himself, and whom I shared a beverage with, see picture. We left the gift shop depressed and empty, and went to a bar named The Righteous Room to meet our next Couchsurfing host: Erin.
Nick: Erin is notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that she has been the first person on Couchsurfing to bring a friend to the initial meeting. It just seems like something that’d be standard couchsurfing procedure to bring a friend to make sure we aren’t crazy psychos hopped up on gallons of radioactive Moxie.
Brian: Speaking of hopped up, we met a guy named Charlie at the bar who insisted on buying our table a round of drinks. He literally just walked right up to me and started talking to me. For some reason when people do that all I want to do is lie to them. So I told Charlie that Nick and I were traveling salesman going door-to-door selling coconut catching nets (Coconets). I sold it so well that even Erin fully bought it. I told her later that it was a lie, and if I was in her position I wouldn’t let someone who could lie with such ease stay at my house. But…
Nick: …I guess we checked out, because after a nice evening of talking, drinking a little, and catching up on The Office, Erin and her friend Xander left us to our own devices. In their house. Like, they went someplace else to sleep.
Brian: Well, the cat was there.
Nick: Ah yes. The cat. So… I usually don’t like cats. Actually, I despise most cats. Also, I’m pretty dang allergic to them in general, so even cats I might be apathetic about cause me all kinds of problems, and that of course makes it very easy to despise them too. On the subject, I’m more allergic to some than others. Turns out, this cat gave me the worst reaction ever. Like, could hardly breath reaction. Which is, as you can imagine, distressing enough. This particular feline decided to up the ante however by being completely nuts. For example, when I reached down into my bag to fetch the laptop, it thought that bounding across the room and sinking its vicious cat fangs into my wrist would be a hospitable thing to do. Have I mentioned that I despise cats? Anyway, the second Erin left, Brian was nice enough to help me corral the damn thing into the bathroom where I hope it spent a very long, lonely evening thinking about what it had done.
Brian: I didn’t like it either. It meowed the whole time it was in there, even though I brought it food and water. I didn’t even shove it under the door, which is better treatment than many human prisoners receive. Well after it was gone things got a little better and we went to sleep after catching up on some TV shows. Next stop, Nashville. We are outie like Kelly Rippa.
Nick: At that point, I’d nearly resigned myself to believing I’d never be back to this city, so why not take in as much as possible? Sharks are cool, we like sharks, let’s do this thing. On the subject of sharks, have y’all (that’s right) ever seen a whale shark? Up close? Whoa dang, that’s a big fish. The Georgia Aquarium (it’s in Atlanta but that’s not in the name) has six of these things in a huge tank that has a glass tube you can walk through. Some of them are like…. 20, 25 feet long? Question: How many square inches of whale shark sushi could one cover with the meat from one whale shark? And just how much square surface area is available on an average supermodel in the supine position? If you’re wondering, I’m trying to figure out if opening a sushi restaurant with supermodels as plates could be competitive by purchasing raw materials in bulk. Something to think about. We also looked at sea otters, which multiple individuals in my life have attributed to be my cosmic animal soul twin. I don’t know about all that, but they’re fun to look at. It went quick, but the aquarium was pretty cool.
Brian: Overall, it was a unique experience. Actually, not overall. Atlanta Aquarium is guilty of plagiarism in the 1st degree when it comes to their 4D children’s entertainment experience, titled Deepo’s 3D Wondershow. Let’s start with 4D. Nobody in the establishment was able to explain what 4D meant, or what the 4th D(imension) was. The only answer we could get, and believe me we asked several employees, was that Deepo is a 3D movie in a 4D theatre.
Nick: Also: why did the woman, who couldn’t have been much older than us, recommend we pick up tickets to this show which was, upon further investigation, clearly for children? Do we look childish? Act childish? I think not, and I take offense.
Brian: Twilight Zone always told me the 4th dimension was time. I’ve also always been told that time equals money. Well I guess 4D theatres make sense, because after you go in, you come out 20 minutes in the future and $5.00 poorer.
Nick: Zing!
Brian: Also, check out the pictures and tell me that Deepo is not a Finding Nemo copy. Like, what the hell? They are asking for a lawsuit.
Nick: So anyway, we do the whole aquarium and decide to end with the much more adult themed shark show thing. Well guess what, the thing broke down so we’d have to wait a full hour and a half to see the next show. No thanks. But when we went to get our tickets refunded, it was this whole big thing, and the woman wouldn’t do it at first, then it took forever, and it just… it left a bad taste in the mouth. That’s OK though, you know? During our travels, we’ve found the best, most wonderfully refreshing drink to cleanse anything bad from our road trip pallet. It was the quest for this most delectable of beverages that lead us to our next destination.
Brian: The Coca-Cola Museum, right across from the aquarium! Certainly since Coke is now the proud owner of Moxie, it would be a sure thing to find a can or bottle in the gift shop. But alas, if there’s anything we should have learned from our first Moxie experience, it’s to not expect Moxie where it should be (recall that the official Moxie museum only had a single cob-webbed can available). I was especially misled by the statue of the inventor of Coke, who looks like a Moxie man himself, and whom I shared a beverage with, see picture. We left the gift shop depressed and empty, and went to a bar named The Righteous Room to meet our next Couchsurfing host: Erin.
Nick: Erin is notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that she has been the first person on Couchsurfing to bring a friend to the initial meeting. It just seems like something that’d be standard couchsurfing procedure to bring a friend to make sure we aren’t crazy psychos hopped up on gallons of radioactive Moxie.
Brian: Speaking of hopped up, we met a guy named Charlie at the bar who insisted on buying our table a round of drinks. He literally just walked right up to me and started talking to me. For some reason when people do that all I want to do is lie to them. So I told Charlie that Nick and I were traveling salesman going door-to-door selling coconut catching nets (Coconets). I sold it so well that even Erin fully bought it. I told her later that it was a lie, and if I was in her position I wouldn’t let someone who could lie with such ease stay at my house. But…
Nick: …I guess we checked out, because after a nice evening of talking, drinking a little, and catching up on The Office, Erin and her friend Xander left us to our own devices. In their house. Like, they went someplace else to sleep.
Brian: Well, the cat was there.
Nick: Ah yes. The cat. So… I usually don’t like cats. Actually, I despise most cats. Also, I’m pretty dang allergic to them in general, so even cats I might be apathetic about cause me all kinds of problems, and that of course makes it very easy to despise them too. On the subject, I’m more allergic to some than others. Turns out, this cat gave me the worst reaction ever. Like, could hardly breath reaction. Which is, as you can imagine, distressing enough. This particular feline decided to up the ante however by being completely nuts. For example, when I reached down into my bag to fetch the laptop, it thought that bounding across the room and sinking its vicious cat fangs into my wrist would be a hospitable thing to do. Have I mentioned that I despise cats? Anyway, the second Erin left, Brian was nice enough to help me corral the damn thing into the bathroom where I hope it spent a very long, lonely evening thinking about what it had done.
Brian: I didn’t like it either. It meowed the whole time it was in there, even though I brought it food and water. I didn’t even shove it under the door, which is better treatment than many human prisoners receive. Well after it was gone things got a little better and we went to sleep after catching up on some TV shows. Next stop, Nashville. We are outie like Kelly Rippa.
Sylva, NC through Atlanta, GA
Brian: Oh, it’s so nice to be in a clean Lucy. We vacuumed her out completely and got rid of all the trash before setting out for our next destination, which as was revealed in the end of the last post, is Atlanta. I know Nick and I promised not to go to the south, but I’ve heard good things about the city and western North Carolina is only about two hours away. In terms of a cross-country road trip that’s only a quick skip, so why not? Plus, we sent out a bunch of Couchsurfing requests and got a lot of promising responses. Finally, Atlanta has the nations largest aquarium so that’s definitely on the to-do list.
Nick: Fish are friends. The first order of business in Atlanta was to meet up with Katherine at her apartment, a fellow couch surfer and vegetarian extraordinaire. After a dinner of eggplant and sweet potatoes over rice, we hit the town. First stop: a place called Star Bar featuring a live band, cheap beer and no cover. The band, Katherine explained, was categorized as “Rockabilly” which I wasn’t especially familiar with. Take a 50’s Do-Op band, throw in gram of grunge, a pinch of punk, and a general assortment of tattoos and piercings and you’ve got Rockabilly. The band played their set, then we headed to the next location, which was a coffee shop that just so happened to have a liquor license.
Brian: It ended up being a pretty rock n’ roll night because the defining attribute of the coffee shop/bar was a giant projector screen with Rock Band on it. I grabbed a guitar and unabashedly played rhythm and sang harmony to Ballroom Blitz, which is my specialty. In keeping with the theme of the night, I handed my plastic guitar to my fake roadie, who was really just the next guy on the list, and headed out for a smoke out front. The second I stepped outside, about 10 cops pulled up… and ordered coffee. We bounced out of there and headed for our last stop of the night, which was Katherine’s friends’ house. I played real drums there, but that was probably the last rockin’ thing that happened that night.
Nick: It’s unrealistic for us to be expected to rock all night, especially if we’ve already partied every day. On that note, we headed home and watched a few episodes of “Curb your Enthusiasm,” which is honestly not my favorite. Seinfield is also not my favorite though, and those shows are supposed to be similar. I don’t get it. That about does it for the first day in Hot-lanta. So far, I’ve had a nice time, but my earlier prejudices still haven’t been dispelled. Traffic was a nightmare. Brian and Nick O-U-T
Nick: Fish are friends. The first order of business in Atlanta was to meet up with Katherine at her apartment, a fellow couch surfer and vegetarian extraordinaire. After a dinner of eggplant and sweet potatoes over rice, we hit the town. First stop: a place called Star Bar featuring a live band, cheap beer and no cover. The band, Katherine explained, was categorized as “Rockabilly” which I wasn’t especially familiar with. Take a 50’s Do-Op band, throw in gram of grunge, a pinch of punk, and a general assortment of tattoos and piercings and you’ve got Rockabilly. The band played their set, then we headed to the next location, which was a coffee shop that just so happened to have a liquor license.
Brian: It ended up being a pretty rock n’ roll night because the defining attribute of the coffee shop/bar was a giant projector screen with Rock Band on it. I grabbed a guitar and unabashedly played rhythm and sang harmony to Ballroom Blitz, which is my specialty. In keeping with the theme of the night, I handed my plastic guitar to my fake roadie, who was really just the next guy on the list, and headed out for a smoke out front. The second I stepped outside, about 10 cops pulled up… and ordered coffee. We bounced out of there and headed for our last stop of the night, which was Katherine’s friends’ house. I played real drums there, but that was probably the last rockin’ thing that happened that night.
Nick: It’s unrealistic for us to be expected to rock all night, especially if we’ve already partied every day. On that note, we headed home and watched a few episodes of “Curb your Enthusiasm,” which is honestly not my favorite. Seinfield is also not my favorite though, and those shows are supposed to be similar. I don’t get it. That about does it for the first day in Hot-lanta. So far, I’ve had a nice time, but my earlier prejudices still haven’t been dispelled. Traffic was a nightmare. Brian and Nick O-U-T
Greensboro, NC through Sylva, NC
Brian: We are going to consolidate our time at the Balsam Mountain Lodge to a single post. It’s because we spent a lot of time relaxing and recollecting ourselves, NOT because we are way behind on the blog and need to catch up. That’s definitely not the reason. Anyway, the morning we left for Balsam we woke up in Greensboro. In a house. By ourselves. Couchsurfers are crazy trusting. Someday I’m going to wake up in an ice bath.
Nick: Brisk. We can’t be too sure of the chronology of the following events, but they were all pretty excellent and therefore worth mentioning. I’d like to take this opportunity to brag for Brian about what a killer shot he is. Back story: I’ve been shooting things for a long time. BB guns, paintball, rifles, shotguns, etc. You name it. I’m not a bad shot. (Usually) Brian has never shot a real gun before, and since we were in the mountains and since local mountain legend Raymond Bunz of Bunz Gunz was available to host us on his range, I figured it was a great time to expose Mr. Pinto to the wonders of firing dangerous weapons at pieces of paper. Though initially hesitant, the kid took to firearms like a hillbilly with a socialist black president.
Brian: Durn tootin’. We brought a 9mm and a 22 rifle, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I was going to enjoy shooting as much as I did. Another customer showed up about halfway through our session with an AR-15, and we were allowed to squeeze off a few rounds. Boom. Also, I couldn’t resist turning the handgun sideways, shouting, “Check yo’self, fool,” and unloading the sidearm as fast as I could pull the trigger. McLovin bailed!
Nick: Good one. Another blog worthy outing was our trip to a place called Max Patch, as recommended by some local family friends. To fill you in, Max Patch is basically a mountaintop that, for reasons that defy scientific thought and reason, is completely bare of all vegetation other than some scrubby grass. The place was definitely cool, but the trip there is perhaps more interesting. Check it out: The directions we had to this place were a bit shaky because we couldn’t really find an address online. Thus, when we came to a fork in the road, we opted for a route that soon became perilous for any vehicle that didn’t happen to be a monster truck.
Brian: We were in an Audi SUV and we were navigating what was literally the most ill-kept, treacherous road that I have ever ridden on, including some illegal off-roading I did in high school. There was no possible way for us to turn around, and after the first couple of drop-offs it was certain we could not travel in reverse. Nick’s mom thought we were going to die in the woods. Nick was making contingency plans should we have to leave the car and finish the journey on foot.
Nick: The sun rises in the west, right?
Brian: I attempted to allay my PBMS (Phantom Banjo Music Syndrome) by singing a rousing chorus of Bohemian Rhapsody. There were times we literally had to get out of the car and scout the best path over the rocky forest path. Also, we forded several creeks (losing no oxen). We came out of the “road” near a highway, where four hunters, clearly locals, pointed us in the correct direction. We nervously laughed and drove away. But yeah, Max Patch was awesome.
Nick: Photos to follow. Later that night, we had rib dinner with the neighbors that had suggested the trip to Max Patch. That might have created some animosity, but as it turns out they’re both professional chefs so dinner was, well, similar in deliciousness to the combination of Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. Yeah. Dinner also included copious amounts of high quality scotch, wine and sipping rum. After dinner also had those things. It was a good night.
Brian: Not to mention a lesson in the consumption of fine cigars, courtesy of Nick’s father and his neighbor, complimentary Monte Cristos included. The rest of the stay was pretty casual. Relaxing afternoon hot tub sessions, billiards in the evening, delicious breakfasts. Oh, and a gentleman at the shooting range relayed the story of him and his wife’s abduction, probing, and subsequent pregnancy (it is believed the alien somehow “implanted” the child). Apparently, the child was so controversial that the couple ended up getting divorced. How many puns can we drop on that? Good luck getting alienmony. Put on some Marvin Gaye the Martian. Unidentified Fornication Object.
Nick: Star Trek: The Next Penetration.
Brian: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Grope.
Nick: O.K., that’s probably enough. For now. In summation, North Carolina was a great break in the action in that while we usually drink, recover, drive, being stationary for a few days allowed us to drink, recover, then skip the driving step altogether and head right back into drinking. Also, it was pretty, so I guess the nature part was alright too. We have plans to hit up Atlanta next. I’ve never had any affection for the city that I find to be too spread out, dirty, and disorganized but I guess I can give it another chance. We’ll see how it goes. Until next time, Br-i-ck out.
Nick: Brisk. We can’t be too sure of the chronology of the following events, but they were all pretty excellent and therefore worth mentioning. I’d like to take this opportunity to brag for Brian about what a killer shot he is. Back story: I’ve been shooting things for a long time. BB guns, paintball, rifles, shotguns, etc. You name it. I’m not a bad shot. (Usually) Brian has never shot a real gun before, and since we were in the mountains and since local mountain legend Raymond Bunz of Bunz Gunz was available to host us on his range, I figured it was a great time to expose Mr. Pinto to the wonders of firing dangerous weapons at pieces of paper. Though initially hesitant, the kid took to firearms like a hillbilly with a socialist black president.
Brian: Durn tootin’. We brought a 9mm and a 22 rifle, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I was going to enjoy shooting as much as I did. Another customer showed up about halfway through our session with an AR-15, and we were allowed to squeeze off a few rounds. Boom. Also, I couldn’t resist turning the handgun sideways, shouting, “Check yo’self, fool,” and unloading the sidearm as fast as I could pull the trigger. McLovin bailed!
Nick: Good one. Another blog worthy outing was our trip to a place called Max Patch, as recommended by some local family friends. To fill you in, Max Patch is basically a mountaintop that, for reasons that defy scientific thought and reason, is completely bare of all vegetation other than some scrubby grass. The place was definitely cool, but the trip there is perhaps more interesting. Check it out: The directions we had to this place were a bit shaky because we couldn’t really find an address online. Thus, when we came to a fork in the road, we opted for a route that soon became perilous for any vehicle that didn’t happen to be a monster truck.
Brian: We were in an Audi SUV and we were navigating what was literally the most ill-kept, treacherous road that I have ever ridden on, including some illegal off-roading I did in high school. There was no possible way for us to turn around, and after the first couple of drop-offs it was certain we could not travel in reverse. Nick’s mom thought we were going to die in the woods. Nick was making contingency plans should we have to leave the car and finish the journey on foot.
Nick: The sun rises in the west, right?
Brian: I attempted to allay my PBMS (Phantom Banjo Music Syndrome) by singing a rousing chorus of Bohemian Rhapsody. There were times we literally had to get out of the car and scout the best path over the rocky forest path. Also, we forded several creeks (losing no oxen). We came out of the “road” near a highway, where four hunters, clearly locals, pointed us in the correct direction. We nervously laughed and drove away. But yeah, Max Patch was awesome.
Nick: Photos to follow. Later that night, we had rib dinner with the neighbors that had suggested the trip to Max Patch. That might have created some animosity, but as it turns out they’re both professional chefs so dinner was, well, similar in deliciousness to the combination of Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. Yeah. Dinner also included copious amounts of high quality scotch, wine and sipping rum. After dinner also had those things. It was a good night.
Brian: Not to mention a lesson in the consumption of fine cigars, courtesy of Nick’s father and his neighbor, complimentary Monte Cristos included. The rest of the stay was pretty casual. Relaxing afternoon hot tub sessions, billiards in the evening, delicious breakfasts. Oh, and a gentleman at the shooting range relayed the story of him and his wife’s abduction, probing, and subsequent pregnancy (it is believed the alien somehow “implanted” the child). Apparently, the child was so controversial that the couple ended up getting divorced. How many puns can we drop on that? Good luck getting alienmony. Put on some Marvin Gaye the Martian. Unidentified Fornication Object.
Nick: Star Trek: The Next Penetration.
Brian: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Grope.
Nick: O.K., that’s probably enough. For now. In summation, North Carolina was a great break in the action in that while we usually drink, recover, drive, being stationary for a few days allowed us to drink, recover, then skip the driving step altogether and head right back into drinking. Also, it was pretty, so I guess the nature part was alright too. We have plans to hit up Atlanta next. I’ve never had any affection for the city that I find to be too spread out, dirty, and disorganized but I guess I can give it another chance. We’ll see how it goes. Until next time, Br-i-ck out.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Durham, NC through Greensboro, NC
Nick: What to do first thing in the morning after a night of doing what we do best? I don’t know, maybe watch one of the greatest modern films of our time? That sounds good huh? We thought so too, which is why Talladega Nights was what played all morning as we slowly woke up. It gets better every time I see it.
Brian: Unfortunately that film is perhaps the peak of Will Ferrell’s career. It was nice to take a slow morning. I shaved my beard. We left Durham a little past noon and headed for Greensboro, which was our last stop before Nick’s ‘rents. Our Couchsurfing contact there was a girl named Kristen, and she said that we could go with her that night to a non-sequitur party. Wait, what’s a non-sequitur party?
Nick: Pasta Batman. That was her hedgehog’s name. When we first got there, we went to Natty Greene’s which was a local bar/restaurant type of a deal. They had good local beer. Superb turkey sandwiches. And I should know.
Brian: They also clearly had a rigorous hiring process. The waitresses were all gorgeous brunettes with perfect bodies. Hotter than the chili.
Nick: On the way back to the car from the restaurant was a poorly sculpted/painted bust of the late, great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with what came off as sort of a menacing plaque. The engraving declared that Dr. King had decided not to give his speech in Greensboro as planned, but rather stay an extra day in Memphis where he was promptly assassinated. Wow, Greensboro. Is that a threat? Are you implying that bad things happen to people that don’t come to your city as planned? We don’t care for that sort of bullying, and we won’t stand for it. We’ll go where we want, when we want. But, I guess there’s no harm in staying one night… Just to be safe…
Brian: Great call. We went back to Kristen’s and learned a dice-based game called Zilch from her friend Cameron, whose varied interests included pen-and-paper gaming, and screaming in a heavy metal band. We all got along well. Nick barely scraped out a win. Actually, it was pretty epic. I fired up somebody’s Xbox and poured myself a glass of SoCo, retiring my brain for the evening. It was at this point that Kristen required that we only drink out of crazy straws, like she was doing with her water. Oh wait, that’s not water, it’s blueberry vodka. What’s a non-sequitur party?
Nick: So the car fresheners we were wearing got to be VERY pungent when worn as necklaces. But we had fun at the party. When things slowed down a bit, Brian and I led all our new friends in rousing game of “Do You Worship Cthulhu?” which was of course excellent. The group was pretty decent actually: you could tell they’d spend time in summer camps before. After a less than successful game of Psychiatrist, it was time to pack it up and head back to the ranch. We stayed in the room of Kristen’s friend, and at some point during the night, perhaps for hours on end, we were alone in the house. The trust and generosity of the people we meet on this trip never ceases to amaze me.
Brian: Truth. Also by random chance about half of the people we’ve met on Couchsurfing have never hosted before. You could say that we are traveling the country stealing Couchsurfing virginity. Thanks for reading! Tomorrow takes us to Balsam Mountain. Nick and Brian powers, activate! Form of… blog!
Brian: Unfortunately that film is perhaps the peak of Will Ferrell’s career. It was nice to take a slow morning. I shaved my beard. We left Durham a little past noon and headed for Greensboro, which was our last stop before Nick’s ‘rents. Our Couchsurfing contact there was a girl named Kristen, and she said that we could go with her that night to a non-sequitur party. Wait, what’s a non-sequitur party?
Nick: Pasta Batman. That was her hedgehog’s name. When we first got there, we went to Natty Greene’s which was a local bar/restaurant type of a deal. They had good local beer. Superb turkey sandwiches. And I should know.
Brian: They also clearly had a rigorous hiring process. The waitresses were all gorgeous brunettes with perfect bodies. Hotter than the chili.
Nick: On the way back to the car from the restaurant was a poorly sculpted/painted bust of the late, great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with what came off as sort of a menacing plaque. The engraving declared that Dr. King had decided not to give his speech in Greensboro as planned, but rather stay an extra day in Memphis where he was promptly assassinated. Wow, Greensboro. Is that a threat? Are you implying that bad things happen to people that don’t come to your city as planned? We don’t care for that sort of bullying, and we won’t stand for it. We’ll go where we want, when we want. But, I guess there’s no harm in staying one night… Just to be safe…
Brian: Great call. We went back to Kristen’s and learned a dice-based game called Zilch from her friend Cameron, whose varied interests included pen-and-paper gaming, and screaming in a heavy metal band. We all got along well. Nick barely scraped out a win. Actually, it was pretty epic. I fired up somebody’s Xbox and poured myself a glass of SoCo, retiring my brain for the evening. It was at this point that Kristen required that we only drink out of crazy straws, like she was doing with her water. Oh wait, that’s not water, it’s blueberry vodka. What’s a non-sequitur party?
Nick: So the car fresheners we were wearing got to be VERY pungent when worn as necklaces. But we had fun at the party. When things slowed down a bit, Brian and I led all our new friends in rousing game of “Do You Worship Cthulhu?” which was of course excellent. The group was pretty decent actually: you could tell they’d spend time in summer camps before. After a less than successful game of Psychiatrist, it was time to pack it up and head back to the ranch. We stayed in the room of Kristen’s friend, and at some point during the night, perhaps for hours on end, we were alone in the house. The trust and generosity of the people we meet on this trip never ceases to amaze me.
Brian: Truth. Also by random chance about half of the people we’ve met on Couchsurfing have never hosted before. You could say that we are traveling the country stealing Couchsurfing virginity. Thanks for reading! Tomorrow takes us to Balsam Mountain. Nick and Brian powers, activate! Form of… blog!
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