Nick: Oh, I feel like there was something I was supposed to be doing. No, not for this day or even this week in particular. Like, I feel like there's something I should have been doing all along on this trip but have continued to neglect. ! That's right, I should be looking at graduate schools in an attempt to get a life that's fallen into wild shenanigans back to some semblance of order. Guess we better drive all the way back to northern LA. Hello Fuller Theological Seminary, how are you? I like your weather, and I like the look of some of your ladies. What's that? Housing, food, tuition and transportation are all hella expensive in Pasadena? That's OK, I'm a co-author of a popular blog that, since it's conversion into a novel and movie, has made me millions. Excuse me? We've only made 9 cents in ad revenue so far? Tough break. Looks like I'm stuck with lousy old Princeton.
Brian: Recall that Princeton covers tuition for Presbyterian attendees.
Nick: Lame. After touring the school, we headed to Brian's aunt and uncle's place. His uncle, Mike, reminds me of someone...
Brian: I'm not sure who you are referring to but he certainly is similar to my dad in terms of one's inability to turn down food around him. I seem to remember you being served a piece of cake after repeated refusals... Anyway, Mike and Cindy were extremely hospitable and took us out to an Irish pub for a Guinness after a couple glasses of wine; can you tell they've been reading the blog? We came back to their house and watched some Nitro Circus, but I fell asleep during the second episode around 9:30 and went to bed about 10 minutes later. Nick wasn't far behind. After all the couches and floors we've slept on, we know better than to turn down an early night on a soft bed when we have one. Brian and Nick are stout and out.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
San Diego, CA Day 2
Brian: Nick and I are officially addicted to breakfast burritos in the southwest. Though we haven't been mentioning it everyday, we have basically been devouring one every morning since Rod introduced us to his favorite hole-in-the wall. Nick and I knew we were going to be getting some exercise today so we carbo-loaded with some potato burritos and went back to Francis' place. We had left some wetsuits, flippers, and equipment out specifically for us so we grabbed them and cruised to the pier at Pacific beach for some hardcore boogie boarding! Ok so boogie boarding isn't that hardcore but we had a blast doing it, even though I was deathly afraid of stepping on a stingray.
Nick: I think boogie boarding can be pretty bad ass if it wants to be. The day we went out, it wanted to be. Though we were only in water up to our chests (our flippers didn't fit so we had to sort of jump into the wave) the swells were at least six or seven feet tall. If you timed it incorrectly (and we did a few times) the ocean taught you a thing or two about how much it sucks to be thrashed around underwater. If you timed it correctly however, (and I'm happy to report that this was usually the case,) you got a great ride on a fast wave that could take you all the way back to the beach. Two thumbs up for a beach activity that had been long overdue. After we'd gotten back and cleaned off, we headed to everyone's favorite super-store Costco. Though we had big plans for picking up a number of useful items including sunglasses, shorts, underwear, shirts, flip-flops and maybe some food, we ended up spending our dwindling cash on Pacifico, Dos Equis and Glenlivet. We'll be playing the "Good idea, bad idea" game in the next couple days. Results will be posted.
Brian: The last order of business for the day was to consume a bit of the aforementioned beer, then head to the aforementioned park to play with the aforementioned helicopter. The decision to go to the park was made after a 30 minute debacle of landing it on Francis' roof and attempting to lasso it down with a computer power cable. We took an evening bike-ride, something we haven't been able to do since we left Indiana the FIRST time and commandeered our night bird around a basketball court until the tail came loose. Back at Francis' place we turned on the tube and watched my new favorite show of all time: Tosh.0. Daniel Tosh reviews the best web videos of the week in a style which I would compare loosely to our blog (albeit with more vulgarity). Sleepy time. Brian and Nick are out.com/thebestblogever.
Nick: I think boogie boarding can be pretty bad ass if it wants to be. The day we went out, it wanted to be. Though we were only in water up to our chests (our flippers didn't fit so we had to sort of jump into the wave) the swells were at least six or seven feet tall. If you timed it incorrectly (and we did a few times) the ocean taught you a thing or two about how much it sucks to be thrashed around underwater. If you timed it correctly however, (and I'm happy to report that this was usually the case,) you got a great ride on a fast wave that could take you all the way back to the beach. Two thumbs up for a beach activity that had been long overdue. After we'd gotten back and cleaned off, we headed to everyone's favorite super-store Costco. Though we had big plans for picking up a number of useful items including sunglasses, shorts, underwear, shirts, flip-flops and maybe some food, we ended up spending our dwindling cash on Pacifico, Dos Equis and Glenlivet. We'll be playing the "Good idea, bad idea" game in the next couple days. Results will be posted.
Brian: The last order of business for the day was to consume a bit of the aforementioned beer, then head to the aforementioned park to play with the aforementioned helicopter. The decision to go to the park was made after a 30 minute debacle of landing it on Francis' roof and attempting to lasso it down with a computer power cable. We took an evening bike-ride, something we haven't been able to do since we left Indiana the FIRST time and commandeered our night bird around a basketball court until the tail came loose. Back at Francis' place we turned on the tube and watched my new favorite show of all time: Tosh.0. Daniel Tosh reviews the best web videos of the week in a style which I would compare loosely to our blog (albeit with more vulgarity). Sleepy time. Brian and Nick are out.com/thebestblogever.
Rancho Santa Fe, CA through San Diego, CA
Nick: We hung out at Rod's for a while then left as he went to get his hair cut. Our first stop was a park allegedly nearby our next host's abode. It was there that we tossed the disk around for a while and witnessed the next big thing in personal fitness: Rock outs. Take a rock. A big one. Pick it up. Throw it somewhere. Try that again. Bam, you've just rocked out. Do you feel huge? You should. That's the power of America's fastest growing work out trend. Live it. Love it. Rock on.
Brian: Getting bored of that? Get a couple of your closest brosephs, take your shirts off, and stomp around carry huge freaking rocks over your head. Rocking out is more fun with a friend. So yeah my buddy Francis called us and as we expected we were less than a mile from his apartment. Which is less than a mile from the beach. A pretty nice set-up. He could only think of one happy hour deal on a Wednesday, which was two dollar beers and three dollar burgers at a cool local tiki-ish bar. They had trivia on the screen so that shot down any chance of me meeting new people. If you know me, you know that I love bar trivia and it was a staple for me when I lived in Seattle. This trip, amazing though it may be, has been severely lacking in the bar trivia department and I've been going through trivia withdrawal. I think Nick noticed the signs early on so he picked up a blue box, which is how we communicate with the trivia server. First place locally, 17th nationally, not bad if I do say so myself.
Nick: I think you might be mis-remembering. As I recall, we got our asses thoroughly kicked. Francis claimed our competitors were bots. He might be right. Or maybe this trip has permanently damaged our once powerful brains. Probably a combination of the two. We went back to his place, spent a lot of time playing with a toy helicopter that was spectacular in its aerial capabilities, then just hung out after he left to stay at his girlfriend's. Later, his roommate came back. We all drew our guns and indulged in a lengthy stare down. Just kidding. He was surprisingly chill considering he had no idea who we were or why we were in his apartment. Nick and Brian, over and outlaws.
Brian: Getting bored of that? Get a couple of your closest brosephs, take your shirts off, and stomp around carry huge freaking rocks over your head. Rocking out is more fun with a friend. So yeah my buddy Francis called us and as we expected we were less than a mile from his apartment. Which is less than a mile from the beach. A pretty nice set-up. He could only think of one happy hour deal on a Wednesday, which was two dollar beers and three dollar burgers at a cool local tiki-ish bar. They had trivia on the screen so that shot down any chance of me meeting new people. If you know me, you know that I love bar trivia and it was a staple for me when I lived in Seattle. This trip, amazing though it may be, has been severely lacking in the bar trivia department and I've been going through trivia withdrawal. I think Nick noticed the signs early on so he picked up a blue box, which is how we communicate with the trivia server. First place locally, 17th nationally, not bad if I do say so myself.
Nick: I think you might be mis-remembering. As I recall, we got our asses thoroughly kicked. Francis claimed our competitors were bots. He might be right. Or maybe this trip has permanently damaged our once powerful brains. Probably a combination of the two. We went back to his place, spent a lot of time playing with a toy helicopter that was spectacular in its aerial capabilities, then just hung out after he left to stay at his girlfriend's. Later, his roommate came back. We all drew our guns and indulged in a lengthy stare down. Just kidding. He was surprisingly chill considering he had no idea who we were or why we were in his apartment. Nick and Brian, over and outlaws.
Rancho Santa Fe, CA Day 3
Brian: Rod took us to his favorite burrito stall for breakfast, and after stuffing my face with a spicy chorizo for less than four dollars I could see why he liked it. We had been planning on surfing before Rod had to go to work at three, but the weather forecast said rain, the sky was wicked cloudy, and frankly we were all a little foggy from our night of Amazons and egg rolls. We went back to Rod's house, plugged in our laptops, and flipped to a movie channel. To be honest this blog post could end here because Nick and I watched no less than seven movies that day, literally from about noon to midnight. I've watched more movie in a single day in terms of the hours spent (thank you Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition), but never as many by quantity. So instead of a typical blog post I suggest we give short reviews of a few of our favorite films from that day.
Nick: Jungle to Jungle: A delightful romp taking audiences from an exotic island nation to the bustling streets of 1990's New York City. Tim Allen is a tour de force at the height of his career, delivering a performance that blends hilarious hi-jinks with heartfelt scenes that remind us all of what family really means. Leelee Sobieski makes her debut as Karen Kempster, and these critics would be lying if we said we hadn't noticed what a beautiful young starlet she was already shaping up to be. Two big thumbs up for a film that took us back to a simpler place where crotch shots and a shrieking Martin Short always make for comedic gold.
Brian: The New Guy: DJ Qualls returns to the silver screen in his biggest picture since Road Trip to delight and entertain urban America. In what is every high school student's nightmare, Dizzy (Qualls) has his penis broken by the school librarian on camera in front of the entire school! After being trained by the baddest guy around in prison, played by the erudite Eddie Griffin (we aren't sure why he went to prison) he returns to his school with a new look and a new attitude. Things seems perfect until Dizzy is forced to choose between his new girlfriend, played by the magnanimous Eliza Dushku, and his old friends, and everyone learns a valuable lesson about being true to yourself. Ultimately Nickskel and E-bri give it one thumb up (how did he get in prison?).
Nick: Point Break: Take everything you've ever known about movies and throw it all away. Take all the positive reviews you've ever read, including the ones you've just read, and multiply them by at least fifteen. Then you might only begin to understand the glory that is Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze in the genre-defining smash hit about the rough and tumble life of a good surfer gone bad. In the film, the ex-football star Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) finds himself undercover in a desperate race against the clock. Armed only with his wits and a killer attitude, Johnny and his partner Pappas (Gary Busey) infiltrate a surfer gang led by Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) in an attempt to capture ruthless bank robbers. Johnny just might wipe out for good when he gets in too deep with the captivating Tyler (Lori Petty) along with the wild and reckless Bodhi he's been ordered to bring in. This movie has taken us to the deep end and left us gasping for more. In a word: goosebumps. Two totally tubular thumbs up for a movie that has changed our lives.
Brian: Thanks for staying with us even on our slow days. Brian and Nick, totally out, man.
Nick: Jungle to Jungle: A delightful romp taking audiences from an exotic island nation to the bustling streets of 1990's New York City. Tim Allen is a tour de force at the height of his career, delivering a performance that blends hilarious hi-jinks with heartfelt scenes that remind us all of what family really means. Leelee Sobieski makes her debut as Karen Kempster, and these critics would be lying if we said we hadn't noticed what a beautiful young starlet she was already shaping up to be. Two big thumbs up for a film that took us back to a simpler place where crotch shots and a shrieking Martin Short always make for comedic gold.
Brian: The New Guy: DJ Qualls returns to the silver screen in his biggest picture since Road Trip to delight and entertain urban America. In what is every high school student's nightmare, Dizzy (Qualls) has his penis broken by the school librarian on camera in front of the entire school! After being trained by the baddest guy around in prison, played by the erudite Eddie Griffin (we aren't sure why he went to prison) he returns to his school with a new look and a new attitude. Things seems perfect until Dizzy is forced to choose between his new girlfriend, played by the magnanimous Eliza Dushku, and his old friends, and everyone learns a valuable lesson about being true to yourself. Ultimately Nickskel and E-bri give it one thumb up (how did he get in prison?).
Nick: Point Break: Take everything you've ever known about movies and throw it all away. Take all the positive reviews you've ever read, including the ones you've just read, and multiply them by at least fifteen. Then you might only begin to understand the glory that is Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze in the genre-defining smash hit about the rough and tumble life of a good surfer gone bad. In the film, the ex-football star Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) finds himself undercover in a desperate race against the clock. Armed only with his wits and a killer attitude, Johnny and his partner Pappas (Gary Busey) infiltrate a surfer gang led by Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) in an attempt to capture ruthless bank robbers. Johnny just might wipe out for good when he gets in too deep with the captivating Tyler (Lori Petty) along with the wild and reckless Bodhi he's been ordered to bring in. This movie has taken us to the deep end and left us gasping for more. In a word: goosebumps. Two totally tubular thumbs up for a movie that has changed our lives.
Brian: Thanks for staying with us even on our slow days. Brian and Nick, totally out, man.
Rancho Santa Fe, CA Day 2
Nick: Rod was off being productive (I think he works at a hospital or something) and so Brian and I decided not to be until he came back home around noon. Harmony and balance. Due to the lousy weather, fishing seemed like our most viable outdoor activity. Due to the lousy weather, the pond was so murky we never got so much as a bite despite being out there for at least four hours. Time flies though, when you've got your box wine. I did manage to loose about six lures, but I don't think there's any relation between the two. We packed it in, headed back, and started to get warmed up for the evening's festivities.
Brian: Ha, I was getting warmed up while we fished. Our first stop on Rod's recommendation was a pool hall/sports bar type of place that was all but dead on a Monday night. There was a dude that claimed to be a Marine but was built more like a seal, and not the Navy kind. Also there were two beautiful women playing pool that Rod was able to drive directly into Nick and my arms with his awesome drunken game of telling them that they are, "The meanest girls he's ever met," over and over again. We escorted Rod out and caught a cab to a bar called Q's in the nearby town of Encinitas where everyone was at least 5'11". I stepped outside to grab a breath of fresh cigarette and bought an egg roll from what could be barely called a street vendor. More like a tiny Vietnamese lady with a foil-lined picnic basket.
Nick: Isn't that, like, the definition of a street vendor? I was dancing up a storm when Brian ran up to me raving about something that was outside, and how I had to come out. When I'd struggled through the jungle of Amazon women and made my way outdoors, Brian was standing there with no less than five of these rolls. Those of you that know Brian personally know that he's not one given to make excessive purchases. I knew they must be good. Wrong! Twinkies are good. Hot dogs are good. These delicate, delectable delicacies from the East were outrageously delicious. Crispy, golden brown with an explosion of different flavors at just the right temperature. Good thing too, as the cab right back might have put me in a bad mood. Not because of the company: our driver, Nassir, was a stand up guy from Tehran with interesting perspectives on the world's happenings. No, the cab ride would have put me in a bad mood because despite being no more than a twenty minute ride, it was no less than sixty dollars once tax and tip had been accounted for. This might be a good time to remind our readers that we do, in fact, accept donations. Brian and Nick are over and out of cash.
Brian: Ha, I was getting warmed up while we fished. Our first stop on Rod's recommendation was a pool hall/sports bar type of place that was all but dead on a Monday night. There was a dude that claimed to be a Marine but was built more like a seal, and not the Navy kind. Also there were two beautiful women playing pool that Rod was able to drive directly into Nick and my arms with his awesome drunken game of telling them that they are, "The meanest girls he's ever met," over and over again. We escorted Rod out and caught a cab to a bar called Q's in the nearby town of Encinitas where everyone was at least 5'11". I stepped outside to grab a breath of fresh cigarette and bought an egg roll from what could be barely called a street vendor. More like a tiny Vietnamese lady with a foil-lined picnic basket.
Nick: Isn't that, like, the definition of a street vendor? I was dancing up a storm when Brian ran up to me raving about something that was outside, and how I had to come out. When I'd struggled through the jungle of Amazon women and made my way outdoors, Brian was standing there with no less than five of these rolls. Those of you that know Brian personally know that he's not one given to make excessive purchases. I knew they must be good. Wrong! Twinkies are good. Hot dogs are good. These delicate, delectable delicacies from the East were outrageously delicious. Crispy, golden brown with an explosion of different flavors at just the right temperature. Good thing too, as the cab right back might have put me in a bad mood. Not because of the company: our driver, Nassir, was a stand up guy from Tehran with interesting perspectives on the world's happenings. No, the cab ride would have put me in a bad mood because despite being no more than a twenty minute ride, it was no less than sixty dollars once tax and tip had been accounted for. This might be a good time to remind our readers that we do, in fact, accept donations. Brian and Nick are over and out of cash.
Los Angeles, CA through Rancho Sante Fe, CA
Brian: I woke up at around 7:45 to the sound of Mm...Bop! by Hanson. Dean's ring tone (which according to him is somewhat popular with the ladies). I don't buy it, especially since the call was coming from the ladies we had taken out the night before. They were requesting a pick-up from the apartment of the gentlemen they went home with.
Nick: Oops.
Brian: Dean played it cool and told them to take a cab. I think at this point Nick and I were ready to get out of Dodge, but everyone insisted on going out to breakfast. So we reluctantly went out one last time with these girls whom, outside of the context of a night out, looked like whores.
Nick: Ouch man. They were nice girls. Good family values. The eatery was action packed full of babies, which reminded us of a restaurant we had passed the previous night claiming to be the lone "babies only" restaurant in town. I don't doubt it. I mean, think about the logistics of that facility. Are the babies staffing everything as well, or are they merely the clientele? And isn't it a bit discriminatory? I think so. After a very pricey smoothie, we left our breakfasteria and after no small amount of prodding by me, rushed off to catch the football game. Which the Colts won. Is there anything we can't do? Well, I guess we can't eat at certain exclusive baby places in LA, but that's OK. Babies are the worst. Screw them. Before, during and after the game we pigged out on all manner of junk food then, just for the heck of it, ate a pulled pork sandwich even though none of us were hungry.
Brian: A little dip in Rod's hot tub worked wonders on my aching beer gut.
Nick: God bless America. O'er the ramparts and out.
Nick: Oops.
Brian: Dean played it cool and told them to take a cab. I think at this point Nick and I were ready to get out of Dodge, but everyone insisted on going out to breakfast. So we reluctantly went out one last time with these girls whom, outside of the context of a night out, looked like whores.
Nick: Ouch man. They were nice girls. Good family values. The eatery was action packed full of babies, which reminded us of a restaurant we had passed the previous night claiming to be the lone "babies only" restaurant in town. I don't doubt it. I mean, think about the logistics of that facility. Are the babies staffing everything as well, or are they merely the clientele? And isn't it a bit discriminatory? I think so. After a very pricey smoothie, we left our breakfasteria and after no small amount of prodding by me, rushed off to catch the football game. Which the Colts won. Is there anything we can't do? Well, I guess we can't eat at certain exclusive baby places in LA, but that's OK. Babies are the worst. Screw them. Before, during and after the game we pigged out on all manner of junk food then, just for the heck of it, ate a pulled pork sandwich even though none of us were hungry.
Brian: A little dip in Rod's hot tub worked wonders on my aching beer gut.
Nick: God bless America. O'er the ramparts and out.
Monday, January 25, 2010
LA
Nick: I feel... I feel as though en evil presence has been lifted from the earth. I feel as though the light has finally conquered darkness, and justice and truth are once again commanders of fate. That's correct: it's finally stopped raining. While some might point out that the rain's departure coincides perfectly with Tyler's and thus all the moisture is his fault, I'm inclined to believe it was my weather machine threat that finally got the clouds to behave themselves. Either way, it was a bright, beautiful day in the city of angels. Brian and I set out early to make the most of it, and after reading what I expect will be a rather lengthy blog post, I'm sure you'll feel as though we did. Our first stop was the infamous Venice beach.
Brian: Parking was lucky; we found a broken meter which I believe gives us free parking for the maximum allowable time of the meter. We knew we were on the fabled Venice beach when we saw a girl hula-hooping on top of a sand dune with a sign that said "Hoopin' for Haiti". You have to respect her entrepreneurial spirit, and we think it was wise for her to choose a business model with such low overhead. So yeah, we walked down the boardwalk and checked out the skateboarders, tattoo parlors, and grow shops. Pardon? Yes, it is possible to purchase Marijuana at a local retailer, provided you have a prescription from a doctor. Grrr, I hate big Pot trying to run the local Ma and Pa dealers out of business...
Nick: Damn the man. The beach was great, and I'm sure it would be even greater in the summer when every biddy in the LA area was out getting their tan on. Gotta love the coast. Eventually we made our way back to the car and headed to the highly acclaimed hot dog stand, (weird right?) Pink's. Eating one of their chili-covered dogs was an undertaking that, though difficult, yielded tremendous pleasure and satisfaction. In other words, they were sloppy yet tasty. Sorry digestive system, if I gave you healthy food every week it would just make you spoiled and lazy. You need to earn your keep. Next stop: Hollywood walk of fame.
Brian: For anybody that hasn't been to Hollywood, it isn't as weird and fake and beautiful and glamorous as you might expect it to be. Like, you know how super touristy places are typically really clean in that fake sort of way? Hollywood is just dirty and gross. The only good thing was that we found another broken parking meter so we could walk around for free again.
Nick: And they said parking would be expensive...
Brian: Also, a dude told Nick he looked like a skinny Zach Galafanakis (the guy from the Hangover).
Nick: That was kind of cool actually. I wish I could have played it off and drawn a crowd. Is that vain?
Brian: We only took one picture with one of the Hollywood stars, and we didn't see any famous people. Wow, lame.
Nick: Well, we did see Snoop Doggy Dog but he was in wax form so I'm not entirely sure he was the real one. Thirsty for better celeb sightings and hungry for more disgusting food, we headed over to an area known as "the grove" where we had been promised Brazilian food priced by the pound and the possibility of spotting prominent public peoples. The barbecued Brazilian beat even the best I'd ever had before, but Brian suggested we bounce. As we could find no famous biddies, his bidding was done. Where did we go? To find the set of "The Office." Following a shaky set of clues from various sources across the Intermet, we finally found a building that looked eerily familiar...
Brian: Dunder Mifflin HQ, no shit.
Nick: Well, the Scranton branch office anyway.
Brian: Complete with Dwight's Trans Am and Michael's Sebring in the parking lot. We flipped out and ran around for a while, snapped some pics, tried to find the burn marks from where the little bird laid upon a funeral pyre, and generally had a good time. No star sightings though (although I'm sure if we camped there all day we would eventually see someone). Very cool though. After that we headed over to a restaurant called El Cholo to meet up with Nick's buddy from a past life, Rod, and some of his friends. Wait, Rod's friends aren't coming? What are we going to do with this third pitcher of Margarita?
Nick: To-go cups? You don't have those? That's fine, we'll just take it like it is. Under my jacket. We walked a few blocks with the blender-sized container filled with that frozen concoction that helps us hang on until we made it to Rod's friend's place. There we were met with his friends, some chicas, and a general atmosphere of partying. We played kings, which isn't always my favorite but which was pretty fun this time around, then headed out to a crappy bar the girls had chosen which was packed with less-than-desirable individuals. Side note: here at the FGA (that's freaks, geeks, and automobiles) we love our women. We love our mothers, our sisters, our teachers, our friends, and all the rest of you females that can make life so very pleasant. That said, ladies, you're just the worst at picking places to go. Really. I don't know if it's a DNA thing, or if you just can't figure out what you actually want out of a night out. Get it together.
Brian: Not my favorite ladies in the whole world, not my favorite bar in the whole world, but the night was far from a total bust. We walked over to a McDonald's across the street and Nick chatted with some super nice people in a vehicle who agreed to buy us a boat-load of food.
Nick: This was probably my favorite part of the night: The guys were distraught because the burger purveyor wouldn't take our order unless we had an automobile, which we certainly did not. That's why I inquired of the couple in a nearby car if they would care to order some vittles for us. They kindly acquiesced my request. As we waited for our orders, I casually conversed with the pair beside the drive through window. Meanwhile, the restaurant was taking a little bit of time producing the requested order. As a result, an offensive fellow in the SUV behind us, supposing my conversing was the cause of the delay, thought it appropriate to roll down his window and shout vulgar expressions at me and my new friends. I don't condone violence, but I thought it appropriate to inform him that while I wasn't the source of the delay, I'd be happy for him to get out of his car and settle the matter in the parking lot. My invitation seemed to excite him considerably, as he struggled to throw open his door and charge after yours truly. His efforts were thwarted, however, by his female companion who, with no want of screaming and pulling, managed to subdue the brute. After issuing a number of distasteful yet generally humorous taunts at the would-be combatant, we thanked our generous benefactors (who refused to accept payment) and took the food with along with us.
Brian: We pounded it in the cab on the way back to Mario's house and passed out around his living room. Actually, I think we must have stopped by the car first because I woke up with my sleeping bag. That's for a different post though. Love, peace, McDonald's grease, BN out.
Brian: Parking was lucky; we found a broken meter which I believe gives us free parking for the maximum allowable time of the meter. We knew we were on the fabled Venice beach when we saw a girl hula-hooping on top of a sand dune with a sign that said "Hoopin' for Haiti". You have to respect her entrepreneurial spirit, and we think it was wise for her to choose a business model with such low overhead. So yeah, we walked down the boardwalk and checked out the skateboarders, tattoo parlors, and grow shops. Pardon? Yes, it is possible to purchase Marijuana at a local retailer, provided you have a prescription from a doctor. Grrr, I hate big Pot trying to run the local Ma and Pa dealers out of business...
Nick: Damn the man. The beach was great, and I'm sure it would be even greater in the summer when every biddy in the LA area was out getting their tan on. Gotta love the coast. Eventually we made our way back to the car and headed to the highly acclaimed hot dog stand, (weird right?) Pink's. Eating one of their chili-covered dogs was an undertaking that, though difficult, yielded tremendous pleasure and satisfaction. In other words, they were sloppy yet tasty. Sorry digestive system, if I gave you healthy food every week it would just make you spoiled and lazy. You need to earn your keep. Next stop: Hollywood walk of fame.
Brian: For anybody that hasn't been to Hollywood, it isn't as weird and fake and beautiful and glamorous as you might expect it to be. Like, you know how super touristy places are typically really clean in that fake sort of way? Hollywood is just dirty and gross. The only good thing was that we found another broken parking meter so we could walk around for free again.
Nick: And they said parking would be expensive...
Brian: Also, a dude told Nick he looked like a skinny Zach Galafanakis (the guy from the Hangover).
Nick: That was kind of cool actually. I wish I could have played it off and drawn a crowd. Is that vain?
Brian: We only took one picture with one of the Hollywood stars, and we didn't see any famous people. Wow, lame.
Nick: Well, we did see Snoop Doggy Dog but he was in wax form so I'm not entirely sure he was the real one. Thirsty for better celeb sightings and hungry for more disgusting food, we headed over to an area known as "the grove" where we had been promised Brazilian food priced by the pound and the possibility of spotting prominent public peoples. The barbecued Brazilian beat even the best I'd ever had before, but Brian suggested we bounce. As we could find no famous biddies, his bidding was done. Where did we go? To find the set of "The Office." Following a shaky set of clues from various sources across the Intermet, we finally found a building that looked eerily familiar...
Brian: Dunder Mifflin HQ, no shit.
Nick: Well, the Scranton branch office anyway.
Brian: Complete with Dwight's Trans Am and Michael's Sebring in the parking lot. We flipped out and ran around for a while, snapped some pics, tried to find the burn marks from where the little bird laid upon a funeral pyre, and generally had a good time. No star sightings though (although I'm sure if we camped there all day we would eventually see someone). Very cool though. After that we headed over to a restaurant called El Cholo to meet up with Nick's buddy from a past life, Rod, and some of his friends. Wait, Rod's friends aren't coming? What are we going to do with this third pitcher of Margarita?
Nick: To-go cups? You don't have those? That's fine, we'll just take it like it is. Under my jacket. We walked a few blocks with the blender-sized container filled with that frozen concoction that helps us hang on until we made it to Rod's friend's place. There we were met with his friends, some chicas, and a general atmosphere of partying. We played kings, which isn't always my favorite but which was pretty fun this time around, then headed out to a crappy bar the girls had chosen which was packed with less-than-desirable individuals. Side note: here at the FGA (that's freaks, geeks, and automobiles) we love our women. We love our mothers, our sisters, our teachers, our friends, and all the rest of you females that can make life so very pleasant. That said, ladies, you're just the worst at picking places to go. Really. I don't know if it's a DNA thing, or if you just can't figure out what you actually want out of a night out. Get it together.
Brian: Not my favorite ladies in the whole world, not my favorite bar in the whole world, but the night was far from a total bust. We walked over to a McDonald's across the street and Nick chatted with some super nice people in a vehicle who agreed to buy us a boat-load of food.
Nick: This was probably my favorite part of the night: The guys were distraught because the burger purveyor wouldn't take our order unless we had an automobile, which we certainly did not. That's why I inquired of the couple in a nearby car if they would care to order some vittles for us. They kindly acquiesced my request. As we waited for our orders, I casually conversed with the pair beside the drive through window. Meanwhile, the restaurant was taking a little bit of time producing the requested order. As a result, an offensive fellow in the SUV behind us, supposing my conversing was the cause of the delay, thought it appropriate to roll down his window and shout vulgar expressions at me and my new friends. I don't condone violence, but I thought it appropriate to inform him that while I wasn't the source of the delay, I'd be happy for him to get out of his car and settle the matter in the parking lot. My invitation seemed to excite him considerably, as he struggled to throw open his door and charge after yours truly. His efforts were thwarted, however, by his female companion who, with no want of screaming and pulling, managed to subdue the brute. After issuing a number of distasteful yet generally humorous taunts at the would-be combatant, we thanked our generous benefactors (who refused to accept payment) and took the food with along with us.
Brian: We pounded it in the cab on the way back to Mario's house and passed out around his living room. Actually, I think we must have stopped by the car first because I woke up with my sleeping bag. That's for a different post though. Love, peace, McDonald's grease, BN out.
Santa Barbra through LA
Brian: Yes we did wake up on time and yes Tyler made it to the airport safely. Whether his flight was on time given the storminess is unbeknown to me.
Nick: That dude needs a phone.
Brian: Nick and I posted up at a little coffee shop in Burbank to decide how to spend our day.
Nick: Our first idea was to go sit in on a live taping of a really fantastic television show. Naturally, the Price is Right was our first choice. Upon further investigation however, this seemed more difficult than we had originally anticipated. Nevertheless, I expect that upon our return visit to LA, we're going to look more tenaciously for a possible access point. A close second for us was to go to a free horse race with one dollar hot dogs, beers, and popcorn. And two dollar bets on each race. Sounds like the best, right? Well, I'm sure it would have been if it hadn't been canceled due to... Listen, I understand that we all need water to survive. I understand that our bodies are mostly water, and that, more importantly, beer is mostly made of water. But so help me, if it rains one more day on this trip, I'm going to finish my weather manipulation machine (patent pending) and unleash a drought on the world so severe the only rain anyone will ever see again will be the tears of the people begging the gods for mercy...
Brian: ...anyway... yeah, we just headed straight over to Rob and Natalie's place which is about five miles west of Hollywood (sorry if I screwed that up) and let our lack of sleep catch up with us. We grabbed a quick snooze and got cleaned up in time for Rob to come home and cook us a delicious tomato pesto chicken on a bed of risotto.
Nick: Sushi and vegetables in two days? We're probably living the healthiest lifestyles on the planet.
Brian: Rob and Natalie are a couple of ardent greyhound lovers who have started a non-profit organization devoted to the rescue and adoption of greyhounds. So at one point in time while we stayed with them there were no less than seven greyhounds on their property. Though the dogs are bizarrely proportioned (fully built for speed) they are sweethearts and one thing I miss about not being at home is seeing my animals regularly so it was a delightful change of pace. Nick and I were torn about whether or not to try and go out that night, but eventually we just passed out in the spare room. Has anyone noticed that napping just makes you more tired? I don't know, maybe I just suck at naps.
Nick: They're pretty tough. Counting sheep leaping over the fence and out.
Nick: That dude needs a phone.
Brian: Nick and I posted up at a little coffee shop in Burbank to decide how to spend our day.
Nick: Our first idea was to go sit in on a live taping of a really fantastic television show. Naturally, the Price is Right was our first choice. Upon further investigation however, this seemed more difficult than we had originally anticipated. Nevertheless, I expect that upon our return visit to LA, we're going to look more tenaciously for a possible access point. A close second for us was to go to a free horse race with one dollar hot dogs, beers, and popcorn. And two dollar bets on each race. Sounds like the best, right? Well, I'm sure it would have been if it hadn't been canceled due to... Listen, I understand that we all need water to survive. I understand that our bodies are mostly water, and that, more importantly, beer is mostly made of water. But so help me, if it rains one more day on this trip, I'm going to finish my weather manipulation machine (patent pending) and unleash a drought on the world so severe the only rain anyone will ever see again will be the tears of the people begging the gods for mercy...
Brian: ...anyway... yeah, we just headed straight over to Rob and Natalie's place which is about five miles west of Hollywood (sorry if I screwed that up) and let our lack of sleep catch up with us. We grabbed a quick snooze and got cleaned up in time for Rob to come home and cook us a delicious tomato pesto chicken on a bed of risotto.
Nick: Sushi and vegetables in two days? We're probably living the healthiest lifestyles on the planet.
Brian: Rob and Natalie are a couple of ardent greyhound lovers who have started a non-profit organization devoted to the rescue and adoption of greyhounds. So at one point in time while we stayed with them there were no less than seven greyhounds on their property. Though the dogs are bizarrely proportioned (fully built for speed) they are sweethearts and one thing I miss about not being at home is seeing my animals regularly so it was a delightful change of pace. Nick and I were torn about whether or not to try and go out that night, but eventually we just passed out in the spare room. Has anyone noticed that napping just makes you more tired? I don't know, maybe I just suck at naps.
Nick: They're pretty tough. Counting sheep leaping over the fence and out.
Santa Barbra
Nick: Yeah, we're bums, and we're a bit behind. We've currently got a nice place to write however, and thanks to a pause in the partying the night before, our minds are fresh with recollections from the previous day's happenings. Allow me to begin with a burrito... In the morning, we set out with our host Isaac to a very close, very delicious coffee shop. He and Tyler had themselves some breakfast burritos. Brian, if you would, set the burrito counter for the day at 2?
Brian: Burrit-o-meter: 2
Nick: Thank you. We headed back to the house through the pouring rain and proceeded to enter a video game induced hibernation. How else could we have endured such a down pour?
Brian: When you live hard you have to play hard. Literally nothing happened until the third member of the household, Don, came back and drove us downtown for lunch. Ingrid had recommended the previous night that we check out a burrito stand with a hyphenated name famous for their molé sauce. I ordered an Olé Molé burrito and Nick got the Holly Olé Molé (presumably a "Holy" Olé Molé, but misspelled). Tyler and Don ordered Burritos as well so that brings our party grand total for burrito consumption up to 6 for the day. Not unimpressive, but not unbeatable either.
Nick: Not enough burritos! I'd have had another one for dinner but Ingrid and Isaac came home hungry for a bountiful seafood dinner, and who am I to deny them that which I also love so well? Thus, it was the group's consensus to head over to a sushi place which, judging by the massive weekday crowd, was pretty good. We've been denied sushi so far along the entire coast and as it's one of our favorite foods, Brian and I went huge.
Brian: The best bang for our buck was to order was what referred to by the menu as "The Love Boat (for two people)." Six different types of sashimi, 3 or 4 rolls, soup, salad, and dessert: it was a feast and it left us satisfied and smiling.
Nick: That is what she said
Brian: After dinner we went back and partied with Isaac and Ingrid by playing a round of Chrononauts and watching an episode of Planet Earth. The power went out at one point and we had to finish our game by the light of a headlamp. Pretty awesome night overall. Although, considering that we have to wake up at 6:30 to get Tyler to the airport on time, we probably shouldn't have stayed up until 2. On the other hand, I can sleep when I'm dead. On the other other hand, if I keep living like this I'll be dead sooner than I expect. Just kidding, Mom. Nick and Brian out.
Brian: Burrit-o-meter: 2
Nick: Thank you. We headed back to the house through the pouring rain and proceeded to enter a video game induced hibernation. How else could we have endured such a down pour?
Brian: When you live hard you have to play hard. Literally nothing happened until the third member of the household, Don, came back and drove us downtown for lunch. Ingrid had recommended the previous night that we check out a burrito stand with a hyphenated name famous for their molé sauce. I ordered an Olé Molé burrito and Nick got the Holly Olé Molé (presumably a "Holy" Olé Molé, but misspelled). Tyler and Don ordered Burritos as well so that brings our party grand total for burrito consumption up to 6 for the day. Not unimpressive, but not unbeatable either.
Nick: Not enough burritos! I'd have had another one for dinner but Ingrid and Isaac came home hungry for a bountiful seafood dinner, and who am I to deny them that which I also love so well? Thus, it was the group's consensus to head over to a sushi place which, judging by the massive weekday crowd, was pretty good. We've been denied sushi so far along the entire coast and as it's one of our favorite foods, Brian and I went huge.
Brian: The best bang for our buck was to order was what referred to by the menu as "The Love Boat (for two people)." Six different types of sashimi, 3 or 4 rolls, soup, salad, and dessert: it was a feast and it left us satisfied and smiling.
Nick: That is what she said
Brian: After dinner we went back and partied with Isaac and Ingrid by playing a round of Chrononauts and watching an episode of Planet Earth. The power went out at one point and we had to finish our game by the light of a headlamp. Pretty awesome night overall. Although, considering that we have to wake up at 6:30 to get Tyler to the airport on time, we probably shouldn't have stayed up until 2. On the other hand, I can sleep when I'm dead. On the other other hand, if I keep living like this I'll be dead sooner than I expect. Just kidding, Mom. Nick and Brian out.
Friday, January 22, 2010
San Los Obispo CA through Santa Barbra CA
Tyler: Well, here are, rain once again in sunny California. Our host in Santa Barbara wasn't done with work/school until around 9 o'clock so we decided to hit up the local Borders until both the weather let up and we would not have to spend 5 hours in the rain in Santa Barbara. So instead of being productive little bloggers intent on making you all aware of what we've been up to and how much rain we're enjoying, we decided to play video games. I manned the Dragon Age, Pinto took care of the Fallout 2 and Nick found himself neck deep in Warcraft 2. How many times did I say rain so far? Not enough because there was a lot of it. I really can't get over how much rain we've seen in the last couple of days, it's hard to imagine this much rain. Oh the humanity! When will the rain/the blog discussion of rain cease? I'm not sure but I better say it once more for good measure, rain.
Brian: When we finally tired of the Borders in San Luis Obispo we punched in the address of the Borders in Santa Barbara and hit the road.
Nick: Are they sponsoring us yet?
Brian: Since nothing particularly notable happened during the day I'll like to take this time to talk about how we spend a lot of our driving time. Since giving up on the atrocity known as Pride Prejudice and Zombies, we've grown fond of a podcast called Uhh Yeah Dude, which is LA based. It's a couple guys (one of them is the actor John Larroquette's son) shooting the breeze and talking about crazy current events from all over America. It's a bit crass and somehow a bit dry at the same time but also an endless source of hilarity. One of our favorite (least favorite?) segments is when they read filthy personal ads posted on Craigslist. A final warning: the podcast is not for the faint of heart. It is very raw, but that's part of what makes it hilarious.
Nick: I'm OK with PP and Z. Uhh Yeah Dude is pretty funny though, I'll grant you that. When we got the word from our Santa Barbara host Ingrid, we boogied over to her apartment and met up with her two roomates, Don and Isaac.
Tyler: A night of nerdy discussions about video games, T.V. shows and anything else we could think about ensued. Only a few beers bought from the local Vons. Vons was a little weird. It looked like a Safeway, it smelt like a Safeway and was even ordered like Safeway but it wasn't. Well, our adventures aside, this will be my last blog post. I leave tomorrow on a jet plane for Montana and my final semester of undergraduate work. Wish me luck everybody. The other downside of this beside my witty and original contributions to the blog (none of which mention rain) it also means that the quality of photos will decline as my nice camera will come with me to Montana. It's been a ton of fun and great break between semesters. Good luck on the rest of your trip Nick and Brian, and so long to everyone that has been reading this blog. Tyler out for the trip, Brian and Nick out for the day.
Brian: When we finally tired of the Borders in San Luis Obispo we punched in the address of the Borders in Santa Barbara and hit the road.
Nick: Are they sponsoring us yet?
Brian: Since nothing particularly notable happened during the day I'll like to take this time to talk about how we spend a lot of our driving time. Since giving up on the atrocity known as Pride Prejudice and Zombies, we've grown fond of a podcast called Uhh Yeah Dude, which is LA based. It's a couple guys (one of them is the actor John Larroquette's son) shooting the breeze and talking about crazy current events from all over America. It's a bit crass and somehow a bit dry at the same time but also an endless source of hilarity. One of our favorite (least favorite?) segments is when they read filthy personal ads posted on Craigslist. A final warning: the podcast is not for the faint of heart. It is very raw, but that's part of what makes it hilarious.
Nick: I'm OK with PP and Z. Uhh Yeah Dude is pretty funny though, I'll grant you that. When we got the word from our Santa Barbara host Ingrid, we boogied over to her apartment and met up with her two roomates, Don and Isaac.
Tyler: A night of nerdy discussions about video games, T.V. shows and anything else we could think about ensued. Only a few beers bought from the local Vons. Vons was a little weird. It looked like a Safeway, it smelt like a Safeway and was even ordered like Safeway but it wasn't. Well, our adventures aside, this will be my last blog post. I leave tomorrow on a jet plane for Montana and my final semester of undergraduate work. Wish me luck everybody. The other downside of this beside my witty and original contributions to the blog (none of which mention rain) it also means that the quality of photos will decline as my nice camera will come with me to Montana. It's been a ton of fun and great break between semesters. Good luck on the rest of your trip Nick and Brian, and so long to everyone that has been reading this blog. Tyler out for the trip, Brian and Nick out for the day.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
San Luis Opisbo
Brian: Fuck it. We are tired of sitting on our hands waiting for this rain to subside. Today is going to be an amazing day. First stop is Border's in order to compile a plan of action. Oh wait, we can barely get in the car because the massive flooding on either side of the street is literally creating white-water around the tires. Hm, should we rethink our plans? Never! We will begin by checking out the largest gum wall this side of the Mississippi. Then we will pee in the fanciest toilet this side of the Mississippi. Finally, we will use the inevitable lull in the storm at midday to hike up to the highest peak in San Luis Obispo.
Nick: Love the determination. Gum wall: yeah, you know, it was OK. It smelled, which wasn't my favorite, though I suppose after riding in a small car for thousands of miles with a couple guys and everything we all own in a perpetual state of wetness, it wasn't all that bad. The fanciest bathroom this side of the Mississippi (what?) was pretty cool. In a rather infamous hotel that some call "The Madonna Inn" dwells a rest room featuring its very own waterfall, which you are invited to contribute to. We did. The hike, which was not rained out by some bizarre miracle of nature, was great. Not too long, but steep enough to get the blood moving around. If you let the fast food settle too long, it solidifies permanently. Then it explodes. Maybe not. Either way, I'm not taking chances. Anyway, the view from the top was beautiful. We stayed until a number of unsettling plaques honoring men who had lost their lives on this very hike reminded us that nature is fickle, and while it wasn't windy and rainy while we were at the top, it soon could be.
Tyler: Yeah, that stuff was cool.
Brian: Thanks for the insight Tyler.
Tyler: I like to contribute...
Brian: I wore really crappy shoes for the hike and almost threw out my back. At least I hope it was my shoes and not the fifteen pound beer belly I brought to the top of the hill. So after our awesome day we headed back to Alyssa's, showered, and generally tried to make ourselves look more presentable for the big night to come. Buy a pint glass for $3 and get $1 Coors Light refills all night long? Dangerous for us but suffice it to say we behaved ourselves and just played Dominoes at the bar with our hosts. Finally that game makes sense to me...
Tyler: To be fair, I did nothing to make myself look presentable. I'm also really bad at Dominoes, I just can't do math in my head fast enough, that's what Brian is here for. I might add that the band was not nearly as good as the previous night. Bad cover bands have never done it for me. But despite the lack of good music there were a ton of people at the place. A lot of them would only have one beer and leave, not realizing that the part of the four dollars they paid for their beer was actually paying for the glass. Our hosts took immediate advantage of this fact by collecting all the soldiers that had been left behind. Oh and guess what, when we left...it was raining. Big change for us. BTN out.
Nick: Love the determination. Gum wall: yeah, you know, it was OK. It smelled, which wasn't my favorite, though I suppose after riding in a small car for thousands of miles with a couple guys and everything we all own in a perpetual state of wetness, it wasn't all that bad. The fanciest bathroom this side of the Mississippi (what?) was pretty cool. In a rather infamous hotel that some call "The Madonna Inn" dwells a rest room featuring its very own waterfall, which you are invited to contribute to. We did. The hike, which was not rained out by some bizarre miracle of nature, was great. Not too long, but steep enough to get the blood moving around. If you let the fast food settle too long, it solidifies permanently. Then it explodes. Maybe not. Either way, I'm not taking chances. Anyway, the view from the top was beautiful. We stayed until a number of unsettling plaques honoring men who had lost their lives on this very hike reminded us that nature is fickle, and while it wasn't windy and rainy while we were at the top, it soon could be.
Tyler: Yeah, that stuff was cool.
Brian: Thanks for the insight Tyler.
Tyler: I like to contribute...
Brian: I wore really crappy shoes for the hike and almost threw out my back. At least I hope it was my shoes and not the fifteen pound beer belly I brought to the top of the hill. So after our awesome day we headed back to Alyssa's, showered, and generally tried to make ourselves look more presentable for the big night to come. Buy a pint glass for $3 and get $1 Coors Light refills all night long? Dangerous for us but suffice it to say we behaved ourselves and just played Dominoes at the bar with our hosts. Finally that game makes sense to me...
Tyler: To be fair, I did nothing to make myself look presentable. I'm also really bad at Dominoes, I just can't do math in my head fast enough, that's what Brian is here for. I might add that the band was not nearly as good as the previous night. Bad cover bands have never done it for me. But despite the lack of good music there were a ton of people at the place. A lot of them would only have one beer and leave, not realizing that the part of the four dollars they paid for their beer was actually paying for the glass. Our hosts took immediate advantage of this fact by collecting all the soldiers that had been left behind. Oh and guess what, when we left...it was raining. Big change for us. BTN out.
Santa Cruz CA through San Luis Opisbo CA
Nick: Rain. Rain. Rain. If only there was something fun we could do, that we could only do, in the rain. Like rain boarding. Rain surfing. Maybe fly a rain kite. What? Those things don't exist? Bummer. I guess our pattern of driving in the rain, sitting in a Borders to wait out the rain, then running through the rain to make it inside our next host's home will have to continue for a bit longer. Joy. In the meantime, let us bring you up to speed.
Tyler: I only came on this trip because Nick promised me sunshine and streets paved with gold, plus free candy, and this rain has put a serious damper on my frolicking.
Brian: The weather forecast says rain until Friday, which perhaps not so coincidentally is the day Tyler is leaving. Take it with you, Tyler! Alright, we woke up on Sophie's floor the next day and kicked it at her place for the majority of the morning. We've noticed a pattern of the rain letting up every so slightly in the midday so I think we were waiting for that to make our move. It was beautiful despite the inclement conditions along the California coastline, and the drive was mostly uneventful. We did stop along a beach at one point just to bask in the majesty of the massive waves crashing against the jagged shoreline, and apparently another guy had the same idea. He had classic rock cranked up to 11 and was passed out in the front seat of his Dodge POS with 2 plastic bags full of frozen pizzas in the back seat.
Tyler: Don't forget the rad blond mullet.
Nick: A thought occurs: that dude is dead. We'll miss you, fellow rocker. Peace out. After a quick lunch of something that was definitely not Taco Bell (OK it was probably Taco Bell) we journeyed on until we got to a town named San Luis Opisbo, or SLO for all you cool cats and kittens. Our hosts, despite needing to study for the evening, invited us into their home. Brian, Tyler... do you guys smell something? You don't? Me either... Weird. Alyssa and her housemates made us question everything we know about couch surfing: their place was super clean, pretty darn nice, we had our own room, and all the residents were busy, productive members of society. We had a group meeting and decided that we needed to go out, and that our hosts needed to come with us. They declined. Fine then, we'll just go explore the town by ourselves.
Tyler: Yes, we sort of had to make up for their studious inclinations. Everyone knows that amount of effort put forth by members of society is a constant. So in order to prevent any paradoxes we had to slack. We didn't enjoy but it was our duty as citizens of this fine country. In order for others to succeed we needed to....not succeed (fail isn't quite the right word).
Nick: I don't entirely follow your logic, but I'm going to reconcile it with an oriental approach: ying and yang. So like, we're restoring balance to the universe, yeah? Yeah.
Tyler: Anyway, we started the night off in a classy bar called Spikes Pub. They had a startling selection of beers from around the world but they all leaned towards the pricey side. Still you can't start the night off on a bad note, the aftertaste of Coors Light or Budweiser never seems to leave once it establishes a foothold. After our one drink a piece we headed to a less classy but still fun establishment called Peach and Frog. The beers were cheap and we happened to stumble upon this particular bar during "open jam night". The music was great. Not only did they have a wide selection of bass, guitar and drum players but someone actually put lyrics in the form of a hip-hop freestyle to the whole thing. So, I present Tyler's equation for a universal good time: cheap beers + good music = good times. It's a working theory, so don't be too critical.
Brian: It might not be super universal, but on the other hand it definitely always applies to the people I want to hang out with. So the only drawback to the night was the fact that our hosts live pretty far from downtown, so we have to keep our wits about us, so to speak, in order to drive home later. Actually another major drawback: It was ladies night at the bar. Sounds great, right? Well it would be if the main type of women there weren't the kind with a penchant for pixie hair-cuts, men's chinos, and flannel vests. Know what I mean, jellybean?
Nick: Unfortunately, yes. Over and out (of the closet).
Tyler: I only came on this trip because Nick promised me sunshine and streets paved with gold, plus free candy, and this rain has put a serious damper on my frolicking.
Brian: The weather forecast says rain until Friday, which perhaps not so coincidentally is the day Tyler is leaving. Take it with you, Tyler! Alright, we woke up on Sophie's floor the next day and kicked it at her place for the majority of the morning. We've noticed a pattern of the rain letting up every so slightly in the midday so I think we were waiting for that to make our move. It was beautiful despite the inclement conditions along the California coastline, and the drive was mostly uneventful. We did stop along a beach at one point just to bask in the majesty of the massive waves crashing against the jagged shoreline, and apparently another guy had the same idea. He had classic rock cranked up to 11 and was passed out in the front seat of his Dodge POS with 2 plastic bags full of frozen pizzas in the back seat.
Tyler: Don't forget the rad blond mullet.
Nick: A thought occurs: that dude is dead. We'll miss you, fellow rocker. Peace out. After a quick lunch of something that was definitely not Taco Bell (OK it was probably Taco Bell) we journeyed on until we got to a town named San Luis Opisbo, or SLO for all you cool cats and kittens. Our hosts, despite needing to study for the evening, invited us into their home. Brian, Tyler... do you guys smell something? You don't? Me either... Weird. Alyssa and her housemates made us question everything we know about couch surfing: their place was super clean, pretty darn nice, we had our own room, and all the residents were busy, productive members of society. We had a group meeting and decided that we needed to go out, and that our hosts needed to come with us. They declined. Fine then, we'll just go explore the town by ourselves.
Tyler: Yes, we sort of had to make up for their studious inclinations. Everyone knows that amount of effort put forth by members of society is a constant. So in order to prevent any paradoxes we had to slack. We didn't enjoy but it was our duty as citizens of this fine country. In order for others to succeed we needed to....not succeed (fail isn't quite the right word).
Nick: I don't entirely follow your logic, but I'm going to reconcile it with an oriental approach: ying and yang. So like, we're restoring balance to the universe, yeah? Yeah.
Tyler: Anyway, we started the night off in a classy bar called Spikes Pub. They had a startling selection of beers from around the world but they all leaned towards the pricey side. Still you can't start the night off on a bad note, the aftertaste of Coors Light or Budweiser never seems to leave once it establishes a foothold. After our one drink a piece we headed to a less classy but still fun establishment called Peach and Frog. The beers were cheap and we happened to stumble upon this particular bar during "open jam night". The music was great. Not only did they have a wide selection of bass, guitar and drum players but someone actually put lyrics in the form of a hip-hop freestyle to the whole thing. So, I present Tyler's equation for a universal good time: cheap beers + good music = good times. It's a working theory, so don't be too critical.
Brian: It might not be super universal, but on the other hand it definitely always applies to the people I want to hang out with. So the only drawback to the night was the fact that our hosts live pretty far from downtown, so we have to keep our wits about us, so to speak, in order to drive home later. Actually another major drawback: It was ladies night at the bar. Sounds great, right? Well it would be if the main type of women there weren't the kind with a penchant for pixie hair-cuts, men's chinos, and flannel vests. Know what I mean, jellybean?
Nick: Unfortunately, yes. Over and out (of the closet).
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Santa Cruz CA Day 2
Brian: The first thought in my mind when I woke us this morning was how pumped I was to be sleeping in a real house tonight. I don't even care if it's a house full of naturalist stoner neo-hippies. This unconventional California rain bites. The second thought in my mind was, "Oh shit, we have to pack up camp before we get caught and have to pay!" I will again refer to the great Benny Hill in comparison to our park exit routine. We scrambled around like crazy for about 25 minutes. Crap where's Tyler? He went to fill up his water bottle? And the white truck pulls up...
Nick: It would seem we're no longer the ninja campers we once were. This calls for some serious time in the dojo, asap. Meanwhile, we needed to find a real building in order to get out of the rain. A small coffee shop in downtown Santa Cruz suited our purposes wonderfully, with its abundant Intermet and hummus-laden bagels. Tasty. After a serious blog/research/couchsurfing session, we headed off to the Mystery Spot. The what? Oh, you mean you're not familiar with the bizarre anomaly in the woods outside Santa Cruz that causes reality itself to become twisted and all together flipped upside down? Oh, OK, come along with us then and we'll take you there. First stop: a cement block that, despite being perfectly level (thank you iphone level) distorts the height of people standing on it. Like, Brian and I stood eye to eye on the block, then traded places. When we gazed into each others eyes again, alas! Dark-sided arts had made him a full three or four inches shorter. Mysterrrrious.... There was also a cabin on a hill that allowed you to bend at super-extreme angles without falling over. Weird. And a level board where objects would seemingly roll up hill. Strange. And a pendulum that swung irregularly. Spooky. All in all, an attraction well worth the five bucks. And one that's got me thinking about Lost again. And I just lost.
Tyler: Let's also not forget the fact that the entire establishment was run by early teenagers...
Brian: ...tweenagers is what I think they are called...
Tyler: ...who liked to talk in mysterious voices as they gave the tour. Ooooooo, the tee of mystereee ooooooo ahhhhh, and so on. Also most of the mysterious things took place outdoors and despite what they say about California it was raining. I'm pretty sure we would have seen less rain if we had decided to stay in Seattle. Oh well sometimes you gotta suck it up and go to places that are so mysterious that the rain falls everywhere, not just on the plain and especially not in Spain but in good old Santa Cruz. What I found most strange about the mystery spot were the trees. The trees that grew in the area were incredibly strange and I didn't notice until our tour guide pointed them out. Some grew in corkscrews some grew in S shapes and the redwoods had branches on one side almost twice the length as the other a little strange and eerie. I let someone else relate the theories on what causes the mysterious mysteries of the mystery spot.
Nick: You know mermaids are behind it.
Brian: Oh, you mean sea lions? Those of you that know me well know that I don't really like unsolved mysteries that much. I mean, I love them, but I am perturbed when I find myself incapable of coming up with a solution. The mystery spot was a very confusing place for me, and after we left I needed a drink. Good thing it's Sunday and football is on. We hit up a sports bar back in Santa Cruz proper and settled in for some fried delicious and not a few Coors light. The Jets beat the Chargers in an upset, which is apt nomenclature because a lot of people in that bar were, in fact, quite upset.
Tyler: Except our cute waitress...
Brian: After the game, it was time to head over to Sophie's for the evening. We didn't have any plans but the great thing about Couch Surfing is that plans make themselves.
Nick: Our host, Sophie, and her housemates were a groovy bunch. She played banjo, made us all natural sorbet from scratch, and yes, had a giant snake. Brian, to his great credit, ended up sleeping right next to the serpent's den. Impressive. In the evening, we watched the Life Aquatic which, to my great surprise, was extremely enjoyable. Good flick. We stuck in another one, Bill Maher's "Religulous" but it didn't do it for me, or anyone, and so we all just sort of passed out with the sound of stupid rain pounding against the window. Really, this has got to stop. Over and out.
Nick: It would seem we're no longer the ninja campers we once were. This calls for some serious time in the dojo, asap. Meanwhile, we needed to find a real building in order to get out of the rain. A small coffee shop in downtown Santa Cruz suited our purposes wonderfully, with its abundant Intermet and hummus-laden bagels. Tasty. After a serious blog/research/couchsurfing session, we headed off to the Mystery Spot. The what? Oh, you mean you're not familiar with the bizarre anomaly in the woods outside Santa Cruz that causes reality itself to become twisted and all together flipped upside down? Oh, OK, come along with us then and we'll take you there. First stop: a cement block that, despite being perfectly level (thank you iphone level) distorts the height of people standing on it. Like, Brian and I stood eye to eye on the block, then traded places. When we gazed into each others eyes again, alas! Dark-sided arts had made him a full three or four inches shorter. Mysterrrrious.... There was also a cabin on a hill that allowed you to bend at super-extreme angles without falling over. Weird. And a level board where objects would seemingly roll up hill. Strange. And a pendulum that swung irregularly. Spooky. All in all, an attraction well worth the five bucks. And one that's got me thinking about Lost again. And I just lost.
Tyler: Let's also not forget the fact that the entire establishment was run by early teenagers...
Brian: ...tweenagers is what I think they are called...
Tyler: ...who liked to talk in mysterious voices as they gave the tour. Ooooooo, the tee of mystereee ooooooo ahhhhh, and so on. Also most of the mysterious things took place outdoors and despite what they say about California it was raining. I'm pretty sure we would have seen less rain if we had decided to stay in Seattle. Oh well sometimes you gotta suck it up and go to places that are so mysterious that the rain falls everywhere, not just on the plain and especially not in Spain but in good old Santa Cruz. What I found most strange about the mystery spot were the trees. The trees that grew in the area were incredibly strange and I didn't notice until our tour guide pointed them out. Some grew in corkscrews some grew in S shapes and the redwoods had branches on one side almost twice the length as the other a little strange and eerie. I let someone else relate the theories on what causes the mysterious mysteries of the mystery spot.
Nick: You know mermaids are behind it.
Brian: Oh, you mean sea lions? Those of you that know me well know that I don't really like unsolved mysteries that much. I mean, I love them, but I am perturbed when I find myself incapable of coming up with a solution. The mystery spot was a very confusing place for me, and after we left I needed a drink. Good thing it's Sunday and football is on. We hit up a sports bar back in Santa Cruz proper and settled in for some fried delicious and not a few Coors light. The Jets beat the Chargers in an upset, which is apt nomenclature because a lot of people in that bar were, in fact, quite upset.
Tyler: Except our cute waitress...
Brian: After the game, it was time to head over to Sophie's for the evening. We didn't have any plans but the great thing about Couch Surfing is that plans make themselves.
Nick: Our host, Sophie, and her housemates were a groovy bunch. She played banjo, made us all natural sorbet from scratch, and yes, had a giant snake. Brian, to his great credit, ended up sleeping right next to the serpent's den. Impressive. In the evening, we watched the Life Aquatic which, to my great surprise, was extremely enjoyable. Good flick. We stuck in another one, Bill Maher's "Religulous" but it didn't do it for me, or anyone, and so we all just sort of passed out with the sound of stupid rain pounding against the window. Really, this has got to stop. Over and out.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Santa Cruz CA
Nick: Morning time. Did you guess correctly? Let's find out: I felt like a million bucks. Not sore at all from sleeping on the hard earth. Certainly not freezing cold from the persistent moisture in the air. And definintely not hung over in anyway. Brian, Tyler? How did you guys feel?
Brian: Great in the, "I must be an alcoholic because there are 30 empty bottles and an empty box of wine strewn about the campsite and I also feel perfectly fine this morning," kind of way.
Tyler: Yeah, that campsite got a little messy, oh well the adventure of the road never cease to amaze. I was only hung over briefly, no boxed wine made for a slightly better situation than the one Nick found himself in.
Brian: So today's plans are pretty simple: The Colts are in the playoffs so Nick has an obligation to represent at the local sports bar. Tyler and I are going to watch some of the games but mostly spend the day exploring Santa Cruz which is a cool mid-sized town with an eclectic downtown and waterfront. As a result, we probably will describe how the events of the day transpired independently.
Nick: Colts time. Historically, we've had wretched luck when we've got the bye week due to a superb regular season. Like, 0-3. Does that make sense? No. Also, we've lost the last two games, the only losses of the season, because we rested all of our starters. Does that make sense? No. Needless to say, there is a lot of pressure on the boys in blue to preform well against a team that they should generally be able to obliterate. Fast forward: they did it! We're moving on! Additionally, while Tyler and Brian were off on their little hike through town, I befriended a traveling jazz musician from Spain whose opinions of Rumi and Sufism in general I found fascinating, a group of fellow Hoosiers who were themselves on a kick ass road trip, and, most importantly a very cute waitress from Poland who expressed an interest in giving me a heads up about the hot spots in Santa Cruz while suggesting that she herself would be in said hot spots later after work and that, in her adorable Polish accent "you should look for me out there." It just confirms that I look good in my Dallas Clark jersey. But I already knew that.
Tyler: Brian and I didn't do a whole lot, walked around the town, stopping in the occasional record store, coffee shop or used book store, walking out along the boardwalk that sort of thing. Both of us were fairly exhausted from the previous couple of nights and were content to take it easy around town. The night ended with us going to Borders and reading, with Pinto passing out in his chair book still in hand.
Brian: Yeah, the highlight of the night was checking out the massive arcade on the boardwalk and walking down the pier (it has to be at least half a mile long). Tyler played some Time Crisis which is an FPS he finds irresistible, and on the way back we walked by a very angry woman on the bridge who threatened to stab, shoot, kill, murder, and butcher anyone that rides their bike too fast. Dare I say crazy? Lucky we were on foot.
Tyler: I think specifically she didn't like the blinking lights that most responsible bikers place on their bikes while they ride. Maybe it gave her flash backs to a time when she could understand that not everyone needs to be stabbed and yelling in the street by yourself at passersby, while fun, is not always appropriate.
Brian: After reconnecting with Nick he expressed desire to meet up with his flirty waitress friend, but due to housing logistics and exhaustion it didn't happen. I will admit that there were an insane number of beautiful girls walking around and I do hope I find myself in Santa Cruz on a future Saturday but it wasn't in the cards this week. Nick responded to my (justifiable) San Francisco fussiness with his own quieter (also justifiable) brand and we made it an early, fireless night at the same campsite.
Nick: At least it wasn't raining. It was supposed to be raining. That would have really been the pits. Fingers crossed for no more rain. Over the rainbow and out.
San Francisco CA through Santa Cruz CA
Nick: Heads up: this day was not our most adventerous day. We know freaksgeeksandautomobiles nation logs on every day thirsting for tales of harrowing darring-do from everyone's favorite guys, and we hate to disapoint. But as it turns out, even road trip heroes need to take a break every now and then. We woke up in Katie's apartment, checked to make sure we had our laptops, then hit the road. Traveling south on Highway 1 has been a treat, since the brakes didn't burst into flames, the day's drive was no exception. All the way down we were greeted with sweeping coastal scenes of rocky beaches and wind-swept waves. When we arrived in Santa Cruz, it was time for a resupply. We were out of chow and worse, beverages.
Brian: And gas. So we stopped at a gas station, a Safeway, and a Borders in that order. Administrative duties took us into the afternoon until we found a beach side campsite about 20 minutes south of town. The good news is that it is supposed to be clear tonight, so I think our gear will be fine. The bad news is it is supposed to rain all week next week so we might be sleeping in the car unless we can get meet up with some couch surfers. The latter is usually a viable option but lately they haven't been biting like they usually do. I think the rain in California is confusing to its residents, and so they are responding with amotivation and lethargy. Dinner was interesting but delicious; I'll let Tyler (our camp chef) handle the details.
Tyler: We made one of my favorite camp meals, something me and some friends came up with while stay at a place called "the whammy bar" just outside of Mt. Shasta. The basic idea is that when camping burritos are amazing but carting around cheese can be tiresome as it starts to get disgusting after a few days without refrigeration. Plus you need something that can be cooked on a camp-stove. The solution: mac and cheese burritos. The basic idea is that instead of cheese you use mac and cheese.
Nick: Clarification: powdered cheese. Please continue.
Tyler: It's incredible. On this occasion we also added some canned tuna fish and some canned chili. Mac and cheese is super easy to make on one burner and then you just add in the tuna heat up the beans and put it all in a tortilla. If you have hot sauce even better, if not that's okay too. Another reason that this works so well for camping is that you only need one utensil, the serving spoon/spork/piece of cardboard from the mac and cheese box. So if there's a few of you and only spoon you don't have to take turns eating.
Nick: After dinner, we all cozied up around the campfire and started to discuss matters of grave importance. No, seriously. We're all pretty philosophical like that. I'd tell you what we talked about, but you probably wouldn't understand. Our meditations were eventually interrupted however with a "shut the hell up" from a stranger. Darn, the fun's over and now some disgruntled camper is probably going to cut a hole in our tent later. What? You just wanted to come over to bring us more beer, and your gruff shout was just a comedic opener to establish a mood of easy going friendship? Yes, camping stranger and RV neighbor, we accept your new friendship and your beer. Your small dog is annoying though.
Brian: Aw, I liked Benny. Yeah, a couple came and introduced themselves to us. They were probably in their 30's, super-nice, the woman was totally sober, the man was totally tanked. We let them try some delicious jerky, they gave us some delicious cookies, and we ended up chatting late into the night. At one point we ran out of firewood though, so we had to go about the dirty business of acquiring some more.
Nick: I put on my best ninja equipment which gives me +5 sneak and headed over to the ranger's cabin. Sneak, sneak sneak. Ah hah, here's the wood storage shed. Locked! Hm... sneak, sneak, sneak. Ah hah, there's a pile of wood behind the shed under a tarp. Time to remove some logs... careful, careful... don't let your intoxication betray your position with stumbling, bumbling movements. Shh... the ranger's RV is right next to the pile, don't wake him up... One, two... five pieces, that ought to do it. Time to hall ass. Mission accomplished.
Tyler: Neither of you guys mentioned the awesome singing of random rap songs to the tune of wagon wheel...
Brian: Awesome story, but we also felt bad so we sneak, sneak, sneaked 5 bucks under the camp host's windshield wipers. In case you didn't notice this is the third late night in a row, so feel free to guess how awesome we are going to feel tomorrow.
Nick: First two don't count.
Brian: Over and out.
Friday, January 15, 2010
San Francisco
Nick: The very first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was "where's my phone, so I can call that cafe and inquire as to whether or not they have my laptop." Yeah, that's right. If you suspected it already, allow me to confirm it: I am an idiot. I left my computer at the cafe place from the day before, and to further complicate the issue, we had no idea which cafe it was or even where it was. With a stroke of luck, we figured out the name of the resort nearby, called them, they directed us to the cafe and, joy of joys, they had the lap top. I told the guys that if they came to keep my company on the drive back up that I'd buy them lunch. And so they came.
Brian: Basically between 9 and 4 o'clock today we were driving back up the coast to get Nick's lappy. It was maybe worth it though because we stopped at a natural food cafe that had amazing shitake quesadillas.
Nick: And great skinny pizza.
Tyler: I might also add that up until that point both Brian and I were recovering from shots of Old Crow that the previous night contained, those quesadillas were life savers.
Brian: When we got back to San Fran we wanted to stretch our legs a little so we parked about 10 blocks from Haight-Ashbury which is a famously hipster/scenester/stoner region of the city. Before we meandered through the patchouli scented stores we hiked up a huge hill in a park that gave us a great sunset view of the city and the Golden Gate Bridge. Also Nick showed me my birthday present from him which was a $40,000 marble carving of a naked woman in a rather revealing position.
Nick: There was a little damage to the left nipple, so I was able to talk them down a bit. If I can get it shipped to Bainbridge Island myself, the guy will give it to me for around $36,000. Happy Birthday Brian, I hope you appreciate all the little things I do for you.
Tyler: Yes we have lots of disposable income after striking gold and oil at the same time just off the California coast, it was in the news you might have heard. After visiting a piercing shop, some vintage clothing stores and what have you, we decided to try and find a place to stay for the night. Katie allowed us the use of her epic apartment again despite the fact that she would not be there for the night. People on couch surfing are so wonderful. We ate a fairly decent Chinese restaurant Brian and I both got 5 or 6 course meals for 16 bucks and Nick got something else.
Nick: Kung Pow Puppy.
Tyler: Then we hit the bars again. This time trying to take it easier than the previous night that we all felt the effects of. We visited the bar we got kicked out of the night before, and the guy told us that he would call the cops if need be. We still weren't sure what we did wrong... We had a drink mostly because of the principle of the whole thing, then moved on to see Katie's friend's band.
Brian: They were decent, three guys jammin' and singing about life. They only had like half a dozen fans but maybe that's what you get for having a show on a Thursday.
Nick: The bar smelled... sort of exactly like a barn. We don't know why. The music was... not suited to my personal taste. The air... thick, wet, hot. Just an awful situation all around. I stepped outside and ran into a young woman who had, unknown to any of us, been searching desperately for three couch surfing guys from Seattle and Indiana respectively. We fit the bill, and in fact, were the very three men whom she had been looking for. My first thought: fame had come. Our first road trip roady. As it turned out, this was not the case: the young lady was simply a friend of Katies and as such knew of our location in the area. Still, it felt good to be searched for. As we conversed, one of the guys in her group starting smoking pot. Like, from a bowl. This was strange to me. No one else took much notice. Maybe I need to get with the times.
Brian: Yo man, California is like, totally a different place, man. Well, that's about that. We head south in search of sunnier skies tomorrow. Tonight we are out.
Chamberlain Creek CA through San Francisco CA
Nick: Waking up after sleeping in the driver's seat of a car for the second night in a row was rough.
Brian: Don't worry parents, as of today that was the last night we've slept in the car on the side of the road.
Nick: I think I knotted up something in my stomach being crumpled up for so long because I've had searing pain in the area since then. Another casualty of the road I guess. We drove for a while down some pretty gorgeous highway, then pulled off and dined at a boring little cafe. Why do I mention that humble eatery? As I was to discover later, that cafe would be a place of great concern to me, though I couldn't have known it at the time. After some food, we drove a bit longer on a quest for some quality beach time. After a couple failed attempts, we finally found a sweet stretch of coast completely unoccupied by anyone except a group of pretty subdued sea lions. A herd of sea lions? A flock? I'm not a zoologist. It's not my problem.
Brian: I would think that sea lions would travel in prides.
Tyler: I think they were actually seals.
Brian: Anyway, way to totally not mention that at this point we are traveling on Highway 1 which is arguably the most beautiful scenic highway in America. I don't know if we can put the beauty into words but imagine epic Lord of the Rings style cliffs with 15 foot waves smashing up against rocky beaches under rolling farm country, or just check out the pictures on our Photobucket account.
Tyler: I think I saw Gollum... or maybe that was just a crackhead. I also wish I could post all the photos I've taken so far this trip but I'm already somewhere in the 5-6 gigs range.
Nick: Mm, maybe I forgot to mention the view because instead of enjoying my time up on the rocks, I was running back to the beach to move all of our stuff further up the cliff. Things you wouldn't want washed away, like, I don't know, car keys. I'm glad one of us is responsible in this group.
Brian: A bold statement considering the location of your laptop at that time...
Tyler: Okay so we stopped at a beach in Sonoma county just off CA-1 and decided to spend the entire day there: I don't think anyone mentioned this yet and just sort of assumed you knew where it was. We read, we lounged, we drank boxed wine and played beach bocce ball. This game proved to be incredible. First we found a distinct rock to serve as the bocce, then each of us selected two rocks to serve as our bowling balls, the great part about this being that you can select rocks that fit your play style, flat if you like to just plop them down, round if you prefer the roll, etc.
Nick: I think rolling is generally superior, and to prove my point, rolled my way to a sweeping come back victory.
Tyler: While we played this game Brian's plastic cup of red wine started to grow some interesting... developments.
Brian: Somehow while I was drinking my wine a bundle of sand-fly larvae landed directly in my cup. At least I hope that's how it happened, because I had been drinking out of that cup for about 10 minutes and it gives me the creeps to think that I was drinking around the pupae without noticing they were in there. Tyler was so grossed out that he threw away his own wine that wasn't even contaminated.
Tyler: Yeah, even looking at the picture makes me a little sick.
Nick: Whatever, you eat a ton of bugs in your sleep. Get over it. After the beach, it was time to head into San Francisco. It was dark by the time we arrived, but the Golden Gate Bridge was still clear from miles away against the illuminated back drop of the city. It was even more clear when we had to pay six dollars to cross the damn thing. We met up with our hostess for the evening, Katie, then got back to work on our Franzia.
Brian: We also tried to bust out our laptops. Tyler and I succeeded, and Nick succeeded in realizing that his laptop was in a cafe 3 hours away. Hopefully. (It was, we got it back later.) Anyway, what was supposed to be a couple glasses of wine and maybe a beer out at Katie's favorite local establishment turned into a raucous night of debauchery tagging along with some guys 25th birthday celebration.
Nick: Doesn't it always?
Brian: I think his name was Sam. Also I met some Australian guys who said I can stay on their couch for as long as I want if I go to Australia. Yeah and we got kicked out of a bar and I don't know why.
Tyler: Yeah, I remember going to the bathroom and then seeing an old man with a huge beard yelling at every member of our group. Oh well, that place smelled like a portapotty, and not a clean one.
Nick: I challenged him to a duel on the field of honor to resolve the matter, but that didn't seem to help much at all. Live and learn, I guess. Brian was getting fussy, so we headed back to Katie's apartment to indulge in the luxury of not sleeping in a seated position. It was everything I had hoped it would be. Maybe more.
Tyler: I slept outside on the porch, it was awesome. BNT out.
Gold Bluffs Beach CA through Chamberlain Creek CA
Brian: The rain pounded on the roof of the car relentlessly through the night and into the morning. We woke up with headaches and backaches and I doubt any of us slept longer than an hour at a time for the entire night. But road tripping is about making do, grinning and bearing it, sucking it up and making it work. We waited for a break in the downpour, rolled up our jeans, ran to collapse the soaked through tent and stuffed it in the cooler. That was an especially wise decision retrospectively because the cooler is a perfectly tent sized waterproof container. Casualties of the storm include my pillow, the tarp, and maybe a pair of shoes?
Nick: All in all, no great loss. To my delight the road back out, which had seemed perilous even before the rain, was relatively clear.
Tyler: We hung out in Arcata, specifically a play ground and patch of grass in Arcata that passed as a park. As a side note: setting up a tent, pulling out a plethora of wet towels, shoes and camping gear right next to play ground seems a little sketchy. But the old man who walked by rather slowly and just stood and stared at the playground as if wishing for the laughter of children, a large van and a bag candy seemed a little more creepy.
Nick: I've not much to say about Arcata. So I won't.
Tyler: This was my second time through Arcata and I still can't decide if I like the town or not. For those of you who don't know it's a college town in Humboldt county about 20 minutes from Eureka. The town has a lot of street kids (young people intentionally homeless) but not as many as other towns, there are no breweries actually in the town but many exist in the surrounding area but it does have a fairly laid back vibe that one would expect from a coastal California town. All in all a pretty average place with a little character and few to no big box stores, great for the aspiring college hippie or middle age enviroconscious yuppie.
Brian: Yeah there were a lot of those there. We spent the first half of our day in a busy little cafe in the central square. I can never keep the names of these places straight but I think it was a woman's name. There were some guys slack-lining between some light posts in the square, and Tyler is a slacklining genius but I couldn't talk him into jumping on it. On Tyler's recommendation we headed over to a bar with a ton of local brews on tap.
Tyler: Slacklining = walking on a piece of climbing webbing strung up between two objects, kind of like tight-rope walking but it's more slack and dynamic hence the name...slacklining.
Nick: We blogged for a while in the bar, then headed out. Still cloudy, still rainy. Not my favorite. We pulled over at some point and, after finally convincing my comrades that box wine was the way to go in terms of the most efficient alcohol-cost ratio, we picked up a box of Franzia and continued on our way. I'm sad to say that we were once again out of couch surfing prospects and with the sky dark and heavy, our leaky tent seemed like a poor sleeping choice. So, once again, we pulled off the side of the road, checked for bears, then fell asleep in the car. I found that the fetal position is the way to go.
Tyler: What were your specific instructions for your special sleep-in-car-mega-sweet-position?
Brian: Something about tuck and fold right?
Nick: Assume the fetal curl, then fold over in a diagonal direction. If you fold first, your spine snaps in a dozen places. So don't do that
Brian: And with that image I think we will sign off. BNT Out.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Florence, OR through Gold Bluffs Beach CA
Brian: We rose early and showered (first shower of the trip, yikes!) before heading south along the Oregon Coast and hopefully into the California Redwood forest. It was my turn to drive as Nick has acquired a job as a traveling writer and needed to start working on his articles about road trips (a subject I daresay he is an expert on).
Nick: Ah, let's not be too hasty. I needed to work on an application for a travel writing job. Unfortunately, Pride, Prejudice and Zombies was playing, so I was a bit less than productive....
Brian: For breakfast we stopped at a super-healthy diner/natural food store. I'm not being sarcastic for once, my gluten-free biscuits were covered in vegan gravy and I had a cage-free local organic egg on the side. I'll take that over scrapple any day. So we hit the road and listened to more Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I originally thought was going to be good. However, I didn't consider that most author's writings will pale in comparison to Jane Austen's satiric genius.
Tyler: Yeah, I have a hard time believing Elizabeth could walk around on her finger tips regardless of who she trained under in China, and scenes in which she strangles ninjas to death using their own intestines seems to be a scene from a cheesy early 90's kung-fu movie, not a piece of literature that the author claims got no criticism except "not enough zombies."
Nick: I listened to the book as though I would a good movie on TV: enjoyable while it was playing, but occasionally interrupted with an obnoxious interjection I wish would just end so I could get back to my flick. (If your not familiar with the work, P, P and Z is Austen's famous book filled with a contemporary author's vision of an 18th century England filled with zombies.) A great idea that just wasn't fleshed out the way I might have liked. After some considerable driving, Brian pulled over at a scenic lot overlooking a coastal view. I like pretty things, but I wanted to be on my way, dammit. Only after exiting the car was I pleasantly surprised by Brian's detour.
Tyler: Yes, the view proved to be more spectacular than words or pictures can suffice. Although there will be pictures included here. It looked like a computer generated landscape meant to be more beautiful than physically possible. However one detractor almost knocked us off our feet. Literally. The wind had us leaning at 45 degree angles to keep from being blown over and at one point this awe inspiring force of nature claimed two pairs of sunglasses. One was swept over the side of a cliff and the other shattered into a million pieces as soon as they struck the ground.
Brian: Inspired by the beauty of the cliffs and awed by the ferocity of the wind, we pulled off at nearly every viewpoint possible along the southern Oregon coastline. One such pull-off had a thin grassy path to the beach below. One thing we haven't mentioned in the blog yet but have noticed several times is that we are much like hobbits in that we are on an epic journey and we have hairy feet. What kind of hobbits would we be if we didn't explore this trail fully? However, much like the Fellowship in the Misty Mountains above Khazad-dûm (the Dwarrowdelf) we were turned back by the intense Voice of Saruman. If we had turned the corner I fear more than my sunglasses would have been lost to the powerful winds.
Nick: We turned back, but it seems the Mines of Moria are closed during the off season. We just stuck with Highway 101. Another such side trip is especially worth noting, in my opinion anyway. It was a large beach, completely deserted, but punctuated with dramatic rock formations and a wind that pulled long trails of sand across it's unusually smooth surface. After running up and down the beach until our pants, shoes and socks were sufficiently full of sand and water, we piled back into the car and mare our way to Gold Bluffs Beach, a location Tyler has mentioned to us on a number of occasions and which we anticipated with great enthusiasm and zeal. If only we had known what horrors awaited us there...
Tyler: Gold Bluffs Beach is a secluded campground within the string of national and state parks that makes up "the redwoods". This particular campground is about 5 miles away from the nearest gas station "town" and about 5 miles down a hilly, one lane, gravel/dirt road surrounded by towering redwoods that blot out most of the already clouded sunlight. Yet, the campsites are right on the beach and because of the size of the road the annoyingly large R.V.s can't make it into the campsite. We set up a quick camp and went for a walk along the secluded beach. The entire time the only detraction from the nearly perfect scenery hung low in the sky in the form of dark gray clouds. We wished for sun, but sadly those desires would remain unrealized.
Brian: Splendidly ominous, Tyler. After a hearty dinner of pasta and bananas (our parents should be glad to hear) we retreated to our tent for our nightly game of Chrononauts. A light spattering of rain began but with foresight we had set up the rain-fly so we all doubted that it would affect us. As we retired for the evening Nick noticed some very minor leakage around the seams. Nothing a small towel barrier can't handle, until I turned my pillow over and realized that it had been absorbing water for upwards of a half-hour and consequently weighed about 135 lbs. Decision time.
Nick: OK team, here's the plan: Grab everything from the tent and run like little girls to the car. More plans to follow in the car...
Tyler: Screaming scared little girls in a haunted house, running from Freddy Kruger. But we were still manly.
Nick: Alright, we made it to the car. Here's the new plan: fall asleep. What? Sleeping in an already stuffed car, hammered by a ferocious thunderstorm with an uncertainty as to whether or not your fuel efficient yet generally wimpy car can make it back up the ridiculous wooded road now flooded in a deluge of rain water is difficult for you? Suck it up butter cup, we're men and this is the work of men. But, you know, I think it's OK if you want to scan the radio about thirty times over the course of the night to check for hurricanes. No one will judge us. Hurricanes are scary. We've had enough of them.
Tyler: Also, waking people up to listen to the rain is manly too, right?
Brian: Also taking off your soaking wet skinny jeans in the middle of the night is manly too, right?
Nick: Right!
Brian: Needless to say, none of us slept that well. You'll have to wait for the next post to hear about our morning (so chaotic we make Benny Hill look like Ben Stein). Like the Flintstone's cat, we are out for the night.
Beverly Beach State Park, OR through Florence, OR
Nick: Mm, campfires in the morning.... pleasant. After enjoying the quite magic that only campfires in the morning can provide, we saddled up and hit 101 south. After a bit of driving down their scenic coastal highway, we came to Newport, which boasted a number of seaside attractions. Our first stop was Mo's, which had been mentioned in the book Brittany (my little sister) had given us specializing on legendary local chow. First round: steamed clams in the butter and garlic sauce. Outstanding. For the main event, I ordered shrimp and clam chowder in a sourdough bread-bowl, and though this particular dish was supposedly what had originally put Mo's on the map, I found myself a bit dissatisfied. Pity. Next stop. You have three guesses... Yeah, we went to the local brew pub Rogue.
Tyler: Rogue consistently produces some of my favorite beers and as somewhat of a beer snob (though still willing to drink the cheap stuff) this is a difficult task to accomplish. They had two of my favorites on tap at the time. Their chocolate stout, which in the bottle tastes okay but on tap is like drinking a candy bar, and their hazelnut brown ale. Just writing about it makes me thirsty. After having a sample tray and a pint the journey continued.
Brian: Before we move on it may be worth noting that the bartender there was able to hold four pint glasses in one hand, fill them with water, and serve them each to a customer without really spilling that much. I was moderately impressed. Another thing worth noting is that a main topic of debate at the brewery was the origin of the mermaid myth. We can all agree that seafarers who have been on the water too long could potentially mistake a sea lion for a mermaid, return to port, and regale his mates with tales of this fantastic creature. Nick however contests that it was common practice for these same seafarers to somehow subdue or seduce said sea lions, and gain carnal knowledge of them. When they were confronted by their mates, they would simply claim that the creature they were with was not a sea lion, but in fact a mermaid. He has been hard pressed to find evidence to support this claim.
Nick: I submit to you, humble ladies and gentlemen of the blog, the following overwhelmingly convincing circumstantial evidence for my claim. First, seafarers in those times were often out to sea for long periods of time fishing, exploring, or trading. Like, weeks and months at a time. Lonely, lonely weeks and months at a time. Second, seals and sea-lions are easily mistaken for humans, especially at night and especially under the influence of a stiff bottle of grog. Sharks think so, that's why they attack us from time to time (thank you shark week.) I'm not entirely sure how the seamen in question could lure said sea creatures into the fearfully improper situation of mating, but the burden of proof for this fact is not on me. We all know pirates in our lives, and we're aware of what they're capable of. Finally, we all know sailors love a good yarn, and a tall tale about mermaids would be the perfect cover-up for a night of infidelities with the ocean's ever lovely sea-cow. After all, are not mermaids always portrayed as sexually attractive? And if they do exist, why don't sailors tell more tales about mermen, hm? I have more evidence, but I feel as though I've made my case.
Brian: Mistake not evidence for conjecture. It's circumstantial evidence at best.
Nick: I leave it to you, loyal readers, to decide the truth for yourselves. After the bar, we found ourselves a pleasant little camping site deep in the woods that would serve our purposes for the night and set up the tent. Hot dogs for dinner, along with beer and what little remained of our most excellent moonshine left us all feeling rather satisfied with another excellent day on the road. We played a rousing game of Chrononauts and spoke long about the mysteries of the universe before finally laying on the hard, cold ground and falling into a restful, yet occasionally lumpy, sleep. TNB out.
Tyler: Rogue consistently produces some of my favorite beers and as somewhat of a beer snob (though still willing to drink the cheap stuff) this is a difficult task to accomplish. They had two of my favorites on tap at the time. Their chocolate stout, which in the bottle tastes okay but on tap is like drinking a candy bar, and their hazelnut brown ale. Just writing about it makes me thirsty. After having a sample tray and a pint the journey continued.
Brian: Before we move on it may be worth noting that the bartender there was able to hold four pint glasses in one hand, fill them with water, and serve them each to a customer without really spilling that much. I was moderately impressed. Another thing worth noting is that a main topic of debate at the brewery was the origin of the mermaid myth. We can all agree that seafarers who have been on the water too long could potentially mistake a sea lion for a mermaid, return to port, and regale his mates with tales of this fantastic creature. Nick however contests that it was common practice for these same seafarers to somehow subdue or seduce said sea lions, and gain carnal knowledge of them. When they were confronted by their mates, they would simply claim that the creature they were with was not a sea lion, but in fact a mermaid. He has been hard pressed to find evidence to support this claim.
Nick: I submit to you, humble ladies and gentlemen of the blog, the following overwhelmingly convincing circumstantial evidence for my claim. First, seafarers in those times were often out to sea for long periods of time fishing, exploring, or trading. Like, weeks and months at a time. Lonely, lonely weeks and months at a time. Second, seals and sea-lions are easily mistaken for humans, especially at night and especially under the influence of a stiff bottle of grog. Sharks think so, that's why they attack us from time to time (thank you shark week.) I'm not entirely sure how the seamen in question could lure said sea creatures into the fearfully improper situation of mating, but the burden of proof for this fact is not on me. We all know pirates in our lives, and we're aware of what they're capable of. Finally, we all know sailors love a good yarn, and a tall tale about mermaids would be the perfect cover-up for a night of infidelities with the ocean's ever lovely sea-cow. After all, are not mermaids always portrayed as sexually attractive? And if they do exist, why don't sailors tell more tales about mermen, hm? I have more evidence, but I feel as though I've made my case.
Brian: Mistake not evidence for conjecture. It's circumstantial evidence at best.
Nick: I leave it to you, loyal readers, to decide the truth for yourselves. After the bar, we found ourselves a pleasant little camping site deep in the woods that would serve our purposes for the night and set up the tent. Hot dogs for dinner, along with beer and what little remained of our most excellent moonshine left us all feeling rather satisfied with another excellent day on the road. We played a rousing game of Chrononauts and spoke long about the mysteries of the universe before finally laying on the hard, cold ground and falling into a restful, yet occasionally lumpy, sleep. TNB out.
Portland, OR through Beverly Beach State Park, OR
Brian: If there is anything I remember specifically about this day, it is that our diets were the worst yet on this trip. The day started with a long blogging session at our old stand-by, Borders, and over the course of a couple hours we consumed no less than 4 sausage, egg, and cheese sandwiches and a bagel with a smear of creme fromage. I found a book there titled something like, "The Illustrated Guide to 20 Common Surgical Operations." Unnerving.
Tyler: Yes, I remember we were going to give each other appendectomies but Borders sadly does not stock scalpels or a means of anesthetizing a "patient".
Nick: A little refresher course is helpful for everyone, even brain surgeons. The food did not improve. The next stop of the day was Wendy's. A truckload of C-Nugs later, Brian and Tyler expressed interest in watching Avatar in 3D. I'd already seen it... twice... and so opted for the football game that I'd be sure to find broadcast in a local sports bar. On our way to the theater, we drove past a so-called "sexy barbershop." I love America? Well, turns out Avatar was a bust: apparently lots and lots of other people love blue aliens and loin cloths because the movie was sold out. Resigned to our fate, we found a small park, tossed the disk around for a while, then hit the road yet again.
Tyler: The drive was okay: no major sights, scenes or attractions until the coast. At this point the game that Nick wanted to watch, something that involved a ball of some sort and some big yellow forks, was fast approaching. Especially because he hadn't accounted for the time change between here and EST. Luckily a road-side casino showed up on the road, a seemingly perfect place to watch a game, eat dinner and have a few beers.
Brian: And it was perfect, other than our continued attempts of suicide by arterial blockage. I won't go into details, but I will say that each of us consumed at least a pound of french fries, and that one person's fries were slathered with chili and cheddar (that might have been me). Anyway, after the games...
Tyler: Yeah, it was real fun sleeping in an enclosed space that night with Mr. chili cheese fries.
Nick: The Eagles are dead to me...
Tyler: Hotel California is an okay song.
Nick: I mean the football team.
Tyler: I know, that's kind of the joke...
Brian: ...we decided to be healthy and take a little stroll *cough* around the casino *cough*, before heading off to our camping destination of the evening on the Oregon coast. The night was particularly clear and warm and the stars were maybe the best I've ever seen. As we settled into our tent for the night our food began to digest and we began to pay dearly for the culinary crimes committed earlier that day.
Nick: It's a generally accepted principal that if you must fart, you are obliged to at least open the tent flap and make an honest attempt at dissipating the offensive odors to some degree. With this trip however, it all becomes rather futile as the horrible things we've put into our bodies during the day manifest themselves into thick, black smog clouds of revenge, choking the life out of all within their wispy grasp. As such, we decided to take a late night stroll along the beach in an attempt to work the wretched gases from our systems before returning to an enclosed sleeping area. I'm not fully convinced of the effectiveness of that strategy, but as Brian mentioned, the night was pretty spectacular. I've not spent much time on beaches, least of all at night, and the experience was one I'll remember at least until I finish this sentence (we tend to completely forget about things after we've blogged about them). It's our brain's way of keeping from being overloaded with awesome (we suspect). Anyway, that about wraps up day 3 of part deux. BTN reporting from the coast. Over and out.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Portland, OR
Day 2
Brian: Ahhh, the oh so familiar fog of war after a hard fought night. At least I had a comfortable futon to sleep on, and Nick had a broken-in couch. Wait, where did Tyler sleep? Oh that's right, the porch.
Tyler: The porch was amazing and their couch out there was incredibly comfortable.
Brian: Maybe there is something to be said for that though, because while Nick and I were being intermittently roused by the comings and goings of the other house members preparing for work, Tyler simply had to contend with the soothing patter of raindrops on the street. And the nearby construction. We sipped tea and discussed our plans for the day. First stop? A photo shoot at an awesome park beneath one of Portland's bridges on the north side of town.
Nick: Yeah, that was a great idea. We decided to chase a big flock of geese in order to get a dramatic picture aflutter with wings and feathers as the birds gracefully departed for the river. What we got was mud up to our ankles which then splattered on our clothes and soaked through to our socks. This was especially annoying when one considers that laundry is something of a luxury on this trip, and that having all of one's vestments soiled so early on our sojourn is really quite a loss.
Tyler: and we didn't really get any pictures of us with the birds...
Nick: Ah well. After some more snappy photos, we headed over to an eatery called McMenamins which has since become one of my favorite places in Portland. The walls and ceilings were all covered with interesting artifacts from across the globe, the adjoining theatre showed second-run films for a few paltry dollars, and the food was really outstanding. Once there, we met my friend from Broad Street, Peter, and had lunch. We caught up. It was good to see him.
Tyler: Brian Sara and I all got drinks to go with our 11 am breakfast. I know what you're thinking but we're on vacation. After breakfast/lunch we headed over to one of Sara's favorite breweries, Amnesia, which by the way I think is an amazing name for a place that serves alcohol. The place had a fairly familiar brewery look to it, chalk board menus, funny signs on the walls and large metal brewing tanks in the back. We got our beers and sat down to plan the rest of the day. Sara had only gotten about three hours of sleep the previous night thanks to a combination of hanging out with us and a 7:00 am job as a sign language interpreter. So she decided to exercise her cartography skills and create a brewery crawl map for us so she could head back to her house and catch some sleep. Thus the famous Mapkin came into existence.
Brian: We headed over to a brewery/bar called Roots that had a beer called Epic. What was epic about it? Well it is 12.75% abv, so the only serve it in 10 ounce glasses, to start. The bartender was a cute girl name Paige I believe, and she recommended that we check out Portland's reggae scene. We also handed out a couple of our new business cards which have our blog address on them. You can tell we are road tripping pros at this point. So after a drink there we consulted the Mapkin and found another bar nearby. Shortly after arriving we noticed a remarkably cute girl with J.R.R. Tolkien's personal name symbol tattooed on her forearm. Naturally we called her out on it. She introduced herself as Mercedes, chatted with us for a while, and we met a cute hipster friend of hers named Tokyo that was more than willing to talk about video games. Where have these girls been all my life!
Nick: Portland continues to impress. We left the bar then met up with Sara at an interpreter's gathering at (brace yourself) another bar.
Official disclaimer: We are not alcoholics. We're simply aware of the fact that one day, our bodies will be old and worn, and unable to bear the burden of partying of this magnitude. In the meantime, we're going to live it up. Do not press us on this issue.
Anyway, the Green Dragon, which is where Sara and her compatriots were was fine. We all hung out for a while, ate some left over french fries and taters, then headed over to a nearby dance club which was initially lame and empty but which over the course of a few hours filled up and erupted into a full blown party. I enjoyed the live band playing on the dance floor amidst a swarming cloud of dry ice fog. And the crazy techno lights.
Tyler: Yeah, alternating sets of amazing live DJs and electronic style bands, made for a crazy time with lots of amazing dancing.
Nick: And also the Dino Tarot station set up on the way to the bathroom. Pardon? You've not heard of Dino Tarot before? Choose a couple dinosaurs from a tray, arrange them in a manner pleasing to your aesthetic disposition, and a trained Dino Tarot professional will tell you a bit about your present, past, and future. Definitely not dark-sided. The last stop of the evening was a small gathering of food carts offering a wide assortment of late night eatables sure to please even the most discerning drunken fried-food connoisseurs.
Brian: Everything was going fine until a homeless guy and his girlfriend showed up and started spitting some gibberish. We were all kind of talking to the dude and for some reason it struck us as funny when we learned his name was Brian (because my name is also Brian). Sara started laughing and then all of a sudden the girlfriend charged up on her like a rhino, wrenched the pork pie from Sara's grip, and threw it to the ground with such force that it shattered into a million little pork and dough pieces. I can't remember whether Tyler still ate it or not.
Tyler: I didn't....but I thought about it.
Brian: Well they were escorted away by the security dude and the pie guy fried another one for her free of charge. Sara shared it with us but I think she was a little scarred by the experience because she wouldn't let any of us hold the pie while we took bites. Another great night, my only regret is that I did not sit for a Dino Tarot reading of my own.
Tyler: After a second long night and possibly a third tonight we're all looking forward to a little r&r from our r&r, can't wait to get to the coast and start camping. Nick, Brian and Tyler out.
Brian: Ahhh, the oh so familiar fog of war after a hard fought night. At least I had a comfortable futon to sleep on, and Nick had a broken-in couch. Wait, where did Tyler sleep? Oh that's right, the porch.
Tyler: The porch was amazing and their couch out there was incredibly comfortable.
Brian: Maybe there is something to be said for that though, because while Nick and I were being intermittently roused by the comings and goings of the other house members preparing for work, Tyler simply had to contend with the soothing patter of raindrops on the street. And the nearby construction. We sipped tea and discussed our plans for the day. First stop? A photo shoot at an awesome park beneath one of Portland's bridges on the north side of town.
Nick: Yeah, that was a great idea. We decided to chase a big flock of geese in order to get a dramatic picture aflutter with wings and feathers as the birds gracefully departed for the river. What we got was mud up to our ankles which then splattered on our clothes and soaked through to our socks. This was especially annoying when one considers that laundry is something of a luxury on this trip, and that having all of one's vestments soiled so early on our sojourn is really quite a loss.
Tyler: and we didn't really get any pictures of us with the birds...
Nick: Ah well. After some more snappy photos, we headed over to an eatery called McMenamins which has since become one of my favorite places in Portland. The walls and ceilings were all covered with interesting artifacts from across the globe, the adjoining theatre showed second-run films for a few paltry dollars, and the food was really outstanding. Once there, we met my friend from Broad Street, Peter, and had lunch. We caught up. It was good to see him.
Tyler: Brian Sara and I all got drinks to go with our 11 am breakfast. I know what you're thinking but we're on vacation. After breakfast/lunch we headed over to one of Sara's favorite breweries, Amnesia, which by the way I think is an amazing name for a place that serves alcohol. The place had a fairly familiar brewery look to it, chalk board menus, funny signs on the walls and large metal brewing tanks in the back. We got our beers and sat down to plan the rest of the day. Sara had only gotten about three hours of sleep the previous night thanks to a combination of hanging out with us and a 7:00 am job as a sign language interpreter. So she decided to exercise her cartography skills and create a brewery crawl map for us so she could head back to her house and catch some sleep. Thus the famous Mapkin came into existence.
Brian: We headed over to a brewery/bar called Roots that had a beer called Epic. What was epic about it? Well it is 12.75% abv, so the only serve it in 10 ounce glasses, to start. The bartender was a cute girl name Paige I believe, and she recommended that we check out Portland's reggae scene. We also handed out a couple of our new business cards which have our blog address on them. You can tell we are road tripping pros at this point. So after a drink there we consulted the Mapkin and found another bar nearby. Shortly after arriving we noticed a remarkably cute girl with J.R.R. Tolkien's personal name symbol tattooed on her forearm. Naturally we called her out on it. She introduced herself as Mercedes, chatted with us for a while, and we met a cute hipster friend of hers named Tokyo that was more than willing to talk about video games. Where have these girls been all my life!
Nick: Portland continues to impress. We left the bar then met up with Sara at an interpreter's gathering at (brace yourself) another bar.
Official disclaimer: We are not alcoholics. We're simply aware of the fact that one day, our bodies will be old and worn, and unable to bear the burden of partying of this magnitude. In the meantime, we're going to live it up. Do not press us on this issue.
Anyway, the Green Dragon, which is where Sara and her compatriots were was fine. We all hung out for a while, ate some left over french fries and taters, then headed over to a nearby dance club which was initially lame and empty but which over the course of a few hours filled up and erupted into a full blown party. I enjoyed the live band playing on the dance floor amidst a swarming cloud of dry ice fog. And the crazy techno lights.
Tyler: Yeah, alternating sets of amazing live DJs and electronic style bands, made for a crazy time with lots of amazing dancing.
Nick: And also the Dino Tarot station set up on the way to the bathroom. Pardon? You've not heard of Dino Tarot before? Choose a couple dinosaurs from a tray, arrange them in a manner pleasing to your aesthetic disposition, and a trained Dino Tarot professional will tell you a bit about your present, past, and future. Definitely not dark-sided. The last stop of the evening was a small gathering of food carts offering a wide assortment of late night eatables sure to please even the most discerning drunken fried-food connoisseurs.
Brian: Everything was going fine until a homeless guy and his girlfriend showed up and started spitting some gibberish. We were all kind of talking to the dude and for some reason it struck us as funny when we learned his name was Brian (because my name is also Brian). Sara started laughing and then all of a sudden the girlfriend charged up on her like a rhino, wrenched the pork pie from Sara's grip, and threw it to the ground with such force that it shattered into a million little pork and dough pieces. I can't remember whether Tyler still ate it or not.
Tyler: I didn't....but I thought about it.
Brian: Well they were escorted away by the security dude and the pie guy fried another one for her free of charge. Sara shared it with us but I think she was a little scarred by the experience because she wouldn't let any of us hold the pie while we took bites. Another great night, my only regret is that I did not sit for a Dino Tarot reading of my own.
Tyler: After a second long night and possibly a third tonight we're all looking forward to a little r&r from our r&r, can't wait to get to the coast and start camping. Nick, Brian and Tyler out.
Seattle, WA - Portland, OR
Day 1
Brian: The road trip is officially resumed. With three people in the car space is at a premium, so we spent Thursday morning packing the car with Tetris-like efficiency and left for Portland around noon. I had barely torn into my first of many delicious jerky slices (thank you, Grandpa) when everybody's favorite song came blasting through the speakers. What is more definitive of our trip than "Party in the USA" except perhaps for Moxie? The universe itself seems to bless our journey.
Tyler: Yeah, not a huge fan but at least it's not that Kings of Leon song, which I've heard five times in the last two days.
Nick: It was happy and wonderful, but in a way, a little sad. It was as though Miley was holding us in her tender musical embrace we've been comforted by so many times and whispering in perfect auto-tuned harmony the words: "Though you might not always hear me on the radio, I am with you in all that you do. The first leg of the journey is over, and all that was is now in the past. A new day has dawned. Go forth, find a new teen idol to bop along to, and learn to love again." We will Miley. After a pretty quick drive, we arrived in Portland. First stop, REI. Tyler needed some new hippie gear I guess. We were also dangerously low on gas because someone neglected to fill up.
Brian: Sorry.
Nick: We coasted to a station, then set off to find our first of many a beer on this trip. Deschutes brewery was the worthy candidate to host such a momentous occasion.
Tyler: Yes the beer was good and we conversed loudly about jenkum, a great time to be had by all. After the brewery the time came for us to head to a tree party that a couch surfer invited us to. The party consisted of free beer and cocktails in a tree museum that took us about half an hour of navigating one way streets and windy roads to find. We stood just outside the entrance of the museum debating whether or not we wanted to spend 8 bucks to get in and whether or not we had to spend 8 bucks to get in. Turns out we were on the list, and the entire debacle cost zero dollars.
Brian: Technically it was a coffee party at a tree museum, but with free booze. As to the "cost" of the event, my liver might disagree. Either way the gracious and lovely (though spoken for) marketing goddess Lauren turned us loose in her after-hours event and we meandered around sampling various coffee-flavored local brews for a couple hours. Oh by the way, Portland has the most breweries per capita of any city in this country. Everyone you meet here will tell you that. I'm not complaining though. The point is they do beer pretty good...
Nick: Pretty well?
Brian: ...around here. We left the tree museum and headed over to a bar, the concept of which excited me so much I can't even write about it.
Tyler: Yeah pretty much Brian's biggest fantasy.
Nick: So check it out: when I first read the message from Sara, our couch surfing host in Portland, regarding the evening's activities, I had to tell Brian not to fall in love. I'm sure he tried, but I'm not sure he was ultimately successful. The first place we went to was a bar that served cheap PBR tall boys. O.K., so far so good. Oh, and they also had tons of classic arcade games and pinball machines. What? Yes, it's true. The DJ spinning chip music sealed the deal as the greatest bar of the trip.
Tyler: Yes, blasting zombies on House of the Dead is significantly easier with a beer in one hand and a great DJ in the room.
Nick: Turns out Tyler and I both have an affinity for melting the faces off the living dead with unlimited rounds of small arms fire. We almost beat the whole game... But the night had only just begun.
Tyler: Our host sped us off to the next bar but didn't tell us the "theme" until we got there. She asked us as we neared the entrance: "So, have you guys ever been to a drag show before?"
Nick: Yikes
Tyler: The place had fairly good prices on drinks, a bracelet netted you five PBRs for six bucks so the four of us got two bracelets total, not per person. We sat at our table and watched men dressed as a ladies lip-sync to classic pop tunes. The sheer novelty of it astounded all of us, and because Brian didn't join the other men on stage, Nick now owes me a beer from the Rogue brewery once we get there. In the adjoining bar/other room dance music and low lighting prompted all of us to dance until the late hours of the night and there may or may not have been cages involved.
Brian: Point of clarification: That bet was made entirely without my knowledge. I never expressed a desire to dress up as a woman and sing Whitney Houston or to be on stage with someone engaging in said activity. I guess Nick just thinks he can talk me into anything if I'm drunk enough. I guess that might be partially true...
Tyler: All true...
Nick: Point of clarification: I can talk you into anything if you're drunk enough. I didn't really try to get you on stage because I guess I figured it would just happen naturally in due time. Oh well.
Brian: So after a while we got tired of massive she-males and decided to hit up one last bar before the inevitable drunken food run. The name of the establishment escapes me but I do recall that the only person on the dance floor was a girl with a collection of hula-hoops. I'm not sure if it was the fatigue from our earlier dancing, or alcohol-related lack of coordination, but none of us could keep the hoop going for more than a few seconds. Sara consoled us by suggesting that the hoops were too small, and therefore our failure was inevitable. I know I can hula, so I want a second chance.
Tyler: I never tried: Nick and Brian looked like big enough fools without my contribution.
Nick: I resent that man. I think we were close, I really thought it would liven the place up if we could. But we couldn't. Depressing. The next place cheered us right up, though. Before I describe it however, I submit a side note to the humble readers of this blog: for literally years, I have been proposing the idea of a caramel drizzled piece of bacon as a delicious piece of culinary progress. I think the sweet and salty would be great, and I've never given up on these scruples despite severe persecution from friends and colleagues alike. Voodoo Doughnuts, which was our last stop of the night, was clearly founded by a baker with the same gastronomical imagination and courage I myself possess. There were a myriad of doughnuts: some with cereal bits sprinkled all over them, some with Oreo and peanut butter slathered on top, some that looked like mini birthday cakes. The best of all however, the sultan of all the doughnuts, was a maple flavored pastry topped with crispy, peppery bacon. It was truly spectacular. In fact, I think I can comfortably say the supreme rightness of that doughnut undid all of the past wrongs, all of the past edible evils we've endured on this trip thus far. I'm talking to you, crab sandwich.
Brian: Ok, first of all that soft-shell crab was delicious. Secondly, people have been putting maple syrup on their bacon since the dawn of breakfast, so although your caramel dipped bacon is a great concept, it hardly qualifies you as a culinary savant. Well that basically brings Day 1 of Part 2 to a close. Crazy bars, crazy food, free stuff from cool people, all in a days work for us road trippers. Brian, Nick, and Tyler out.
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