Thursday, December 3, 2009
We are still alive
To our droves of loyal readers: Brian and Nick are alive as of 6:16 pm, December 3rd 2009. Do not be afraid. Do not call the authorities. After months of professional road tripping, we have decided to take a pause from the action during this holiday season in a desperate attempt to rebuild ties to family and friends and, more importantly, to detox from mountains of Arby's roast beef sandwiches and gallons of PRB... The trip and the blog will resume sometime early January, tentatively January 4th. Believe us when we say that the best is yet to come as we make our way down the west coast and eventually to Las Vegas. Be strong. The blog be with you.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sioux Falls, SD through Rapid CIty, SD
Nick: If you’ve been following the blog the last week or two, you will have discovered that there’s been a fair degree of normalcy, stability, and ordinary happening lately. In other words, life as we’ve come to know it on this trip has become completely crazy and mixed up, and we hate it. This sixty-first day put us back on track with the aforementioned Wall Drug in addition to a very strange area of the country known as the “Badlands”
Brian: Like many destinations on this trip, the Badlands was a recommended stop by a CouchSurfer we spent an evening with, though we’ve stayed with so many people I can’t remember who to credit. Nine times out of ten these recommendations are at worst quite interesting and at best freakin’ awesome. One times out of ten the recommendation is Fargo, North Dakota.
Nick: I leave the numbers to Brian.
Brian: So we left Matt and Pam’s place after Pam made us all a delicious waffle breakfast, bringing our consecutive home-cooked meal count to 2, a record for the trip. We hit the road soon after and pulled onto I-90, which is comforting because we could potentially take it all the way to Seattle. Driving through South Dakota is the most boring thing ever, except for the billboards every 15 feet advertising some crazy attraction. Reptile World, Deadwood (Olde Western Towne), and the infamous Wall Drug. Feel free to jump in if you remember some more.
Nick: Something about the world famous wood carving museum. I don’t know anything about it other than it’s the place where wood comes alive. Yikes. When we got to the Badlands, we were greeted by a sign inviting us to please stop by the visitor’s center and deposit fifteen dollars for the privilege of driving on the road that went through this wacky terrain. Seeing as how we’re on something of a budget, we politely disregarded the invitation and cruised on through. The landscape was pretty zany: rock formations, weird lake shapes. Things that make land difficult to cross, farm with, and build on. Bad lands. We walked around, found no snakes, hopped back in the car to continue our trek.
Brian: Yeah, it looked like the kind of place snakes would hang out. But I wasn’t too worried. They were the Badlands, not the Worstlands.
Nick: Eh…
Brian: So after driving through the Badlands the road conveniently pooped us out at the town (barely) of Wall, home of the notorious Wall Drug. Nick and I didn’t really know what to expect, but we followed the signs and soon found ourselves in a massive empty parking lot, with a sign claiming Wall Drug was only half a block away, just around the corner. And when we rounded the corner, what did we find? At first glance, Wall Drug seems to be a dinky little drug store with trashy overpriced souvenir trinkets, but upon entering the establishment you find that it is actually a massive chain of dinky little drug stores with trashy overpriced souvenir trinkets. There’s also a crappy animatronic dinosaur that “feeds” (lights up and moves around a bit more) every 12 minutes. We grabbed a bison dog and a homemade doughnut each and bounced out of there pretty quick.
Nick: Wow dude, this is kind of surprising to me actually. I thought we liked Wall Drug. I liked Wall Drug. There was a lot of cool stuff to see: an awesome animatronic dinosaur, a rideable jackalope, historic photos, creepy statues, a machine that played five instruments at once almost together and almost in tune, a Moxie salesman, and an overall lingering sense of complete insanity. Which I like. They also had all the free water you could drink. I will say that there was likely one component of the visit I think we both could have lived without, and that would be the most terrible bug or food poisoning we acquired during our time there. That evening was one of the worst I’ve had in a long time, if not ever.
Brian: Well, Wall Drug was crappy in that, “I definitely am glad we went there,” kind of way. Yeah, as soon as we left Wall for Rapid City I started to feel a little queasy but played it off as the side effect of a long day of driving. We met up briefly with our host, Chet, who works two jobs and showed us around his place. He works as a bar manager at night and invited us to grab dinner and a drink at his bar later that evening. We said sure and kicked it at his place and shot some pool while waiting for our Canadian friends to show up. There’s not that many people in South Dakota so in retrospect I’m not surprised we ended up surfing the same couches two nights in a row. That’s where things get a little fuzzy for me. A fever hit me hard and fast and I retired to the bedroom circa 6:45 pm to try to sleep through the night.
Nick: An interesting side note before the gruesome events of the rest of the evening: Chet, in addition to managing a bar, is also a fully licensed contractor. Which is interesting considering the fact that once we showed up at his house, he immediately leapt onto the roof and for the next fifteen to twenty minutes or so frantically repaired a less then stellar roofing job with tarps and old tires. The shoe maker’s son runs barefoot, as they say… Anyway, the Canadians showed up, we chatted, and as he said, Brian hit the sack. At this point I was also not feeling so hot, but I wanted to see if I could tough it out. Chet had invited us to go out to his work place at night for some food and fellowship, and I’m usually pretty down for both. Mistake. As the phantom illness had hit my traveling companion with little warning, I too was crushed with a screaming fever, pounding headache, and vicious cough suddenly during the middle of 30 Rock. I went to the room Brian had already secured which was at this point somewhere around 80°, no doubt his doing in an attempt to stop the intense shivering we were both experiencing. I don’t remember everything from that night, but I do remember not being able to sleep for more than ten minutes at a time and batting frantically at what I thought, in my feverish, delusional state, was a bat swooping down on my head. It wasn’t pretty folks.
Brian: I too slept very little that night. It was awful and I wanted my mom. I felt like somebody was hitting me in the nuts with a frozen sledgehammer. Nick and Brian, out.
Nick: Wait, that’s how you’re going to end it? Dang, this road trip just got real y'all.
Brian: Like many destinations on this trip, the Badlands was a recommended stop by a CouchSurfer we spent an evening with, though we’ve stayed with so many people I can’t remember who to credit. Nine times out of ten these recommendations are at worst quite interesting and at best freakin’ awesome. One times out of ten the recommendation is Fargo, North Dakota.
Nick: I leave the numbers to Brian.
Brian: So we left Matt and Pam’s place after Pam made us all a delicious waffle breakfast, bringing our consecutive home-cooked meal count to 2, a record for the trip. We hit the road soon after and pulled onto I-90, which is comforting because we could potentially take it all the way to Seattle. Driving through South Dakota is the most boring thing ever, except for the billboards every 15 feet advertising some crazy attraction. Reptile World, Deadwood (Olde Western Towne), and the infamous Wall Drug. Feel free to jump in if you remember some more.
Nick: Something about the world famous wood carving museum. I don’t know anything about it other than it’s the place where wood comes alive. Yikes. When we got to the Badlands, we were greeted by a sign inviting us to please stop by the visitor’s center and deposit fifteen dollars for the privilege of driving on the road that went through this wacky terrain. Seeing as how we’re on something of a budget, we politely disregarded the invitation and cruised on through. The landscape was pretty zany: rock formations, weird lake shapes. Things that make land difficult to cross, farm with, and build on. Bad lands. We walked around, found no snakes, hopped back in the car to continue our trek.
Brian: Yeah, it looked like the kind of place snakes would hang out. But I wasn’t too worried. They were the Badlands, not the Worstlands.
Nick: Eh…
Brian: So after driving through the Badlands the road conveniently pooped us out at the town (barely) of Wall, home of the notorious Wall Drug. Nick and I didn’t really know what to expect, but we followed the signs and soon found ourselves in a massive empty parking lot, with a sign claiming Wall Drug was only half a block away, just around the corner. And when we rounded the corner, what did we find? At first glance, Wall Drug seems to be a dinky little drug store with trashy overpriced souvenir trinkets, but upon entering the establishment you find that it is actually a massive chain of dinky little drug stores with trashy overpriced souvenir trinkets. There’s also a crappy animatronic dinosaur that “feeds” (lights up and moves around a bit more) every 12 minutes. We grabbed a bison dog and a homemade doughnut each and bounced out of there pretty quick.
Nick: Wow dude, this is kind of surprising to me actually. I thought we liked Wall Drug. I liked Wall Drug. There was a lot of cool stuff to see: an awesome animatronic dinosaur, a rideable jackalope, historic photos, creepy statues, a machine that played five instruments at once almost together and almost in tune, a Moxie salesman, and an overall lingering sense of complete insanity. Which I like. They also had all the free water you could drink. I will say that there was likely one component of the visit I think we both could have lived without, and that would be the most terrible bug or food poisoning we acquired during our time there. That evening was one of the worst I’ve had in a long time, if not ever.
Brian: Well, Wall Drug was crappy in that, “I definitely am glad we went there,” kind of way. Yeah, as soon as we left Wall for Rapid City I started to feel a little queasy but played it off as the side effect of a long day of driving. We met up briefly with our host, Chet, who works two jobs and showed us around his place. He works as a bar manager at night and invited us to grab dinner and a drink at his bar later that evening. We said sure and kicked it at his place and shot some pool while waiting for our Canadian friends to show up. There’s not that many people in South Dakota so in retrospect I’m not surprised we ended up surfing the same couches two nights in a row. That’s where things get a little fuzzy for me. A fever hit me hard and fast and I retired to the bedroom circa 6:45 pm to try to sleep through the night.
Nick: An interesting side note before the gruesome events of the rest of the evening: Chet, in addition to managing a bar, is also a fully licensed contractor. Which is interesting considering the fact that once we showed up at his house, he immediately leapt onto the roof and for the next fifteen to twenty minutes or so frantically repaired a less then stellar roofing job with tarps and old tires. The shoe maker’s son runs barefoot, as they say… Anyway, the Canadians showed up, we chatted, and as he said, Brian hit the sack. At this point I was also not feeling so hot, but I wanted to see if I could tough it out. Chet had invited us to go out to his work place at night for some food and fellowship, and I’m usually pretty down for both. Mistake. As the phantom illness had hit my traveling companion with little warning, I too was crushed with a screaming fever, pounding headache, and vicious cough suddenly during the middle of 30 Rock. I went to the room Brian had already secured which was at this point somewhere around 80°, no doubt his doing in an attempt to stop the intense shivering we were both experiencing. I don’t remember everything from that night, but I do remember not being able to sleep for more than ten minutes at a time and batting frantically at what I thought, in my feverish, delusional state, was a bat swooping down on my head. It wasn’t pretty folks.
Brian: I too slept very little that night. It was awful and I wanted my mom. I felt like somebody was hitting me in the nuts with a frozen sledgehammer. Nick and Brian, out.
Nick: Wait, that’s how you’re going to end it? Dang, this road trip just got real y'all.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Fargo, ND through Sioux Falls, SD
Brian: We snuck out of Dan’s early (astute readers will notice a pattern) and hit the road heading south. It wasn’t long before we saw our first billboard advertising Wall Drug. Just turn right on I-90 and go another 300 miles. Wait, what?
Nick: Yeah, this is pretty bizarre actually. There’s apparently some pharmacy or something in Wall, South Dakota with signs posted hundreds of miles away from the actual location. For the entire day of driving we’d pass one of these stupid signs every exit or so. Clearly, Wall Drug was a place we’d need to be visiting in the next day or two. In the meantime, when I got out to pump gas along this long and lonely road, I discovered my credit card to be missing. Which was weird, since I remember having it when we left Dan’s and because I’d purchased some bubble gum from a different gas station about an hour back. Well, we checked the car. No luck. Called Dan. No luck. Must be back at some gas station roughly an hour back down the road. Awesome. So… we headed back, hoping we’d recognize the exit when we came to it. Some time later, for reasons I don’t really understand, we did recognize it. And… joy of joys, they had my card. Apparently someone had found it and given it to the attendant. Brian, without a moment’s hesitation, without a word, walked straight to the casino that was attached to the gas station. It made sense to me, so I went along. We each put a buck in a slot machine. Luck had run out.
Brian: Yes, our luck ended with the reunion of Nick and his credit card. On the plus side, I thought slot machines with an actual arm you have to pull down had been all but eliminated from America. It was refreshing to see surly chain smoking hags actually having to work to throw away their cash. You see, with a one-armed bandit you actually have to switch you cigarette to the right hand to put the coin in, and then back to the left hand to pull the lever. Of course, true professionals never even remove the cigarettes from their mouths. So anyway, by the time we got to Whatevertown we didn’t really have time to check out the town. Something tells me we didn’t miss very much.
Nick: Indeed. So back on the road, seeing some very familiar scenery for the next sixty miles or so, we listened to a pod cast Brian introduced me to called “Uhh, yeah dude.” It’s these two guys from LA just talking about random current events and whatever else they care to, and it’s pretty good. I’d recommend it to some people.
Brian: I would also specifically not recommend it to some people.
Nick: Yep. Anyway, we made it to Sioux Falls, which was our final destination for the day. We met up with our host couple, Matt and Pam, who were apparently the Couchsurfing gurus of the area. We hung out for a bit, chit chatted about this and that, then welcomed the couple’s additional couch surfing guests Matt and Genni, a Canadian couple from Canada. Turns out they’re also on their way to Seattle. Turns out they’re also going to Rapid City tomorrow night. Turns out we’ll be seeing them again, as our host for the next night and their host for the next night are one and the same. Crazy.
Brian: It simply reinforces our original postulation that there are not a lot of people out here, and therefore not a lot of options. Matt and Pam said they have hosted over 80 people since May. I respect their devotion to the community. The night ended with a game of Cranium, which I hate, but still delivered a decisive victory in. So now you can’t even say I don’t like it because I suck at it. In fact I’m awesome. The teamwork aspects of the game were especially easy, due to the fact the Nick and I have spent the last two months within arms reach of each other. Oh, we almost forget to mention that today is day 60, our official 2-month-iversary. Thanks for sticking with us! We are out like shoulder pads.
Nick: Yeah, this is pretty bizarre actually. There’s apparently some pharmacy or something in Wall, South Dakota with signs posted hundreds of miles away from the actual location. For the entire day of driving we’d pass one of these stupid signs every exit or so. Clearly, Wall Drug was a place we’d need to be visiting in the next day or two. In the meantime, when I got out to pump gas along this long and lonely road, I discovered my credit card to be missing. Which was weird, since I remember having it when we left Dan’s and because I’d purchased some bubble gum from a different gas station about an hour back. Well, we checked the car. No luck. Called Dan. No luck. Must be back at some gas station roughly an hour back down the road. Awesome. So… we headed back, hoping we’d recognize the exit when we came to it. Some time later, for reasons I don’t really understand, we did recognize it. And… joy of joys, they had my card. Apparently someone had found it and given it to the attendant. Brian, without a moment’s hesitation, without a word, walked straight to the casino that was attached to the gas station. It made sense to me, so I went along. We each put a buck in a slot machine. Luck had run out.
Brian: Yes, our luck ended with the reunion of Nick and his credit card. On the plus side, I thought slot machines with an actual arm you have to pull down had been all but eliminated from America. It was refreshing to see surly chain smoking hags actually having to work to throw away their cash. You see, with a one-armed bandit you actually have to switch you cigarette to the right hand to put the coin in, and then back to the left hand to pull the lever. Of course, true professionals never even remove the cigarettes from their mouths. So anyway, by the time we got to Whatevertown we didn’t really have time to check out the town. Something tells me we didn’t miss very much.
Nick: Indeed. So back on the road, seeing some very familiar scenery for the next sixty miles or so, we listened to a pod cast Brian introduced me to called “Uhh, yeah dude.” It’s these two guys from LA just talking about random current events and whatever else they care to, and it’s pretty good. I’d recommend it to some people.
Brian: I would also specifically not recommend it to some people.
Nick: Yep. Anyway, we made it to Sioux Falls, which was our final destination for the day. We met up with our host couple, Matt and Pam, who were apparently the Couchsurfing gurus of the area. We hung out for a bit, chit chatted about this and that, then welcomed the couple’s additional couch surfing guests Matt and Genni, a Canadian couple from Canada. Turns out they’re also on their way to Seattle. Turns out they’re also going to Rapid City tomorrow night. Turns out we’ll be seeing them again, as our host for the next night and their host for the next night are one and the same. Crazy.
Brian: It simply reinforces our original postulation that there are not a lot of people out here, and therefore not a lot of options. Matt and Pam said they have hosted over 80 people since May. I respect their devotion to the community. The night ended with a game of Cranium, which I hate, but still delivered a decisive victory in. So now you can’t even say I don’t like it because I suck at it. In fact I’m awesome. The teamwork aspects of the game were especially easy, due to the fact the Nick and I have spent the last two months within arms reach of each other. Oh, we almost forget to mention that today is day 60, our official 2-month-iversary. Thanks for sticking with us! We are out like shoulder pads.
Minneapolis, MN through Fargo, ND
Brian: Howdy. If you have some spare time in the next couple of days, take a look at a map of the country between Seattle and Minneapolis. Oh you didn’t see any major cities? Yeah, we didn’t really see any either. As a result, our next couple of days will be at least 50% driving, and probably about 30% sleeping. Add in eating and bathroom breaks and that means that only about 7.2% of our time for the next couple of days will be spent engaging in blog-worthy activities. Not to mention the fact that the towns we will be staying in aren’t exactly hubs of civilization and excitement. Our first stop in this barren wasteland is Fargo, North Dakota. Our friends in Madison told us that this place is crazy. Like seriously, there’s nothing like it.
Nick: Really? Fargo? Brian, are we sure we’ve got the right place? The only thing I see constituting the adjective “crazy” is the crazy number of people walking and driving around that seem like they just really don’t want to be in Fargo. It didn’t take long for me to be added to their numbers. After a substantial blog session, (what else were we gonna do?) we found a local pool hall that had pretty good rates and hunkered down to shoot a little 8-ball. Four hours of 8-ball.
Brian: It was a good night for me because I got to do some serious work on my billiards game. The trick is to stay slightly tipsy the whole time in order to create conditional memory. Next time I want to be good at pool I just need to pound a few beers. But beers or no, I can say with no ego that I improved at a pretty rapid pace. You might even call me a progeny. Eleven o’clock rolled around and we still hadn’t heard from our host. It was time to give Dan a call (notice this is the first man we are staying with).
Nick: For safety reasons. But as Brian mentioned earlier, this road trip has changed. We’re out in the wild now. We can’t always be choosy with who we stay with. Dan was nice enough, but we made it kind of an early night. Did I mention there wasn’t a lot going on in Fargo?
Brian: I think another reason that we made it an early night was because Dan’s roommate had recently replaced every light in the apartment with black-light bulbs. Combine that with a bunch of black-light specific commercial hippy art ala Spencer’s gifts and I think it’s easy to see why we didn’t last very long. Next stop, Sioux Falls, SD. Nick and Brian out (to be pronounced with a Canadian accent).
Nick: Really? Fargo? Brian, are we sure we’ve got the right place? The only thing I see constituting the adjective “crazy” is the crazy number of people walking and driving around that seem like they just really don’t want to be in Fargo. It didn’t take long for me to be added to their numbers. After a substantial blog session, (what else were we gonna do?) we found a local pool hall that had pretty good rates and hunkered down to shoot a little 8-ball. Four hours of 8-ball.
Brian: It was a good night for me because I got to do some serious work on my billiards game. The trick is to stay slightly tipsy the whole time in order to create conditional memory. Next time I want to be good at pool I just need to pound a few beers. But beers or no, I can say with no ego that I improved at a pretty rapid pace. You might even call me a progeny. Eleven o’clock rolled around and we still hadn’t heard from our host. It was time to give Dan a call (notice this is the first man we are staying with).
Nick: For safety reasons. But as Brian mentioned earlier, this road trip has changed. We’re out in the wild now. We can’t always be choosy with who we stay with. Dan was nice enough, but we made it kind of an early night. Did I mention there wasn’t a lot going on in Fargo?
Brian: I think another reason that we made it an early night was because Dan’s roommate had recently replaced every light in the apartment with black-light bulbs. Combine that with a bunch of black-light specific commercial hippy art ala Spencer’s gifts and I think it’s easy to see why we didn’t last very long. Next stop, Sioux Falls, SD. Nick and Brian out (to be pronounced with a Canadian accent).
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Minneapolis, MN Day 2
Nick: We awoke to find Abby off to work. Which was too bad, because we liked Abby. She did a lot of art, a lot of travel, a lot of cooking. Things we like. But we needed to get going, there was a lot to see this day. And by a lot, I mean one thing. And by one thing, I mean everything. THE mall of AMERICA.
Brian: /me plays triumphant fanfare.
Nick: If this blog has anything to do with figuring out what this country is all about, and of course it is, then the mall of America should have been our first stop. Is there anything more American? I mean, besides a star-spangled, gun toting, Tim McGraw jamm’n, burger eat’n eagle perched atop a monster truck. Which I think I would like to see someday. Well, it wasn’t our first stop, obvs, but we made it, and we gave it the time it was due. We showed up around 9:15 am, before most things were opened, then settled down and got our blog on in a small café in the middle of the amusement park.
Brian: Wait, what? Yeah that’s right. There is a full-on…
Nick: …don’t say “full-on”…
Brian: …sorry… an entire amusement park within the center of the mall. I couldn’t spend all day in that central chamber of Nickelodeon themed wonderment but Nick got freaked out just looking at the Spongebob coaster. How about the Dora the Explorer coaster? No? Nick made it very clear that it wasn’t even worth my breath trying to convince him to ride it. I think that puts my snake fear into perspective.
Nick: As I explained in the car, there is a long list of reasons hanging out with a snake is a better idea than riding a rollercoaster. I shall enumerate but a few:
1. Riding roller coasters costs money, which could otherwise be spent to buy sandwiches, Moxie, or Moxie sandwiches.
2. No one’s ever been killed, injured or attacked by a four-foot long Ball Python. Have people fallen out of rollercoasters, experienced heart-damaging stress, and otherwise suffered from the unnatural jerking motions of the ride? Of course.
3. One can control one’s actions in the presence of snakes. You can run, you can fight, you can throw someone else in front of them. If things go wrong on a coaster, it’s not going to end well, and no amount of screaming is going to change that.
4. Snakes look cool, and beautiful women look cool when they have snakes draped around themselves. Ever seen a beautiful woman on a rollercoaster? She probably has that stupid expression of sheer terror mixed with explosive glee. Her hair is everywhere, and maybe she’s crying. Not a good look. There are more reasons, but I guess we can move on for now.
Brian: I will simply note your knee-jerk defensiveness as my closing argument. So yeah, so we spent most of the day doing nothing. Literally just walking around the mall or blogging. Even so, my mind was blown. Everyone told me how big this place was going to be, and yet I still underestimated it. It puts most airports to shame.
Nick: Airports? Kind of random. And we didn’t do nothing, we checked out all kinds of cool stores and attractions, then caught a six dollar showing of Zombieland, which I’m happy to report was not interrupted by disgruntled Long Island motorists and was even more excellent the second time around. After the flick, we headed over to our new host’s place, Micaela, for some bike riding and Indian food. Dot Indian.
Brian: Yeah, not feather Indian. Considering how awesome the weather has been the bike ride was amazing. I think my body almost forgot what exercise was. When we got back to Micaela’s we played a game of Spades with her and her roommate, and as usual, confused our opponents with our brilliant strategic minds. They were super cool, and if I’m ever in Minneapolis again I won’t hesitate to give them a ring. Ok, well, for the first time since somewhere before North Carolina we are finally caught up! You have no idea how excited this makes both of us. We apologize for the massive influx of reading our most devoted followers (aka parents) have to catch up on. I love thanking people, so thanks to everyone who has hosted us so far, and also thanks to everyone who reads the blog. Nick and Brian, out of the frying pan and into the freezer.
Nick: Hahaha.
Brian: /me plays triumphant fanfare.
Nick: If this blog has anything to do with figuring out what this country is all about, and of course it is, then the mall of America should have been our first stop. Is there anything more American? I mean, besides a star-spangled, gun toting, Tim McGraw jamm’n, burger eat’n eagle perched atop a monster truck. Which I think I would like to see someday. Well, it wasn’t our first stop, obvs, but we made it, and we gave it the time it was due. We showed up around 9:15 am, before most things were opened, then settled down and got our blog on in a small café in the middle of the amusement park.
Brian: Wait, what? Yeah that’s right. There is a full-on…
Nick: …don’t say “full-on”…
Brian: …sorry… an entire amusement park within the center of the mall. I couldn’t spend all day in that central chamber of Nickelodeon themed wonderment but Nick got freaked out just looking at the Spongebob coaster. How about the Dora the Explorer coaster? No? Nick made it very clear that it wasn’t even worth my breath trying to convince him to ride it. I think that puts my snake fear into perspective.
Nick: As I explained in the car, there is a long list of reasons hanging out with a snake is a better idea than riding a rollercoaster. I shall enumerate but a few:
1. Riding roller coasters costs money, which could otherwise be spent to buy sandwiches, Moxie, or Moxie sandwiches.
2. No one’s ever been killed, injured or attacked by a four-foot long Ball Python. Have people fallen out of rollercoasters, experienced heart-damaging stress, and otherwise suffered from the unnatural jerking motions of the ride? Of course.
3. One can control one’s actions in the presence of snakes. You can run, you can fight, you can throw someone else in front of them. If things go wrong on a coaster, it’s not going to end well, and no amount of screaming is going to change that.
4. Snakes look cool, and beautiful women look cool when they have snakes draped around themselves. Ever seen a beautiful woman on a rollercoaster? She probably has that stupid expression of sheer terror mixed with explosive glee. Her hair is everywhere, and maybe she’s crying. Not a good look. There are more reasons, but I guess we can move on for now.
Brian: I will simply note your knee-jerk defensiveness as my closing argument. So yeah, so we spent most of the day doing nothing. Literally just walking around the mall or blogging. Even so, my mind was blown. Everyone told me how big this place was going to be, and yet I still underestimated it. It puts most airports to shame.
Nick: Airports? Kind of random. And we didn’t do nothing, we checked out all kinds of cool stores and attractions, then caught a six dollar showing of Zombieland, which I’m happy to report was not interrupted by disgruntled Long Island motorists and was even more excellent the second time around. After the flick, we headed over to our new host’s place, Micaela, for some bike riding and Indian food. Dot Indian.
Brian: Yeah, not feather Indian. Considering how awesome the weather has been the bike ride was amazing. I think my body almost forgot what exercise was. When we got back to Micaela’s we played a game of Spades with her and her roommate, and as usual, confused our opponents with our brilliant strategic minds. They were super cool, and if I’m ever in Minneapolis again I won’t hesitate to give them a ring. Ok, well, for the first time since somewhere before North Carolina we are finally caught up! You have no idea how excited this makes both of us. We apologize for the massive influx of reading our most devoted followers (aka parents) have to catch up on. I love thanking people, so thanks to everyone who has hosted us so far, and also thanks to everyone who reads the blog. Nick and Brian, out of the frying pan and into the freezer.
Nick: Hahaha.
Madison, WI through Minneapolis, MN
Brian: Hey everybody. Nick and Brian here feeling delightfully and terrifying refreshed after our night with the boots. Back to Sophia’s this morning for breakfast, which, if you do not recall, is the heavenly establishment open from 8 to noon Saturday and Sunday only. Lucky us! Sadly our pancake breakfasts were not as magnificent as the sandwiches but still quite satisfying. We bid Gabby adieu (easily one of our best CS experiences yet) and left for Minneapolis, which means “City of Water”. The best thing about our blog? Entertaining and informative.
Nick: I like the pictures. The drive to Minneapolis was a long one. And frankly, kind of a boring one. The landscape in these parts is not really my favorite. Pretty bland. To off set this oppressive sense of ennui, we popped in one of the books on tapes we’d brought along. This story followed the adventures of a secret agent nicknamed “pygmy” as he and his comrade agents tried to infiltrate and destroy America through suburban foreign exchange programs. The book was amusing at times, but stylistically grating to listen to. Brian and I decided that we probably would have enjoyed reading the novel, but hearing it spoken was a bit much. No prob, we have others. We stuck in a book about a boy with powers charged with tracking down and eradicating aliens. Awful. Really awful. We figured it was written for young adults but I don’t know…. It was rough. But what’s that expression? Necessity is the mother of invention? I guess that’s true, I mean, in lieu of crappy books on tape we had a brain storming sesh where we came up with our own plots. My first idea: people all across the country are growing in really bizarre ways. Like… there’s some kid in New York with ten-foot long legs. Then a woman in Florida with eight-foot long fingers on her left hand. Eventually an investigation is called, and the team checks out each case as they get more and more extreme. In Kansas, an old woman has grown so enormous that she’s filled an entire house. Mysterious, no? Super gross, no? Possible short story, no?
Brian: My first idea: A mysterious machine the size of small planet is discovered in space and it is perfectly calibrated to generate just enough energy for itself to continue running. When humans step foot on it they disrupt the balance and who know what happens after that.
Nick: Next idea: a small solar systems of planets that are alive, and they relate to each other. The weather on each planet is affected by the mood of the planet, and the planet’s have the maturity and intellect of a group of middle school students. Incidently, a group of middle schoolers on one of the planets just so happen to be the exact copies (in terms of personality, gender, etc) of the planets, and the story follows them. I think it has potential actually, and I’m gonna work on it. We also brainstormed about the novel I hope to have written before too long, and Brian gave me some sweet ideas about it so yeah, what up.
Brian: For our other best ideas check out our current poll. So we rolled into Minneapolis after dark and met our first host, Abby, at a bar. We had a couple local brews and I ordered a boar shepherds pie because I don’t think I’ve ever had boar before. It was great, and I ate a big plate of Brussels sprouts on the side, mom. By this time, and I think I speak for both of us, the awesomeness of Madison was catching up to us. Abby suggested that we pop in a movie. Sounds good. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King extended edition? Wow, good luck to both of us. To even my own surprise, I survived it while Nick succumbed to road fatigue.
Nick: I was so… sleepy…. Brian and… Nick… (yawn) out…
Nick: I like the pictures. The drive to Minneapolis was a long one. And frankly, kind of a boring one. The landscape in these parts is not really my favorite. Pretty bland. To off set this oppressive sense of ennui, we popped in one of the books on tapes we’d brought along. This story followed the adventures of a secret agent nicknamed “pygmy” as he and his comrade agents tried to infiltrate and destroy America through suburban foreign exchange programs. The book was amusing at times, but stylistically grating to listen to. Brian and I decided that we probably would have enjoyed reading the novel, but hearing it spoken was a bit much. No prob, we have others. We stuck in a book about a boy with powers charged with tracking down and eradicating aliens. Awful. Really awful. We figured it was written for young adults but I don’t know…. It was rough. But what’s that expression? Necessity is the mother of invention? I guess that’s true, I mean, in lieu of crappy books on tape we had a brain storming sesh where we came up with our own plots. My first idea: people all across the country are growing in really bizarre ways. Like… there’s some kid in New York with ten-foot long legs. Then a woman in Florida with eight-foot long fingers on her left hand. Eventually an investigation is called, and the team checks out each case as they get more and more extreme. In Kansas, an old woman has grown so enormous that she’s filled an entire house. Mysterious, no? Super gross, no? Possible short story, no?
Brian: My first idea: A mysterious machine the size of small planet is discovered in space and it is perfectly calibrated to generate just enough energy for itself to continue running. When humans step foot on it they disrupt the balance and who know what happens after that.
Nick: Next idea: a small solar systems of planets that are alive, and they relate to each other. The weather on each planet is affected by the mood of the planet, and the planet’s have the maturity and intellect of a group of middle school students. Incidently, a group of middle schoolers on one of the planets just so happen to be the exact copies (in terms of personality, gender, etc) of the planets, and the story follows them. I think it has potential actually, and I’m gonna work on it. We also brainstormed about the novel I hope to have written before too long, and Brian gave me some sweet ideas about it so yeah, what up.
Brian: For our other best ideas check out our current poll. So we rolled into Minneapolis after dark and met our first host, Abby, at a bar. We had a couple local brews and I ordered a boar shepherds pie because I don’t think I’ve ever had boar before. It was great, and I ate a big plate of Brussels sprouts on the side, mom. By this time, and I think I speak for both of us, the awesomeness of Madison was catching up to us. Abby suggested that we pop in a movie. Sounds good. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King extended edition? Wow, good luck to both of us. To even my own surprise, I survived it while Nick succumbed to road fatigue.
Nick: I was so… sleepy…. Brian and… Nick… (yawn) out…
Madison, WI Day 2
Nick: There was a cereal once. They don’t make it anymore, and in fact only made it for a couple years when they did. This cereal was special, and unlike any cereal before, during, or after its brief reign. This cereal was called “Hidden Treasures,” and “Hidden Treasures” looked just like “Kix” cereal, except one out of four or five cereal pieces were full of luscious fruit filling. But you could never tell which ones were full of the yums and which were full of the blahs. Many eateries on this trip have been like “Hidden Treasures.” Every now and then we get lucky, and find the one, purely accidentaly, that’s truly special and delicious. We woke up and started walking. There was a small restaurant called “Sophia’s” near Gabriella’s place. There were a lot of people standing inside the very small restaurant. We ordered, and sat outside on a bench, waiting for the waitress to bring out the chow. This restaurant is opened eight hours per week. Turns out the universe can only tolerate that amount of deliciousness.
Brian: We ordered croissant sandwiches with egg and cheese and I think they screwed up our order because they brought us each a plate of amazing with a side of love. We ate them silently and respectfully. Respectful of the fact that we were removing something so wonderful and delicious from the world. By the time we got back to Gabriella’s, she and her sister were heading out to the Madison farmer’s market, so we decided to tag along. Even as a Seattleite with the Pike Place Market as a basis for comparison, I have to say I was pretty impressed. Except what Seattle has in fish, Wisconsin has in cheese. Our mission was to find some fresh cheese curds, but at every stall we visited they were sold out. After making a complete round, Gabby made the executive decision to order some from a nearby restaurant where she used to work. Am I overstepping my bounds by saying that what ensued gave even the Double Down a run for its money?
Nick: Apples and oranges, I would say. We may have eaten consumed more calories this day, but the Double-Down is a specimen for which there is no comparison. The fried cheese curds were good though, I’m glad we finally got some. I was especially fond of the various dipp’n sauces, in particular the spicy ranch. After we were all adequately stuffed on cheesy Midwestern goodness, we took what I, in my artery clogged condition, would call a long walk all over the nearby university. It seemed like the Badgers were playing that day, so there were a lot of people up, out, and about. Next was a little downtime for digestion purposes back at the apartment. And also some pepper-infused vodka which, for reasons that truly boggle the mind, tasted just like cheese. I really don't know. Then it was bag time.
Brian: There is a game that goes by various names that is quite popular in parts of the US that I’m not from. The basic premise is throwing beanbags at slanted boards with holes in them. It’s like long distance team skee-ball with beanbags. Anyway, they call it Corn-hole, and maybe the reason it hasn’t really caught on where I’m from is because where I’m from that word means something different. Regardless, I set aside the connotation and Nick and I had a 1-1 record for the night. Not too shabby for my second time playing. We only had a couple beers during the game, which was for the best, because we had big plans for the night. Hint: drinking beer out of non-traditional (or perhaps extremely traditional) vessels.
Nick: Daz right, iz time for daz boot. Ze ladies had talked about ze Boots in Madison for the last day or two, zo it vas time to go to ze Essen Haus vich vas a local polka bar and GET SOME BOOT! Brian, wasting no time, did some big time damage to the first boot which was, btw, not a small undertaking. The second boot was my boot. The third boot… the third boot taught us both some things about perseverance and endurance. But don’t worry people, we took it down. And had enough energy and stamina to hit the polka floor for some raucous German dance steps. We combined the pop and lock with the polka, creating the polka lock. Amazing to behold. After that, memory comes back in bits and pieces. I remember… we ended up at a different bar somewhere because our group wanted to play darts. And… something about more cheese curds? I don’t know, it was an adventure.
Brian: Well I definitely remember you buying another round of fried cheese curds, which I thought was the worst idea ever, then the best idea ever, then later, again, the worst idea ever. But yeah three boots is a lot for even the world’s greatest consumers (currently us). Sorry for the abrupt ending, but that’s what the night felt like for me too. Brian and Nick, aus.
Brian: We ordered croissant sandwiches with egg and cheese and I think they screwed up our order because they brought us each a plate of amazing with a side of love. We ate them silently and respectfully. Respectful of the fact that we were removing something so wonderful and delicious from the world. By the time we got back to Gabriella’s, she and her sister were heading out to the Madison farmer’s market, so we decided to tag along. Even as a Seattleite with the Pike Place Market as a basis for comparison, I have to say I was pretty impressed. Except what Seattle has in fish, Wisconsin has in cheese. Our mission was to find some fresh cheese curds, but at every stall we visited they were sold out. After making a complete round, Gabby made the executive decision to order some from a nearby restaurant where she used to work. Am I overstepping my bounds by saying that what ensued gave even the Double Down a run for its money?
Nick: Apples and oranges, I would say. We may have eaten consumed more calories this day, but the Double-Down is a specimen for which there is no comparison. The fried cheese curds were good though, I’m glad we finally got some. I was especially fond of the various dipp’n sauces, in particular the spicy ranch. After we were all adequately stuffed on cheesy Midwestern goodness, we took what I, in my artery clogged condition, would call a long walk all over the nearby university. It seemed like the Badgers were playing that day, so there were a lot of people up, out, and about. Next was a little downtime for digestion purposes back at the apartment. And also some pepper-infused vodka which, for reasons that truly boggle the mind, tasted just like cheese. I really don't know. Then it was bag time.
Brian: There is a game that goes by various names that is quite popular in parts of the US that I’m not from. The basic premise is throwing beanbags at slanted boards with holes in them. It’s like long distance team skee-ball with beanbags. Anyway, they call it Corn-hole, and maybe the reason it hasn’t really caught on where I’m from is because where I’m from that word means something different. Regardless, I set aside the connotation and Nick and I had a 1-1 record for the night. Not too shabby for my second time playing. We only had a couple beers during the game, which was for the best, because we had big plans for the night. Hint: drinking beer out of non-traditional (or perhaps extremely traditional) vessels.
Nick: Daz right, iz time for daz boot. Ze ladies had talked about ze Boots in Madison for the last day or two, zo it vas time to go to ze Essen Haus vich vas a local polka bar and GET SOME BOOT! Brian, wasting no time, did some big time damage to the first boot which was, btw, not a small undertaking. The second boot was my boot. The third boot… the third boot taught us both some things about perseverance and endurance. But don’t worry people, we took it down. And had enough energy and stamina to hit the polka floor for some raucous German dance steps. We combined the pop and lock with the polka, creating the polka lock. Amazing to behold. After that, memory comes back in bits and pieces. I remember… we ended up at a different bar somewhere because our group wanted to play darts. And… something about more cheese curds? I don’t know, it was an adventure.
Brian: Well I definitely remember you buying another round of fried cheese curds, which I thought was the worst idea ever, then the best idea ever, then later, again, the worst idea ever. But yeah three boots is a lot for even the world’s greatest consumers (currently us). Sorry for the abrupt ending, but that’s what the night felt like for me too. Brian and Nick, aus.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Chicago, IL through Madison, WI
Brian: Wow. For those of you not counting, this is day 55. Nick and I are not sick of each other at all, which is amazing and miraculous. We are awesome, this trip is the greatest trip ever taken, and this blog is the greatest blog ever written. Pardon me, I just needed to get some pompous out before I start writing today. Hey, if feeling good is a crime, slap on the cuffs.
Nick: Gross. I’m just pumped that we’re finally about to catch up. The “recovery” time in Indiana put us way, way back, and I was having trouble sleeping. So check it out: I’ve actually been to most of the places we’ve visited to far. I mean, not all the small towns and stuff, but I’m generally pretty familiar with the areas we’ve been through. Sort of. But all that changes now boys and girls. Anything west of the great city of Chicago is a bold new world for me. From here on out, towns get farther apart, and everything gets just a little stranger. Our first stop along the way is Madison, WI. Now I’ve never been to Madison, and all I know about it is that it’s something of a party school. After this trip, I now know that there is a huge Couchsurfing community here (we got like, 7 people offering to put us up for the night,) the lakes are beautiful, and that they do two things right that I really enjoy. First and foremost, what you’ve heard about Wisconsin and their love affair with all things cheesy is true. They’ve got dairy like you wouldn’t believe, and people, the dairy is good. They also have beer. Plenty of it. Different sizes, flavors, and styles of everyone’s favorite bubbly beverage. Talk about the promised land.
Brian: Yeah, I promise I will gain weight in this state. We snuck out of Shannon’s at around 9 am and started heading toward Madison. Nick and I had a moment of synchronicity when we simultaneously suggested Arby’s for breakfast. By the way, if you call the phone number on the back of the Arby’s receipt you can take a 2-minute survey for a free sandwich. Then when you get your free sandwich, they give you another receipt, which you can use to get another, brand new free sandwich. Yes, you are correct, it is possible to receive an endless supply of free sandwiches. I don’t think the kind cashier knew what monsters he was creating when he told us that. So we met up with Gabriella and her sister basically right away when we got to Madison. They were planning on a casual afternoon watching movies and baking cake, so we decided to just hang out with them for a while. Well, those girls have interesting taste in movies to say the least…
Nick: Descriptive words used by our hosts prior to viewing: French, fierce, fantastic. Words I would use to descibe the movie after seeing it: French, fierce, and royally F*** up. Hey Brian, riddle me this: how many ways can you kill someone with a pair of scissors?
Brian: I initially couldn’t remember how we spent this afternoon when I started blogging today. I believe that I dug a hole in my own brain, put the memory of this movie inside the hole, and sealed it off with a miniature brick wall. When Nick reminded me of it, I literally recoiled as if somebody had ripped the brick wall from my brain like a Band-Aid off a fresh wound. To answer your trick question, you can only kill someone once with anything, including a pair of scissors. But I know the reason you might be confused; there were several incidents of reanimation in this movie most of which occurred after brutal scissor murders. Also, I literally watched a woman cut a child (also with scissors) from another pregnant woman’s uterus. The movie was hands down the bloodiest most graphic thing I have ever seen, and when I’m reading back through this blog in the future I will always shudder when I read this post.
Nick: To be fair, our hosts had never actually seen this movie before. I’m not sure if they were as horrified as we were, but I’m sure it wasn’t their favorite. After it was over, Gabriella’s friend Jess showed up, we all rode to her place for a moment, then headed to the most local of local dive bars. The bartender was called “Grandma” by everyone (she looked like a composite of every Grandma anyone’s ever had) and the place was full of dead animals and people that can only be described as “regulars.” One got the impression that the individuals at this bar had been coming to this bar, steadily, every night after work for many years. I mean, that’s fine, everyone was really nice and everyone knew each other. We talked for a while, swapping disgusting animal stories. The Wisconsin animal stories from our hosts and others were pretty gross, but I’d like to think the “manatee story” can hold its own.
Brian: It’s legendary. It’s the kind of story that you borrow from the people you hear it from until it simply becomes an urban myth. Except it’s real.
Nick: We tried it out. It held its own. After a while, we decided to head out with Gabriella’s friend Alais (pronounced like Elise) to a bar, which allegedly had two redneck hip-hop artists performing. This, we had to see.
Brian: I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and some fries, and the fries were basically the best I’d ever had. Seriously, I had hardly had anything to drink at all so it’s definitely true. So these two total wanna-be losers (yeah they literally wish they were at least losers) jump out on stage in backwards trucker hats and start spittin’ the dumbest most played out rhymes I’ve ever heard in my life. The beats were lame and they were bombing big time. They met my expectations exactly, although Alais says that last time she saw them they were different in a more awesome kind of way. She claimed that this was an opening act redneck hip-hop duo for the true legit redneck hip-hop duo. I don’t know, maybe I’m a cynic but I didn’t really feel like being lyrically instructed to… hmm how shall I keep this appropriate… provide inverted labial pressure upon their reproductive instruments. This wasn’t going to keep me entertained for much longer.
Nick: Nor I. Fortunately, Alais felt the same, so we went back to her place, hung out with her slobbery dog Max, learned the proper way to effect a Wisconsin accent, and contemplated what various objects around the room would taste like if they were able to be digested. My favorites were a pair of metallic owls, which I figured probably would have been chocolaty, and a series of paintings of the ocean, which I have to imagine would have contained a fresh blast of mint. Who knows. In the meantime, my Moxie sense is tingling. Someone, somewhere needs our help. Brian and Nick, up, up, and out.
Nick: Gross. I’m just pumped that we’re finally about to catch up. The “recovery” time in Indiana put us way, way back, and I was having trouble sleeping. So check it out: I’ve actually been to most of the places we’ve visited to far. I mean, not all the small towns and stuff, but I’m generally pretty familiar with the areas we’ve been through. Sort of. But all that changes now boys and girls. Anything west of the great city of Chicago is a bold new world for me. From here on out, towns get farther apart, and everything gets just a little stranger. Our first stop along the way is Madison, WI. Now I’ve never been to Madison, and all I know about it is that it’s something of a party school. After this trip, I now know that there is a huge Couchsurfing community here (we got like, 7 people offering to put us up for the night,) the lakes are beautiful, and that they do two things right that I really enjoy. First and foremost, what you’ve heard about Wisconsin and their love affair with all things cheesy is true. They’ve got dairy like you wouldn’t believe, and people, the dairy is good. They also have beer. Plenty of it. Different sizes, flavors, and styles of everyone’s favorite bubbly beverage. Talk about the promised land.
Brian: Yeah, I promise I will gain weight in this state. We snuck out of Shannon’s at around 9 am and started heading toward Madison. Nick and I had a moment of synchronicity when we simultaneously suggested Arby’s for breakfast. By the way, if you call the phone number on the back of the Arby’s receipt you can take a 2-minute survey for a free sandwich. Then when you get your free sandwich, they give you another receipt, which you can use to get another, brand new free sandwich. Yes, you are correct, it is possible to receive an endless supply of free sandwiches. I don’t think the kind cashier knew what monsters he was creating when he told us that. So we met up with Gabriella and her sister basically right away when we got to Madison. They were planning on a casual afternoon watching movies and baking cake, so we decided to just hang out with them for a while. Well, those girls have interesting taste in movies to say the least…
Nick: Descriptive words used by our hosts prior to viewing: French, fierce, fantastic. Words I would use to descibe the movie after seeing it: French, fierce, and royally F*** up. Hey Brian, riddle me this: how many ways can you kill someone with a pair of scissors?
Brian: I initially couldn’t remember how we spent this afternoon when I started blogging today. I believe that I dug a hole in my own brain, put the memory of this movie inside the hole, and sealed it off with a miniature brick wall. When Nick reminded me of it, I literally recoiled as if somebody had ripped the brick wall from my brain like a Band-Aid off a fresh wound. To answer your trick question, you can only kill someone once with anything, including a pair of scissors. But I know the reason you might be confused; there were several incidents of reanimation in this movie most of which occurred after brutal scissor murders. Also, I literally watched a woman cut a child (also with scissors) from another pregnant woman’s uterus. The movie was hands down the bloodiest most graphic thing I have ever seen, and when I’m reading back through this blog in the future I will always shudder when I read this post.
Nick: To be fair, our hosts had never actually seen this movie before. I’m not sure if they were as horrified as we were, but I’m sure it wasn’t their favorite. After it was over, Gabriella’s friend Jess showed up, we all rode to her place for a moment, then headed to the most local of local dive bars. The bartender was called “Grandma” by everyone (she looked like a composite of every Grandma anyone’s ever had) and the place was full of dead animals and people that can only be described as “regulars.” One got the impression that the individuals at this bar had been coming to this bar, steadily, every night after work for many years. I mean, that’s fine, everyone was really nice and everyone knew each other. We talked for a while, swapping disgusting animal stories. The Wisconsin animal stories from our hosts and others were pretty gross, but I’d like to think the “manatee story” can hold its own.
Brian: It’s legendary. It’s the kind of story that you borrow from the people you hear it from until it simply becomes an urban myth. Except it’s real.
Nick: We tried it out. It held its own. After a while, we decided to head out with Gabriella’s friend Alais (pronounced like Elise) to a bar, which allegedly had two redneck hip-hop artists performing. This, we had to see.
Brian: I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and some fries, and the fries were basically the best I’d ever had. Seriously, I had hardly had anything to drink at all so it’s definitely true. So these two total wanna-be losers (yeah they literally wish they were at least losers) jump out on stage in backwards trucker hats and start spittin’ the dumbest most played out rhymes I’ve ever heard in my life. The beats were lame and they were bombing big time. They met my expectations exactly, although Alais says that last time she saw them they were different in a more awesome kind of way. She claimed that this was an opening act redneck hip-hop duo for the true legit redneck hip-hop duo. I don’t know, maybe I’m a cynic but I didn’t really feel like being lyrically instructed to… hmm how shall I keep this appropriate… provide inverted labial pressure upon their reproductive instruments. This wasn’t going to keep me entertained for much longer.
Nick: Nor I. Fortunately, Alais felt the same, so we went back to her place, hung out with her slobbery dog Max, learned the proper way to effect a Wisconsin accent, and contemplated what various objects around the room would taste like if they were able to be digested. My favorites were a pair of metallic owls, which I figured probably would have been chocolaty, and a series of paintings of the ocean, which I have to imagine would have contained a fresh blast of mint. Who knows. In the meantime, my Moxie sense is tingling. Someone, somewhere needs our help. Brian and Nick, up, up, and out.
Chicago, IL: The final day
Brian: Great nights make for rough mornings. For some extremely bizarre reason I woke up at 6:20 am. I left Sarah’s room (don’t get any weird ideas, Nick and I both slept in there) and grabbed a glass of water. Apparently I inadvertently woke the other two up beyond the point of falling back asleep, so we left with Sarah and headed off to a VERY early breakfast.
Nick: I smile when I think back to that morning, remembering the most delicious of all breakfast sandwiches. It had, if I can recall correctly, grilled red peppers, turkey, some sort of cheese, perhaps raspberry sauce? Maybe not. Maybe it was spinach.
Brian: How are you confused between raspberry sauce and spinach?
Nick: It doesn’t matter, the point was the sandwich took me places. Good places. Delicious wonderscape places… After breakfast, it was time to say goodbye. We passed a strange woman-door on the way. We went back to Borders and did a little more blogging… Then off to Wicker Park, which can be described fairly well as the “alternative” neighborhood of Chicago. We found a pretty awesome book store, some crazy resturaunts, cafes, and tattoo parlors, then eventually met up with our next host, Shannon, at her apartment. Shannon was funny. Shannon was from California. Shannon had a snake.
Brian: Just for the people who don’t know this about me, I’m not a big snake fan. Like, I get goosebumps when I see one. Now I will admit that Shannon’s 4-foot ball python was probably the nicest snake in the entire world. It was really friendly and it let Nick hold it for a long time and it let me touch the tip of its tail when it wasn’t looking. I just don’t like the idea of things that move on land without legs. It just freaks me out, ok? Well, I made Shannon promise to put the snake away before bed and everything was pretty cool after that. Out of sight, out of mind.
Nick: I enjoyed Brian standing in the dead center of the kitchen when the snake’s location was uncertain. You know, so he could see it coming if it decided to attack. Although I’m not very fond of rollercoasters, so I’m sure I’ll hear about it when we get to the Mall of America. It has a rollercoaster in the mall, if you didn’t know. Get excited. That night, we went to go see Matt Groening and some woman…
Brian: …Linda Barry…
Nick: …talk about their personal journey in to the world of comics. The woman talked a lot more, and though most people laughed with some frequency, they weren’t THAT funny. I mean, it was great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just always interesting when the people that are behind such comically genius works like the Simpsons, Futurama, etc aren’t that funny in person. It makes sense though. You want to be a genius all the time?
Brian: Yeah, it was worth going. The lady was pretty famous in the independent comic community, which is code for nobody has ever heard of her. They played some crowd-pleasing clips of the Simpsons at the end and everybody loved it. After the event, Shannon took us to the airport to pick up her friends and we went out for dinner at a diner in kind of a hip neighborhood. The food was decent, but it must have loaded with Tryptophan because nobody lasted more than 30 minutes after we got back. The snake stayed in its cage, so I was able to sleep comfortably even on the bean-bag sac I passed out on. Well, we leave Chicago tomorrow. If you are wondering why we stayed this day, it was specifically for the Matt Groening and Linda Nobody event. And we are fuhggedabOUTit.
Nick: I smile when I think back to that morning, remembering the most delicious of all breakfast sandwiches. It had, if I can recall correctly, grilled red peppers, turkey, some sort of cheese, perhaps raspberry sauce? Maybe not. Maybe it was spinach.
Brian: How are you confused between raspberry sauce and spinach?
Nick: It doesn’t matter, the point was the sandwich took me places. Good places. Delicious wonderscape places… After breakfast, it was time to say goodbye. We passed a strange woman-door on the way. We went back to Borders and did a little more blogging… Then off to Wicker Park, which can be described fairly well as the “alternative” neighborhood of Chicago. We found a pretty awesome book store, some crazy resturaunts, cafes, and tattoo parlors, then eventually met up with our next host, Shannon, at her apartment. Shannon was funny. Shannon was from California. Shannon had a snake.
Brian: Just for the people who don’t know this about me, I’m not a big snake fan. Like, I get goosebumps when I see one. Now I will admit that Shannon’s 4-foot ball python was probably the nicest snake in the entire world. It was really friendly and it let Nick hold it for a long time and it let me touch the tip of its tail when it wasn’t looking. I just don’t like the idea of things that move on land without legs. It just freaks me out, ok? Well, I made Shannon promise to put the snake away before bed and everything was pretty cool after that. Out of sight, out of mind.
Nick: I enjoyed Brian standing in the dead center of the kitchen when the snake’s location was uncertain. You know, so he could see it coming if it decided to attack. Although I’m not very fond of rollercoasters, so I’m sure I’ll hear about it when we get to the Mall of America. It has a rollercoaster in the mall, if you didn’t know. Get excited. That night, we went to go see Matt Groening and some woman…
Brian: …Linda Barry…
Nick: …talk about their personal journey in to the world of comics. The woman talked a lot more, and though most people laughed with some frequency, they weren’t THAT funny. I mean, it was great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just always interesting when the people that are behind such comically genius works like the Simpsons, Futurama, etc aren’t that funny in person. It makes sense though. You want to be a genius all the time?
Brian: Yeah, it was worth going. The lady was pretty famous in the independent comic community, which is code for nobody has ever heard of her. They played some crowd-pleasing clips of the Simpsons at the end and everybody loved it. After the event, Shannon took us to the airport to pick up her friends and we went out for dinner at a diner in kind of a hip neighborhood. The food was decent, but it must have loaded with Tryptophan because nobody lasted more than 30 minutes after we got back. The snake stayed in its cage, so I was able to sleep comfortably even on the bean-bag sac I passed out on. Well, we leave Chicago tomorrow. If you are wondering why we stayed this day, it was specifically for the Matt Groening and Linda Nobody event. And we are fuhggedabOUTit.
Chicago, IL: The middle day
Brian: Well we all went to bed at a reasonable hour but we woke up at around 7:30 am. Ugh. Well, I’m a morning person so that’s never really a problem right away. I wake up pretty fresh no matter what happens. Nick on the other hand…
Nick: Fresh is not how I’d describe my mornings. If there’s no drinking, I feel a little sore from sleeping on short couches, floors, and any number of interesting surfaces. If there has been drinking, you get to throw in the sensation of a vice grip attached to my temples. Not my favorite. Fortunately, the city of Chicago decided that it might try to brighten my day with a florescent piece of orange paper, waiting ever so patiently for me underneath the wipers of Lucy. Turns out the first Wednesday of everything month is street sweeping day. Turns out we got a ticket fifteen minutes before we went out to the car. Turns out it was fifty bucks. Turns out that didn’t brighten my day. Go figure.
Brian: Damn the man! We stormed off to a Border’s on the north side of town to drown our sorrows in turkey pesto sandwiches. Border’s has become a staple of this trip for several reasons. One is the aforementioned sandwiches, another is free fast wireless Intermet. The final factor, and this is what separates Border’s from Barnes and Noble, is the plentitude of power sockets along the walls of the café. Go to any Barnes and Noble and good luck finding power. So for lunch Nick took me back downtown to this high end food court called Under 55. For less than 6 bucks I got four types of pasta salad, a cup of broccoli cheddar soup, Mountain Dew, and a cup of frozen yogurt. Under 55 for the win.
Nick: It was a food staple for me during art classes at The Institute.
Brian: Next we kicked it at this awesome comic book store which is right downtown and apparently pretty famous. I was actually surprised by the diversity of people in the shop. In addition to fat, balding, less-than-showered, white men I actually saw a couple girls and even a scene-ster in skinny jeans. Complete non-sequitur, I want nothing more in my life than to ride a Segway. I think I’d be really good at it.
Nick: So he says. A lot. At some point in the afternoon, we got a call from Sarah who was off from class. We met her back at her place, then decided to carve a pineapple her Mom had brought in from the suburbs. What to carve, what to carve… How’s about… a pirate ship? Yes, fantastic idea. We went to work, even going so far as to create real working sails (working in that they would interfere with wind) a sea monster and a bodacious mermaid on the front. Near completion, we got to work cleaning all the beer out of Sarah’s fridge until her friend came over to drop of a bandana (which has become Brian’s fashion staple) and we headed out to the bar where she works. We ordered a couple buckets, had a good time conversing about this and that, then headed back to the apartment. One of the topics of conversation, I remember, involved Sarah’s friend Laura who lives in California. Apparently, Laura would be delighted to host us once we get out to those parts. And so the dance continues. Tonight’s movie selection, in keeping the trend of furry French creatures leading lives filled with extraordinary cunning, virtue, and adventure, was Rata-
Brian: Too-e
Nick: Thanks. It’s actually a favorite of mine so I was much happier with the choice. Brian, following standard movie operating procedure, fell asleep in the seated position.
Brian: Not alone this time though! Sarah, in spite of her relentless teasing the night before, pulled her own bandana right down over her eyes and actually fell asleep before I did. Yeah, so put that in your water pipe and smoke it! Brian and Nick, out on the town, out of booze, out of time.
Nick: Fresh is not how I’d describe my mornings. If there’s no drinking, I feel a little sore from sleeping on short couches, floors, and any number of interesting surfaces. If there has been drinking, you get to throw in the sensation of a vice grip attached to my temples. Not my favorite. Fortunately, the city of Chicago decided that it might try to brighten my day with a florescent piece of orange paper, waiting ever so patiently for me underneath the wipers of Lucy. Turns out the first Wednesday of everything month is street sweeping day. Turns out we got a ticket fifteen minutes before we went out to the car. Turns out it was fifty bucks. Turns out that didn’t brighten my day. Go figure.
Brian: Damn the man! We stormed off to a Border’s on the north side of town to drown our sorrows in turkey pesto sandwiches. Border’s has become a staple of this trip for several reasons. One is the aforementioned sandwiches, another is free fast wireless Intermet. The final factor, and this is what separates Border’s from Barnes and Noble, is the plentitude of power sockets along the walls of the café. Go to any Barnes and Noble and good luck finding power. So for lunch Nick took me back downtown to this high end food court called Under 55. For less than 6 bucks I got four types of pasta salad, a cup of broccoli cheddar soup, Mountain Dew, and a cup of frozen yogurt. Under 55 for the win.
Nick: It was a food staple for me during art classes at The Institute.
Brian: Next we kicked it at this awesome comic book store which is right downtown and apparently pretty famous. I was actually surprised by the diversity of people in the shop. In addition to fat, balding, less-than-showered, white men I actually saw a couple girls and even a scene-ster in skinny jeans. Complete non-sequitur, I want nothing more in my life than to ride a Segway. I think I’d be really good at it.
Nick: So he says. A lot. At some point in the afternoon, we got a call from Sarah who was off from class. We met her back at her place, then decided to carve a pineapple her Mom had brought in from the suburbs. What to carve, what to carve… How’s about… a pirate ship? Yes, fantastic idea. We went to work, even going so far as to create real working sails (working in that they would interfere with wind) a sea monster and a bodacious mermaid on the front. Near completion, we got to work cleaning all the beer out of Sarah’s fridge until her friend came over to drop of a bandana (which has become Brian’s fashion staple) and we headed out to the bar where she works. We ordered a couple buckets, had a good time conversing about this and that, then headed back to the apartment. One of the topics of conversation, I remember, involved Sarah’s friend Laura who lives in California. Apparently, Laura would be delighted to host us once we get out to those parts. And so the dance continues. Tonight’s movie selection, in keeping the trend of furry French creatures leading lives filled with extraordinary cunning, virtue, and adventure, was Rata-
Brian: Too-e
Nick: Thanks. It’s actually a favorite of mine so I was much happier with the choice. Brian, following standard movie operating procedure, fell asleep in the seated position.
Brian: Not alone this time though! Sarah, in spite of her relentless teasing the night before, pulled her own bandana right down over her eyes and actually fell asleep before I did. Yeah, so put that in your water pipe and smoke it! Brian and Nick, out on the town, out of booze, out of time.
Carmel, IN through Chicago, IL
Nick: Chi-town baby. One of my favorite American cities. Brian had never been, so naturally we had to hit a couple of the more iconic locations upon arrival. Mag mile, couple museums, hot dog places. House of Blues… And so on.
Brian: Between Indianapolis and Seattle I literally only know one person, and they live in Western Montana. It can be deduced that we will be utilizing CouchSurfing to it’s full potential for a while, or else sleeping in the car. Considering that it’s early November in the coldest part of the US, I think CouchSurfing is preferable (axe murder risk aside). Nick, as I recall you were feeling quite generous that day. On our way into Chicago Nick paid the toll for the car behind us as well as ours.
Nick: Have you ever had someone do this for you? It rocks.
Brian: Also, he bought a chicken sandwich and French fries for a homeless man downtown.
Nick: Maybe it was not-having-read-Bible-in-weeks guilt.
Brian: Maybe the secret to successful CouchSurfing is generating a trunk-load of good karma right before we meet someone.
Nick: Karma? Brian, sometimes your instatiable need to undermine solid American values with your left-coast thinking is nothing short of distrurbing. Watch it.
Brian: Well, It seems to work, because we drove across town and met up with Sarah, our host for the next two days, and she was great. She gave us a local tour and showed us some of her favorite eateries, drinkeries, and any other –eries you can think of.
Nick: Lake Erie count?
Brian: It was probably a 3-mile walk, but well needed.
Nick: There’s an increasing trend of plumpness due to the alcohol/Arby’s based diet that we’re trying to fend off whenever possible. While still drinking and eating roast beef n’ cheddar sandwiches. We are men of principle, after all. The evening ended back at Sarah’s with a viewing of “The Aristocats,” which I’ve seen once before and wasn’t particularly found of then. I find that the glorification of the gross decadence exhibited by the French nobility during a time when peasants roamed starving in the streets is hardly the ideal setting for a whimsical adventure led by musically included felines. Great tyrant-father Mao is undoubtedly rolling in his eternal crystal coffin.
Brian: Should you hold all Disney movies to the same standard? When Aladdin becomes wealthy and gets the girl at the end of the first movie, it’s easy to forget about the doe-eyed starving street children he breaks bread with in the movie’s intro.
Nick: He might have gone back from them. You don’t know that he didn’t.
Brian: “Pocahontas” is a celebration of events preceding systematic genocide.
Nick: How was John Smith supposed to know his small case of small pox would be a big deal.
Brian: Actually, Shrek is the only movie I can think of in which the princess becomes the pauper for her man. Pardon the digression. We finished off The Glenlivet over the course of the film (which I did not make it through, of course) and went to bed right after. Couple big days in Chicago planned so we need to get some good rest. Nick and Brian out like a light bulb.
Brian: Between Indianapolis and Seattle I literally only know one person, and they live in Western Montana. It can be deduced that we will be utilizing CouchSurfing to it’s full potential for a while, or else sleeping in the car. Considering that it’s early November in the coldest part of the US, I think CouchSurfing is preferable (axe murder risk aside). Nick, as I recall you were feeling quite generous that day. On our way into Chicago Nick paid the toll for the car behind us as well as ours.
Nick: Have you ever had someone do this for you? It rocks.
Brian: Also, he bought a chicken sandwich and French fries for a homeless man downtown.
Nick: Maybe it was not-having-read-Bible-in-weeks guilt.
Brian: Maybe the secret to successful CouchSurfing is generating a trunk-load of good karma right before we meet someone.
Nick: Karma? Brian, sometimes your instatiable need to undermine solid American values with your left-coast thinking is nothing short of distrurbing. Watch it.
Brian: Well, It seems to work, because we drove across town and met up with Sarah, our host for the next two days, and she was great. She gave us a local tour and showed us some of her favorite eateries, drinkeries, and any other –eries you can think of.
Nick: Lake Erie count?
Brian: It was probably a 3-mile walk, but well needed.
Nick: There’s an increasing trend of plumpness due to the alcohol/Arby’s based diet that we’re trying to fend off whenever possible. While still drinking and eating roast beef n’ cheddar sandwiches. We are men of principle, after all. The evening ended back at Sarah’s with a viewing of “The Aristocats,” which I’ve seen once before and wasn’t particularly found of then. I find that the glorification of the gross decadence exhibited by the French nobility during a time when peasants roamed starving in the streets is hardly the ideal setting for a whimsical adventure led by musically included felines. Great tyrant-father Mao is undoubtedly rolling in his eternal crystal coffin.
Brian: Should you hold all Disney movies to the same standard? When Aladdin becomes wealthy and gets the girl at the end of the first movie, it’s easy to forget about the doe-eyed starving street children he breaks bread with in the movie’s intro.
Nick: He might have gone back from them. You don’t know that he didn’t.
Brian: “Pocahontas” is a celebration of events preceding systematic genocide.
Nick: How was John Smith supposed to know his small case of small pox would be a big deal.
Brian: Actually, Shrek is the only movie I can think of in which the princess becomes the pauper for her man. Pardon the digression. We finished off The Glenlivet over the course of the film (which I did not make it through, of course) and went to bed right after. Couple big days in Chicago planned so we need to get some good rest. Nick and Brian out like a light bulb.
Carmel, IN: Downtime
Nick: UGHGHGHGHGHGH, so much blogging to catch up on!!! We are writing to you, world, from Madison, Wisconsin on, we think, Day 55. Much to catch up on. That’s why we’d like to, for this one time only, activate warp engines and send this thing into overdrive. Let get the recap started: Thursday, Indiana: Slow day, recovery day. I’d like to tell you we did something fierce this day, something transformative, something beneficial for the good of all mankind.
Brian: Other than saving the world. Did we save the world?
Nick: I mean, we probably did. Really. But I can’t remember. So I’m moving on. Friday night, Indiana: Went to visit my friend Sarah at Purdue for some costumed bowling action. I went as Chuck Norris, Brian as a redneck. We looked good, I think. After some major pin destruction, we went to see “Paranormal Activity,” which, if you’ve been living under something heavy and dark, is the spooky movie in the flavor of “The Blair Witch Project.” It was alright. Notable in that Brian, for the days since then, has been threatening to put demons in my bed. We’ll see.
Brian: I read today that the movie cost $11 thousand to produce and has so far pulled in $62 million, and that number is expected to break $100 million by the time it is out of theatres. Sigh, Nick and I need to invest our cash in something with a stupidly awesome return like that, so we can go on a lifetime road trip. Makes me wish we had filmed our journey. Saturday morning Sarah took us to a Purdue dorm and we played a game that uses 2 pool balls where you run around the table and throw one of the balls at the other. I was really good at it but also I sucked at it in that I would get too excited and knock one or both of the balls off of the table and across the room.
Nick: Not effective strategy. We had a breakfast at a place called “tripleXXX” which, as far as we can figure, is either five or nine “Xs.”
Brian: It depends on whether the triple applies to just the first X or to all 3 X’s. Put some parentheses in your title!
Nick: Either way, the food wasn’t all that so I don’t think either of us care too much. Guy Fierri liked it when he was there though. Good for him. That night was Halloween night, and we had plans to meet up with my old high school crew then hit up Broad Ripple. We started off with a few games of beer pong, which Brian and I did fairly well at. In fact, I started the second game with 4 cups sunk in three shots. That’s right. After getting all liquored up, it was off to B-rip to see what our favorite stomping grounds are like on that most enjoyable of holidays. Turns out, they’re wonderful. Thoughts?
Brian: Broad Ripple is one of the primary party places for people between 21 and 25 in Indianapolis. It’s usually totally packed every Thursday through Saturday and Halloween was no exception. In fact there was probably triple the typical number of patrons at all of the bars and clubs. And everybody was wearing the craziest outfits imaginable. Everywhere I went I felt like I was in the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine. And it may also be true that you’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. But also good times.
Nick: At one point, my wallet slipped out of my Orange belt. Thaaat sobered me up snap quick. But then, the most wondrous thing happened: the bouncer came over to me and wanted to talk. But it was a good thing. Someone had returned my billfold! Score huge. But then these chicks started yelling at me because I didn’t tip the bartender for fetching me my overpriced Coors Light. Why yell at me? Oh and also, I got stuck in a corner with them because this giant oaf a man was blocking me in. Sometimes, being on the shorter side is great. You can sneak in and out of things with major stealth, you can dodge booby traps, and you usually dominate hide and go seek.
Brian: But when push comes to shove (pun fully intended) sometimes a little extra size can go a long way. The night ended with a trip to Qdoba, where I bought the greatest burrito of my lifetime. When I turned around after paying for my food, a different girl was yelling at Nick, claiming that a future seminarian would never be out partying on Halloween. Between the multiple yelling experiences, and losing the wallet, it would seem Nick had a pretty rough night. But all’s well that end’s well and we made it back in one piece so I consider the night an overall success.
Nick: Rough night nothing, I had a great time with a couple hiccups along the way. NO biggie. But there was a lot of yelling… Monday night was a little more sane as Ella, a high school friend, came over and we made super cheesy shrimp enchiladas. Neither Brian or I are really recipe followers, and neither of us had made enchiladas like this, so I don’t mind telling you that they weren’t the best. The weren’t bad… Just not amazing. Ella hadn’t seen “Casino Royale,” so we popped that in, then followed it up with “Ferris Bueller’s Day off” in preparation for our journey to Chicago the next day. Brian fell asleep. Surprise surprise. Save Ferris, and in the meantime, we’re out.
Brian: Other than saving the world. Did we save the world?
Nick: I mean, we probably did. Really. But I can’t remember. So I’m moving on. Friday night, Indiana: Went to visit my friend Sarah at Purdue for some costumed bowling action. I went as Chuck Norris, Brian as a redneck. We looked good, I think. After some major pin destruction, we went to see “Paranormal Activity,” which, if you’ve been living under something heavy and dark, is the spooky movie in the flavor of “The Blair Witch Project.” It was alright. Notable in that Brian, for the days since then, has been threatening to put demons in my bed. We’ll see.
Brian: I read today that the movie cost $11 thousand to produce and has so far pulled in $62 million, and that number is expected to break $100 million by the time it is out of theatres. Sigh, Nick and I need to invest our cash in something with a stupidly awesome return like that, so we can go on a lifetime road trip. Makes me wish we had filmed our journey. Saturday morning Sarah took us to a Purdue dorm and we played a game that uses 2 pool balls where you run around the table and throw one of the balls at the other. I was really good at it but also I sucked at it in that I would get too excited and knock one or both of the balls off of the table and across the room.
Nick: Not effective strategy. We had a breakfast at a place called “tripleXXX” which, as far as we can figure, is either five or nine “Xs.”
Brian: It depends on whether the triple applies to just the first X or to all 3 X’s. Put some parentheses in your title!
Nick: Either way, the food wasn’t all that so I don’t think either of us care too much. Guy Fierri liked it when he was there though. Good for him. That night was Halloween night, and we had plans to meet up with my old high school crew then hit up Broad Ripple. We started off with a few games of beer pong, which Brian and I did fairly well at. In fact, I started the second game with 4 cups sunk in three shots. That’s right. After getting all liquored up, it was off to B-rip to see what our favorite stomping grounds are like on that most enjoyable of holidays. Turns out, they’re wonderful. Thoughts?
Brian: Broad Ripple is one of the primary party places for people between 21 and 25 in Indianapolis. It’s usually totally packed every Thursday through Saturday and Halloween was no exception. In fact there was probably triple the typical number of patrons at all of the bars and clubs. And everybody was wearing the craziest outfits imaginable. Everywhere I went I felt like I was in the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine. And it may also be true that you’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. But also good times.
Nick: At one point, my wallet slipped out of my Orange belt. Thaaat sobered me up snap quick. But then, the most wondrous thing happened: the bouncer came over to me and wanted to talk. But it was a good thing. Someone had returned my billfold! Score huge. But then these chicks started yelling at me because I didn’t tip the bartender for fetching me my overpriced Coors Light. Why yell at me? Oh and also, I got stuck in a corner with them because this giant oaf a man was blocking me in. Sometimes, being on the shorter side is great. You can sneak in and out of things with major stealth, you can dodge booby traps, and you usually dominate hide and go seek.
Brian: But when push comes to shove (pun fully intended) sometimes a little extra size can go a long way. The night ended with a trip to Qdoba, where I bought the greatest burrito of my lifetime. When I turned around after paying for my food, a different girl was yelling at Nick, claiming that a future seminarian would never be out partying on Halloween. Between the multiple yelling experiences, and losing the wallet, it would seem Nick had a pretty rough night. But all’s well that end’s well and we made it back in one piece so I consider the night an overall success.
Nick: Rough night nothing, I had a great time with a couple hiccups along the way. NO biggie. But there was a lot of yelling… Monday night was a little more sane as Ella, a high school friend, came over and we made super cheesy shrimp enchiladas. Neither Brian or I are really recipe followers, and neither of us had made enchiladas like this, so I don’t mind telling you that they weren’t the best. The weren’t bad… Just not amazing. Ella hadn’t seen “Casino Royale,” so we popped that in, then followed it up with “Ferris Bueller’s Day off” in preparation for our journey to Chicago the next day. Brian fell asleep. Surprise surprise. Save Ferris, and in the meantime, we’re out.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Evansville, IN through Carmel, IN
Brian: I’m getting used to waking up in an empty house. A friend of the family is different from a total stranger, but even so, hospitality is what makes this trip possible. I really want to fuse those words into a new concept. Hospibility? Possitality? I’ll get back to you.
Nick: Please do. In the meantime, allow me to fill in our readers on the happenings of the following day. It went a little something like this: Lunch with Mama and Papa Ison outside Frankfort, KY at the so-called crack-house, AKA Cracker Barrel. It’s not my favorite, but it’s kind of their favorite, and I think Brian likes the atmosphere, so whateva. After a lunch that was all kinds of olde timey, we headed to Louisville where we would eventually meet Brian’s childhood friend who he apparently hadn’t seen since his childhood. How they found each other and decided to meet up escapes me.
Brian: Suffice it to say I consulted the great and powerful Intermet, and it pointed me in the correct direction. Unfortunately, my friend Peter wasn’t available until around 9 pm and so we had an entire day to kill in Louisville. This was not a bad thing; many of the greatest treasures of this journey have been found when we simply have a couple of hours to kill. See Moxie Museum, Lisbon Falls, ME. We spent several hours at a coffee shop, which Peter claimed was the best cup in town. I have to admit that my mocha was damn fine. We ran a search on Louisville hotspots and found the world’s largest baseball bat, and also the birthplace of the cheeseburger (not to be confused with the birthplace of the hamburger, this establishment was simply the first to garnish the burger with cheese). We walked around downtown, and found a science center that had a free wrap-yourself-in-a-bubble exhibit. It didn’t work very well, but I think we snapped a decent pic.
Nick: It was the best we could do under the circumstances. Next stop was in fact that restaurant that “invented” the cheeseburger. Which was no longer the same restaurant but an Irish Pub. Which there were a lot of in Louisville. Go figure. We ordered some really awful beer that we couldn’t even finish, ate sandwiches that failed to resemble anything that might ever have come from Ireland, then conversed with a waitress who’s general demeanor and conversation style changed dramatically after we explained to her that we were in fact food critics from Maine looking for the best burger in America. Not a bad angle. After dinner, we headed back downtown. Nothing particularly note-worthy there except a real-life St. Sanders rocking out on a street corner. We were pretty entertained.
Brian: Peter gave us a ring and we met him for coffee at what he claimed was the second best cup in Louisville. I guess the guy knows his coffee. It was great seeing him again, and if I end up going to school nearby I’ll be sure to stay in touch. At this point one would probably expect the blog to be reaching a close, but Nick and I had big plans for the evening. You see Wednesday night at a bar in Indianapolis is Retro Rewind, meaning that the music is classic and beer is cheap. We didn’t get back to Indy until around midnight, but we were fully ready to bust a groove.
Nick: Also I felt like I could bust a move as well, which was good. We met my friend Mo at the club as she was celebrating her departure from our fair town. She’s moving to New Orleans. I dunno. Anyway, we hung out for a while, which was definitely fun, and Brian got to experience the awesomeness that the place generally exudes. Por ejemplo, the dancers they hire to do their thing up on the stages throughout the place really commit to the music that’s playing. Like, there are costume changes throughout the night in an attempt to create an authentic connection with the songs.
Brian: During Grease music, there were dancing girls dressed like greasers. During a 70’s set, there were girls dressed like hippies. During the Rocky Horror Picture Show music, there was… a girl dressed like Tim Curry dressed like a girl. She had a slammin’ body, but also there was something that looked like a vegetable shoved into her bikini bottom. I feel like we are all close enough for me to admit that this was a difficult moment for me.
Nick: Crazy. After we felt like we’d kind of done that place, we migrated to a bar called Landshark some of you readers may remember from Brian’s first visit to Broad Ripple on this trip, where we met up with some European Au Pairs. Brian: I wonder if our European friends will be there tonight.” Nick: “Not likely.” Guess what people, Russia was there and now we have a new Facebook friend. The world is crazy sometimes. Most times. The night wore on as all good nights do until at last it was time to go home and sleep in my own bed for the first time in almost 50 days.
Brian: I have mentioned to Nick how bizarrely circular this trip is. Not just in terms of our direction of travel, but in our experiences as well. So many times have we gained knowledge that later becomes useful, or discussed topics and ideas that have a direct correlation to things that happen later in the trip. How better, then, to end the first loop of the adventure than by randomly meeting up with someone we met on day 1. You said it best Nick: the world is crazy most times. End of lap 1, Brian and Nick, out.
Nick: Please do. In the meantime, allow me to fill in our readers on the happenings of the following day. It went a little something like this: Lunch with Mama and Papa Ison outside Frankfort, KY at the so-called crack-house, AKA Cracker Barrel. It’s not my favorite, but it’s kind of their favorite, and I think Brian likes the atmosphere, so whateva. After a lunch that was all kinds of olde timey, we headed to Louisville where we would eventually meet Brian’s childhood friend who he apparently hadn’t seen since his childhood. How they found each other and decided to meet up escapes me.
Brian: Suffice it to say I consulted the great and powerful Intermet, and it pointed me in the correct direction. Unfortunately, my friend Peter wasn’t available until around 9 pm and so we had an entire day to kill in Louisville. This was not a bad thing; many of the greatest treasures of this journey have been found when we simply have a couple of hours to kill. See Moxie Museum, Lisbon Falls, ME. We spent several hours at a coffee shop, which Peter claimed was the best cup in town. I have to admit that my mocha was damn fine. We ran a search on Louisville hotspots and found the world’s largest baseball bat, and also the birthplace of the cheeseburger (not to be confused with the birthplace of the hamburger, this establishment was simply the first to garnish the burger with cheese). We walked around downtown, and found a science center that had a free wrap-yourself-in-a-bubble exhibit. It didn’t work very well, but I think we snapped a decent pic.
Nick: It was the best we could do under the circumstances. Next stop was in fact that restaurant that “invented” the cheeseburger. Which was no longer the same restaurant but an Irish Pub. Which there were a lot of in Louisville. Go figure. We ordered some really awful beer that we couldn’t even finish, ate sandwiches that failed to resemble anything that might ever have come from Ireland, then conversed with a waitress who’s general demeanor and conversation style changed dramatically after we explained to her that we were in fact food critics from Maine looking for the best burger in America. Not a bad angle. After dinner, we headed back downtown. Nothing particularly note-worthy there except a real-life St. Sanders rocking out on a street corner. We were pretty entertained.
Brian: Peter gave us a ring and we met him for coffee at what he claimed was the second best cup in Louisville. I guess the guy knows his coffee. It was great seeing him again, and if I end up going to school nearby I’ll be sure to stay in touch. At this point one would probably expect the blog to be reaching a close, but Nick and I had big plans for the evening. You see Wednesday night at a bar in Indianapolis is Retro Rewind, meaning that the music is classic and beer is cheap. We didn’t get back to Indy until around midnight, but we were fully ready to bust a groove.
Nick: Also I felt like I could bust a move as well, which was good. We met my friend Mo at the club as she was celebrating her departure from our fair town. She’s moving to New Orleans. I dunno. Anyway, we hung out for a while, which was definitely fun, and Brian got to experience the awesomeness that the place generally exudes. Por ejemplo, the dancers they hire to do their thing up on the stages throughout the place really commit to the music that’s playing. Like, there are costume changes throughout the night in an attempt to create an authentic connection with the songs.
Brian: During Grease music, there were dancing girls dressed like greasers. During a 70’s set, there were girls dressed like hippies. During the Rocky Horror Picture Show music, there was… a girl dressed like Tim Curry dressed like a girl. She had a slammin’ body, but also there was something that looked like a vegetable shoved into her bikini bottom. I feel like we are all close enough for me to admit that this was a difficult moment for me.
Nick: Crazy. After we felt like we’d kind of done that place, we migrated to a bar called Landshark some of you readers may remember from Brian’s first visit to Broad Ripple on this trip, where we met up with some European Au Pairs. Brian: I wonder if our European friends will be there tonight.” Nick: “Not likely.” Guess what people, Russia was there and now we have a new Facebook friend. The world is crazy sometimes. Most times. The night wore on as all good nights do until at last it was time to go home and sleep in my own bed for the first time in almost 50 days.
Brian: I have mentioned to Nick how bizarrely circular this trip is. Not just in terms of our direction of travel, but in our experiences as well. So many times have we gained knowledge that later becomes useful, or discussed topics and ideas that have a direct correlation to things that happen later in the trip. How better, then, to end the first loop of the adventure than by randomly meeting up with someone we met on day 1. You said it best Nick: the world is crazy most times. End of lap 1, Brian and Nick, out.
Nashville, TN through Evansville, IN
Nick: What up ya’ll. Yeah, it’s been a while since we posted, and frankly we have no excuse. Suffice it to say that sometimes the days just get away from you, and before you know it you’re hundreds of miles down the road without a single blog post to show for it. It’s regrettable, but we’ll bring you up to speed in toady’s special edition of Freaks, Geeks and Automobiles: The Grand Update.
Brian: Nick slept in late at Lisa’s place. Like until noon. I woke up at 9 and read about two-thirds of Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, and as a result I have officially converted to Bokononism. As I recall, Nick and I didn’t have an officially intended destination for the next night, but we had some prospective CouchSurfing opportunities, and even if those fell through we were close enough to Indianapolis that we could always just drive back to the HQ. Luckily, on the way out the door Nick glanced up at a photo of Lisa’s parents and promptly decided to give them a call. That’s what I love about this trip.
Nick: Yeah, Pam and Brad are old family friends, and they’re also awesome. Those two things might have something to do with each other. I gave them a call, they were free, so off we went. I recall it raining all day that day, which tends to put me in a mood when I’m driving. If I have to deal with idiots on the road in good driving conditions, that’s one thing. Idiots in bad weather makes me wish for machine guns and a bulldozer scoop on the front of the car. Identify the bad the cars that aren’t moving along in a timely manner, shoot them up in a hailstorm of bullets, then plow them off to the side. That seems like a good traffic solution to me. Anyway, we made it to Evansville, which is in the southern most tip on Indiana, and met Brad and Pam at a Szechwan place. Chinese food at last…
Brian: Hey, you can’t talk about sci-fi vehicles and not expect me to have something to say. I imagine a sleeker, more futuristic Lucy, much like Speed Racer’s Mach 5, with hydraulic pistons underneath that can vault the car 25 feet in the air at will. Minus the trunk monkey mechanic.
Nick: Named Bobo right? I think that’s accurate. Cliché.
Brian: Ok, back to Chinese food. Yes, by some miracle, and by miracle I mean freak accident, Nick and I have not eaten Asian food yet on this trip. I believe this is a crime. So when Brad and Pam asked if we like spicy Chinese, we basically looked at each other and screamed like 12-year olds at a Jonas Brothers concert.
Nick: Not accurate.
Brian: The place they took us was a local Evansville specialty; a pioneer by the name of Jimmy Jiang decided to open a non-buffet style Chinese restaurant, the first in the town. In addition, the entrees were quite creatively named. Fantasy Duck anyone?
Nick: There were several good ones. One had something to do with treasure, like “Water Chestnut Treasure Delight.” I think there was also a “Crazy Dragon.” Why can’t more food have names that make me want to break out into some fierce Kung Fu fighting? It’s a crime. Back at Pam and Brad’s we met their dogs, which, like Lisa’s, were diverse in that there was a small one and a big one. The big one looked like a muppet or something. It was a mix between golden retriever and poodle, so it had super soft curly hair. It was also very… affectionate.
Brian: It basically just kept running into you, albeit lovingly, until you gave it attention. They should make doggie Ritalin. The night came to a casual close with a couple of The Office reruns, and the most recent episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I would like to dedicate this post to TiVo. It’s not just a way to record your favorite shows, it’s an unsubtle characterization of the American Ideal. Thank you TiVo, for bringing me one step closer to the push-button lifestyle that as an American I not only desire, but feel entitled to. Nick and Brian, out.
Brian: Nick slept in late at Lisa’s place. Like until noon. I woke up at 9 and read about two-thirds of Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, and as a result I have officially converted to Bokononism. As I recall, Nick and I didn’t have an officially intended destination for the next night, but we had some prospective CouchSurfing opportunities, and even if those fell through we were close enough to Indianapolis that we could always just drive back to the HQ. Luckily, on the way out the door Nick glanced up at a photo of Lisa’s parents and promptly decided to give them a call. That’s what I love about this trip.
Nick: Yeah, Pam and Brad are old family friends, and they’re also awesome. Those two things might have something to do with each other. I gave them a call, they were free, so off we went. I recall it raining all day that day, which tends to put me in a mood when I’m driving. If I have to deal with idiots on the road in good driving conditions, that’s one thing. Idiots in bad weather makes me wish for machine guns and a bulldozer scoop on the front of the car. Identify the bad the cars that aren’t moving along in a timely manner, shoot them up in a hailstorm of bullets, then plow them off to the side. That seems like a good traffic solution to me. Anyway, we made it to Evansville, which is in the southern most tip on Indiana, and met Brad and Pam at a Szechwan place. Chinese food at last…
Brian: Hey, you can’t talk about sci-fi vehicles and not expect me to have something to say. I imagine a sleeker, more futuristic Lucy, much like Speed Racer’s Mach 5, with hydraulic pistons underneath that can vault the car 25 feet in the air at will. Minus the trunk monkey mechanic.
Nick: Named Bobo right? I think that’s accurate. Cliché.
Brian: Ok, back to Chinese food. Yes, by some miracle, and by miracle I mean freak accident, Nick and I have not eaten Asian food yet on this trip. I believe this is a crime. So when Brad and Pam asked if we like spicy Chinese, we basically looked at each other and screamed like 12-year olds at a Jonas Brothers concert.
Nick: Not accurate.
Brian: The place they took us was a local Evansville specialty; a pioneer by the name of Jimmy Jiang decided to open a non-buffet style Chinese restaurant, the first in the town. In addition, the entrees were quite creatively named. Fantasy Duck anyone?
Nick: There were several good ones. One had something to do with treasure, like “Water Chestnut Treasure Delight.” I think there was also a “Crazy Dragon.” Why can’t more food have names that make me want to break out into some fierce Kung Fu fighting? It’s a crime. Back at Pam and Brad’s we met their dogs, which, like Lisa’s, were diverse in that there was a small one and a big one. The big one looked like a muppet or something. It was a mix between golden retriever and poodle, so it had super soft curly hair. It was also very… affectionate.
Brian: It basically just kept running into you, albeit lovingly, until you gave it attention. They should make doggie Ritalin. The night came to a casual close with a couple of The Office reruns, and the most recent episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I would like to dedicate this post to TiVo. It’s not just a way to record your favorite shows, it’s an unsubtle characterization of the American Ideal. Thank you TiVo, for bringing me one step closer to the push-button lifestyle that as an American I not only desire, but feel entitled to. Nick and Brian, out.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Nashville Day 1
Nick: So we all sort of had a slower morning. My head felt like it was trapped between the balls of Brian’s office toy, and I don’t think my two companions felt 100% either. Therefore pancakes were in order. But I’ll tell you right now, this isn’t your grandparent’s pancake place, oh no. You order the type of batter and toppings you want, and you make your own pancake right there on the skillet. Favorite pancake creations of the morning: A yin-yang sign made out of wheat and white batter and chocolate chips, the letter J, and a target logo. They were tasty, not to mention pretty flipp’n artistic.
Brian: Holy crap. Flipp’n? You just blew my mind with the awesomeness of that pun. I have to admit, even Hibachi-style pancakes weren’t really enough to bring us to 100% power. We went back to Hannah’s flat and popped in another Star Trek disk (The Original Series, for all our Trekkie readers who are wondering). My initial reaction to the newest Star Trek movie was that it was a little too “out there”. But after watching Shatner’s Kirk get beamed through an electromagnetic field onto a parallel Enterprise where everyone is a Nazi and Spock has a beard, I realized that the error was not with the film but with me. It was after noon at this point and Hannah had some work to do so Nick and I walked around Nashville for a couple hours and grabbed a bite at a local delicatessen (mediocre). The highlight of the walk was stopping by a trailer park themed bar. Astroturf on the ground, an ex-demolition derby vehicle right inside the door, and PBR on tap. Sounds like our kind of establishment on any other day.
Nick: But not that day. Eventually we made our way back over to the big park with the replica Parthenon. Hannah caught up to us there, and with her remaining 30 shots or so, we took (new to me) jiggly face photos. You just wiggle your head back and forth as fast as you can while someone snaps quick pics. The results will hopefully appear on this website in the near future. By then it was dinnertime, so we worked our way over to a supposedly amazing chicken place with specialization in black bean salad and Jamaican style everything else. It was good to be sure, but the portions weren’t exactly enormous. Over dinner, we decided that while Miss Messinger had really wanted to hit up a haunted field or house while she didn’t have to go home to an empty apartment, we all figured we STILL weren’t quite at 100% so a movie might be a more plausible way to spend the evening.
Brian: Sarah and I wanted to see that Paranormal Something-or-other movie which is like a Blair Witch type of indy film where a bunch of kids get their cookies tossed in a haunted house. Nick and Hannah wanted to see Where the Wild Things Are. Tie goes to the hostess, but I think her vote should only have counted for half, because that’s how much of the movie she saw before she fell asleep in the theatre. Nick and I were just as tired though, and after we got back to base camp we all went straight to bed. We didn’t even have nightcaps! Sorry these recovery day blog posts are a little slower than the normal fare. Pop-culture vampires: in. Brian and Nick: out.
Brian: Holy crap. Flipp’n? You just blew my mind with the awesomeness of that pun. I have to admit, even Hibachi-style pancakes weren’t really enough to bring us to 100% power. We went back to Hannah’s flat and popped in another Star Trek disk (The Original Series, for all our Trekkie readers who are wondering). My initial reaction to the newest Star Trek movie was that it was a little too “out there”. But after watching Shatner’s Kirk get beamed through an electromagnetic field onto a parallel Enterprise where everyone is a Nazi and Spock has a beard, I realized that the error was not with the film but with me. It was after noon at this point and Hannah had some work to do so Nick and I walked around Nashville for a couple hours and grabbed a bite at a local delicatessen (mediocre). The highlight of the walk was stopping by a trailer park themed bar. Astroturf on the ground, an ex-demolition derby vehicle right inside the door, and PBR on tap. Sounds like our kind of establishment on any other day.
Nick: But not that day. Eventually we made our way back over to the big park with the replica Parthenon. Hannah caught up to us there, and with her remaining 30 shots or so, we took (new to me) jiggly face photos. You just wiggle your head back and forth as fast as you can while someone snaps quick pics. The results will hopefully appear on this website in the near future. By then it was dinnertime, so we worked our way over to a supposedly amazing chicken place with specialization in black bean salad and Jamaican style everything else. It was good to be sure, but the portions weren’t exactly enormous. Over dinner, we decided that while Miss Messinger had really wanted to hit up a haunted field or house while she didn’t have to go home to an empty apartment, we all figured we STILL weren’t quite at 100% so a movie might be a more plausible way to spend the evening.
Brian: Sarah and I wanted to see that Paranormal Something-or-other movie which is like a Blair Witch type of indy film where a bunch of kids get their cookies tossed in a haunted house. Nick and Hannah wanted to see Where the Wild Things Are. Tie goes to the hostess, but I think her vote should only have counted for half, because that’s how much of the movie she saw before she fell asleep in the theatre. Nick and I were just as tired though, and after we got back to base camp we all went straight to bed. We didn’t even have nightcaps! Sorry these recovery day blog posts are a little slower than the normal fare. Pop-culture vampires: in. Brian and Nick: out.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Atlanta, GA through Nashville, TN
Brian: So we awoke alone in Erin’s apartment, as previously noted, picked up our mess, and let the cat out of the bathroom about 2 seconds before we left. Erin worked at a coffee shop downtown, so we stopped by to say thanks, and she gave Nick a free diet Coke before we left. She was super nice.
Nick: Mmhmm. Also, I’m grossed out now thinking about Kelly Rippa’s outtie. Thanks. So after some coffee and bagel action we were on the open road again, making good time and listening to the suspenseful conclusion of Nelson Demille’s Wild Fire, the book on tape we’ve been listening to for the last however miles. If you want to read this book at some point, I’m giving you a spoiler alert. Here’s the plot: a guy wants to nuke American cities, therefore trigging an America nuclear response which would wipe out all of the Middle East. Our hero, an ex NYPD detective John Cory and his wife/partner Kate Mayfield of the FBI are on a mission to stop him. This has got us thinking lately. Not about American foreign policy or the horrors of war, but about various characters we’d like to see play the role of a gritty New York detective in a film noir. Two of our favorites so far have been a hard core gamer and a rapper from East LA.
Brian: It would be an interesting juxtaposition to say the least. The first thing we did after crossing the border into Tennessee was to score some delicious barbeque. We stopped at a place called B’s in a town called Monteagle. Later we were informed that B’s was a famous place that recently experienced a turnover in management, so locals were unsure of its continued deliciousness. I’ll be the first to vouch for it.
Nick: I’ll second that. We knew we were getting close to Nashville when we heard, yeah get excited, Party in the USA a full three times before bringing the vehicle to a complete stop. I’m not sure what a Nashville party is like, but Miley seems frustrated that more parties aren’t like them so I think we have a lot to look forward to in this town. On that note, Brian and I have begun formulating a system for determining a city’s greatness. So far, we have the number of Arby’s within the city limits, the number of times the DJ plays our favorite song on the radio while we’re in that city, and the city’s zombie preparedness, which is itself determined by a number of factors. Though it’s an early cursory assessment, Nashville is dominating on all three counts, with special bonus points for having a 24-hour Arby’s.
Brian: Kill me now. On the recommendation of our next host, we made our way to the Nashville farmer’s market with a single directive: Do not eat the Chinese food. It made me want to, but in the end I resisted. The most noteworthy items for sale at the farmer’s market were these ridiculous but awesome posters of people clearly preparing to make love. As an added bonus, the area of the park not filled with market stalls was filled a progressive reenactment of every American war. What I mean is, as you walk down the path you begin in a Revolutionary War camp and end up in surrounded by WWII soldiers and vehicles. It was pretty cool. We left the park to meet up with the sweet Hannah Messinger, our host for the next couple of days.
Nick: Hannah is someone we met during a game of ultimate Frisbee back in college, and was therefore associated in our minds with all things excellent. Also, she has a blog where she tracks down the coolest, cheapest stuff to do in and around Nashville, so we figured we’d met up with the right person for our stay. After arriving at her downtown apartment and meeting her rambunctious but lovable little dog, we headed out to Centennial Park to walk around, check out the city’s replica Parthenon, and do some swinging on one of many park swings. Brian says that no matter how fast you swing on the swing, the time it takes you to go back and forth never changes. I’m not sure, but I don’t have the math credentials to challenge that assertion.
Brian: It’s just simple physics… that I’m fully incapable of explaining. But it’s true, every swing of a pendulum takes the same amount of time no matter how much energy is behind it. Think about Newton’s Cradles (the office toy that is 5 suspended silver balls). No matter how high you lift a ball the clicking always has the same number of beats per minute. Speaking of BPM, we got our drink and dance on at a little place called 3 Crow Bar. I wonder if they were going with some sort of “crowbar” pun? Fail. My friend Zach Fleury showed up and we went to another bar. I don’t remember the name of that one but I do remember the tetragenarian that wanted our bodies real bad.
Nick: We get people’s attention on this trip. Not all attention is ideal. After we were sufficiently liquored up, Hannah’s friend Sarah, who happens to be a musician and pretty cool chick herself, took us through a McDonald’s on the way home. Which was nice. Back at the apartment, we watched some way old Star Trek, which was the first time I’d ever seen an episode of the show. Half way through, after Spock drops a rock that violently explodes destroying one of the crew, I looked around the room to see if anyone else was enjoying the sci-fi insanity as much as me. Hannah and Brian were asleep. Their loss I guess. Beam us up, Nick and Brian out.
Nick: Mmhmm. Also, I’m grossed out now thinking about Kelly Rippa’s outtie. Thanks. So after some coffee and bagel action we were on the open road again, making good time and listening to the suspenseful conclusion of Nelson Demille’s Wild Fire, the book on tape we’ve been listening to for the last however miles. If you want to read this book at some point, I’m giving you a spoiler alert. Here’s the plot: a guy wants to nuke American cities, therefore trigging an America nuclear response which would wipe out all of the Middle East. Our hero, an ex NYPD detective John Cory and his wife/partner Kate Mayfield of the FBI are on a mission to stop him. This has got us thinking lately. Not about American foreign policy or the horrors of war, but about various characters we’d like to see play the role of a gritty New York detective in a film noir. Two of our favorites so far have been a hard core gamer and a rapper from East LA.
Brian: It would be an interesting juxtaposition to say the least. The first thing we did after crossing the border into Tennessee was to score some delicious barbeque. We stopped at a place called B’s in a town called Monteagle. Later we were informed that B’s was a famous place that recently experienced a turnover in management, so locals were unsure of its continued deliciousness. I’ll be the first to vouch for it.
Nick: I’ll second that. We knew we were getting close to Nashville when we heard, yeah get excited, Party in the USA a full three times before bringing the vehicle to a complete stop. I’m not sure what a Nashville party is like, but Miley seems frustrated that more parties aren’t like them so I think we have a lot to look forward to in this town. On that note, Brian and I have begun formulating a system for determining a city’s greatness. So far, we have the number of Arby’s within the city limits, the number of times the DJ plays our favorite song on the radio while we’re in that city, and the city’s zombie preparedness, which is itself determined by a number of factors. Though it’s an early cursory assessment, Nashville is dominating on all three counts, with special bonus points for having a 24-hour Arby’s.
Brian: Kill me now. On the recommendation of our next host, we made our way to the Nashville farmer’s market with a single directive: Do not eat the Chinese food. It made me want to, but in the end I resisted. The most noteworthy items for sale at the farmer’s market were these ridiculous but awesome posters of people clearly preparing to make love. As an added bonus, the area of the park not filled with market stalls was filled a progressive reenactment of every American war. What I mean is, as you walk down the path you begin in a Revolutionary War camp and end up in surrounded by WWII soldiers and vehicles. It was pretty cool. We left the park to meet up with the sweet Hannah Messinger, our host for the next couple of days.
Nick: Hannah is someone we met during a game of ultimate Frisbee back in college, and was therefore associated in our minds with all things excellent. Also, she has a blog where she tracks down the coolest, cheapest stuff to do in and around Nashville, so we figured we’d met up with the right person for our stay. After arriving at her downtown apartment and meeting her rambunctious but lovable little dog, we headed out to Centennial Park to walk around, check out the city’s replica Parthenon, and do some swinging on one of many park swings. Brian says that no matter how fast you swing on the swing, the time it takes you to go back and forth never changes. I’m not sure, but I don’t have the math credentials to challenge that assertion.
Brian: It’s just simple physics… that I’m fully incapable of explaining. But it’s true, every swing of a pendulum takes the same amount of time no matter how much energy is behind it. Think about Newton’s Cradles (the office toy that is 5 suspended silver balls). No matter how high you lift a ball the clicking always has the same number of beats per minute. Speaking of BPM, we got our drink and dance on at a little place called 3 Crow Bar. I wonder if they were going with some sort of “crowbar” pun? Fail. My friend Zach Fleury showed up and we went to another bar. I don’t remember the name of that one but I do remember the tetragenarian that wanted our bodies real bad.
Nick: We get people’s attention on this trip. Not all attention is ideal. After we were sufficiently liquored up, Hannah’s friend Sarah, who happens to be a musician and pretty cool chick herself, took us through a McDonald’s on the way home. Which was nice. Back at the apartment, we watched some way old Star Trek, which was the first time I’d ever seen an episode of the show. Half way through, after Spock drops a rock that violently explodes destroying one of the crew, I looked around the room to see if anyone else was enjoying the sci-fi insanity as much as me. Hannah and Brian were asleep. Their loss I guess. Beam us up, Nick and Brian out.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Atlanta, GA Day 1
Brian: Ouch, my head. What a better way to spend a hangover than walking around looking at soon-to-be sushi. I’m not kidding, there were like 4 or 5 seafood restaurants surrounding the Atlanta Aquarium. I think that’s a dangerous game. It wouldn’t be very good for the general morale of the fish if they knew what was happening to their brothers not 100 yards down the road. The lady at the front desk talked us into buying the slightly pricier tickets for the limited-time only shark exhibit.
Nick: At that point, I’d nearly resigned myself to believing I’d never be back to this city, so why not take in as much as possible? Sharks are cool, we like sharks, let’s do this thing. On the subject of sharks, have y’all (that’s right) ever seen a whale shark? Up close? Whoa dang, that’s a big fish. The Georgia Aquarium (it’s in Atlanta but that’s not in the name) has six of these things in a huge tank that has a glass tube you can walk through. Some of them are like…. 20, 25 feet long? Question: How many square inches of whale shark sushi could one cover with the meat from one whale shark? And just how much square surface area is available on an average supermodel in the supine position? If you’re wondering, I’m trying to figure out if opening a sushi restaurant with supermodels as plates could be competitive by purchasing raw materials in bulk. Something to think about. We also looked at sea otters, which multiple individuals in my life have attributed to be my cosmic animal soul twin. I don’t know about all that, but they’re fun to look at. It went quick, but the aquarium was pretty cool.
Brian: Overall, it was a unique experience. Actually, not overall. Atlanta Aquarium is guilty of plagiarism in the 1st degree when it comes to their 4D children’s entertainment experience, titled Deepo’s 3D Wondershow. Let’s start with 4D. Nobody in the establishment was able to explain what 4D meant, or what the 4th D(imension) was. The only answer we could get, and believe me we asked several employees, was that Deepo is a 3D movie in a 4D theatre.
Nick: Also: why did the woman, who couldn’t have been much older than us, recommend we pick up tickets to this show which was, upon further investigation, clearly for children? Do we look childish? Act childish? I think not, and I take offense.
Brian: Twilight Zone always told me the 4th dimension was time. I’ve also always been told that time equals money. Well I guess 4D theatres make sense, because after you go in, you come out 20 minutes in the future and $5.00 poorer.
Nick: Zing!
Brian: Also, check out the pictures and tell me that Deepo is not a Finding Nemo copy. Like, what the hell? They are asking for a lawsuit.
Nick: So anyway, we do the whole aquarium and decide to end with the much more adult themed shark show thing. Well guess what, the thing broke down so we’d have to wait a full hour and a half to see the next show. No thanks. But when we went to get our tickets refunded, it was this whole big thing, and the woman wouldn’t do it at first, then it took forever, and it just… it left a bad taste in the mouth. That’s OK though, you know? During our travels, we’ve found the best, most wonderfully refreshing drink to cleanse anything bad from our road trip pallet. It was the quest for this most delectable of beverages that lead us to our next destination.
Brian: The Coca-Cola Museum, right across from the aquarium! Certainly since Coke is now the proud owner of Moxie, it would be a sure thing to find a can or bottle in the gift shop. But alas, if there’s anything we should have learned from our first Moxie experience, it’s to not expect Moxie where it should be (recall that the official Moxie museum only had a single cob-webbed can available). I was especially misled by the statue of the inventor of Coke, who looks like a Moxie man himself, and whom I shared a beverage with, see picture. We left the gift shop depressed and empty, and went to a bar named The Righteous Room to meet our next Couchsurfing host: Erin.
Nick: Erin is notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that she has been the first person on Couchsurfing to bring a friend to the initial meeting. It just seems like something that’d be standard couchsurfing procedure to bring a friend to make sure we aren’t crazy psychos hopped up on gallons of radioactive Moxie.
Brian: Speaking of hopped up, we met a guy named Charlie at the bar who insisted on buying our table a round of drinks. He literally just walked right up to me and started talking to me. For some reason when people do that all I want to do is lie to them. So I told Charlie that Nick and I were traveling salesman going door-to-door selling coconut catching nets (Coconets). I sold it so well that even Erin fully bought it. I told her later that it was a lie, and if I was in her position I wouldn’t let someone who could lie with such ease stay at my house. But…
Nick: …I guess we checked out, because after a nice evening of talking, drinking a little, and catching up on The Office, Erin and her friend Xander left us to our own devices. In their house. Like, they went someplace else to sleep.
Brian: Well, the cat was there.
Nick: Ah yes. The cat. So… I usually don’t like cats. Actually, I despise most cats. Also, I’m pretty dang allergic to them in general, so even cats I might be apathetic about cause me all kinds of problems, and that of course makes it very easy to despise them too. On the subject, I’m more allergic to some than others. Turns out, this cat gave me the worst reaction ever. Like, could hardly breath reaction. Which is, as you can imagine, distressing enough. This particular feline decided to up the ante however by being completely nuts. For example, when I reached down into my bag to fetch the laptop, it thought that bounding across the room and sinking its vicious cat fangs into my wrist would be a hospitable thing to do. Have I mentioned that I despise cats? Anyway, the second Erin left, Brian was nice enough to help me corral the damn thing into the bathroom where I hope it spent a very long, lonely evening thinking about what it had done.
Brian: I didn’t like it either. It meowed the whole time it was in there, even though I brought it food and water. I didn’t even shove it under the door, which is better treatment than many human prisoners receive. Well after it was gone things got a little better and we went to sleep after catching up on some TV shows. Next stop, Nashville. We are outie like Kelly Rippa.
Nick: At that point, I’d nearly resigned myself to believing I’d never be back to this city, so why not take in as much as possible? Sharks are cool, we like sharks, let’s do this thing. On the subject of sharks, have y’all (that’s right) ever seen a whale shark? Up close? Whoa dang, that’s a big fish. The Georgia Aquarium (it’s in Atlanta but that’s not in the name) has six of these things in a huge tank that has a glass tube you can walk through. Some of them are like…. 20, 25 feet long? Question: How many square inches of whale shark sushi could one cover with the meat from one whale shark? And just how much square surface area is available on an average supermodel in the supine position? If you’re wondering, I’m trying to figure out if opening a sushi restaurant with supermodels as plates could be competitive by purchasing raw materials in bulk. Something to think about. We also looked at sea otters, which multiple individuals in my life have attributed to be my cosmic animal soul twin. I don’t know about all that, but they’re fun to look at. It went quick, but the aquarium was pretty cool.
Brian: Overall, it was a unique experience. Actually, not overall. Atlanta Aquarium is guilty of plagiarism in the 1st degree when it comes to their 4D children’s entertainment experience, titled Deepo’s 3D Wondershow. Let’s start with 4D. Nobody in the establishment was able to explain what 4D meant, or what the 4th D(imension) was. The only answer we could get, and believe me we asked several employees, was that Deepo is a 3D movie in a 4D theatre.
Nick: Also: why did the woman, who couldn’t have been much older than us, recommend we pick up tickets to this show which was, upon further investigation, clearly for children? Do we look childish? Act childish? I think not, and I take offense.
Brian: Twilight Zone always told me the 4th dimension was time. I’ve also always been told that time equals money. Well I guess 4D theatres make sense, because after you go in, you come out 20 minutes in the future and $5.00 poorer.
Nick: Zing!
Brian: Also, check out the pictures and tell me that Deepo is not a Finding Nemo copy. Like, what the hell? They are asking for a lawsuit.
Nick: So anyway, we do the whole aquarium and decide to end with the much more adult themed shark show thing. Well guess what, the thing broke down so we’d have to wait a full hour and a half to see the next show. No thanks. But when we went to get our tickets refunded, it was this whole big thing, and the woman wouldn’t do it at first, then it took forever, and it just… it left a bad taste in the mouth. That’s OK though, you know? During our travels, we’ve found the best, most wonderfully refreshing drink to cleanse anything bad from our road trip pallet. It was the quest for this most delectable of beverages that lead us to our next destination.
Brian: The Coca-Cola Museum, right across from the aquarium! Certainly since Coke is now the proud owner of Moxie, it would be a sure thing to find a can or bottle in the gift shop. But alas, if there’s anything we should have learned from our first Moxie experience, it’s to not expect Moxie where it should be (recall that the official Moxie museum only had a single cob-webbed can available). I was especially misled by the statue of the inventor of Coke, who looks like a Moxie man himself, and whom I shared a beverage with, see picture. We left the gift shop depressed and empty, and went to a bar named The Righteous Room to meet our next Couchsurfing host: Erin.
Nick: Erin is notable for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that she has been the first person on Couchsurfing to bring a friend to the initial meeting. It just seems like something that’d be standard couchsurfing procedure to bring a friend to make sure we aren’t crazy psychos hopped up on gallons of radioactive Moxie.
Brian: Speaking of hopped up, we met a guy named Charlie at the bar who insisted on buying our table a round of drinks. He literally just walked right up to me and started talking to me. For some reason when people do that all I want to do is lie to them. So I told Charlie that Nick and I were traveling salesman going door-to-door selling coconut catching nets (Coconets). I sold it so well that even Erin fully bought it. I told her later that it was a lie, and if I was in her position I wouldn’t let someone who could lie with such ease stay at my house. But…
Nick: …I guess we checked out, because after a nice evening of talking, drinking a little, and catching up on The Office, Erin and her friend Xander left us to our own devices. In their house. Like, they went someplace else to sleep.
Brian: Well, the cat was there.
Nick: Ah yes. The cat. So… I usually don’t like cats. Actually, I despise most cats. Also, I’m pretty dang allergic to them in general, so even cats I might be apathetic about cause me all kinds of problems, and that of course makes it very easy to despise them too. On the subject, I’m more allergic to some than others. Turns out, this cat gave me the worst reaction ever. Like, could hardly breath reaction. Which is, as you can imagine, distressing enough. This particular feline decided to up the ante however by being completely nuts. For example, when I reached down into my bag to fetch the laptop, it thought that bounding across the room and sinking its vicious cat fangs into my wrist would be a hospitable thing to do. Have I mentioned that I despise cats? Anyway, the second Erin left, Brian was nice enough to help me corral the damn thing into the bathroom where I hope it spent a very long, lonely evening thinking about what it had done.
Brian: I didn’t like it either. It meowed the whole time it was in there, even though I brought it food and water. I didn’t even shove it under the door, which is better treatment than many human prisoners receive. Well after it was gone things got a little better and we went to sleep after catching up on some TV shows. Next stop, Nashville. We are outie like Kelly Rippa.
Sylva, NC through Atlanta, GA
Brian: Oh, it’s so nice to be in a clean Lucy. We vacuumed her out completely and got rid of all the trash before setting out for our next destination, which as was revealed in the end of the last post, is Atlanta. I know Nick and I promised not to go to the south, but I’ve heard good things about the city and western North Carolina is only about two hours away. In terms of a cross-country road trip that’s only a quick skip, so why not? Plus, we sent out a bunch of Couchsurfing requests and got a lot of promising responses. Finally, Atlanta has the nations largest aquarium so that’s definitely on the to-do list.
Nick: Fish are friends. The first order of business in Atlanta was to meet up with Katherine at her apartment, a fellow couch surfer and vegetarian extraordinaire. After a dinner of eggplant and sweet potatoes over rice, we hit the town. First stop: a place called Star Bar featuring a live band, cheap beer and no cover. The band, Katherine explained, was categorized as “Rockabilly” which I wasn’t especially familiar with. Take a 50’s Do-Op band, throw in gram of grunge, a pinch of punk, and a general assortment of tattoos and piercings and you’ve got Rockabilly. The band played their set, then we headed to the next location, which was a coffee shop that just so happened to have a liquor license.
Brian: It ended up being a pretty rock n’ roll night because the defining attribute of the coffee shop/bar was a giant projector screen with Rock Band on it. I grabbed a guitar and unabashedly played rhythm and sang harmony to Ballroom Blitz, which is my specialty. In keeping with the theme of the night, I handed my plastic guitar to my fake roadie, who was really just the next guy on the list, and headed out for a smoke out front. The second I stepped outside, about 10 cops pulled up… and ordered coffee. We bounced out of there and headed for our last stop of the night, which was Katherine’s friends’ house. I played real drums there, but that was probably the last rockin’ thing that happened that night.
Nick: It’s unrealistic for us to be expected to rock all night, especially if we’ve already partied every day. On that note, we headed home and watched a few episodes of “Curb your Enthusiasm,” which is honestly not my favorite. Seinfield is also not my favorite though, and those shows are supposed to be similar. I don’t get it. That about does it for the first day in Hot-lanta. So far, I’ve had a nice time, but my earlier prejudices still haven’t been dispelled. Traffic was a nightmare. Brian and Nick O-U-T
Nick: Fish are friends. The first order of business in Atlanta was to meet up with Katherine at her apartment, a fellow couch surfer and vegetarian extraordinaire. After a dinner of eggplant and sweet potatoes over rice, we hit the town. First stop: a place called Star Bar featuring a live band, cheap beer and no cover. The band, Katherine explained, was categorized as “Rockabilly” which I wasn’t especially familiar with. Take a 50’s Do-Op band, throw in gram of grunge, a pinch of punk, and a general assortment of tattoos and piercings and you’ve got Rockabilly. The band played their set, then we headed to the next location, which was a coffee shop that just so happened to have a liquor license.
Brian: It ended up being a pretty rock n’ roll night because the defining attribute of the coffee shop/bar was a giant projector screen with Rock Band on it. I grabbed a guitar and unabashedly played rhythm and sang harmony to Ballroom Blitz, which is my specialty. In keeping with the theme of the night, I handed my plastic guitar to my fake roadie, who was really just the next guy on the list, and headed out for a smoke out front. The second I stepped outside, about 10 cops pulled up… and ordered coffee. We bounced out of there and headed for our last stop of the night, which was Katherine’s friends’ house. I played real drums there, but that was probably the last rockin’ thing that happened that night.
Nick: It’s unrealistic for us to be expected to rock all night, especially if we’ve already partied every day. On that note, we headed home and watched a few episodes of “Curb your Enthusiasm,” which is honestly not my favorite. Seinfield is also not my favorite though, and those shows are supposed to be similar. I don’t get it. That about does it for the first day in Hot-lanta. So far, I’ve had a nice time, but my earlier prejudices still haven’t been dispelled. Traffic was a nightmare. Brian and Nick O-U-T
Greensboro, NC through Sylva, NC
Brian: We are going to consolidate our time at the Balsam Mountain Lodge to a single post. It’s because we spent a lot of time relaxing and recollecting ourselves, NOT because we are way behind on the blog and need to catch up. That’s definitely not the reason. Anyway, the morning we left for Balsam we woke up in Greensboro. In a house. By ourselves. Couchsurfers are crazy trusting. Someday I’m going to wake up in an ice bath.
Nick: Brisk. We can’t be too sure of the chronology of the following events, but they were all pretty excellent and therefore worth mentioning. I’d like to take this opportunity to brag for Brian about what a killer shot he is. Back story: I’ve been shooting things for a long time. BB guns, paintball, rifles, shotguns, etc. You name it. I’m not a bad shot. (Usually) Brian has never shot a real gun before, and since we were in the mountains and since local mountain legend Raymond Bunz of Bunz Gunz was available to host us on his range, I figured it was a great time to expose Mr. Pinto to the wonders of firing dangerous weapons at pieces of paper. Though initially hesitant, the kid took to firearms like a hillbilly with a socialist black president.
Brian: Durn tootin’. We brought a 9mm and a 22 rifle, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I was going to enjoy shooting as much as I did. Another customer showed up about halfway through our session with an AR-15, and we were allowed to squeeze off a few rounds. Boom. Also, I couldn’t resist turning the handgun sideways, shouting, “Check yo’self, fool,” and unloading the sidearm as fast as I could pull the trigger. McLovin bailed!
Nick: Good one. Another blog worthy outing was our trip to a place called Max Patch, as recommended by some local family friends. To fill you in, Max Patch is basically a mountaintop that, for reasons that defy scientific thought and reason, is completely bare of all vegetation other than some scrubby grass. The place was definitely cool, but the trip there is perhaps more interesting. Check it out: The directions we had to this place were a bit shaky because we couldn’t really find an address online. Thus, when we came to a fork in the road, we opted for a route that soon became perilous for any vehicle that didn’t happen to be a monster truck.
Brian: We were in an Audi SUV and we were navigating what was literally the most ill-kept, treacherous road that I have ever ridden on, including some illegal off-roading I did in high school. There was no possible way for us to turn around, and after the first couple of drop-offs it was certain we could not travel in reverse. Nick’s mom thought we were going to die in the woods. Nick was making contingency plans should we have to leave the car and finish the journey on foot.
Nick: The sun rises in the west, right?
Brian: I attempted to allay my PBMS (Phantom Banjo Music Syndrome) by singing a rousing chorus of Bohemian Rhapsody. There were times we literally had to get out of the car and scout the best path over the rocky forest path. Also, we forded several creeks (losing no oxen). We came out of the “road” near a highway, where four hunters, clearly locals, pointed us in the correct direction. We nervously laughed and drove away. But yeah, Max Patch was awesome.
Nick: Photos to follow. Later that night, we had rib dinner with the neighbors that had suggested the trip to Max Patch. That might have created some animosity, but as it turns out they’re both professional chefs so dinner was, well, similar in deliciousness to the combination of Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. Yeah. Dinner also included copious amounts of high quality scotch, wine and sipping rum. After dinner also had those things. It was a good night.
Brian: Not to mention a lesson in the consumption of fine cigars, courtesy of Nick’s father and his neighbor, complimentary Monte Cristos included. The rest of the stay was pretty casual. Relaxing afternoon hot tub sessions, billiards in the evening, delicious breakfasts. Oh, and a gentleman at the shooting range relayed the story of him and his wife’s abduction, probing, and subsequent pregnancy (it is believed the alien somehow “implanted” the child). Apparently, the child was so controversial that the couple ended up getting divorced. How many puns can we drop on that? Good luck getting alienmony. Put on some Marvin Gaye the Martian. Unidentified Fornication Object.
Nick: Star Trek: The Next Penetration.
Brian: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Grope.
Nick: O.K., that’s probably enough. For now. In summation, North Carolina was a great break in the action in that while we usually drink, recover, drive, being stationary for a few days allowed us to drink, recover, then skip the driving step altogether and head right back into drinking. Also, it was pretty, so I guess the nature part was alright too. We have plans to hit up Atlanta next. I’ve never had any affection for the city that I find to be too spread out, dirty, and disorganized but I guess I can give it another chance. We’ll see how it goes. Until next time, Br-i-ck out.
Nick: Brisk. We can’t be too sure of the chronology of the following events, but they were all pretty excellent and therefore worth mentioning. I’d like to take this opportunity to brag for Brian about what a killer shot he is. Back story: I’ve been shooting things for a long time. BB guns, paintball, rifles, shotguns, etc. You name it. I’m not a bad shot. (Usually) Brian has never shot a real gun before, and since we were in the mountains and since local mountain legend Raymond Bunz of Bunz Gunz was available to host us on his range, I figured it was a great time to expose Mr. Pinto to the wonders of firing dangerous weapons at pieces of paper. Though initially hesitant, the kid took to firearms like a hillbilly with a socialist black president.
Brian: Durn tootin’. We brought a 9mm and a 22 rifle, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I was going to enjoy shooting as much as I did. Another customer showed up about halfway through our session with an AR-15, and we were allowed to squeeze off a few rounds. Boom. Also, I couldn’t resist turning the handgun sideways, shouting, “Check yo’self, fool,” and unloading the sidearm as fast as I could pull the trigger. McLovin bailed!
Nick: Good one. Another blog worthy outing was our trip to a place called Max Patch, as recommended by some local family friends. To fill you in, Max Patch is basically a mountaintop that, for reasons that defy scientific thought and reason, is completely bare of all vegetation other than some scrubby grass. The place was definitely cool, but the trip there is perhaps more interesting. Check it out: The directions we had to this place were a bit shaky because we couldn’t really find an address online. Thus, when we came to a fork in the road, we opted for a route that soon became perilous for any vehicle that didn’t happen to be a monster truck.
Brian: We were in an Audi SUV and we were navigating what was literally the most ill-kept, treacherous road that I have ever ridden on, including some illegal off-roading I did in high school. There was no possible way for us to turn around, and after the first couple of drop-offs it was certain we could not travel in reverse. Nick’s mom thought we were going to die in the woods. Nick was making contingency plans should we have to leave the car and finish the journey on foot.
Nick: The sun rises in the west, right?
Brian: I attempted to allay my PBMS (Phantom Banjo Music Syndrome) by singing a rousing chorus of Bohemian Rhapsody. There were times we literally had to get out of the car and scout the best path over the rocky forest path. Also, we forded several creeks (losing no oxen). We came out of the “road” near a highway, where four hunters, clearly locals, pointed us in the correct direction. We nervously laughed and drove away. But yeah, Max Patch was awesome.
Nick: Photos to follow. Later that night, we had rib dinner with the neighbors that had suggested the trip to Max Patch. That might have created some animosity, but as it turns out they’re both professional chefs so dinner was, well, similar in deliciousness to the combination of Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. Yeah. Dinner also included copious amounts of high quality scotch, wine and sipping rum. After dinner also had those things. It was a good night.
Brian: Not to mention a lesson in the consumption of fine cigars, courtesy of Nick’s father and his neighbor, complimentary Monte Cristos included. The rest of the stay was pretty casual. Relaxing afternoon hot tub sessions, billiards in the evening, delicious breakfasts. Oh, and a gentleman at the shooting range relayed the story of him and his wife’s abduction, probing, and subsequent pregnancy (it is believed the alien somehow “implanted” the child). Apparently, the child was so controversial that the couple ended up getting divorced. How many puns can we drop on that? Good luck getting alienmony. Put on some Marvin Gaye the Martian. Unidentified Fornication Object.
Nick: Star Trek: The Next Penetration.
Brian: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Grope.
Nick: O.K., that’s probably enough. For now. In summation, North Carolina was a great break in the action in that while we usually drink, recover, drive, being stationary for a few days allowed us to drink, recover, then skip the driving step altogether and head right back into drinking. Also, it was pretty, so I guess the nature part was alright too. We have plans to hit up Atlanta next. I’ve never had any affection for the city that I find to be too spread out, dirty, and disorganized but I guess I can give it another chance. We’ll see how it goes. Until next time, Br-i-ck out.
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