Nick's Tardy Recap: J Tree through LA

Nick: My phone number is 317-694-5766 and my email address is nickison1@me.com. You may consider this the complaint hotline for any readers that might like to express their displeasure at the very delayed post as it was, in fact, my turn for quite some time. Now down to business:
When it was finally time to say goodbye to Joshua Tree (which was sad, because Joshua Tree was probably one of my favorite segments/locations of the whole trip) we realized that it was Friday which meant that we would be able to attend the horse races that had been rained out the previous week. With free admission, two bets and one dollar beers, this was truly cause for excitement.
We parked Lucy in a large largely deserted lot then headed in to figure out the ins and outs of a sport neither of us had participated in to any degree. Horse racing, it seems, is more complicated than it might initially appear. In addition to voting on the horse you think will win a given race, you can bet on a whole myriad of combinations including choosing the top three positions which can in turn be spread over the span of several consecutive races. All the combinations had bizarre names, the horses had bizarre names, and the machines used for betting and printing tickets seemed a bit confusing. Perhaps Coors Lite would be illuminating... Indeed it was. (thanks beer, you've done it again.)
After a few rounds of that great pilsner taste, we made all our bets then headed out to the tracks. The first of several interesting encounters that afternoon came in the form of an aging hipster guy that claimed to know quite a bit about the horses. He was friendly, talkative, and was more than happy to show us around the park. We consented. The next was a young Hispanic gentleman named Gabriel who offered us a fantastic combo deal on a haircut and medical marijuana. Weird. While we made friends, our horses sucked wind. We both came close to winning a couple times, but our steads just didn't have the juice to finish as strong as they'd started. No matter, Brian spotted a horse shoe in the bushes, and seeing as we were headed to Vegas in a few days, we decided it would serve as the perfect lucky companion. Not wanting to get thrown out before the final race was run, we continued conversing and imbibing.
At some point, and old lady walked up and, having spotted the horseshoe herself, mentioned something about us possibly retreaving it for her. Guess what old lady, you're out of luck, Brian and I believe in equality. You can hop the fence and dive through the shrubs with me, and I'll race your old bones for it fair and square, but this is America, and we're not down with treating the elderly different just because they're elderly. Well, the final race was finally upon us. Despite all odds, (literally, the odds were like 40-1) my horse pulled it out and won us 60 bucks, which made that Friday the first day in a long long time when either of us made more money than we spent in one 24 hour period. As soon as that gallant mare crossed the line, I made an equally desperate rush over the fence and into the bush to retrieve our prize. To our disappointment, the old lady opted out of vying for the coveted charm.
Shoe in hand, we headed out to meet Marie, an aquaintance of Brian's from back in Bainbridge. We hung at her place for a while, then headed out to a local bar to shoot some pool and chat. It's been some time now, and my memory isn't so sharp, but I seem to remember the walls being covered in photos? Perhaps Brian will have a better recollection of the establishment. In the morning, we got up early, purchased one too many ice cream sandwiches, then headed off to Palm Desert where we would relax with Max and his family before heading into Vegas. If only we could have known what horrors awaited us there...

5 days in Joshua Tree

Brian: Thanks for writing that Superbowl post Nick, I know that must have been difficult for you to relive the humiliating game ending pick that your golden boy threw in the fourth quarter. Anyway, I'll be covering the 5 days we spent in Joshua Tree. We started by checking a weather report for the next week, and the only thing we had to worry about was a light rain on Wednesday night, so we went into town, stocked up on wood, and headed into the wild red yonder. We found our campsite by absolute chance, and as we later learned, it was the most desirable campsite in the entire park. It was at the end of this dirt road, with our very own tree (hey, they are rare in the desert) next to a massive outcropping of rocks that we spent the first evening climbing on. Yeah so I ended a sentence with a preposition, sue me. As night fell, we notice that a few of the small boulders had little burned out alcoves, where previous visitors (Native Americans?) had built fires. We used one such alcove, and much like a pizza stone, the rock absorbed heat and radiated it back out towards us, easily tripling the intensity of the fire. We made it an early night. I love camp time. As a morning person it suits me.

The next day we decided to fast, as our adventures up to this point had caused us statistically significant weight gain, and a good cleansing of the works was in order. Don't be gross. We hiked through the Hidden Valley loop and extended that into a dam hike, which was awesome because there was actually water in the reservoir. The ranger told us that this is a rare occasion, and the dam can be empty for up to 10 years. Yay! Finally all this rain has paid off. If anybody ever asks you whether Joshua Tree is as cool as everyone says it is, tell them yes. Our hike back to camp consisted of pointing in the general direction of our site and simply walking. One could truly get lost out there, and that knowledge is exciting and terrifying. The day ended with some hardcore reading. And a rearrangement of our tarp to be above our tent in anticipation of the rain. We broke our fast after dark for a box of Girl Scout Cookies. Did you know that Samoas are called Caramel Delights on the east coast? Thin Mints are always Thin Mints, and Nick and I curled up with smug chocolate covered smiles and waited for morning.

I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of a huge branch sliding down the tarp we had strung up with our shoelaces. Actually like 50 huge branches. Wait, what is going on here? I have to pee anyway, so I'll step outside and check it out. I opened the flap to out tent and was absolutely stunned. There were at least 2 inches of snow on the ground. Our sleeping bags were put to the test that night. Clearly, since I am alive to blog about it, they passed.

When we woke up, Joshua Tree National Park was a snowy wonderland. The fact that desert fauna are not intended by nature to be covered in white crystal made the scenery that much more beautiful. We built a snow fire in our favorite alcove and stared at it for two hours. And I think on this day we spent a couple hours in town resupplying and attending to administrative duties at a nearby Starbucks. Before we went back into JTree, we grabbed some Chinese food at a place called Fast Chinese. The cute Asian girl at the register asked us if we were twins, and when we said no, she wisely said, "Ah so, you must have been through a lot together." Creepy but awesome. By the time we got back to the park, all the snow had melted, and more reading, cooking, fire, and sleep ensued. It was on this night we met Justin and Brianna, a couple on a climbing vacation. They begged us for our campsite, and we allowed them to move in tomorrow night so that they could have it for sure.

Thursday morning was a very chill day. We took a hike to a ranch in the morning, rocked out till about 3, and then watched Justin give Brianna a climbing lesson, as well as climb a pretty huge rock himself. Nick has a video of his moments of success. They were cool people, and they were refreshed to be hanging out with a couple of non-climbers. This was reinforced later when we met a couple of guys (they were French, not gay Nick) who tried unsuccessfully to boulder a, well, boulder. For you climbing enthusiasts it was a -5,5, but it looked harder than that.

And that basically wraps it up. I'll let Nick pick up with our Day at the Races, and our fun final night in LA. Feel free to cover as much of Palm Desert, including the 1.5 hour hike where you almost died, as well. Brian out.

Rancho Santa Fe

Nick: So it's March. Brian is back in Seattle, I'm in Indiana. The road trip that's captured the heart of the nation has, as all good things in this world are so tragically doomed to do, come to an end. (Did that sentence make sense? Yes) But before we leave our loyal fans and readers with our closing thoughts, meditations, and revelations concerning this oh-so-epic a journey, allow me to bring you up to speed. It is very likely that Brian, after reading this post in Washington, will have a number of important additions. After all, he's usually the only one of us able to remember back more than a day or two, so forgive me for what will surely be an incomplete account.
To the best of my memory, we left Steve and Leah's and made for Rod's place for a little pre-super bowl party action. Is it just me, or are the ladies we met last time we were here not super excited to see us... What's that? They read our blog? That's cool, that's cool. How did you girls li- Excuse me? You're upset that we had suggested in a previous post that you might not have looked your most sophisticated that morning when you breakfasted in the previous evening's clothes with us? Ladies, ladies, please, this is something of a comedy blog, best not to take it too seriously. And besides, as Brian so accurately pointed out, it had been you yourselves that had first made the observation concerning your general appearance to the world that morning. Here, let's have a margarita. Or five. There, see? All wrongs forgotten. Now keep your ill-informed opinions about football and my Indianapolis Colts to yourself, I want to enjoy watching my team win the biggest game of the year without interruptions.
(This is a point where I suspect Brian would write something clever and then continue retelling the events of the evening. I'm afraid you'll just have to use your imaginations though, and try not to let this huge chunk of unbroken text deter you from reading on.)
After the game, which all you haters will be delighted to know we lost, we hung out with Rod for a while then hit the sack in expectation of a more successful camping venture back in Joshua tree.

Joshua Tree National Park through San Diego

Nick: Yesterday was... not the best. This day, well... it didn't really take any huge turns for the better, but it had a handful of little things that helped it cross over into the "fair" category from the "I want my mommy, and I want to go home" category. The first one came early: just as we were skipping out on the park admission (as we are prone to do when we've actually just slept in the car,) we pulled over so Brian could tinkle and before us, rising up in triumphant natural splendor, was the biggest, boldest rainbow either of us had ever seen. The sun was coming up from behind the mountains, and the rain clouds were retreating from the valley which created the colorful arch right in front of us. it seemed a sign, and as it faded as quickly and mysteriously as it had appeared, we couldn't help feeling a bit better. Though that might just have been the car's climate control kicking in.

Brian: It was truly majestic. So since we needed to head back towards San Diego for Rod's Superbowl party anyway, and also because we were sans sleeping bags, we cut our planned camping a day short and cruised back toward the coast. It was a Saturday, and seemingly every Borders in the city was the new coolest place to be. We were tired and began to get frustrated by our inability to find a place to just chill out and blog. Then I made a suggestion: Let's just hit the reset button on this day. We are on a road trip gosh darn it, and we are supposed to be having fun no matter what. So we headed to the nearest Hooters and ordered a couple beers.

Nick: Have I mentioned how much I love America? Steve, of Steve and Leah (who we'd end up spending the night with) informed us that the particular Hooters we had found was arguably the "best" in the country. I don't think Brian or I would have argued with that. After one beer turned into a couple, and hunger gave way to a few rounds of wings, we eventually departed feeling fresh and recharged. Since we hadn't quite worked out housing yet at this point, we headed over to our favorite park in the country, made a few phone calls, and tossed the disk around in anticipation of a place to lay our heads for the night. After finding and returning a strange looking man's wallet, the universe must have looked on us with mercy, as we soon thereafter received a positive reply from Steve and Leah (see, I told you we were going to stay with them.)

Brian: The night ended early for us, as the lack of sleep from the previous night caught up with us. I curled up in my sleeping bag (oh sleeping bag, I'll never leave you ever again as long as I live) around 9 and was asleep in about 5 minutes. Although that's nothing new. Nick and Brian warm and out.

San Diego, CA through Joshua Tree National Park, CA

Brian: Today was a rough one, and not just because we planned on camping and then it rained this night. You'll see. We left Steve and Leah's well rested but apparently not completely "with it" because we left some pretty vital items there (don't worry parents, we had our computers). More on that as we set up camp. Basically every person we've run into on the west coast has sworn that Joshua Tree is one of the coolest national parks in the country, and we had a day before the Superbowl, so we decided to just book it out there and see what happens. But right as we were pulling into the park, we realized we only had a couple bars of gas left in Lucy. In order to avoid the fume-driving incident from a couple days ago, we turned around to hit the nearest gas station. It was 20 miles away.

Nick: Ever heard of Mecca? I mean, OK, you've heard of Mecca, but do you know the one in Southern California? You do? Are you Hispanic? Knew it. As Brian commented as we pulled into town, we've never felt so much like outsiders in our own country. No one spoke English, and nothing was written in anything but Spanish. No problem, there's a gas station. Those work bilingually right? Mm, you know, we need firewood too though. That shouldn't be too bad, I know the word for "wood" (unfortunately that knowledge came from the iPhone, and not my four semesters of college Spanish) so "Necesito madura para un fuego" should be close enough to land us some of what we need. Three different stores and a lot of confused Hispanic people later, we were only able to come up with a couple bags of charcoal. Guess it'll do.

Brian: Our theory was that since there are no trees in the desert, the expense of shipping firewood to their local Hispanic food markets would outweigh the benefits for shop owners. On the other hand, Joshua Tree National Park website states explicitly that they do not provide firewood, so maybe that's something to think about, ese. So after a couple hours we headed back to Joshua Tree, with the feeling that our affairs were somewhat in order. In fact so confident were we, that we decided to go on a little hike that brought us back to our campground around dusk. Nick, you are on fire duty. I'll pitch the tent. Where's the tent? Oh, here it is (tricked you). After that we attempted to roast some hotdogs over the coals, but instead of providing heat, the coals decided to release noxious black fumes which instantly dyed our dogs black.

Nick: Screw it, we've got some chips and jerky. I say we call it quits: get into our super warm sleeping bags and go to sleep; just because it's a desert doesn't mean it's hot after the sun goes down. Oh. Oh, oh oh. Crap. No bags. We must have forgotten them at Steve and Leah's place. Well, tent, as much as we've come to enjoy your non-waterproof company, we've got to shack up in Lucy tonight. Only way to keep warm. If you were to have stumbled upon our car in the middle of the cold, lonely desert that night, you'd have found two men wearing damn near every article of clothing they own, curled up in balls shivering and praying for day light. Did we mention it was raining? That we both have monster beards at this point wouldn't have helped to dispel the hobo-chic look.

Brian: If you were wondering, slightly damp towels are a poor alternative for sleeping bags. I swear the next time it rains we will be prepared. Mark my words... Brian and Nick, coldly out.

San Diego, CA Day 6?

Nick: When you plan a day at the zoo, you may be tempted to stay but a few hours. Maybe see all the exhibits, maybe not, then head to a nice dinner somewhere else after walking around for a couple hours. In the case of the San Diego zoo, this is a mistake. The place is huge, the admission expensive, and so if you're gonna do it, do it right. We did. Arriving at 9am and leaving at 5pm, you might say Brian and I put in a good day's work of appreciating all God's creatures, even the smelly, weird looking ones.

Brian: But I can speak for both of us when I say that the San Diego Zoo is worth every penny. We took our time in the exhibits with the intention of spending a full day, but there was so much to see I'm still not sure we covered it all. There were a bunch of monkeys that were obsessed with this stick, and a baby panda, and about a million birds, no less than eleven elephants, big cats of all stripes, spots, and solids, and horrifying snakes. The trained animal show was amazing; dancing sea lions, and Top Gun birds that do flybys on request. I think our pictures will speak a thousand words for this post (if we can ever figure out how to transfer them from the camera).

Nick: We also rode the Skyfari, which is a cool little lift that goes over the entire park. And a double-deckered bus. Best animals: meerkats, which were very active: rambunctious even. Bugs in general. The little monkeys, because they remind us of ourselves. Also, tigers are cool. As the sun went down on the man-made jungle, we headed off to our hosts for the night, Steve and Leah's. They had a dog. We liked that dog. We also like Steve and Leah. Upon their recommendation, we hit up a local tapas restaurant with a killer happy-hour menu with eatables ranging from octopus (good) lamb skewers (good) steak tips (good) clams (good) stuffed peppers (good)...

Brian: ...and double shots of Patron (great). The greatest thing was that Steve and Leah bought the whole meal, and also bought a positive review from their first CouchSurfers ever. Just kidding guys, you would've gotten a positive review even if we went dutch. So we picked up some Pacifico on the way home (our treat this time) and passed them around while sharing a night of hilarious story telling and camaraderie and catching up on old Office episodes. By the way their dog's name was Minger (like the British term for a hideous person). Brian and Nick, out baby yeah.

San Diego

Brian: Early to bed, early to rise. Considering I went to bed at 9 last night I wasn't surprised to see the sun at 7:15 the next morning. Nick needs a little bit more sleep than I do so I watched the season opener of Lost on my lappy and let him and Julie rise naturally. Julie had requested the night before that we help her out with some household projects in return for our stay with her. Now let me begin by saying that neither Nick nor I minded helping her out one bit. In fact we could both use a little bit of manual labor, and considering how many people have selflessly helped us out on this trip we figured it would be good karma to return the favor even a little bit. That being said, and especially for those of you interested in CouchSurfing in the future, there are typically to be no expectations of exchange by either party involved. Although, the type of people that use CouchSurfing are likely the type of people (like us) who enjoy doing something random like ripping up floor tiles for a couple hours. So that's what we did.

Nick: The irony of a couple white guys doing a little day labor in an entirely Hispanic neighborhood did not escape us. The house was built in 1913, and everyone knows that was the golden age of the tile-glue industry. As such, it was a initially quite difficult to pull up the flooring that had, after so much time in its position, become reluctant to move. With a Nick Ison patented technique of pounding a paint scraper with a hammer, the work was finished and it was time to explore a bit more of San Diego. First stop, oil change for Lucy. Check. Next stop, In and Out. Check. The zoo: too expensive, no check. Somehow it had gotten to be a bit late by around this time so, for lack of any better plans, we called Francis up and went out for round two of Trivia at Pacific Bar and Grill.

Brian: Not to mentioned the amazing Wednesday happy hour special of two dollar beers. This time we wanted to really take advantage of the special so we decided to ride our bikes down to the bar instead. Francis took a skateboard, and as we approached our destination he hit a little bump in the road which fired his skateboard backwards and his body forwards with equal momentum (note: Francis is heavier than his board so the velocity of his board would have to be higher in order to have the same momentum as his body). I was following too closely and so had to ditch my bike in the opposite direction, jump, and hope for the best. Luckily there were no injuries but we kept wider distances for the rest of the ride and arrived intact.

Nick: To our horror, the scourge of the previous outing, the tyrant of trivia BobMac was back, and he was putting up some serious numbers. Eventually, the legend himself came to our table to introduce himself. Francis told him how he felt about being beaten all the time. BobMac was mildly amused with out feeble attempts to other-throw his reign of bar trivia terror. We headed back, and after a harrowing bike/skate ride, settled in to lay some head shots down on the rest of the Halo world. I think we did alright. Over and.. crap, out of grenades.

Flagstaff, AZ through San Diego, CA

Brian: We sort of made plans to couch surf with a girl in San Diego tonight, but as you may remember, we are in Flagstaff, Arizona. That's exactly 500 miles away. We'd better get driving. Megan gave us a library of sci-fi books to take with us and we grabbed some breakfast at Subway before hitting the road for the long haul. Within about an hour, the snow drifts had converted seamlessly into sand dunes. Arizona is a crazy state.

Nick: You know what Pinto, I think I'm gonna have you drive for a while. I'm going to take a nap... Mm, that was a nice thirty minute break from driving, I'm glad we swapped places for a while. What? The gas indicator is literally on zero? And the maintenance light is on? OK, OK, no problem, there's an exit with a gas station, just pull over there. Oh, hey gas station, you're out of gas? No, that's cool, really. I started limbering up in expectation of a long, cold hike while for the next twenty miles, Brian pulled some of the most fuel efficient motoring techniques I'd ever seen. The universe continues to guide our path, and we eventually coasted our way into the next gas station. Which had gas, hallelujiah. Next stop, couch surfing host Julie's place. I think.

Brian: Julie was cool and super DIY (Do-It-Yourself) which would explain why her entire house was a construction project. Remember Chet, the out of work contractor from Flu, I mean Sioux Falls, SD? She put him to shame. Julie recommended a dinner establishment that served wonderful chicken chimichangas. I'm going to be trying to kick this burrito addiction for months. Hey, I got a text message! Enter the greatest birthday gift I've ever received. Nick had secretly contacted Jade from Philadelphia. Oh you remember Jade, the girl we couldn't shake and ended up having to run from. You know, the girl that left her cell phone and ID with a cab driver she never paid? And in typical Jade style, the text message came a full day late. Thank you, Nick.

Nick: Anytime. It's important to maintain contact with people that mean something special to you. Soon, Brian and I slowly sank into a burrito-induced coma and passed out around 9. Never gonna be over Mexican food and out.

Williams, AZ through Flagstaff, AZ

Nick: Happy Birthday Brian. I'd never have guessed that we'd still be on the road on February 1st, so I didn't really, like, get you anything. But hey, let's go to the Grand Canyon. That'd be pretty cool, right? Yeah. Drive, drive, drive. Is it me, or is it a little chilly in these parts... Wow Grand Canyon, I didn't realize you'd have mountains of snow all over the place. Oh well, I guess you were kind of pretty or whatever. We have photos, readers can decide for themselves.

Brian: The Grand Canyon is one of those places you have to see because a picture will never do it justice. That wont stop us from posting our pictures, but we recommend checking it out for yourself. And yes, there were several feet of snow on the ground. Apparently if you live in Flagstaff, or anywhere further north, you actually do experience winter weather. Who knew? Another hilarious thing I should mention: remember a couple posts ago we were talking about that podcast we listen to called Uhh Yeah Dude? Well, one of the guys who makes the podcast gives his cell phone number out on the show. So I sent him a text asking him to text my other friend James (a huge fan of the show) and tell him not to forget my birthday. And he actually did it. Everyone involved was pretty stoked.

Nick: Little did Brian know I was secretly hoping he'd get another text from a very special person sometime that day... more on that later. After we'd had our fill of the majesty and splendor of a twenty-five dollar national park, we hit a coffee shop for a little blog sesh. During our time there, the music was calm and sensible. As they were closing however, the speakers dotting the establishment unleashed some of the craziest euro-industrial tunes we'd ever heard. Rock on girls that work at Late for the Train coffee shop. We headed out from there to our host for the night Megan's house. Did you remember that we've got a trunk full of Pacifico and Glenlevit? We did.

Brian: That was basically the last thing I remembered that night. Megan was a cute/cool girl with a good head on her shoulders and a not so secret love of sci-fi novels. We chatted and drank for a while and then went to bed... right?

Nick: In the morning, Brian asked me if we'd gone out. Yeah, dude, we went out. Yikes. We weren't out long, though. When we'd arrived, our host had forgotten her ID so she and I took a FIVE MINUTE trip back to her house to retrieve it. When we returned to the bar, Brian had lost his ability to walk in and out freely. In other words, the bouncer wouldn't let him back in. Brian, stand on one leg! Show him how sober you... OK, never mind. Let's head back.

Brian: It will forever remain a mystery how I got kicked out of that bar in under five minutes. Brian and Nick kicked out.

Newport Beach, CA through Williams, AZ

Brian: It was a pretty short morning at my aunt and uncle’s place. They graciously offered to have us stay as long as we needed to but Nick and I have sort of an unwritten rule about staying in a place more than three days. Didn’t Ben Franklin have a quote about that too? So we grabbed a bagel, shmeared it with hummus, thanked Mike and Cindy for their hospitality (and the golf) and rode off into the sunrise. And by sunrise I mean Borders.

Nick: They’re still sponsoring us, right? The Borders was in a mall with ample parking, which was nice, but had an obnoxious alarm that kept going off, which was not. After we had blogged to our heart’s content, we decided to blow the entirety of a fifty dollar Applebee’s gift card. One appetizer, a couple entrees, four beers and a dessert almost did it.

Brian: Don’t forget the margaritas.

Nick: The waitress was pretty nice, so she got a nice tip to kill the remainder on the card.

Brian: Hm. What to do now… well we wanted to see the Grand Canyon, and isn’t Arizona hot year round? Let’s just drive as far east as possible and then find a campsite to bunker down in for the night. Wait, what is that white stuff all over the place? Oh, it’s just a little snow. And by a little I mean at least 12 inches. We’d better get a cheap hotel room instead. And so we did, and our night ended with a little bit of Adult Swim on Comedy Central and an actual bed to sleep in.

Nick: The room had framed photos of Ronald McDonald creeping out hard, and that's not OK.



Brian: Considering that we’ve only slept in a hotel for 3 nights out of around 100, I think we are being pretty cost effective. Nick and Brian, counting sheep and out.

Newport Beach, CA

Nick: This one’s for my little sister who once, and perhaps still does, have a strong affinity for MTV shows centered around the glamorous life of various Hollywood citizens. Brittany, we spent the day at Laguna beach. Yes, it was super fab, but no, we didn’t see Lauren Conrad. I know, we were disappointed too. Once we’d parked the car, who I suspected felt a little insecure surrounded by dozens of Porsches, Beemers, Mercs and Ferraris, we set out to find a burrito place (surprised?) that had probably been recommended to us by someone. Hey, iPhone application Yelp, thanks for screwing us for the millionth time on this trip. Though the address that it provided was accurate, the map it provided took us nearly two miles up this crazy hill. When we finally figured out the problem, we realized that we had literally walked past the place almost an hour earlier. Alas, despite our best efforts, we’re still occasionally tricked into doing some exercise.

Brian: Also note that it took us an hour to walk a mile uphill. Clearly the exercise was well needed. We planned on having a chill beach day just building sandcastles and reading sci-fi novels on the sand but it was windy and cold, so we retreated to the comfort of the pool/hot tub in Mike and Cindy’s housing complex. It’s not indoors but it is enclosed so the wind was not a factor. I guess we are the only people in California that don’t take sunny weather in January for granted because we were the only people at the pool. When we got back to the house, Mike invited us to tag along with him to the driving range, and we regrettably accepted his offer.

Nick: I think we did alright. I mean, Brian and I are not golfers. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But after an initial handful of whiffs we were getting the balls into the air. I was impressed. Back at the house, it was time for a hearty home-cooked meal of rice and stew. Oh yeah. Clean, well-rested and well fed for the first time in weeks, we donned our danc’n shoes and hit the town. The first place was called Sharkeez I believe, and the place was bump’n. There was a large number of young men and women rocking Snuggies, which is just fine by us. After procuring a couple of the most expensive beers ever in life, we found a table and began drinking them very, very slowly. Oh hey, Brian, there are some pretty cute girls at the table behind us. What? You’re goin’ in? Alright man, I hope you know wh- Oh hi, my name’s Nick, nice to meet you girls.

Brian: What can I say? I make Mystery look like Steve Urkel.

Nick: We chatted the ladies up for a while, then, playing it cool, headed out to a more dance-oriented location with their promise to meet us there in a bit. We got there, the line was forever, and so we bounced. Brian says the hunt is half the fun. I’m not so sure, but I didn’t want to wait ten years in a line. Brian and Nick, over and out of luck.

San Diego, CA through Newport Coast, CA

Nick: Oh, I feel like there was something I was supposed to be doing. No, not for this day or even this week in particular. Like, I feel like there's something I should have been doing all along on this trip but have continued to neglect. ! That's right, I should be looking at graduate schools in an attempt to get a life that's fallen into wild shenanigans back to some semblance of order. Guess we better drive all the way back to northern LA. Hello Fuller Theological Seminary, how are you? I like your weather, and I like the look of some of your ladies. What's that? Housing, food, tuition and transportation are all hella expensive in Pasadena? That's OK, I'm a co-author of a popular blog that, since it's conversion into a novel and movie, has made me millions. Excuse me? We've only made 9 cents in ad revenue so far? Tough break. Looks like I'm stuck with lousy old Princeton.

Brian: Recall that Princeton covers tuition for Presbyterian attendees.

Nick: Lame. After touring the school, we headed to Brian's aunt and uncle's place. His uncle, Mike, reminds me of someone...

Brian: I'm not sure who you are referring to but he certainly is similar to my dad in terms of one's inability to turn down food around him. I seem to remember you being served a piece of cake after repeated refusals... Anyway, Mike and Cindy were extremely hospitable and took us out to an Irish pub for a Guinness after a couple glasses of wine; can you tell they've been reading the blog? We came back to their house and watched some Nitro Circus, but I fell asleep during the second episode around 9:30 and went to bed about 10 minutes later. Nick wasn't far behind. After all the couches and floors we've slept on, we know better than to turn down an early night on a soft bed when we have one. Brian and Nick are stout and out.

San Diego, CA Day 2

Brian: Nick and I are officially addicted to breakfast burritos in the southwest. Though we haven't been mentioning it everyday, we have basically been devouring one every morning since Rod introduced us to his favorite hole-in-the wall. Nick and I knew we were going to be getting some exercise today so we carbo-loaded with some potato burritos and went back to Francis' place. We had left some wetsuits, flippers, and equipment out specifically for us so we grabbed them and cruised to the pier at Pacific beach for some hardcore boogie boarding! Ok so boogie boarding isn't that hardcore but we had a blast doing it, even though I was deathly afraid of stepping on a stingray.

Nick: I think boogie boarding can be pretty bad ass if it wants to be. The day we went out, it wanted to be. Though we were only in water up to our chests (our flippers didn't fit so we had to sort of jump into the wave) the swells were at least six or seven feet tall. If you timed it incorrectly (and we did a few times) the ocean taught you a thing or two about how much it sucks to be thrashed around underwater. If you timed it correctly however, (and I'm happy to report that this was usually the case,) you got a great ride on a fast wave that could take you all the way back to the beach. Two thumbs up for a beach activity that had been long overdue. After we'd gotten back and cleaned off, we headed to everyone's favorite super-store Costco. Though we had big plans for picking up a number of useful items including sunglasses, shorts, underwear, shirts, flip-flops and maybe some food, we ended up spending our dwindling cash on Pacifico, Dos Equis and Glenlivet. We'll be playing the "Good idea, bad idea" game in the next couple days. Results will be posted.

Brian: The last order of business for the day was to consume a bit of the aforementioned beer, then head to the aforementioned park to play with the aforementioned helicopter. The decision to go to the park was made after a 30 minute debacle of landing it on Francis' roof and attempting to lasso it down with a computer power cable. We took an evening bike-ride, something we haven't been able to do since we left Indiana the FIRST time and commandeered our night bird around a basketball court until the tail came loose. Back at Francis' place we turned on the tube and watched my new favorite show of all time: Tosh.0. Daniel Tosh reviews the best web videos of the week in a style which I would compare loosely to our blog (albeit with more vulgarity). Sleepy time. Brian and Nick are out.com/thebestblogever.

Rancho Santa Fe, CA through San Diego, CA

Nick: We hung out at Rod's for a while then left as he went to get his hair cut. Our first stop was a park allegedly nearby our next host's abode. It was there that we tossed the disk around for a while and witnessed the next big thing in personal fitness: Rock outs. Take a rock. A big one. Pick it up. Throw it somewhere. Try that again. Bam, you've just rocked out. Do you feel huge? You should. That's the power of America's fastest growing work out trend. Live it. Love it. Rock on.

Brian: Getting bored of that? Get a couple of your closest brosephs, take your shirts off, and stomp around carry huge freaking rocks over your head. Rocking out is more fun with a friend. So yeah my buddy Francis called us and as we expected we were less than a mile from his apartment. Which is less than a mile from the beach. A pretty nice set-up. He could only think of one happy hour deal on a Wednesday, which was two dollar beers and three dollar burgers at a cool local tiki-ish bar. They had trivia on the screen so that shot down any chance of me meeting new people. If you know me, you know that I love bar trivia and it was a staple for me when I lived in Seattle. This trip, amazing though it may be, has been severely lacking in the bar trivia department and I've been going through trivia withdrawal. I think Nick noticed the signs early on so he picked up a blue box, which is how we communicate with the trivia server. First place locally, 17th nationally, not bad if I do say so myself.

Nick: I think you might be mis-remembering. As I recall, we got our asses thoroughly kicked. Francis claimed our competitors were bots. He might be right. Or maybe this trip has permanently damaged our once powerful brains. Probably a combination of the two. We went back to his place, spent a lot of time playing with a toy helicopter that was spectacular in its aerial capabilities, then just hung out after he left to stay at his girlfriend's. Later, his roommate came back. We all drew our guns and indulged in a lengthy stare down. Just kidding. He was surprisingly chill considering he had no idea who we were or why we were in his apartment. Nick and Brian, over and outlaws.

Rancho Santa Fe, CA Day 3

Brian: Rod took us to his favorite burrito stall for breakfast, and after stuffing my face with a spicy chorizo for less than four dollars I could see why he liked it. We had been planning on surfing before Rod had to go to work at three, but the weather forecast said rain, the sky was wicked cloudy, and frankly we were all a little foggy from our night of Amazons and egg rolls. We went back to Rod's house, plugged in our laptops, and flipped to a movie channel. To be honest this blog post could end here because Nick and I watched no less than seven movies that day, literally from about noon to midnight. I've watched more movie in a single day in terms of the hours spent (thank you Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition), but never as many by quantity. So instead of a typical blog post I suggest we give short reviews of a few of our favorite films from that day.

Nick: Jungle to Jungle: A delightful romp taking audiences from an exotic island nation to the bustling streets of 1990's New York City. Tim Allen is a tour de force at the height of his career, delivering a performance that blends hilarious hi-jinks with heartfelt scenes that remind us all of what family really means. Leelee Sobieski makes her debut as Karen Kempster, and these critics would be lying if we said we hadn't noticed what a beautiful young starlet she was already shaping up to be. Two big thumbs up for a film that took us back to a simpler place where crotch shots and a shrieking Martin Short always make for comedic gold.



Brian: The New Guy: DJ Qualls returns to the silver screen in his biggest picture since Road Trip to delight and entertain urban America. In what is every high school student's nightmare, Dizzy (Qualls) has his penis broken by the school librarian on camera in front of the entire school! After being trained by the baddest guy around in prison, played by the erudite Eddie Griffin (we aren't sure why he went to prison) he returns to his school with a new look and a new attitude. Things seems perfect until Dizzy is forced to choose between his new girlfriend, played by the magnanimous Eliza Dushku, and his old friends, and everyone learns a valuable lesson about being true to yourself. Ultimately Nickskel and E-bri give it one thumb up (how did he get in prison?).



Nick: Point Break: Take everything you've ever known about movies and throw it all away. Take all the positive reviews you've ever read, including the ones you've just read, and multiply them by at least fifteen. Then you might only begin to understand the glory that is Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze in the genre-defining smash hit about the rough and tumble life of a good surfer gone bad. In the film, the ex-football star Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) finds himself undercover in a desperate race against the clock. Armed only with his wits and a killer attitude, Johnny and his partner Pappas (Gary Busey) infiltrate a surfer gang led by Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) in an attempt to capture ruthless bank robbers. Johnny just might wipe out for good when he gets in too deep with the captivating Tyler (Lori Petty) along with the wild and reckless Bodhi he's been ordered to bring in. This movie has taken us to the deep end and left us gasping for more. In a word: goosebumps. Two totally tubular thumbs up for a movie that has changed our lives.



Brian: Thanks for staying with us even on our slow days. Brian and Nick, totally out, man.

Rancho Santa Fe, CA Day 2

Nick: Rod was off being productive (I think he works at a hospital or something) and so Brian and I decided not to be until he came back home around noon. Harmony and balance. Due to the lousy weather, fishing seemed like our most viable outdoor activity. Due to the lousy weather, the pond was so murky we never got so much as a bite despite being out there for at least four hours. Time flies though, when you've got your box wine. I did manage to loose about six lures, but I don't think there's any relation between the two. We packed it in, headed back, and started to get warmed up for the evening's festivities.




Brian: Ha, I was getting warmed up while we fished. Our first stop on Rod's recommendation was a pool hall/sports bar type of place that was all but dead on a Monday night. There was a dude that claimed to be a Marine but was built more like a seal, and not the Navy kind. Also there were two beautiful women playing pool that Rod was able to drive directly into Nick and my arms with his awesome drunken game of telling them that they are, "The meanest girls he's ever met," over and over again. We escorted Rod out and caught a cab to a bar called Q's in the nearby town of Encinitas where everyone was at least 5'11". I stepped outside to grab a breath of fresh cigarette and bought an egg roll from what could be barely called a street vendor. More like a tiny Vietnamese lady with a foil-lined picnic basket.

Nick: Isn't that, like, the definition of a street vendor? I was dancing up a storm when Brian ran up to me raving about something that was outside, and how I had to come out. When I'd struggled through the jungle of Amazon women and made my way outdoors, Brian was standing there with no less than five of these rolls. Those of you that know Brian personally know that he's not one given to make excessive purchases. I knew they must be good. Wrong! Twinkies are good. Hot dogs are good. These delicate, delectable delicacies from the East were outrageously delicious. Crispy, golden brown with an explosion of different flavors at just the right temperature. Good thing too, as the cab right back might have put me in a bad mood. Not because of the company: our driver, Nassir, was a stand up guy from Tehran with interesting perspectives on the world's happenings. No, the cab ride would have put me in a bad mood because despite being no more than a twenty minute ride, it was no less than sixty dollars once tax and tip had been accounted for. This might be a good time to remind our readers that we do, in fact, accept donations. Brian and Nick are over and out of cash.

Los Angeles, CA through Rancho Sante Fe, CA

Brian: I woke up at around 7:45 to the sound of Mm...Bop! by Hanson. Dean's ring tone (which according to him is somewhat popular with the ladies). I don't buy it, especially since the call was coming from the ladies we had taken out the night before. They were requesting a pick-up from the apartment of the gentlemen they went home with.

Nick: Oops.

Brian: Dean played it cool and told them to take a cab. I think at this point Nick and I were ready to get out of Dodge, but everyone insisted on going out to breakfast. So we reluctantly went out one last time with these girls whom, outside of the context of a night out, looked like whores.

Nick: Ouch man. They were nice girls. Good family values. The eatery was action packed full of babies, which reminded us of a restaurant we had passed the previous night claiming to be the lone "babies only" restaurant in town. I don't doubt it. I mean, think about the logistics of that facility. Are the babies staffing everything as well, or are they merely the clientele? And isn't it a bit discriminatory? I think so. After a very pricey smoothie, we left our breakfasteria and after no small amount of prodding by me, rushed off to catch the football game. Which the Colts won. Is there anything we can't do? Well, I guess we can't eat at certain exclusive baby places in LA, but that's OK. Babies are the worst. Screw them. Before, during and after the game we pigged out on all manner of junk food then, just for the heck of it, ate a pulled pork sandwich even though none of us were hungry.

Brian: A little dip in Rod's hot tub worked wonders on my aching beer gut.

Nick: God bless America. O'er the ramparts and out.

LA

Nick: I feel... I feel as though en evil presence has been lifted from the earth. I feel as though the light has finally conquered darkness, and justice and truth are once again commanders of fate. That's correct: it's finally stopped raining. While some might point out that the rain's departure coincides perfectly with Tyler's and thus all the moisture is his fault, I'm inclined to believe it was my weather machine threat that finally got the clouds to behave themselves. Either way, it was a bright, beautiful day in the city of angels. Brian and I set out early to make the most of it, and after reading what I expect will be a rather lengthy blog post, I'm sure you'll feel as though we did. Our first stop was the infamous Venice beach.

Brian: Parking was lucky; we found a broken meter which I believe gives us free parking for the maximum allowable time of the meter. We knew we were on the fabled Venice beach when we saw a girl hula-hooping on top of a sand dune with a sign that said "Hoopin' for Haiti". You have to respect her entrepreneurial spirit, and we think it was wise for her to choose a business model with such low overhead. So yeah, we walked down the boardwalk and checked out the skateboarders, tattoo parlors, and grow shops. Pardon? Yes, it is possible to purchase Marijuana at a local retailer, provided you have a prescription from a doctor. Grrr, I hate big Pot trying to run the local Ma and Pa dealers out of business...

Nick: Damn the man. The beach was great, and I'm sure it would be even greater in the summer when every biddy in the LA area was out getting their tan on. Gotta love the coast. Eventually we made our way back to the car and headed to the highly acclaimed hot dog stand, (weird right?) Pink's. Eating one of their chili-covered dogs was an undertaking that, though difficult, yielded tremendous pleasure and satisfaction. In other words, they were sloppy yet tasty. Sorry digestive system, if I gave you healthy food every week it would just make you spoiled and lazy. You need to earn your keep. Next stop: Hollywood walk of fame.



Brian: For anybody that hasn't been to Hollywood, it isn't as weird and fake and beautiful and glamorous as you might expect it to be. Like, you know how super touristy places are typically really clean in that fake sort of way? Hollywood is just dirty and gross. The only good thing was that we found another broken parking meter so we could walk around for free again.

Nick: And they said parking would be expensive...

Brian: Also, a dude told Nick he looked like a skinny Zach Galafanakis (the guy from the Hangover).

Nick: That was kind of cool actually. I wish I could have played it off and drawn a crowd. Is that vain?

Brian: We only took one picture with one of the Hollywood stars, and we didn't see any famous people. Wow, lame.

Nick: Well, we did see Snoop Doggy Dog but he was in wax form so I'm not entirely sure he was the real one. Thirsty for better celeb sightings and hungry for more disgusting food, we headed over to an area known as "the grove" where we had been promised Brazilian food priced by the pound and the possibility of spotting prominent public peoples. The barbecued Brazilian beat even the best I'd ever had before, but Brian suggested we bounce. As we could find no famous biddies, his bidding was done. Where did we go? To find the set of "The Office." Following a shaky set of clues from various sources across the Intermet, we finally found a building that looked eerily familiar...

Brian: Dunder Mifflin HQ, no shit.




Nick: Well, the Scranton branch office anyway.

Brian: Complete with Dwight's Trans Am and Michael's Sebring in the parking lot. We flipped out and ran around for a while, snapped some pics, tried to find the burn marks from where the little bird laid upon a funeral pyre, and generally had a good time. No star sightings though (although I'm sure if we camped there all day we would eventually see someone). Very cool though. After that we headed over to a restaurant called El Cholo to meet up with Nick's buddy from a past life, Rod, and some of his friends. Wait, Rod's friends aren't coming? What are we going to do with this third pitcher of Margarita?

Nick: To-go cups? You don't have those? That's fine, we'll just take it like it is. Under my jacket. We walked a few blocks with the blender-sized container filled with that frozen concoction that helps us hang on until we made it to Rod's friend's place. There we were met with his friends, some chicas, and a general atmosphere of partying. We played kings, which isn't always my favorite but which was pretty fun this time around, then headed out to a crappy bar the girls had chosen which was packed with less-than-desirable individuals. Side note: here at the FGA (that's freaks, geeks, and automobiles) we love our women. We love our mothers, our sisters, our teachers, our friends, and all the rest of you females that can make life so very pleasant. That said, ladies, you're just the worst at picking places to go. Really. I don't know if it's a DNA thing, or if you just can't figure out what you actually want out of a night out. Get it together.

Brian: Not my favorite ladies in the whole world, not my favorite bar in the whole world, but the night was far from a total bust. We walked over to a McDonald's across the street and Nick chatted with some super nice people in a vehicle who agreed to buy us a boat-load of food.

Nick: This was probably my favorite part of the night: The guys were distraught because the burger purveyor wouldn't take our order unless we had an automobile, which we certainly did not. That's why I inquired of the couple in a nearby car if they would care to order some vittles for us. They kindly acquiesced my request. As we waited for our orders, I casually conversed with the pair beside the drive through window. Meanwhile, the restaurant was taking a little bit of time producing the requested order. As a result, an offensive fellow in the SUV behind us, supposing my conversing was the cause of the delay, thought it appropriate to roll down his window and shout vulgar expressions at me and my new friends. I don't condone violence, but I thought it appropriate to inform him that while I wasn't the source of the delay, I'd be happy for him to get out of his car and settle the matter in the parking lot. My invitation seemed to excite him considerably, as he struggled to throw open his door and charge after yours truly. His efforts were thwarted, however, by his female companion who, with no want of screaming and pulling, managed to subdue the brute. After issuing a number of distasteful yet generally humorous taunts at the would-be combatant, we thanked our generous benefactors (who refused to accept payment) and took the food with along with us.

Brian: We pounded it in the cab on the way back to Mario's house and passed out around his living room. Actually, I think we must have stopped by the car first because I woke up with my sleeping bag. That's for a different post though. Love, peace, McDonald's grease, BN out.

Santa Barbra through LA

Brian: Yes we did wake up on time and yes Tyler made it to the airport safely. Whether his flight was on time given the storminess is unbeknown to me.

Nick: That dude needs a phone.

Brian: Nick and I posted up at a little coffee shop in Burbank to decide how to spend our day.

Nick: Our first idea was to go sit in on a live taping of a really fantastic television show. Naturally, the Price is Right was our first choice. Upon further investigation however, this seemed more difficult than we had originally anticipated. Nevertheless, I expect that upon our return visit to LA, we're going to look more tenaciously for a possible access point. A close second for us was to go to a free horse race with one dollar hot dogs, beers, and popcorn. And two dollar bets on each race. Sounds like the best, right? Well, I'm sure it would have been if it hadn't been canceled due to... Listen, I understand that we all need water to survive. I understand that our bodies are mostly water, and that, more importantly, beer is mostly made of water. But so help me, if it rains one more day on this trip, I'm going to finish my weather manipulation machine (patent pending) and unleash a drought on the world so severe the only rain anyone will ever see again will be the tears of the people begging the gods for mercy...

Brian: ...anyway... yeah, we just headed straight over to Rob and Natalie's place which is about five miles west of Hollywood (sorry if I screwed that up) and let our lack of sleep catch up with us. We grabbed a quick snooze and got cleaned up in time for Rob to come home and cook us a delicious tomato pesto chicken on a bed of risotto.

Nick: Sushi and vegetables in two days? We're probably living the healthiest lifestyles on the planet.

Brian: Rob and Natalie are a couple of ardent greyhound lovers who have started a non-profit organization devoted to the rescue and adoption of greyhounds. So at one point in time while we stayed with them there were no less than seven greyhounds on their property. Though the dogs are bizarrely proportioned (fully built for speed) they are sweethearts and one thing I miss about not being at home is seeing my animals regularly so it was a delightful change of pace. Nick and I were torn about whether or not to try and go out that night, but eventually we just passed out in the spare room. Has anyone noticed that napping just makes you more tired? I don't know, maybe I just suck at naps.

Nick: They're pretty tough. Counting sheep leaping over the fence and out.

Santa Barbra

Nick: Yeah, we're bums, and we're a bit behind. We've currently got a nice place to write however, and thanks to a pause in the partying the night before, our minds are fresh with recollections from the previous day's happenings. Allow me to begin with a burrito... In the morning, we set out with our host Isaac to a very close, very delicious coffee shop. He and Tyler had themselves some breakfast burritos. Brian, if you would, set the burrito counter for the day at 2?

Brian: Burrit-o-meter: 2

Nick: Thank you. We headed back to the house through the pouring rain and proceeded to enter a video game induced hibernation. How else could we have endured such a down pour?

Brian: When you live hard you have to play hard. Literally nothing happened until the third member of the household, Don, came back and drove us downtown for lunch. Ingrid had recommended the previous night that we check out a burrito stand with a hyphenated name famous for their molé sauce. I ordered an Olé Molé burrito and Nick got the Holly Olé Molé (presumably a "Holy" Olé Molé, but misspelled). Tyler and Don ordered Burritos as well so that brings our party grand total for burrito consumption up to 6 for the day. Not unimpressive, but not unbeatable either.

Nick: Not enough burritos! I'd have had another one for dinner but Ingrid and Isaac came home hungry for a bountiful seafood dinner, and who am I to deny them that which I also love so well? Thus, it was the group's consensus to head over to a sushi place which, judging by the massive weekday crowd, was pretty good. We've been denied sushi so far along the entire coast and as it's one of our favorite foods, Brian and I went huge.

Brian: The best bang for our buck was to order was what referred to by the menu as "The Love Boat (for two people)." Six different types of sashimi, 3 or 4 rolls, soup, salad, and dessert: it was a feast and it left us satisfied and smiling.

Nick: That is what she said





Brian: After dinner we went back and partied with Isaac and Ingrid by playing a round of Chrononauts and watching an episode of Planet Earth. The power went out at one point and we had to finish our game by the light of a headlamp. Pretty awesome night overall. Although, considering that we have to wake up at 6:30 to get Tyler to the airport on time, we probably shouldn't have stayed up until 2. On the other hand, I can sleep when I'm dead. On the other other hand, if I keep living like this I'll be dead sooner than I expect. Just kidding, Mom. Nick and Brian out.

San Los Obispo CA through Santa Barbra CA

Tyler: Well, here are, rain once again in sunny California. Our host in Santa Barbara wasn't done with work/school until around 9 o'clock so we decided to hit up the local Borders until both the weather let up and we would not have to spend 5 hours in the rain in Santa Barbara. So instead of being productive little bloggers intent on making you all aware of what we've been up to and how much rain we're enjoying, we decided to play video games. I manned the Dragon Age, Pinto took care of the Fallout 2 and Nick found himself neck deep in Warcraft 2. How many times did I say rain so far? Not enough because there was a lot of it. I really can't get over how much rain we've seen in the last couple of days, it's hard to imagine this much rain. Oh the humanity! When will the rain/the blog discussion of rain cease? I'm not sure but I better say it once more for good measure, rain.

Brian: When we finally tired of the Borders in San Luis Obispo we punched in the address of the Borders in Santa Barbara and hit the road.

Nick: Are they sponsoring us yet?

Brian: Since nothing particularly notable happened during the day I'll like to take this time to talk about how we spend a lot of our driving time. Since giving up on the atrocity known as Pride Prejudice and Zombies, we've grown fond of a podcast called Uhh Yeah Dude, which is LA based. It's a couple guys (one of them is the actor John Larroquette's son) shooting the breeze and talking about crazy current events from all over America. It's a bit crass and somehow a bit dry at the same time but also an endless source of hilarity. One of our favorite (least favorite?) segments is when they read filthy personal ads posted on Craigslist. A final warning: the podcast is not for the faint of heart. It is very raw, but that's part of what makes it hilarious.

Nick: I'm OK with PP and Z. Uhh Yeah Dude is pretty funny though, I'll grant you that. When we got the word from our Santa Barbara host Ingrid, we boogied over to her apartment and met up with her two roomates, Don and Isaac.

Tyler: A night of nerdy discussions about video games, T.V. shows and anything else we could think about ensued. Only a few beers bought from the local Vons. Vons was a little weird. It looked like a Safeway, it smelt like a Safeway and was even ordered like Safeway but it wasn't. Well, our adventures aside, this will be my last blog post. I leave tomorrow on a jet plane for Montana and my final semester of undergraduate work. Wish me luck everybody. The other downside of this beside my witty and original contributions to the blog (none of which mention rain) it also means that the quality of photos will decline as my nice camera will come with me to Montana. It's been a ton of fun and great break between semesters. Good luck on the rest of your trip Nick and Brian, and so long to everyone that has been reading this blog. Tyler out for the trip, Brian and Nick out for the day.

San Luis Opisbo

Brian: Fuck it. We are tired of sitting on our hands waiting for this rain to subside. Today is going to be an amazing day. First stop is Border's in order to compile a plan of action. Oh wait, we can barely get in the car because the massive flooding on either side of the street is literally creating white-water around the tires. Hm, should we rethink our plans? Never! We will begin by checking out the largest gum wall this side of the Mississippi. Then we will pee in the fanciest toilet this side of the Mississippi. Finally, we will use the inevitable lull in the storm at midday to hike up to the highest peak in San Luis Obispo.

Nick: Love the determination. Gum wall: yeah, you know, it was OK. It smelled, which wasn't my favorite, though I suppose after riding in a small car for thousands of miles with a couple guys and everything we all own in a perpetual state of wetness, it wasn't all that bad. The fanciest bathroom this side of the Mississippi (what?) was pretty cool. In a rather infamous hotel that some call "The Madonna Inn" dwells a rest room featuring its very own waterfall, which you are invited to contribute to. We did. The hike, which was not rained out by some bizarre miracle of nature, was great. Not too long, but steep enough to get the blood moving around. If you let the fast food settle too long, it solidifies permanently. Then it explodes. Maybe not. Either way, I'm not taking chances. Anyway, the view from the top was beautiful. We stayed until a number of unsettling plaques honoring men who had lost their lives on this very hike reminded us that nature is fickle, and while it wasn't windy and rainy while we were at the top, it soon could be.

Tyler: Yeah, that stuff was cool.

Brian: Thanks for the insight Tyler.

Tyler: I like to contribute...

Brian: I wore really crappy shoes for the hike and almost threw out my back. At least I hope it was my shoes and not the fifteen pound beer belly I brought to the top of the hill. So after our awesome day we headed back to Alyssa's, showered, and generally tried to make ourselves look more presentable for the big night to come. Buy a pint glass for $3 and get $1 Coors Light refills all night long? Dangerous for us but suffice it to say we behaved ourselves and just played Dominoes at the bar with our hosts. Finally that game makes sense to me...

Tyler: To be fair, I did nothing to make myself look presentable. I'm also really bad at Dominoes, I just can't do math in my head fast enough, that's what Brian is here for. I might add that the band was not nearly as good as the previous night. Bad cover bands have never done it for me. But despite the lack of good music there were a ton of people at the place. A lot of them would only have one beer and leave, not realizing that the part of the four dollars they paid for their beer was actually paying for the glass. Our hosts took immediate advantage of this fact by collecting all the soldiers that had been left behind. Oh and guess what, when we left...it was raining. Big change for us. BTN out.

Santa Cruz CA through San Luis Opisbo CA

Nick: Rain. Rain. Rain. If only there was something fun we could do, that we could only do, in the rain. Like rain boarding. Rain surfing. Maybe fly a rain kite. What? Those things don't exist? Bummer. I guess our pattern of driving in the rain, sitting in a Borders to wait out the rain, then running through the rain to make it inside our next host's home will have to continue for a bit longer. Joy. In the meantime, let us bring you up to speed.

Tyler: I only came on this trip because Nick promised me sunshine and streets paved with gold, plus free candy, and this rain has put a serious damper on my frolicking.

Brian: The weather forecast says rain until Friday, which perhaps not so coincidentally is the day Tyler is leaving. Take it with you, Tyler! Alright, we woke up on Sophie's floor the next day and kicked it at her place for the majority of the morning. We've noticed a pattern of the rain letting up every so slightly in the midday so I think we were waiting for that to make our move. It was beautiful despite the inclement conditions along the California coastline, and the drive was mostly uneventful. We did stop along a beach at one point just to bask in the majesty of the massive waves crashing against the jagged shoreline, and apparently another guy had the same idea. He had classic rock cranked up to 11 and was passed out in the front seat of his Dodge POS with 2 plastic bags full of frozen pizzas in the back seat.

Tyler: Don't forget the rad blond mullet.

Nick: A thought occurs: that dude is dead. We'll miss you, fellow rocker. Peace out. After a quick lunch of something that was definitely not Taco Bell (OK it was probably Taco Bell) we journeyed on until we got to a town named San Luis Opisbo, or SLO for all you cool cats and kittens. Our hosts, despite needing to study for the evening, invited us into their home. Brian, Tyler... do you guys smell something? You don't? Me either... Weird. Alyssa and her housemates made us question everything we know about couch surfing: their place was super clean, pretty darn nice, we had our own room, and all the residents were busy, productive members of society. We had a group meeting and decided that we needed to go out, and that our hosts needed to come with us. They declined. Fine then, we'll just go explore the town by ourselves.

Tyler: Yes, we sort of had to make up for their studious inclinations. Everyone knows that amount of effort put forth by members of society is a constant. So in order to prevent any paradoxes we had to slack. We didn't enjoy but it was our duty as citizens of this fine country. In order for others to succeed we needed to....not succeed (fail isn't quite the right word).

Nick: I don't entirely follow your logic, but I'm going to reconcile it with an oriental approach: ying and yang. So like, we're restoring balance to the universe, yeah? Yeah.

Tyler: Anyway, we started the night off in a classy bar called Spikes Pub. They had a startling selection of beers from around the world but they all leaned towards the pricey side. Still you can't start the night off on a bad note, the aftertaste of Coors Light or Budweiser never seems to leave once it establishes a foothold. After our one drink a piece we headed to a less classy but still fun establishment called Peach and Frog. The beers were cheap and we happened to stumble upon this particular bar during "open jam night". The music was great. Not only did they have a wide selection of bass, guitar and drum players but someone actually put lyrics in the form of a hip-hop freestyle to the whole thing. So, I present Tyler's equation for a universal good time: cheap beers + good music = good times. It's a working theory, so don't be too critical.

Brian: It might not be super universal, but on the other hand it definitely always applies to the people I want to hang out with. So the only drawback to the night was the fact that our hosts live pretty far from downtown, so we have to keep our wits about us, so to speak, in order to drive home later. Actually another major drawback: It was ladies night at the bar. Sounds great, right? Well it would be if the main type of women there weren't the kind with a penchant for pixie hair-cuts, men's chinos, and flannel vests. Know what I mean, jellybean?

Nick: Unfortunately, yes. Over and out (of the closet).

Santa Cruz CA Day 2

Brian: The first thought in my mind when I woke us this morning was how pumped I was to be sleeping in a real house tonight. I don't even care if it's a house full of naturalist stoner neo-hippies. This unconventional California rain bites. The second thought in my mind was, "Oh shit, we have to pack up camp before we get caught and have to pay!" I will again refer to the great Benny Hill in comparison to our park exit routine. We scrambled around like crazy for about 25 minutes. Crap where's Tyler? He went to fill up his water bottle? And the white truck pulls up...

Nick: It would seem we're no longer the ninja campers we once were. This calls for some serious time in the dojo, asap. Meanwhile, we needed to find a real building in order to get out of the rain. A small coffee shop in downtown Santa Cruz suited our purposes wonderfully, with its abundant Intermet and hummus-laden bagels. Tasty. After a serious blog/research/couchsurfing session, we headed off to the Mystery Spot. The what? Oh, you mean you're not familiar with the bizarre anomaly in the woods outside Santa Cruz that causes reality itself to become twisted and all together flipped upside down? Oh, OK, come along with us then and we'll take you there. First stop: a cement block that, despite being perfectly level (thank you iphone level) distorts the height of people standing on it. Like, Brian and I stood eye to eye on the block, then traded places. When we gazed into each others eyes again, alas! Dark-sided arts had made him a full three or four inches shorter. Mysterrrrious.... There was also a cabin on a hill that allowed you to bend at super-extreme angles without falling over. Weird. And a level board where objects would seemingly roll up hill. Strange. And a pendulum that swung irregularly. Spooky. All in all, an attraction well worth the five bucks. And one that's got me thinking about Lost again. And I just lost.

Tyler: Let's also not forget the fact that the entire establishment was run by early teenagers...

Brian: ...tweenagers is what I think they are called...

Tyler: ...who liked to talk in mysterious voices as they gave the tour. Ooooooo, the tee of mystereee ooooooo ahhhhh, and so on. Also most of the mysterious things took place outdoors and despite what they say about California it was raining. I'm pretty sure we would have seen less rain if we had decided to stay in Seattle. Oh well sometimes you gotta suck it up and go to places that are so mysterious that the rain falls everywhere, not just on the plain and especially not in Spain but in good old Santa Cruz. What I found most strange about the mystery spot were the trees. The trees that grew in the area were incredibly strange and I didn't notice until our tour guide pointed them out. Some grew in corkscrews some grew in S shapes and the redwoods had branches on one side almost twice the length as the other a little strange and eerie. I let someone else relate the theories on what causes the mysterious mysteries of the mystery spot.

Nick: You know mermaids are behind it.

Brian: Oh, you mean sea lions? Those of you that know me well know that I don't really like unsolved mysteries that much. I mean, I love them, but I am perturbed when I find myself incapable of coming up with a solution. The mystery spot was a very confusing place for me, and after we left I needed a drink. Good thing it's Sunday and football is on. We hit up a sports bar back in Santa Cruz proper and settled in for some fried delicious and not a few Coors light. The Jets beat the Chargers in an upset, which is apt nomenclature because a lot of people in that bar were, in fact, quite upset.



Tyler: Except our cute waitress...

Brian: After the game, it was time to head over to Sophie's for the evening. We didn't have any plans but the great thing about Couch Surfing is that plans make themselves.

Nick: Our host, Sophie, and her housemates were a groovy bunch. She played banjo, made us all natural sorbet from scratch, and yes, had a giant snake. Brian, to his great credit, ended up sleeping right next to the serpent's den. Impressive. In the evening, we watched the Life Aquatic which, to my great surprise, was extremely enjoyable. Good flick. We stuck in another one, Bill Maher's "Religulous" but it didn't do it for me, or anyone, and so we all just sort of passed out with the sound of stupid rain pounding against the window. Really, this has got to stop. Over and out.

Santa Cruz CA

Nick: Morning time. Did you guess correctly? Let's find out: I felt like a million bucks. Not sore at all from sleeping on the hard earth. Certainly not freezing cold from the persistent moisture in the air. And definintely not hung over in anyway. Brian, Tyler? How did you guys feel?

Brian: Great in the, "I must be an alcoholic because there are 30 empty bottles and an empty box of wine strewn about the campsite and I also feel perfectly fine this morning," kind of way.

Tyler: Yeah, that campsite got a little messy, oh well the adventure of the road never cease to amaze. I was only hung over briefly, no boxed wine made for a slightly better situation than the one Nick found himself in.

Brian: So today's plans are pretty simple: The Colts are in the playoffs so Nick has an obligation to represent at the local sports bar. Tyler and I are going to watch some of the games but mostly spend the day exploring Santa Cruz which is a cool mid-sized town with an eclectic downtown and waterfront. As a result, we probably will describe how the events of the day transpired independently.

Nick: Colts time. Historically, we've had wretched luck when we've got the bye week due to a superb regular season. Like, 0-3. Does that make sense? No. Also, we've lost the last two games, the only losses of the season, because we rested all of our starters. Does that make sense? No. Needless to say, there is a lot of pressure on the boys in blue to preform well against a team that they should generally be able to obliterate. Fast forward: they did it! We're moving on! Additionally, while Tyler and Brian were off on their little hike through town, I befriended a traveling jazz musician from Spain whose opinions of Rumi and Sufism in general I found fascinating, a group of fellow Hoosiers who were themselves on a kick ass road trip, and, most importantly a very cute waitress from Poland who expressed an interest in giving me a heads up about the hot spots in Santa Cruz while suggesting that she herself would be in said hot spots later after work and that, in her adorable Polish accent "you should look for me out there." It just confirms that I look good in my Dallas Clark jersey. But I already knew that.

Tyler: Brian and I didn't do a whole lot, walked around the town, stopping in the occasional record store, coffee shop or used book store, walking out along the boardwalk that sort of thing. Both of us were fairly exhausted from the previous couple of nights and were content to take it easy around town. The night ended with us going to Borders and reading, with Pinto passing out in his chair book still in hand.

Brian: Yeah, the highlight of the night was checking out the massive arcade on the boardwalk and walking down the pier (it has to be at least half a mile long). Tyler played some Time Crisis which is an FPS he finds irresistible, and on the way back we walked by a very angry woman on the bridge who threatened to stab, shoot, kill, murder, and butcher anyone that rides their bike too fast. Dare I say crazy? Lucky we were on foot.

Tyler: I think specifically she didn't like the blinking lights that most responsible bikers place on their bikes while they ride. Maybe it gave her flash backs to a time when she could understand that not everyone needs to be stabbed and yelling in the street by yourself at passersby, while fun, is not always appropriate.

Brian: After reconnecting with Nick he expressed desire to meet up with his flirty waitress friend, but due to housing logistics and exhaustion it didn't happen. I will admit that there were an insane number of beautiful girls walking around and I do hope I find myself in Santa Cruz on a future Saturday but it wasn't in the cards this week. Nick responded to my (justifiable) San Francisco fussiness with his own quieter (also justifiable) brand and we made it an early, fireless night at the same campsite.

Nick: At least it wasn't raining. It was supposed to be raining. That would have really been the pits. Fingers crossed for no more rain. Over the rainbow and out.

San Francisco CA through Santa Cruz CA

Nick: Heads up: this day was not our most adventerous day. We know freaksgeeksandautomobiles nation logs on every day thirsting for tales of harrowing darring-do from everyone's favorite guys, and we hate to disapoint. But as it turns out, even road trip heroes need to take a break every now and then. We woke up in Katie's apartment, checked to make sure we had our laptops, then hit the road. Traveling south on Highway 1 has been a treat, since the brakes didn't burst into flames, the day's drive was no exception. All the way down we were greeted with sweeping coastal scenes of rocky beaches and wind-swept waves. When we arrived in Santa Cruz, it was time for a resupply. We were out of chow and worse, beverages.

Brian: And gas. So we stopped at a gas station, a Safeway, and a Borders in that order. Administrative duties took us into the afternoon until we found a beach side campsite about 20 minutes south of town. The good news is that it is supposed to be clear tonight, so I think our gear will be fine. The bad news is it is supposed to rain all week next week so we might be sleeping in the car unless we can get meet up with some couch surfers. The latter is usually a viable option but lately they haven't been biting like they usually do. I think the rain in California is confusing to its residents, and so they are responding with amotivation and lethargy. Dinner was interesting but delicious; I'll let Tyler (our camp chef) handle the details.

Tyler: We made one of my favorite camp meals, something me and some friends came up with while stay at a place called "the whammy bar" just outside of Mt. Shasta. The basic idea is that when camping burritos are amazing but carting around cheese can be tiresome as it starts to get disgusting after a few days without refrigeration. Plus you need something that can be cooked on a camp-stove. The solution: mac and cheese burritos. The basic idea is that instead of cheese you use mac and cheese.

Nick: Clarification: powdered cheese. Please continue.

Tyler: It's incredible. On this occasion we also added some canned tuna fish and some canned chili. Mac and cheese is super easy to make on one burner and then you just add in the tuna heat up the beans and put it all in a tortilla. If you have hot sauce even better, if not that's okay too. Another reason that this works so well for camping is that you only need one utensil, the serving spoon/spork/piece of cardboard from the mac and cheese box. So if there's a few of you and only spoon you don't have to take turns eating.

Nick: After dinner, we all cozied up around the campfire and started to discuss matters of grave importance. No, seriously. We're all pretty philosophical like that. I'd tell you what we talked about, but you probably wouldn't understand. Our meditations were eventually interrupted however with a "shut the hell up" from a stranger. Darn, the fun's over and now some disgruntled camper is probably going to cut a hole in our tent later. What? You just wanted to come over to bring us more beer, and your gruff shout was just a comedic opener to establish a mood of easy going friendship? Yes, camping stranger and RV neighbor, we accept your new friendship and your beer. Your small dog is annoying though.

Brian: Aw, I liked Benny. Yeah, a couple came and introduced themselves to us. They were probably in their 30's, super-nice, the woman was totally sober, the man was totally tanked. We let them try some delicious jerky, they gave us some delicious cookies, and we ended up chatting late into the night. At one point we ran out of firewood though, so we had to go about the dirty business of acquiring some more.

Nick: I put on my best ninja equipment which gives me +5 sneak and headed over to the ranger's cabin. Sneak, sneak sneak. Ah hah, here's the wood storage shed. Locked! Hm... sneak, sneak, sneak. Ah hah, there's a pile of wood behind the shed under a tarp. Time to remove some logs... careful, careful... don't let your intoxication betray your position with stumbling, bumbling movements. Shh... the ranger's RV is right next to the pile, don't wake him up... One, two... five pieces, that ought to do it. Time to hall ass. Mission accomplished.

Tyler: Neither of you guys mentioned the awesome singing of random rap songs to the tune of wagon wheel...

Brian: Awesome story, but we also felt bad so we sneak, sneak, sneaked 5 bucks under the camp host's windshield wipers. In case you didn't notice this is the third late night in a row, so feel free to guess how awesome we are going to feel tomorrow.

Nick: First two don't count.

Brian: Over and out.

San Francisco

Nick: The very first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was "where's my phone, so I can call that cafe and inquire as to whether or not they have my laptop." Yeah, that's right. If you suspected it already, allow me to confirm it: I am an idiot. I left my computer at the cafe place from the day before, and to further complicate the issue, we had no idea which cafe it was or even where it was. With a stroke of luck, we figured out the name of the resort nearby, called them, they directed us to the cafe and, joy of joys, they had the lap top. I told the guys that if they came to keep my company on the drive back up that I'd buy them lunch. And so they came.

Brian: Basically between 9 and 4 o'clock today we were driving back up the coast to get Nick's lappy. It was maybe worth it though because we stopped at a natural food cafe that had amazing shitake quesadillas.

Nick: And great skinny pizza.

Tyler: I might also add that up until that point both Brian and I were recovering from shots of Old Crow that the previous night contained, those quesadillas were life savers.

Brian: When we got back to San Fran we wanted to stretch our legs a little so we parked about 10 blocks from Haight-Ashbury which is a famously hipster/scenester/stoner region of the city. Before we meandered through the patchouli scented stores we hiked up a huge hill in a park that gave us a great sunset view of the city and the Golden Gate Bridge. Also Nick showed me my birthday present from him which was a $40,000 marble carving of a naked woman in a rather revealing position.

Nick: There was a little damage to the left nipple, so I was able to talk them down a bit. If I can get it shipped to Bainbridge Island myself, the guy will give it to me for around $36,000. Happy Birthday Brian, I hope you appreciate all the little things I do for you.

Tyler: Yes we have lots of disposable income after striking gold and oil at the same time just off the California coast, it was in the news you might have heard. After visiting a piercing shop, some vintage clothing stores and what have you, we decided to try and find a place to stay for the night. Katie allowed us the use of her epic apartment again despite the fact that she would not be there for the night. People on couch surfing are so wonderful. We ate a fairly decent Chinese restaurant Brian and I both got 5 or 6 course meals for 16 bucks and Nick got something else.

Nick: Kung Pow Puppy.

Tyler: Then we hit the bars again. This time trying to take it easier than the previous night that we all felt the effects of. We visited the bar we got kicked out of the night before, and the guy told us that he would call the cops if need be. We still weren't sure what we did wrong... We had a drink mostly because of the principle of the whole thing, then moved on to see Katie's friend's band.

Brian: They were decent, three guys jammin' and singing about life. They only had like half a dozen fans but maybe that's what you get for having a show on a Thursday.

Nick: The bar smelled... sort of exactly like a barn. We don't know why. The music was... not suited to my personal taste. The air... thick, wet, hot. Just an awful situation all around. I stepped outside and ran into a young woman who had, unknown to any of us, been searching desperately for three couch surfing guys from Seattle and Indiana respectively. We fit the bill, and in fact, were the very three men whom she had been looking for. My first thought: fame had come. Our first road trip roady. As it turned out, this was not the case: the young lady was simply a friend of Katies and as such knew of our location in the area. Still, it felt good to be searched for. As we conversed, one of the guys in her group starting smoking pot. Like, from a bowl. This was strange to me. No one else took much notice. Maybe I need to get with the times.

Brian: Yo man, California is like, totally a different place, man. Well, that's about that. We head south in search of sunnier skies tomorrow. Tonight we are out.