Nick: So as it turns out, Andreas was unable to get his grad school stuff together in time to join us, so we will meet him in D.C. sometime next week. I left to go pick up Brian in Manhattan as he had left the garden with Max the previous night. It was strange to be driving solo. I didn’t like it. United again, we set our course for New Jersey where my senior year roommate Paul lived. After spending a small fortune-
Brian: Did you know bridge tolls could be eleven dollars? It sucks.
Nick: Yeah. Big time. But we made it through them and then found ourselves on what I feel is one of the worst highways in the country. Highway 9. Thousands of stop lights. Millions of pot holes. Also, my co-pilot was out like a light. Also, I’ve never seen so much rain in so short a time. Eventually we made it to Paul’s though, and after some corn hole (I was awful… the platforms were a lot farther apart than I’m used to) and some pork kabob from the nearby Octoberfest, it was off to Atlantic City to see what it might have to offer.
Brian: I’ve never been to Vegas, but I’ve heard that AC is like a miniature version. Yeah, it was quite well lit. I doubt the 5 or 6 wind turbines outside the city generate even a fraction of a percent of the power that city uses. But AC was on the list so we lived it up. Paul took us to a couple sports bars and a cool Irish pub. It was tempting, but we didn’t gamble. All of Paul’s friends were at a local bar called JD’s back in his home town so we left Atlantic City early and headed to meet them. It was there I determined my fate for the next 24 hours.
Nick: Waiter: “What do you want?” Brian: “Hot wings.” Waiter: “Mild, medium, hot, or devil.” Brian: “Devil.” Waiter: “You can’t return those.” Brian: “Bring ‘em on.” Waiter: “That a boy.”
I didn’t think it was the best idea, but we had talked a lot about spicy food in Atlantic City for some reason, and so I think Brian just needed a quick fix. Like how if you get a song stuck in your head, it helps to listen to the song once or twice.
Brian: Big mistake. They were intolerably hot. Being the man that I am, I decided I couldn’t back down to a six pack of boneless tenders, so I ate them in spite of the intense searing sensation between my mouth and stomach. Nick had one of them to help me out; I ate the other five. Stay tuned for the next post to hear about the aftermath.
Nick: Brian and I know our way around a Jalapeño pepper. We’ve tangled with the Habeñero and emerged no worse for the wear. I don’t know what they used to kick those wings up, but even after just one piece I felt like I’d swallowed a coal for the rest of the night. After more corn hole, we left J.D.’s and ventured to the nearest WaWa. It’s like a convenience store with a sleek body kit and spoiler. No, it wasn’t Asian. It was just stepped up. On an unrelated note, the song of the day was “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus. Now I can hear you readers saying “But Nick, Brian, isn’t that the song of the trip? Isn’t it therefore, the song of the day every day?” To be honest readers, we were having a little bit of a rough patch with Miley. We saw the music video, which was just awful, and several people on this trip haven’t really been feeling us on this tune. But now she’s back in our hearts, heads and in our radio. Just keep being Miley. Brian and Nick out.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Glen Cove Day 3
Brian: Our last day in New York. The say “Go big or go home,” and since I’m currently homeless that doesn’t really leave me with a lot of options. Andreas had some business to attend to in the morning, which was fine with Nick and I because we exist in a constant state of fatigue, so the opportunity to chill out until the evening is appreciated. So we really kicked off our day at the crack of 5 pm with dinner at Ruby Tuesday’s and a viewing of the film Zombieland. Unfortunately, the power went out halfway through the movie due to some A-hole New York driver crashing into a pole. The manager said we could go to another local theatre with our stubs, but since we are traveling men, that isn’t really feasible. Even so, I’m convinced that if we show up at any Regal owned theatre in the country, I can talk the manager into letting us see the second half. I kept the stubs, so I’ll keep you updated.
Nick: Brian and I both decided that one of the worst places to be in the whole world is in the middle of a crowd of a bunch of pissed of Long Islanders. I tried to tell them that their rabbling wasn’t going to get the power back on but sometimes there’s just no reasoning with people. And I just lost. After the movie, we headed into the city to meet Brian’s friend Max and Georgia’s friend (Andreas’ sister) Ian then headed off to a beer garden.
Brian: This was one of the least comfortable moments on the trip. I had to pee. Like, I REALLY had to go. There were four people crammed into the back seat and I was a speed bump away from showering them R. Kelly style. But I made it, and I’m just hoping that now I’m not sterile. First order of business out of the way, we set out to acquire some beer.
Nick: The beers were remarkably big. Like, I-want-to-drink-my-beer-because-carrying-a-gallon-of-liquid-is-uncomfortable big.
Brian: I should know. I think I literally had a gallon of liquid in my bladder.
Nick: O.K., I think we’ve all heard enough about your digestive system for a while. The garden was fairly crowded so under Max’s wise instruction, we set out to practice our game a little. (Brian and I have always been the “relationship type.” We’ve both had girlfriends forever and ever, and as a result may be a little out of touch.)
Brian: I’d say the night was an overall success though. We opened up sets (the technical term for a group of people at a bar) of all different sizes and compositions and were generally well received. Max had us using two different lines throughout the night, one involving advice about a 3-way, and one involving tongue piercing. I can say for myself that my ultimate goal was to be more hilarious and likeable than attempting to actually pick up any girls, so I count it as a win.
Nick: I had fun and got to drink a lot of beer, so I count it as a win tambien.
Brian: And that brings us to goodbye NY. It was fun, short but sweet. But L.U.C.Y. and the open road beckon. Brian and Nick out.
Nick: Brian and I both decided that one of the worst places to be in the whole world is in the middle of a crowd of a bunch of pissed of Long Islanders. I tried to tell them that their rabbling wasn’t going to get the power back on but sometimes there’s just no reasoning with people. And I just lost. After the movie, we headed into the city to meet Brian’s friend Max and Georgia’s friend (Andreas’ sister) Ian then headed off to a beer garden.
Brian: This was one of the least comfortable moments on the trip. I had to pee. Like, I REALLY had to go. There were four people crammed into the back seat and I was a speed bump away from showering them R. Kelly style. But I made it, and I’m just hoping that now I’m not sterile. First order of business out of the way, we set out to acquire some beer.
Nick: The beers were remarkably big. Like, I-want-to-drink-my-beer-because-carrying-a-gallon-of-liquid-is-uncomfortable big.
Brian: I should know. I think I literally had a gallon of liquid in my bladder.
Nick: O.K., I think we’ve all heard enough about your digestive system for a while. The garden was fairly crowded so under Max’s wise instruction, we set out to practice our game a little. (Brian and I have always been the “relationship type.” We’ve both had girlfriends forever and ever, and as a result may be a little out of touch.)
Brian: I’d say the night was an overall success though. We opened up sets (the technical term for a group of people at a bar) of all different sizes and compositions and were generally well received. Max had us using two different lines throughout the night, one involving advice about a 3-way, and one involving tongue piercing. I can say for myself that my ultimate goal was to be more hilarious and likeable than attempting to actually pick up any girls, so I count it as a win.
Nick: I had fun and got to drink a lot of beer, so I count it as a win tambien.
Brian: And that brings us to goodbye NY. It was fun, short but sweet. But L.U.C.Y. and the open road beckon. Brian and Nick out.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Glen Cove Day 2
Brian: I can honestly say that all the R&R we got Wednesday was cancelled out by the partying we did that night. Oh well, there are plenty of good reasons to sit around Andreas’ house for another day. One, Andreas has a couple loose ends to tie up. Two, staying here is free, and it isn’t like Nick and I are in a rush. Three, we still haven’t met our goal of eating a Grand Slam breakfast at every diner in NYC. Do you feel like East Norwich Pancake House for breakfast? I know I do.
Nick: As Brian says, it was a slow day but it’s been a while since we’ve seen Andreas, and we think we need some time to acclimate him to the rigorous conditions of this trip. For example, we made him drink Moxie.
Brian: We should force him to watch a making-of documentary for Indian Statues too.
Nick: In the evening, we went into the city to check in on Jake, another friend from school. He’s got a great apartment in Manhattan, and we hung out playing cards, watching the office, and just generally hanging out before heading back home sometime after midnight.
Brian: Short post for a non-eventful day. I’m sure when we hit the road again we will have many a juicy tidbit for our devotees.
Nick: The bacon poll is closed. Seems “crispy” won out handily. Well done readers, you passed the first trial. Song of the day? Probably Bohemian Rapsody. Brian and Nick out
Nick: As Brian says, it was a slow day but it’s been a while since we’ve seen Andreas, and we think we need some time to acclimate him to the rigorous conditions of this trip. For example, we made him drink Moxie.
Brian: We should force him to watch a making-of documentary for Indian Statues too.
Nick: In the evening, we went into the city to check in on Jake, another friend from school. He’s got a great apartment in Manhattan, and we hung out playing cards, watching the office, and just generally hanging out before heading back home sometime after midnight.
Brian: Short post for a non-eventful day. I’m sure when we hit the road again we will have many a juicy tidbit for our devotees.
Nick: The bacon poll is closed. Seems “crispy” won out handily. Well done readers, you passed the first trial. Song of the day? Probably Bohemian Rapsody. Brian and Nick out
Astoria, NY through Glen Cove, NY
Brian: A couple slow days of R&R to come, which is nice and well needed, I think Nick will concur. Julia took us to a delicious little diner in little Greece, and we bid her farewell at around 1:30pm. Before we left her lying friend Justin stopped by and lied some more. No, I don’t believe that there are Mole-People living underground in abandoned subway tunnels playing 60-pound Didgeridoos.
Nick: It does seem unlikely. Next stop: Long Island to visit a very important member of this journey: College buddy and general champion at life Andreas. Andreas had plans to join us at the beginning of this great trek but backed out at the last minute because he had to study for the LSAT. But now the test is over and Andreas will likely be a permanent addition to the trip.
Brian: Somehow, I feel like the Fellowship is complete.
Nick: It seems likely that things will really get interesting now… In the meantime, we had sort of a slow day as Brian said. We caught up, then decided to go into the city to check out the MET. Unfortunately, parking was INSANELY expensive so we only had a couple hours to dash through thousands of years of art history before rushing back to move the car.
Brian: Luckily, we were able to locate the most hilarious stone carving in the world, even given the short time we were there. This piece (pun intended and you’ll see why) was a black stone carving about the size of my fist. It was of a man riding a winged penis, and the penis had a penis of its own (much like a gun mounted on the underside). Andreas wanted to take it home.
Nick: For dinner, we hit up a famous diner called Neptune’s, which was quite good. If you readers are following along, I think we’ve eaten in a diner several times a day for the last few days. I can feel my arteries begging for mercy.
Brian: Time out. I have to pound this piece of chicken-fried steak through my left ventricle… ok, we’re good (for another 3 minutes). The night ended with some intense Beatles Rock Band, and other festivities. Use your imagination; we can’t do all the work. Song of the day: Helter Skelter by you know who. Out.
Nick: It does seem unlikely. Next stop: Long Island to visit a very important member of this journey: College buddy and general champion at life Andreas. Andreas had plans to join us at the beginning of this great trek but backed out at the last minute because he had to study for the LSAT. But now the test is over and Andreas will likely be a permanent addition to the trip.
Brian: Somehow, I feel like the Fellowship is complete.
Nick: It seems likely that things will really get interesting now… In the meantime, we had sort of a slow day as Brian said. We caught up, then decided to go into the city to check out the MET. Unfortunately, parking was INSANELY expensive so we only had a couple hours to dash through thousands of years of art history before rushing back to move the car.
Brian: Luckily, we were able to locate the most hilarious stone carving in the world, even given the short time we were there. This piece (pun intended and you’ll see why) was a black stone carving about the size of my fist. It was of a man riding a winged penis, and the penis had a penis of its own (much like a gun mounted on the underside). Andreas wanted to take it home.
Nick: For dinner, we hit up a famous diner called Neptune’s, which was quite good. If you readers are following along, I think we’ve eaten in a diner several times a day for the last few days. I can feel my arteries begging for mercy.
Brian: Time out. I have to pound this piece of chicken-fried steak through my left ventricle… ok, we’re good (for another 3 minutes). The night ended with some intense Beatles Rock Band, and other festivities. Use your imagination; we can’t do all the work. Song of the day: Helter Skelter by you know who. Out.
Princeton, NJ through Astoria, NY
Nick: This morning, I went to a class and walked around a bit. My conclusion: Princeton is going to be one of my top choices for school for lots of reasons, none of which would likely interest you readers. So I shall spare you. We left Brenna and the school then made our way to a diner outside the city on our way to New York City.
Brian: While Nick was in class I stayed in the apartment and read Entertainment Magazine, you know, to catch up on world events. At the diner I made the observation that those hours in the morning Nick and I spent apart were the first in 15 days. So far no fights.
Nick: Our next stop was my friend Julia’s apartment in Queens. She has been a friend from church for several years, though I haven’t seen much of her in the last couple years. We caught up, had some pasta, and headed over to central park where they were showing the Wizard of Oz along with a concert before hand.
Brian: The concert had two main acts, a young girl who apparently was on Dancing with the Stars and is attempting to break into music (unsuccessfully methinks, her voice was breathy and flat) and Jennifer Hudson from American Idol/Dreamgirls who brought some urban flavor to some classic Oz hits. Though the failure of the warm-up act may have been due to her outfit; it looked like a $12.00 “Sexy Dorothy” costume you could purchase at Spencer’s. I called her Whore-othy for the rest of the my entire life.
Nick: That was the zing of the day.
Brian: The night ended with a debate over a glass of wine as to the rules of the “If you think about the game you lose” game. I contend that the game can only be lost once daily, and when you lose you can create a chain reaction of losing to all of the people around you. The other version of the game can be lost only by one person every 20 minutes, and the declaration of their loss grants 20 minutes of immunity to everybody else. It was a boring argument, and even you win the argument, you still lose.
Nick: Brian lost the argument. He also failed to mention what might have been the best performance by a single individual on this trip thus far. I have affectionately dubbed this crazy man at the concert Spin-Master Flex. He was an older gentleman who, at first, just hobbled around the sidewalk when the music from the concert started. Soon though, he began doing wild, flailing spins all over the place, sometimes leaping into the air only to land and spin on. It was intense.
Brian: But his balance was incredible. I don’t think I could maintain those RPM’s during a jazzy rendition of Over the Rainbow. Kudos. Alright, that brings our night to a close. Thanks again to the lovely Julia for introducing us to her liar of a friend Justin, and for graciously hosting us. Out.
Brian: While Nick was in class I stayed in the apartment and read Entertainment Magazine, you know, to catch up on world events. At the diner I made the observation that those hours in the morning Nick and I spent apart were the first in 15 days. So far no fights.
Nick: Our next stop was my friend Julia’s apartment in Queens. She has been a friend from church for several years, though I haven’t seen much of her in the last couple years. We caught up, had some pasta, and headed over to central park where they were showing the Wizard of Oz along with a concert before hand.
Brian: The concert had two main acts, a young girl who apparently was on Dancing with the Stars and is attempting to break into music (unsuccessfully methinks, her voice was breathy and flat) and Jennifer Hudson from American Idol/Dreamgirls who brought some urban flavor to some classic Oz hits. Though the failure of the warm-up act may have been due to her outfit; it looked like a $12.00 “Sexy Dorothy” costume you could purchase at Spencer’s. I called her Whore-othy for the rest of the my entire life.
Nick: That was the zing of the day.
Brian: The night ended with a debate over a glass of wine as to the rules of the “If you think about the game you lose” game. I contend that the game can only be lost once daily, and when you lose you can create a chain reaction of losing to all of the people around you. The other version of the game can be lost only by one person every 20 minutes, and the declaration of their loss grants 20 minutes of immunity to everybody else. It was a boring argument, and even you win the argument, you still lose.
Nick: Brian lost the argument. He also failed to mention what might have been the best performance by a single individual on this trip thus far. I have affectionately dubbed this crazy man at the concert Spin-Master Flex. He was an older gentleman who, at first, just hobbled around the sidewalk when the music from the concert started. Soon though, he began doing wild, flailing spins all over the place, sometimes leaping into the air only to land and spin on. It was intense.
Brian: But his balance was incredible. I don’t think I could maintain those RPM’s during a jazzy rendition of Over the Rainbow. Kudos. Alright, that brings our night to a close. Thanks again to the lovely Julia for introducing us to her liar of a friend Justin, and for graciously hosting us. Out.
New Haven, CT through Princeton, NJ
Nick: In the morning, we went to a bar called “Bar” for some of their supposedly famous mashed potato pizza. They were closed on Monday. No problem. Louis’ Lunch was across the street, a place known for their incredible burgers. Nope, closed on Monday. Really New Haven? I know we all wish we could live in an exciting new galaxy where every weekend was three days and Mondays were part of ancient history, but this is the Milky Way galaxy, and things just aren’t done that way. Get with the program. After finally giving up on a real breakfast all together, we went to the Peabody museum, which I think is part of the Yale campus, to look at lots and lots of dinosaurs.
Brian: We channeled our inner 6-year olds and ran around like crazy looking at all the sweet fossil molds. Did you know that most paleontologists now believe that all dinosaurs were covered with feathers? It kind of destroys the vicious image of the T-Rex to wrap a feather boa around his neck. My favorite discovery of the museum? The Archelon! Apparently, turtles used to be about 50 times larger than they are now. We will post the picture of my head next to its skeleton. I decided that if I ever have a boat to call my own I will call it The Archelon. Also, on a slightly related note, I’m going to name my first cat Lord Voldemort.
Nick: Not really related. The museum rocked hardcore (yes, museums can do that,) but we had places to be. Next stop was Brian’s aunt’s house.
Brian: Big thanks to Cindy and Brad for kindly hosting us for the afternoon. Lunch and dinner were delicious. And the shower was needed badly. We spent the midday playing Rock Band, ping-pong, billiards, chess, four square, and unwillingly participating in a butt slapping game. Don’t turn your back on those kids for a second. Thanks again guys.
Nick: Next stop was Princeton, NJ to meet my friend Brenna Nickel and check out the school for some grad work. Brenna was an intern with me at Broad Street Ministry in Philadelphia last summer. She pretty much rocks the house all the time, and it’s hard to imagine that summer without her. We met some of her friends and had a nice evening catching up and learning more about the school.
Brian: Beautiful campus. All you need to fit in there is a pair of black horn-rimmed glasses and a stripy scarf. Also, Yuengling was $1.50 a pint at the Princetonian, so it gets my seal of approval. Good morrow readers. Out.
Brian: We channeled our inner 6-year olds and ran around like crazy looking at all the sweet fossil molds. Did you know that most paleontologists now believe that all dinosaurs were covered with feathers? It kind of destroys the vicious image of the T-Rex to wrap a feather boa around his neck. My favorite discovery of the museum? The Archelon! Apparently, turtles used to be about 50 times larger than they are now. We will post the picture of my head next to its skeleton. I decided that if I ever have a boat to call my own I will call it The Archelon. Also, on a slightly related note, I’m going to name my first cat Lord Voldemort.
Nick: Not really related. The museum rocked hardcore (yes, museums can do that,) but we had places to be. Next stop was Brian’s aunt’s house.
Brian: Big thanks to Cindy and Brad for kindly hosting us for the afternoon. Lunch and dinner were delicious. And the shower was needed badly. We spent the midday playing Rock Band, ping-pong, billiards, chess, four square, and unwillingly participating in a butt slapping game. Don’t turn your back on those kids for a second. Thanks again guys.
Nick: Next stop was Princeton, NJ to meet my friend Brenna Nickel and check out the school for some grad work. Brenna was an intern with me at Broad Street Ministry in Philadelphia last summer. She pretty much rocks the house all the time, and it’s hard to imagine that summer without her. We met some of her friends and had a nice evening catching up and learning more about the school.
Brian: Beautiful campus. All you need to fit in there is a pair of black horn-rimmed glasses and a stripy scarf. Also, Yuengling was $1.50 a pint at the Princetonian, so it gets my seal of approval. Good morrow readers. Out.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Providence, RI through New Haven, CT
Nick: 10:00 am. Game time. The Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant was open for business, and didn’t drive to all the way to Rhode Island to wimp out at the last minute.
Brian: Providence, RI and Omaha, MO are the only places you can get the Double-Down.
Nick: Actually, I almost did wimp out at the last minute. I mean, really. Who would actually want to eat one? Well, I’ll tell you that after my first bite into the Colonel’s succulent creation, I think every man, woman and child across our great nation will be clamoring for them. The Double-Down may not be the most nutritious way to start your day. It might not be the easiest thing in the world to eat. But damn it, you have to respect a sandwich with the moxie to cast away buns forever and plunge into a bold new world of extra crispy goodness.
Brian: Fact: The Double-Down is 1,300 calories. Fact: KFC was ill-prepared for five people consecutively ordering Double-Down: they ran out of fried chicken after the third one. Theory: A human can only consume one Double-Down in their lifetime; the second one results in an instant death by cardiac implosion. Not to be confused with cardiac arrest, cardiac implosion is when your own heart becomes self-aware (typically as the result of a traumatic experience e.g. consuming two Double-Downs) and commits suicide after realizing it’s unloved. It is rare to engage in an activity with the foreknowledge that you will never do it again. It allows you to tackle the task with a certain meditative zeal, a calmness born from surety of action. You see your life in two distinct phases: before (pre-Double-Down), and after (Enlightenment). Never again.
Nick: So I’m pretty sure that was poetry. Well done. After the heaviest breakfast ever, we parted ways with Craig, Rachel, and Nick and set off to find a replica of Stonehenge that had apparently been constructed in someone’s back yard not far from New Haven, Connecticut, which was to be our next destination.
Brian: At this point we didn’t have a place to stay for the night. However, quite a few people have told us about this website couchsurfing.org, which is a database people who are willing to provide a roof for travelers like ourselves. We logged on at a local coffee shop on the CT/RI border and sent out about a dozen requests to people in New Haven. Then hit the road.
Nick: An aside: When will the whole world have wireless Intermet? We went to three coffee places, and none had access to the cyber-world. Come on people.
Brian: Between the coffee shop and Faux-henge we decided take a bathroom break and pulled over at a park. The weather was awful so naturally an hour-long walk along the beach was in order. It was a pleasant bit of midday exercise, and two eventful occurrences… occurred. One: Nick predicted a man fishing with his son would hook a bird, and he did. Two: We discovered a new passion.
Nick: It’s a little thing we like to call slam poetry. Brian says that already exists, but I think not. Actually, we were first inspired by some Craigslist post with some major style. We’re going to start displaying some of our best slam poems from the trek on a regular basis. To give you a taste, an appetizer if you will, here is “Ode to a Greek”:
Hey
What if
What if
What if
You Guys YOU GUYS youguys
I just keyed the
U n I v e r s e
Brian: You’re welcome.
Nick: After the beach, it was off to Stonehenge. It was a little tricky to find, owing to the fact that we didn’t have an address this time-
Brian: Sorry Lucy.
Nick: -but at this point, we’re pretty good at finding monuments that aren’t meant to be found. This Stonehenge was also like a previous monument whose Latin name would be Gigantus Native-Americanus Maximus Stupidus in that it was a bit on the disappointing side. Nevertheless, we had a new adventure to pursue in the form of a reply to our couch surfing request for that night in New Haven. After several back-and-forth phone conversations with our potential host, we finally arrived at the house that was to be our sanctuary for the night. Our respite from the wearying road, as it were. Such was our hope. The following account chronicles the night neither of us shall soon forget.
Brian: The quirky female, moniker “Dooz”, greeted us in the yard with a statement about her dogs. “They are really nice. They might bite you. But the purple one will bite you. But they’re fine.” We entered the domicile and were met with an odor faintly reminiscent of Moxie and cat poop. The floor looked never vacuumed, and there were stacks of books and VHS tapes, which created pathways to the various rooms of the house. The wallpaper, yes wallpaper, was in tatters, and every surface was covered in a layer of dust. The cat was friendly.
Nick: We had discussed an escape plan in the event that our host had a meth lab or something, but we weren’t really prepared for this. But. We had no place to stay, and Her Dooziness seemed pretty nice. We shrugged, deposited our effects in the bedroom, and headed off to Ihop to get to know our new Freegan friend a little better.
Brian: I attempted to use the bathroom before we left, but had to leave immediately upon entry as a pot of Jenkum was brewing in the toilet. Look it up, if you dare. The waitress at Ihop easily surpassed our standard of weirdness. Imagine, if you will, a glitchy Stepford wife that asks the same question, two or three times in a single conversation. In a monotone voice. With a smile with which the eyes refuse to participate. “Is there anything I can get you? Is that all you need? Is there anything I can get you?” Weird.
Nick: All’s well that ends well. We stayed up until 2 am playing Hearts with Dooz and her father, a city councilman by trade. The sleep was peaceful and we left at around 7:45 am, thanking a sleeping Dooz for her hospitality on the way out.
Brian: Next time we use Couchsurfing, hopefully we can afford to be a little more selective. Song of the day: “Ode to a Greek” by us. Thanks for reading. NB out.
Brian: Providence, RI and Omaha, MO are the only places you can get the Double-Down.
Nick: Actually, I almost did wimp out at the last minute. I mean, really. Who would actually want to eat one? Well, I’ll tell you that after my first bite into the Colonel’s succulent creation, I think every man, woman and child across our great nation will be clamoring for them. The Double-Down may not be the most nutritious way to start your day. It might not be the easiest thing in the world to eat. But damn it, you have to respect a sandwich with the moxie to cast away buns forever and plunge into a bold new world of extra crispy goodness.
Brian: Fact: The Double-Down is 1,300 calories. Fact: KFC was ill-prepared for five people consecutively ordering Double-Down: they ran out of fried chicken after the third one. Theory: A human can only consume one Double-Down in their lifetime; the second one results in an instant death by cardiac implosion. Not to be confused with cardiac arrest, cardiac implosion is when your own heart becomes self-aware (typically as the result of a traumatic experience e.g. consuming two Double-Downs) and commits suicide after realizing it’s unloved. It is rare to engage in an activity with the foreknowledge that you will never do it again. It allows you to tackle the task with a certain meditative zeal, a calmness born from surety of action. You see your life in two distinct phases: before (pre-Double-Down), and after (Enlightenment). Never again.
Nick: So I’m pretty sure that was poetry. Well done. After the heaviest breakfast ever, we parted ways with Craig, Rachel, and Nick and set off to find a replica of Stonehenge that had apparently been constructed in someone’s back yard not far from New Haven, Connecticut, which was to be our next destination.
Brian: At this point we didn’t have a place to stay for the night. However, quite a few people have told us about this website couchsurfing.org, which is a database people who are willing to provide a roof for travelers like ourselves. We logged on at a local coffee shop on the CT/RI border and sent out about a dozen requests to people in New Haven. Then hit the road.
Nick: An aside: When will the whole world have wireless Intermet? We went to three coffee places, and none had access to the cyber-world. Come on people.
Brian: Between the coffee shop and Faux-henge we decided take a bathroom break and pulled over at a park. The weather was awful so naturally an hour-long walk along the beach was in order. It was a pleasant bit of midday exercise, and two eventful occurrences… occurred. One: Nick predicted a man fishing with his son would hook a bird, and he did. Two: We discovered a new passion.
Nick: It’s a little thing we like to call slam poetry. Brian says that already exists, but I think not. Actually, we were first inspired by some Craigslist post with some major style. We’re going to start displaying some of our best slam poems from the trek on a regular basis. To give you a taste, an appetizer if you will, here is “Ode to a Greek”:
Hey
What if
What if
What if
You Guys YOU GUYS youguys
I just keyed the
U n I v e r s e
Brian: You’re welcome.
Nick: After the beach, it was off to Stonehenge. It was a little tricky to find, owing to the fact that we didn’t have an address this time-
Brian: Sorry Lucy.
Nick: -but at this point, we’re pretty good at finding monuments that aren’t meant to be found. This Stonehenge was also like a previous monument whose Latin name would be Gigantus Native-Americanus Maximus Stupidus in that it was a bit on the disappointing side. Nevertheless, we had a new adventure to pursue in the form of a reply to our couch surfing request for that night in New Haven. After several back-and-forth phone conversations with our potential host, we finally arrived at the house that was to be our sanctuary for the night. Our respite from the wearying road, as it were. Such was our hope. The following account chronicles the night neither of us shall soon forget.
Brian: The quirky female, moniker “Dooz”, greeted us in the yard with a statement about her dogs. “They are really nice. They might bite you. But the purple one will bite you. But they’re fine.” We entered the domicile and were met with an odor faintly reminiscent of Moxie and cat poop. The floor looked never vacuumed, and there were stacks of books and VHS tapes, which created pathways to the various rooms of the house. The wallpaper, yes wallpaper, was in tatters, and every surface was covered in a layer of dust. The cat was friendly.
Nick: We had discussed an escape plan in the event that our host had a meth lab or something, but we weren’t really prepared for this. But. We had no place to stay, and Her Dooziness seemed pretty nice. We shrugged, deposited our effects in the bedroom, and headed off to Ihop to get to know our new Freegan friend a little better.
Brian: I attempted to use the bathroom before we left, but had to leave immediately upon entry as a pot of Jenkum was brewing in the toilet. Look it up, if you dare. The waitress at Ihop easily surpassed our standard of weirdness. Imagine, if you will, a glitchy Stepford wife that asks the same question, two or three times in a single conversation. In a monotone voice. With a smile with which the eyes refuse to participate. “Is there anything I can get you? Is that all you need? Is there anything I can get you?” Weird.
Nick: All’s well that ends well. We stayed up until 2 am playing Hearts with Dooz and her father, a city councilman by trade. The sleep was peaceful and we left at around 7:45 am, thanking a sleeping Dooz for her hospitality on the way out.
Brian: Next time we use Couchsurfing, hopefully we can afford to be a little more selective. Song of the day: “Ode to a Greek” by us. Thanks for reading. NB out.
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